Jokes for Teachers

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October Jokes for Teachers

Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road to school?… The Crossing Gourd. (180 School Jokes & Pumpkin Jokes)
Why did the tree get in trouble?… For being knotty! (Tree Jokes)
Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Halloween jokes for teachers.
Knock, Knock!… Who’s there?… Phillip!… Phillip who?… Phillip my bag with Halloween candy, please! (Candy Jokes)
What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?… Lots of blood tests! (Vampire Jokes)
What do they teach in witching school?… Spelling. (Witch Jokes)
Where did the teacher send the Viking when he got sick in class?… To the school Norse! (Viking Jokes & Leif Erikson Day Jokes)
What did the ghost teacher say to her class?…”Watch the board and I’ll go through it again.” (180 School Jokes)
Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road to school?… The Crossing Gourd. (Pumpkin Jokes)
What do you call a skeleton that does not do homework?… Lazy bones! (Skeleton Jokes)
How was Frankenstein’s report card?…Shocking. (Jokes for Teachers)
Are monsters good at math?… Not unless you Count Dracula. (Halloween Jokes for Teachers)
What name did the pumpkins call the school bully?… Jerk-o-lantern. (Pumpkin Jokes)
Why don’t skeletons play music in the school band?…They have no organs. (365 Music Jokes)
How was Frankenstein’s school Halloween costume?…Shocking.
What did one ghost teacher say to the students on the 1st day of school?… “Long time no see.”
Why didn’t Dracula have any friends at school?…He was a pain in the neck!
How do ghosts like eggs prepared before school?…Terror-fried.
What is a ghost’s favorite ride on the school field trip to the amusement park?… A roller-ghoster.
What happens when two vampires meet at the school dance?… It was love at first bite!
Where did the goblin throw the football at recess?… Over the ghoul line.
Why was the big hairy, two-headed monster top of the class in school?… Because two heads are better than one.
Where do young ghosts go after school?… DaySCARE centers.
What do you call a monster who poisons the school breakfast of corn flakes?… A cereal killer.
What is a type of music is played at the Mummy High Halloween dance?… Rap music.
Why did the Vampire read the school newspaper?… He heard it had great circulation.
Why is it difficult to teach two twin witches?… You never know which witch is which! (Witch Jokes)
What does a ghost each for school lunch on Halloween?… a boo – loney sandwich! (Halloween Jokes for Teachers)
What type of street has zombies school on it?… Dead-ends.
Why did the Cyclops cancel the school Halloween partyl?… Because he only had one pupil.
What did the Mummy drama director say when the final scene was done for the Halloween play?… Ok, that’s a wrap.

November Jokes for Teachers

December Jokes for Teachers

What do call a middle school student afraid of Santa Claus?….Claustrophobic. (Middle School Jokes)
What do you say to Santa when he’s taking attendance at school?… Present. (Christmas Jokes for Teachers)
Why didn’t Rudolph get a good report card?… Because he went down in History. (Reindeer Jokes & Social Studies Jokes)
What is the best Christmas present in the world for a music teacher?… A broken drum, you can’t beat it! (Music Jokes)
What do elves learn in schools?… the “elf”-abet! (Elf Jokes & Back to School Jokes)
What do elves do after school?… Their gnome work! (Elf Jokes & 180 School Jokes)
Did you know that Rudolph the Reindeer never went to school?… He was elf taught. (Reindeer Jokes &Elf Jokes)
December 8th: National Brownie Day: How is a high school softball team like a brownie?… They both depend on a good batter! (Softball Jokes & High School Jokes)
National Brownie Day: How is a high school baseball team like a brownie?… They both depend on a good batter! (Softball Jokes & High School Jokes)
How is the alphabet different on Christmas from every other day?… There’s Noel! (Teacher Jokes & 180 School Jokes)
Teacher: Define claustrophobia. Student: Fear of Santa Claus? (Psychology Jokes & Teacher Jokes)
Teacher: What are you going to give your little brother for Christmas this year? Student: I haven’t decided yet. Teacher: What did you give him last year? Student: The measles. (Doctor Jokes)
A book never written: “How to Decorate a Tree” by Orna Ment. (Christmas Tree Jokes)
I’m not sure I can tell you word-for-word what the 2nd Amendment is… But I’ll take a shot at it!
December 15th Bill of Rights Day: Say what you want about the 1st amendment…
I got caught with a copy of the Constitution… I swear I read it for the articles. (Constitution Jokes)
What kind of music does elves like best?…”Wrap” music! (Music Jokes & Elf Jokes)
What do you call a cat on a summer school field trip to the beach?…. Sandy claws. (Summer Camp Jokes for Kids / Christmas Jokes / Cat Jokes)
Why was Rudolph the Reindeer ineligible for his college basketball team?… His grade went down in history. (Reindeer Jokes & World’s Best Basketball Jokes)
What do you call a snowman at a Summer School?… A puddle. (Summer Camp Jokes for Kids / July Jokes / Snowman Jokes)
What does Jack Frost like best about school?… Snow and tell. (Winter Jokes & 180 School Jokes)
What do you get if you cross an iPad with a Christmas tree?… A pineapple! (Christmas Tree Jokes)
What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?… The elf-abet. (Elf Jokes)
What do elves teach in schools?… the “elf”-abet! (Back to School Jokes & Elf Jokes)
Winter Jokes for Teachers: What does Jack Frost like best about school?… Snow and tell. (Winter Jokes & 180 School Jokes)
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Murray… Murray who?… Murray Christmas, one and all! (Christmas Knock Knock Jokes)
What is the #1 Christmas present for a middle school music teacher?… a broken drum. You can’t beat it! (Middle School Jokes)
What is the #1 Christmas present for an elementary school music teacher?… a broken drum. You can’t beat it!(Elementary School Jokes)
What is the #1 Christmas present for a college music professor?… a broken drum. You can’t beat it! (College Jokes)
The only “homework” you want your dog to chew up is your list of New Year’s resolutions.
Where can you go to practice math on New Year’s Eve?… Times Square. (Math Jokes for Teachers)

January Jokes for Teachers

“I promise not to make any bad jokes for the rest of the year.” A teacher on the last day before Winter Break.
Why did the New England teacher go for a swim at the Polar Plunge on New Year’s Day?… She wanted to test the water. (Swimming Jokes)
Why did the New England teacher go for a swim at the Polar Plunge on New Year’s Day?… He wanted to test the water and also give the 1st test of the year! (Swimming Jokes)
What did the triple jumper say to the high school track & field team on January 1st?… Hoppy New Year (365 Sports Jokes & Track & Field Jokes)
What comes at the start of January?… “J.”
January 4th: National Spaghetti Day Jokes Top 10 Spaghetti Jokes: Why did the spaghetti miss the field trip?… It lost its parmesan slip. (Jokes for Teachers)
January 5th: National Bird Day Top 10 Bird Jokes: What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?… Owlgebra! (Pi Day Jokes & Algebra Jokes for Teachers)
Where did the spaghetti go to dance?… The meat ball! (Meatball Jokes)
Help Wanted: Gymnastics Teacher Needed To Work Sat-Wed. Must be flexible. (Top Jobs for Teachers & Gymnastics Jokes)
Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?… So he could grade his eggs. (180 School Jokes)
Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?… Because he was caught tweeting on a test. (365 School Jokes)
Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?… He got caught peeping on a test. (365 School Jokes & 180 School Jokes)
January 11th National Milk Day: Top 10 Milk Jokes: What did one dairy cow say to another?… Got milk? (Cow Jokes)
What did the triple jumper say to the middle school track & field team on January 1st?… Hoppy New Year (365 Sports Jokes & Track & Field Jokes)
January 11th Milk Day: What is a cow’s favorite type of math?… Moo-tiplication (Pi Day Jokes & Math Jokes for Teachers)
What are a cows favorite subjects in school?… Moosic, psycowolgy, cowculus (365 School Jokes)
Why did the chicken cross the playground?… To get to the other slide!
Hat Day: One good thing about graduation is that you get to wear a funny hat that makes your brain look larger than it actually is. (Graduation Jokes)
January 18th: Winnie the Pooh Jokes What does Winnie say when he sneezes?… Ahh-ahh-POOH!!!
January 19th: National Popcorn Day Jokes & Popcorn Jokes
National Croissant Day: When I was a kid, my parents would always say “Excuse my french” after a swear word… I’ll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French. (Croissant Jokes)

February Jokes for Teachers

I asked my students if I could make my own Valentines. They tore my valentines in half!” the teacher said half-heartedly. (Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes)
A first-grade teacher can’t believe her student isn’t hyped up about the Super Bowl. “It’s a huge event. Why aren’t you excited?” “Because I’m not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too,” says the student. “Well, that’s a lousy reason,” says the teacher. “What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?” “Then I’d be a football fan.” (Jokes for Teachers & Basketball Jokes)
What’s the difference between a Super Bowl quarterback and an elementary student?… One takes the snap, the other takes a nap. (Elementary School Jokes & Super Bowl Jokes)
What’s the difference between a Super Bowl quarterback and a kindergarten student?… One takes the snap, the other takes a nap. (Kindergarten Jokes & Super Bowl Jokes)
February 29th: We should have February 29th every year?…Statistically it’s the day the fewest people die so why only have it 1/4 of the time? (Math Jokes for Teachers)

March Jokes for Teachers

What do you call someone who watches you take a test while wearing a vest?… Proctor Seuss. (Jokes for Teachers)
What is the Cat in the Hat’s favorite school subject?… HISStory. (Cat Jokes & Social Studies Jokes)
National Grammar Day Jokes: I once fell in love with someone who only knew 4 vowels. They didn’t know I existed. (Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes)
March 4th: What did the teacher say to the students when they lined up to leave school?… March 4th! (Memorial Day Jokes & Veterans’ Day Jokes)
What grade did the Cat in the Hat get on his math test?… A Purrrr-fect score! (Math Jokes for Kids & Cat Jokes)
Student: Can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: It’s may. Student: No, it’s March! (Top 10 Jokes for Each Month)
What is the difference between a comma and the Cat in the Hat?… One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause. (Grammar Jokes & Cat Jokes)
Pi Day…. Come to think of it, we wouldn’t mind celebrating forever.
Don’t let advanced math intimidate you! It’s as easy as pi!
What is the official animal of Pi Day?… The pi-thon. (Snake Jokes)
What is a math teacher’s favorite dessert?… Pi! (Pie Jokes & Math Jokes for Teachers)
If March 14th is really Pi Day… it will never end.
Apologies, but most of these pi jokes are about being irrational.
March 14th: Daylight Savings Time: Why did the veteran teacher nearing retiring throw the clock out the window?… She wanted to see time fly!
March 14th Pi Day Jokes for Teachers: Statistics show that 3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates. (Pirate Jokes)
How did the Grinch know to average all of the presents he stole, so that each Who in Whoville got the same amount returned to them?… He’s a mean one, Mr. Grinch. (Math Jokes for Kids)
March 17th St. Patrick’s Day Jokes for Teachers: Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….Irish!… Irish Who? …. Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
Teacher #1: My new student is from Ireland. Teacher #2: Oh, really? …. Teacher #1: No, O’Reilly!
Did you know my math teacher is from Ireland?… He is “Pi” – rish! (Pi Day Jokes for Teachers)
Why do teachers wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? …. Regular rocks are too heavy.
Why are leprechauns bad teachers?…. Because they’re very short-tempered!
Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….Irish!… Irish Who? …. Irish you were a better student.
Are people jealous of the Irish high school teachers?… Sure, they’re green with envy! (High School Jokes)
Are people jealous of the Irish students?… Sure, they’re green with envy!
Why can’t you borrow lunch money from a leprechaun? …. Because they’re always a little short. (Leprechaun Jokes)
How can you tell if an Irish teacher is having a good time? …. He’s Dublin over with laughter! (World Geography Jokes)
How can you tell if an Irish principal is having a good time? …. He’s Dublin over with laughter! (World Geography Jokes)
“My principal is an Irishman.” ….”Oh, really?” …. “No, O’Reilly!” (Principal Jokes)
Elementary School Motto: Keep calm, Crayon. (Jokes for Teachers)
March 30th National Pencil Day: If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why isn’t it #1? (Pencil Jokes)
March 31st: Top 10 Crayon Jokes: Why do nurses carry red crayons to work?… In case they has to draw blood.

April Jokes for Teachers

April 1st: April Fools’ Day Jokes for Teachers: Student: Do you know all about April 1st? Teacher: Yes, I’m fooly aware of it!
Why are teachers and students so tired on April 1?…. Because they’ve just finished a long, 31 day March!
I think my calendar is broken…Haha, April Fools! It works just fine. (April Fool’s Day Jokes)
Why does an elementary school teacher feel sorry for students who eat crayons…. They dye inside a little. (Crayon Jokes)
I hated eating my greens in school when I was a kid… They always tasted worse than the other crayons! (Crayon Jokes)

May Jokes for Teachers

June Jokes for Teachers

Jokes for the Last Day of School: A book never written: “The Last Day of School?” by Wendy Belrings (School Jokes for Kids)
How is the student’s grade like going on summer vacation?… It was at C level. (Jokes for the Last Day of School & Ocean Jokes)
June 3rd National Egg Day: Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?… So he could grade his eggs. (Egg Jokes / Farming Jokes / Jokes for Teachers)
June 4th National Cheese Day: Top 10 Cheese Jokes: What do you call cheese that is sad?… Blue cheese. (Psychology Jokes)
June 5th World Environment Day: My teacher wanted me to come up with a set of steps that we could use to save the environment… So I created an Al Gore-ithm. (Environment Jokes & Math Jokes for Teachers)
June 5th National Trails Day: Did hear the mountain joke?… You won’t get over it! (Geography Jokes for Kids)Why did the egg go to school?… To get “egg-u-cated!” (Jokes for Teachers & School Jokes for Kids)
World Oceans Day: What did the fish get on his math test?… A sea plus. (180 School Jokes)
June 8th World Oceans Day: Top 10 Ocean Jokes: What kind of candy would a drowning person like to have?… A life saver! (Candy Jokes)
What are a teacher’s three favorite words?… June, July and August. (Top 10 Jokes for Each Month & Jokes for Teachers)
If you bring lobster to class, you better share… Or else it would be shellfish!
Why did the lobster take such a long time to learn just the basics of the English alphabet?… Probably because he spent a lot of years at C.
What did the student say when his teacher asked him to pay a little attention on the last day of school?… But I’m paying as little attention as I can! (Jokes for the Last Day of School)
Why is the home economics teacher so mean?… She beats the eggs! (Egg Jokes)
June 14th: Flag Day: Top 10 Flag Day Jokes: Teacher: “How did the Founding Fathers decide on our country’s flag?” Student: “I guess they took a flag poll!” (Flag Day Jokes for Kids)
June 15th: National Lobster Day Top 10 Lobster Jokes: Today I stopped at this roadside stand that said “Lobster Tails: $2”.So I paid my $2 and the guy said, “Once upon a time there was this lobster… (Book Jokes & Maine Jokes)
Why did the teacher dive into the ocean?… She wanted to test the water! (Swimming Jokes / June Teacher Jokes / 180 School Jokes / Ocean Jokes)
Top 10 Summer Camp Jokes: Do fish go to summer camp?… No, because they’re always in school! (Fishing Jokes)
Why did the lobster take such a long time to learn just the basics of the English alphabet?… Probably because he spent a lot of years at C.
Father’s Day Jokes: Most fathers want their sons to have things they never had… like A’s on their report cards.
What do chickens call a school test? …Eggs-amination! (Jokes for Teachers & School Jokes for Kids)
Why was the teacher cross-eyed on the last day of school?… She lost control of her pupils.
What is white when its dirty and black when it is clean?… A blackboard.
Who’s in charge of the school during summer vacation?… The rulers.
Why did the little lobster start wearing fancy clothes to the posh pier school?… She did it out of pier pressure.
What school supply is still tired all summer long?… A knapsack.
Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses?… She had bright students! (Jokes for Teachers)
June 27th National Sunglasses Day: I always wear sunglasses while I’m teaching… because my students are too bright.
What do math teachers worry about during the summer?… Mathema-tick bites.
What do you say to an ice-cream who just got promoted?… Cone-gratulations!

July Jokes for Teachers

What are a teacher’s three favorite words?… June, July and August. (Top 10 Jokes for Each Month & Jokes for Teachers)
Teacher: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? Student: At the bottom. (American Revolution Jokes)
Teacher: Please use the word “account” in a sentence. Student: Sure. “On account of three, we’ll start the race.” (Jokes for Teachers & Summer Olympic Jokes)
4th of July Jokes for Teachers: July 4th PSA: On one hand fireworks are a lot of fun. On the other hand I only have 2 fingers. (Fireworks Jokes & Biology Jokes for Kids)
Teacher “More than 200 years ago, our forefathers defeated the British in the Revolutionary War.”… Student “Wow! They must have been pretty strong, four men defeating a whole army!” ((4th of July Jokes & Social Studies Jokes)
How do surfers do in summer school?… Not too good. Just a little above C level. (Surfing Jokes)
Why did Mr. Ice-Cream scold his students?… He couldn’t cone-done their unruly behavior!
July 18th National Ice Cream Day: What do you get when you cross teacher’s pets with ice-cream cones?… Teacher’s flavorites! (Ice Cream Jokes)
July 31st: Why was Harry Potter sent to the office?… Because he was cursing in class! (Harry Potter Jokes)

August Jokes for Teachers

August 1st: Top 10 August Jokes: Knock, knock?… Who is there?… August… August Who?… A gust of wind over 74 MPH could be the start of a hurricane! (Hurricane Jokes)
August 2nd: National Ice Cream Sandwich Day: What kind of snack do you have during a scary movie?…. I scream (ice cream). (Field Trip Jokes for Kids & Ice Cream Jokes)
August 3rd National Watermelon Day: Top 10 Watermelon Jokes: Why was the teacher suspicious of the Watermelon during the exam… She couldn’t really put her finger on it. He just looked a little seedy.
August 4th Top 10 Chocolate Chip Cookie Jokes: My grandmother bakes chocolate chip cookies the fastest… It literally takes her nana-seconds. (Grandparent Jokes)
Where do you learn to skate?… In a boarding school. (Skateboarding Jokes)
Is today really August? …Or are Julying to me? (July Jokes)
Top 10 Hurricane Jokes: What did the Hurricane say to coast?… I have my eye on you. (Biology Jokes)
Top 10 Full Moon Jokes: Why wasn’t the moon hungry?… Because it was full! (Astronomy Jokes for Kids)
Top 10 Back to School Jokes: On the first day of school, what did the teacher say her three favorite words were?… June, July & August. (Back to School Jokes & Top 10 Jokes for Each Month)
Knock, knock?… Who is there?… August… August Who?… A gust of wind A gust of wind blew my homework away! (Hurricane Jokes)
Why did the giraffe get bad grades?… He had his head in the clouds. (Giraffe Jokes)
August 12th World Elephant Day: 2021 World Elephant Day Jokes: 21 Funny Elephant Jokes: Teacher: What’s gray, has four legs and a trunk? Student: An elephant. Teacher: No, a mouse on vacation. (Teacher Jokes)
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about August? (Top 10 Jokes for Each Month)
Knock! Knock!… Who is there?… Teddy!… Teddy who?… Teddy (today) is the first day of school! (Knock Knock Jokes for Kids & Jokes for the 1st Day of School)
I tried being a teacher, but I soon lost my principal, my faculties, and my class. (Labor Day Jokes)
Knock, knock?… Who is there?… August… August Who?… A gusta go high school tryouts! (Super Bowl Jokes)
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah who?… Noah more summer vacation – it’s time for school! (Knock Knock Jokes for Kids & Jokes for the 1st Day of School
A man walks up to the counter. “Two pairs of underwear please.” The man behind the counter looks at him in disbelief. “Only two pairs of underwear?” “Yup. I wear one while the other is in the wash.” The man behind the counter looks at him in disgust, then rings out his order. A second man walks in. “5 pairs of underwear please.” “Only 5 eh?” “Yeah, I wear one for every weekday, then go commando all the weekend.” The man behind the counter shakes his head. “Well, you’re better then the last guy!” A third man walks in. “7 pairs of underwear please.” “Finally, a man who knows hygiene!” “Yes, I do try. One for every day, and I do my laundry on Sunday.” At the end of the day, a fourth man walks into the underwear store. “12 pairs of underwear please.” “Wow! You must be really clean!” The man smiles. “Yup, that’s me! Err, hang on, let me see if I counted right. January, February, March, April…” (Top 10 Jokes for Each Month)
My wife’s panties are labelled ‘Monday’, ‘Tuesday’, ‘Wednesday’ … My underwear is labelled ‘January’, February’, ‘March’… (Top 10 Jokes for Each Month)
Knock, knock?… Who is there?… August… August Who?… Augustus was a Roman statesman and military leader who was the first emperor of the Roman Empire, reigning from 27 BC until his death in AD 14.
The doctor has given me two months to live. I’ve chosen August and December, because I like summer but don’t want to miss Christmas.
Knock, knock?… Who is there?… August… August Who?… A gust of wind over 74 MPH could be the start of a hurricane! (Hurricane Jokes)
Knock, knock?… Who is there?… August… August Who?… A gust of wind knocked me over!
August 9th: Shark Week Which sharks would you find at a construction site?… Hammerhead sharks. (Top 10 Shark Jokes)
August 2nd: Shark Week What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter sandwiches?… Jellyfish. (Peanut Butter Jokes & Top 10 Shark Jokes)
A schoolteacher was taking her first golf lesson. “Is the word spelled p-u-t or p-u-t-t?” she asked the instructor. “P-u-t-t is correct,” he replied. “Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing.” (Golf Jokes)
Why didn’t the golfer get his homework done?… He was puttering around. (Golf Jokes)
My childhood crush and I are finally getting married this year! Me in August, and her in November.
August 3rd: Shark Week Which sharks do you find in heaven?… Angel sharks. (Top 10 Shark Jokes)
August 12th: World Elephant Day: Why didn’t the elephant buy a suitcase for his summer vacation?… Because he already had a trunk! (Elephant Jokes for Kids)
August 4th: Shark Week What do you call a solitary shark?… A “lone” (loan) shark. (Top 10 Shark Jokes)

September Jokes for Teachers

Top 10 Fall Jokes: Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?… To make up for his miserable summer. (Summer Jokes for Kids)
Top 10 Back to School Jokes: Knock! Knock!… Who is there?… Teddy!… Teddy who?… Teddy (today) is the first day of school! (Knock Knock Jokes for Kids & Jokes for the 1st Day of School)
Help Wanted: Gymnastics Teacher Needed To Work Sat-Wed. Must be flexible. (Top Jobs for Teachers & Gymnastics Jokes)
I thought about being a history teacher, but I couldn’t see a future in it. (US History Jokes & Social Studies Jokes)
I used to get into fights at the drop of a hat… Which is probably why I got fired from my job as a graduation photographer. (Graduation Jokes)
You know, I used to be a teacher, but found out I didn’t have enough class… (Teacher Jokes)
I tried being a teacher, but I soon lost my principal, my faculties, and my class. (Jokes for Teachers)
September 12th Grandparents Day: Top 10 Grandparent Jokes: A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, “Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today.” The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. “That’s interesting.” she said… “How do you make babies?” “It’s simple,” replied the girl. “You just change ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add ‘es’.”
September 17th: Constitution Day: Constitution Day Jokes & Top 10 Constitution Jokes: Say
September 19th: Talk Like a Pirate Day: Why didn’t the pirate make it to the honor roll when he graduated?… All of his scores were in the C’s. (Graduation Jokes / Jokes for Teachers / Pirate Jokes)

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