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More Father’s Day Jokes… & Father’s Day Quotes

  1. After Graduating from High School, A son moves away from home to study at University. One of his letters home reads: Dear Father, University i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on. After receiving his son’s letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back. Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad (Graduation Jokes)
  2. What is the official dessert of Father’s Day?… a “pop” sicle. (Summer Jokes for Kids & Popsicle Jokes for Kids)
  3. Son: For $20, I’ll be good…Dad: Oh, yeah?  When I was your age, I was good for nothing.
  4. What did the sweet potato say to Luke Skywalker?… I Yam your father! (Star Wars Jokes & Farming Jokes)
  5. What did the Buffalo say to his son?… Bye-son. (Funny Animal Jokes for Kids)
  6. It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father. “Let’s try to make this look natural “she said. “Junior, put your arm around your dad’s shoulder.” The father answered, “If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?” (Graduation Jokes for Kids)
  7. What do you call a lineman’s kids?… Chips off the old blocker. (Football Jokes)
  8. What did baby corn say to mama corn?… Where’s popcorn? (Popcorn Jokes for Kids)
  9. What do you call a dad who spent all day at the beach?… A Tangent. (Math Jokes for Kids & Summer Jokes for Kids)
  10. What did the father rope say to his child?…“Don’t be knotty.”
  11. Teacher: Please use the words “letter carrier” in a sentence. Student: Yes, ma’am. “My dad said that after seeing how many things my mom was bringing on vacation, he would rather letter carrier own luggage.” (Teacher Jokes)
  12. Do dads always snore?… No, only when they are asleep! (Napping Jokes for Kids)
  13. A Father’s Day book never written: “Fatherly Advice” by Buck L. Upson.
  14. Avogadro loved to watch MASH. Which character did he like most?… Father Molecahy (Mole Day Jokes & Father’s Day Quotes)
  15. What are you giving Mom and Dad for Christmas?… A list of everything I want! (Christmas Jokes)
  16. Father: Do you know, most people don’t have to work today, because it’s Labor Day. Son: If people are not working, shouldn’t we call today ‘No-Labor Day?’ (Labor Day Jokes)
  17. Knock Knock… Whose there?… July… July who?… July to your dad and he gets mad. (July knock Knock Jokes)
  18. What do you call your dad when he falls through the ice?… A POPsicle! (Popsicle Jokes for Kids & Summer Jokes for Kids)
  19. Sunday school teacher: Tell me, do you say prayers before eating?… Student: No, ma’am, I don’t have to. My dad’s a good cook.
  20. Waiter: How he would you like your steak? Dad: On a plate, please.
  21. Why did the dad love his barbecue?… Because it was the grill of his dreams. (Summer Jokes for Kids)
  22. What did the baby corn say to momma corn?… Where is pop corn? (Popcorn JokesFather’s Day Jokes)
  23. How is the baby bird like its dad?… He’s a chirp off the old block. (Bird Jokes for Kids)
  24. Father to son: I’m warning you. If you fall out of that tree and break both your legs, don’t come running to me! (Biology Jokes for Kids)
  25. Why did the father wear sunglasses?…. Because his children were  so bright!
  26. What did the daddy ocean say to the baby ocean?… Nothing, he just waved.
  27. What did Dad’s tie say to his neck?… Do you mind if I hang around? (Biology Jokes for Kids)
  28. A man gets on a bus with his baby. The bus driver says, “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The man goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. He says to a man next to her, “The driver just insulted me!” The other man says, “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”(Funny Animal Jokes for Kids & Monkey Jokes for Kids)
  29. Jackson is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, “Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?” Fred replied, “Actually, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.” His friend thinks for a moment and says, “I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who’s just like your mother.” A few months later they meet again and his friend says, “Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?” With a frown on his face, Fred answers, “Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.” The friend said, “Then what’s the problem?” Fred replied, “My father doesn’t like her.”
  30. A father mouse and a baby mouse are walking along when suddenly a cat attacks them. The father mouse shouts “BARK!” and the cat runs away. “See?” the father mouse says to his baby. “Now do you see why it’s important to learn a foreign language?” (Funny Animal Jokes for Kids)
  31. Boy: How do you like the drum set you got for your birthday? Friend: I love it! Boy: Why? Friend: Whenever I don’t play it, my dad gives me 10 bucks! (Birthday Jokes for Kids)
  32. Dad: Son, if you keep pulling my hair, you will have to get off my shoulders. Son: But, Dad, I’m just trying to get my gum back! (Gum Jokes for Kids)
  33. Father: Do you know, most people don’t have to work today, because it’s Labor Day. Son: If people are not working, shouldn’t we call today ‘No-Labor Day?’ (Labor Day Jokes)
  34. What do you call the father you walk all over?… Stepdad.
  35. What did the father ghost say to the naughty baby ghost?… Spook when you’re spooken to! (Halloween Jokes for Kids)
  36. Little League Vampire: Dad, what’s the best way to hold a bat? Father Vampire: By the wings, son. (Baseball Jokes for Kids)
  37. What did the digital clock say to its mother?… “Look, Ma! No hands!” (Daylight Savings Time Jokes)
  38. What did the Daddy broom say to the baby broom?… It’s time to go to sweep! (Napping Jokes for Kids)
  39. Dad, what is it like to have the best child in the world?… I don’t know, go ask your grandparents. (Grandparent Jokes for Kids)
  40. Why do fathers who golf take an extra pair of socks?… In case they get a hole in one! (Sports Jokes for Kids)
  41. Dad: How do you like fourth grade? Son: It isn’t much fun. Dad: That’s too bad. It was the best three years of my life!
  42. Boy: I have a lot of my dad’s genes. Friend: Really? I bet they don’t fit. (Biology Jokes for Kids)
  43. Boy: I made a bad mistake today and gave my dad some soap flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast. Friend: Was he mad? Boy: Yup. He was foaming at the mouth!
  44. Larry’s father had four children. Three were named North, South and West. What was his other child’s name?… Larry. (Geography Jokes for Kids)
  45. A police recruit was asked during the exam, ‘What would you do if you had to arrest your own father?’ He answered, ‘Call for backup.’ (Police Jokes for Kids)
  46. What did the mother bullet say to the daddy bullet?… “We’re gonna have a BB!”
  47. Teacher (on phone): You say Michael has a cold and can’t come to school today? To whom am I speaking?…Voice: This is my father.
  48. Johnny’s father: Let me see your report card. Johnny: I don’t have it. Johnny’s father: Why not? Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.
  49. Dad: Why did you chop the joke book in half? Son: Mom said to cut the comedy.
  50. What do you call two people who embarrass you in front of your friends?Mom and Dad!
  51. My Dad thinks he wears the trousers in our house, but it’s always Mum who tells him which pair to put on!
  52. Knock knock…Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe help me with my homework please Dad – I’m stuck! (Knock Knock Jokes for Kids)
  53. Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached?… Science student: When my father sees my report card! (Teacher Jokes)
  54. Dad #1: How do you get your sleepy-head son up in the morning? Dad #2: I just put the cat on the bed. Dad #1: How does that help? Dad #2:: The dog’s already there. (Dog jokes for Kids)
  55. Son: Dad, do you know the difference between a pack of cookies and a pack of elephant? Dad: No. Son: Then it’s a good thing Mom does the grocery shopping! (Elephant Jokes of Kids)
  56. Daughter: “Dad, I’m cold.” Dad: “Go stand in a corner. It’s 90 degrees.”
  57. Dad: You’ll never amount to anything because you procrastinate…Son: Oh yeah? Just you wait!
  58. Son: “Dad, are you alright?” Dad: “No, I’m half left and half right.”
  59. Boy: What does your father do for a living? Friend: He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half. Boy: Do you have any brothers or sisters? Friend: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.
  60. How come the father needle got mad at the baby needle?… It was way past its threadtime.
  61. Being a great father is like shaving. No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow.
  62. Baby snake: Mommy, are we poisonous? Mother snake: Yes, son.Why? Baby snake: I just bit my tongue! (Funny Animal Jokes for Kids)
  63. How do fathers exercise on the beach?… By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
  64. How do you scare a divorced dad?… Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice!
  65. Why did the daddy cat want to go bowling on Father’s Day?… He was an alley cat. (Cat Jokes for Kids)
  66. Why don’t some fathers have a mid-life crisis?… They’re stuck in adolescence.
  67. What are you giving Mom and Dad for Christmas?… A list of everything I want! (Christmas Jokes)
  68. “Dad, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy. “Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son,” his father replied. After dinner the father inquired, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?” “Oh, nothing,” the boy said.  “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”
  69. Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.” “That’s odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!” A nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!” “That’s weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!” A nurse tells the third man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets!” “That’s strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!” The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What’s wrong?” the others ask. “I work for 7 Up!”
  70. Why was the cracker so happy to see his dad on Father’s Day?… Because he had been a wafer so long. (Cookie Jokes for Kids)
  71. How do you keep little cows quiet so their daddy can sleep late on Father’s Day?… Use the moooooote button. (Cow Jokes for Kids)
  72. One evening a little girl and her parents were sitting around the table eating supper. The little girl said, “Daddy, you’re the boss, aren’t you?” Her Daddy smiled, pleased, and said yes. The little girl continued, “That’s because Mommy put you in charge, right?”
  73. While flying from Denver to Kansas City, Kansas, my mother was sitting across the aisle from a woman and her eight-year-old son. Mom couldn’t help laughing as they neared their destination and she heard the mother say to the boy, “Now remember — run to Dad first, then the dog.”
  74. “Don’t light those fireworks!” Dad exploded. (Fireworks Jokes)
  75. What did one firecracker say to the other firecracker?… My pop’s bigger than your pop. (Fireworks Jokes)
  76. Why did the daddy horse want to race on a rainy Father’s Day?… He was a mudder. (Horse Racing Jokes for Kids)
  77. What did the daddy tomato say to the baby tomato?… catch up!
  78. Why did the bean children give their dad a sweater for Father’s Day?… He was chili. (Cinco De Mayo Jokes for Kids)
  79. Why did dad get a plate of English muffins on Father’s Day?… His family wanted her to feel like a king!
  80. What did the Panda give his daddy on Father’s Day?… A bear hug.
  81. What makes more noise than a child jumping on daddy’s bed on Father’s Day morning?… Two children jumping on daddy’s bed!
  82. How did the Panda open his Father’s Day card?… With her bear hands.
  83. Why was the strawberry late for Father’s day brunch?… He got caught in a jam on the way.
  84. How did the alien girl write her Father’s Day poem?… In uni-verses. (Astronomy Jokes for Kids)
  85. What did the hermit crabs do on Father’s Day?… They shellabrated their dady.
  86. What’s the best thing a new dad can get for Father’s Day?… A long nap. (Napping Jokes for Kids)
  87. What dessert did the daddy cat get after his Father’s Day dinner?… Chocolate Mouse
  88. Why was the Father’s Day cake so hard?… It was a marble cake.
  89. What did the waiter say to the dady dog when he served Father’s Day dinner?… Bone-appetit! (Dog jokes for Kids)
  90. What was the daddy cat wearing to breakfast on Father’s Day?… She was still in her paw-jamas. (Cat Jokes for Kids)
  91. What did the banana’s daddy get on Father’s Day? … Slippers. (Banana Jokes for Kids)
  92. Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his dad on Father’s Day?… Because he left the phone off the hook. (Pirates Jokes for Kids)
  93. What did the lazy boy say to his dad on Father’s Day when he was about to do the dishes?… Relax dad… you can just do them in the morning.
  94. On the day I received my learner’s permit, my father agreed to take me out for a driving lesson. With a big grin, he hopped in behind the driver’s seat. “Why aren’t you sitting up front on the passenger’s side?” I asked. “Honey, I’ve been waiting for this ever since you were a little girl,” Dad replied. “Now it’s my turn to sit back here and kick the seat.”
  95. What kind of sweets do astronaut moms like for Mother’s Day?… Mars bars. (Astronomy Jokes for Kids)
  96. What do nice pirates do on Father’s Day?… Take out the garrrrrrrrrrrbage without being asked. (Pirates Jokes for Kids)
  97. What did the cheerleader bring her dad for breakfast on Father’s Day?… Cheerios.
  98. Why were the rope children so quiet on Father’s Day?… They were trying not to be knotty.
  99. Where did the cow family go on Father’s Day?… The moo-vies.
  100. What did the martians wear to Father’s Day dinner?… Space suits. (Astronomy Jokes for Kids)
  101. What should you never give a daddy dentist on Mother’s Day?… A plaque! (Dentist Jokes for Kids)
  102. What did the puppies make their dad for Father’s Day breakfast?… Pooched eggs. (Puppy Jokes for Kids)
  103. Where did the spider learn how to make a Father’s Day gift?… On the web.
  104. What did Chewbacca bake for his dad on Father’s Day?… Chocolate Chip Wookiees. (Star Wars Jokes for Kids)
  105. How did the daddy cat feel on Father’s Day?… He was in a great Mewd. (Cat Jokes for Kids)
  106. Why didn’t the teddy bear’s daddy want a big meal on Father’s Day?… She was already stuffed!
  107. How do piglets wake their daddy up on Father’s Day?… With hogs and kisses. (Funny Animal Jokes for Kids)
  108. Why couldn’t the digital clock make dinner for Father’s Day?… He had no hands. (Biology Jokes for Kids)
  109. A father said to his son, “Look at that kid over there; he’s not misbehaving.” The son replied, “Maybe he has good parents then!”
  110. Daughter: Ma, what’s it like to have the greatest daughter in the world? Dad: I don’t know dear, you’d have to ask Grandpa. (Grandparent Jokes for Kids)
  111. Why are Fathers like parking spaces?… The good ones are already taken!
  112. Dad #1: I have the perfect son. Dad #2: Does he smoke? Dad#1:No, he doesn’t. Dad #2:Does he drink whiskey? Dad #1: No, he doesn’t. Dad #2: Does he ever come home late? Dad #1: No, he doesn’t.Dad #2: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? Dad #1: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
  113. A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
  114. A kid asks his dad, “What’s a man?” The dad says, “A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family.” The kid says, “I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!” (Father’s Day Jokes for Kids)
  115. Most fathers want their sons to have things they never had, like A’s on their report cards.
  116. Two children ordered their father to stay in bed one Father’s Day morning. As he lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen. But after a good long wait he finally went downstairs to investigate. He found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs. “As a surprise for Father’s Day,” one explained, “We decided to cook our own breakfast.”
  117. A father is trying to get his son to eat carrots. “Carrots are good for your eyes,” he says. “How do you know?” the son asks. The father replies, “Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?” (Rabbit Jokes)
  118. “If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says ‘keep away from children’” -Susan Savannah
  119. Why did the cookie cry?… Because his father was a wafer so long!
  120. “People who say they sleep like a baby don’t have one.”(Napping Jokes for Kids)
  121. Why don’t they have Father’s Day sales?… Because Fathers are priceless.
  122. What’s the difference between Superman and Fathers?… Superman’s just a superhero now and then. Dad are superheroes all the time.
  123. What’s the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot’s father?… One’s a pop fly. The other’s a fly pop.
  124. What three words solves Dad’s every problem?… Ask your mother. (Father’s Day Jokes for Kids)
  125. I asked Dad what she wanted for Father’s Day. She said, “ A bit of care and comfort” So I put him in a nursing home. (Nurse Jokes for Kids)
  126. Why do fathers have to have two visits to the optometrist?… Because they also have eyes in the back of their head. (Biology Jokes for Kids)
  127. Happy Father’s Day to someone who spoils me and then complains about how spoiled I am.
  128. The family was disappointed with their Father’s Day celebrations on the moon. The food was terrific but the restaurant lacked atmosphere. (Astronomy Jokes for Kids)
  129. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up. (Father’s Day Jokes for Kids)
  130. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”. What’s my father going to do? (Doctors Jokes for Kids)
  131. What did daddy spider say to baby spider?… You spend too much time on the web.
  132. “Dad, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy. “Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son,” his father replied. After dinner the father inquired, “Now, what did you want to ask me?” “Oh, nothing,” the boy said. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”
  133. “It is never easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.” -Anon (Father’s Day Jokes for Kids)
  134. What has a long plume, wings and wears a red bow?… A Father’s Day pheasant. (Bird Jokes for Kids)
  135. Why did the dentist’s children give their dady so many gifts for Father’s Day?… The love toothee his smile.(Dentist Jokes for Kids)
  136. Mom, why did the chicken cross the road?… I don’t know, go ask your dad! (Funny Animal Jokes for Kids)
  137. Father: Why is there a strange baby in the crib? Son: You told me to change the baby.
  138. I shouted to my Dad on Mother’s Day, “How does breakfast in bed sound?” He said, “Ooh that sounds great!” I said, “Nice, I’ll have bacon, fries and two eggs.”
  139. What’s the hardest thing your father makes you swallow?… The fact he’s always right.
  140. When would you hit a Father’s Day cake with a hammer?… When it’s a pound cake.
  141. Which day does Cherry Garcia’s daddy like the most?… Fther’s Day Sundae. (Ice Cream Jokes for Kids)
  142. Why did the kids give their dad a blanket for Father’s Day?… Because they thought he was the coolest dad.
  143. Why did the boy make sweet potato pie for Father’s Day?… His dad always said his pie was yamtastic.
  144. What should you make dad for dinner on Father’s Day?… Anything you want – he’s just happy that he doesn’t have to make it!
  145. Why was dad so happy to go to IHOP for pancakes on Father’s Day?… She knew she wouldn’t have to do any dishes.
  146. Why do sons love Father’s Day so much?… Because it’s always on son day (Sunday).
  147. Son: Mommy, how does breakfast in bed sound to you? Daddy: It sounds wonderful! Son: Great… I’ll have scrambled eggs, pancakes and hashbrowns.
  148. Which restaurant did the buccaneer take his dad for Father’s Day?… Long John Silver’s. (Pirate Jokes for Kids)
  149. Fathers with teenagers know why animals eat their young.
  150. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Annie… Annie who?… Annie thing you can do, Mom can do better.
  151. Knock, Knock… Who’s there?… Water… Water who?.. Water you doing for Mother’s Day?
    What was Cleopatra’s favorite day of the year?… Mummy’s day.
    Knock, knock!… Who’s there?… Justin!… Justin who?… Justin time for Father’s Day!
  152. What happens at the needle’s house on Father’s Day at 8pm?… It threadtime.
  153. Why is Mother’s Day before Father’s Day?… So the kids can spend all their Christmas money on Mom.
  154. Son: When is Mother’s Day Dad? Dad wearily unplugging the vacuum, “Every day son, every day.”
  155. A little girl asked her mom, “How did the human race appear?” Mom answered, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made …” Two days later the girl asked her Dad the same question. Dad answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.” The confused girl returned to her mum and said, “Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?” The mother answered, “Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his!”
  156. How do your kids know that you’re cross with them?… You use their full name.
  157. Where did the reindeer family go for ice cream on Father’s Day?… Deery Queen. (Ice Cream Jokes for Kids)
  158. “You will always be your child’s favorite toy.” – Vicki Lansky
  159. I saw Mummy asking Santa why he didn’t put his dishes in the dishwasher.
  160. My father was completely lost in the kitchen and never ate unless someone prepared a meal for him. When Mother was ill, however, he volunteered to go to the supermarket for her. She sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven items. Dad returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded to unpack the grocery bags. He had one bag of sugar, two dozen eggs, three hams, four boxes of detergent, five boxes of crackers, six eggplants, and seven green peppers.
  161. A small boy was at the zoo with his father.  They were looking at the tigers, and his father was telling him how ferocious they were. “Daddy, if the tigers got out and ate you up…” “Yes, son?” the father asked, ready to console him. “ …Which bus would I take home?”
  162. A man and his eldest son went to have their photographs taken together, and the photographer said to the young man, “It will make a better picture if you put your hand on your father’s shoulder.” “H’m,” said the father, “it would make a more natural picture if he put it in my pocket.
  163. Yes, sir, our household represents the United Kingdom of Great Britain,” said the proud father of number one to the rector. “I am English, my wife’s Irish, the nurse is Scotch and the baby wails.”
  164. Mom: Why are you home so early? Dad: My boss told me to go to hell.
  165. “Dad I’m hungry” … “Hi hungry I’m Dad.”
  166. A Dad walked in to a bar with some asphalt on his arm. He said “Two beers please, one for me and one for the road.”
  167. What do you say to your Dad if he has a bladder infection?… urine trouble.
  168. What is my father’s favorite dessert?… a “pop” sicle. (Summer Jokes for Kids & Popsicle Jokes for Kids)
  169. Jimmy (reading facts and figures from his dad’s insurance tables): “Did you know that every time I breathe, a man dies?” Dad: “Why don’t you use a little mouthwash now and then?”
  170. Father’s Day is just like Mother’s Day, except on Father’s Day you buy a cheaper gift.
  171. Wanna hear a joke about a stone? Never mind, I’ll just skip that one.
  172. How do you know your dad is planning for the future?… He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
  173. Mom: Why are you home so early? Dad: My boss told me to go to hell.
  174. What is fathers day?… The day in June when a father remembers he hasn’t yet paid the bills for Mother’s Day.
  175. Why did the baby strawberry cry?… Because his dad was in a jam!
  176. I’ve always admired fishermen. Now those are reel men.
  177. “Have you heard of Murphy’s law?” “Yeah.” “What is it?” “If something can go wrong, it will go wrong.” “That’s right. Have you heard of Cole’s law?” “No, what is it?” “Thinly sliced cabbage and mayo.”