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- Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best car jokes.
- “I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather – not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.” Will Shriner (Grandparent Jokes)
- My late grandpa used to hate looking in the mirror. Humble man… terrible driver.
- I want to die like my grandpa did, in his sleep…. Not screaming like the people in the back seat of his car.
- What is a car’s favorite genre?… Auto-biography. (Book Jokes)
- What’s a flea’s favorite book?… The Itch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. (Book Jokes)
- Why did the mechanic take Labor Day off?… He needed to oil up his engine and recharge his batteries
- What don’t Indianapolis 500 drivers eat before a big race?… In case they get indy-gestion. (Indianapolis 500 Jokes)
- See the new “recently divorced” Barbie doll you can now get?… She comes with Ken’s Corvette. (Divorce Jokes & Car Jokes)
- What did the authorities do when Barbie’s boyfriend was involved in a serious car accident?… They contacted his next of Ken. (Car Jokes & Cemetery Jokes)
- Maryland Drivers: Amazing, but everyone is crazy when there is one drop of snow. (Car Jokes & Snow Jokes)
- Why did the cow cross the road?… To get to the udder side. (Cow Jokes)
- Peanut butter was driving toast when suddenly… There was a jam.
- Why did the man smear peanut butter on the road?… To go with the traffic jam.
- I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in my car on road trips… Just in case there’s a traffic jam.
- I tried working in a car muffler factory… but that was exhausting. (Labor Day Jokes)
- What is a dentist’s office?… A filling station. (Dentist Jokes)
- This heat wave is so hot… that we use our seat belts for branding iron. (Heat Wave Jokes)
- Where do peanut drivers go to fill their tanks?… The Shell station!
- What is a car salesman’s favorite mountain?… Cadillac Mountain. (Maine Jokes)
- What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and a wooden engine?… It wooden go. (Tree Jokes)
- What was wrong with the tree’s car?… It wooden go! (Tree Jokes)
- What was the elephant doing on the freeway?… About 5 M.P. H. (Elephant Jokes)
- What did the elephant do when he hurt his toe?… He called a tow truck! (Elephant Jokes)
- Why did the elephant get pulled over?… He sped through the stomp sign. (Car Jokes & Police Jokes)
- Why did Harry Potter get pulled over for speeding?… Because he didn’t expect-no-patrol-man. (Police Jokes & Car Jokes)
- How are a car and a bicycle similar?… You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them. (Car Jokes & Bike Jokes)
- Why wouldn’t Ron’s car move?… It got stuck in a quid-ditch.
- Why are cheerleading teams driven around by the police?… Only police have squad cars. (Police Jokes & Car Jokes)
- Why did Aragog buy a car?… So he could take it out for a spin. (Car Jokes & Spider Jokes)
- Why did Severus Snape stand in the middle of the road?… So you’ll never know which side he’s on.
- Steve is in his car driving on the highway by the ocean in California when he stops and asks God for just 1 wish for being a super faithful and good human being. God instantly appears and tells Steve that he has earned right for one wish. Steve says, “I wish for a bridge from here to Hawaii so that I can drive there and have a great time.” God replies, “Ehhhh! Your wish is too materialistic! I would have to get the concrete, carefully think about the design, along with pipes and suspensions for balance and aesthetics. It would be quite a bit to handle on my part! Wish something else and I will grant it.” Greg thinks for a moment and then says, “Hmmm… Okay, I wish to be able to read women’s minds. I want to know exactly what they’re thinking at all times, what they mean when they say ‘nothing’. Basically, I want to understand women inside out.” God says, “So do you want 2 lanes or 4 lanes on that bridge?” (Hawaii Jokes)
- A man was driving down the highway and he was pulled over by a policeman. The policeman said “You were driving 85 miles per hour.” The Driver: “Don’t be ridiculous” the man said, “I’ve only been driving twenty minutes!” (Police Jokes)
- I don’t win Marathons because I’m lucky… I win because I’m driven. (Or maybe take the MBTA like Rosie Ruiz) (Marathon Jokes)
- Why does the ice cream man go so slow?… Because he’s a sundae driver!
- Two ice cream vans crashed on the motorway… The police put some cones out, thankfully no-one had whippy-lash. (Car Jokes & Doctor Jokes)
- The 4th of July is the day that Americans celebrate their freedom… by sitting trapped in traffic jams for hours.
- My son didn’t expect me to pay for his share of the prom night limo rental, but he asked me anyway… It was a bit of a stretch. (Dad Jokes & Car Jokes)
- Why is New Jersey called the Garden State?… Because Oil, Petrolium, Nuclear, Land Fill, & Toxic Waste State Didn’t fit on a license plate! (New Jersey Jokes)
- What time is it when you find an elephant in your car?… Time to get a new car. (Elephant Jokes)
- What was the snapping turtle doing on the highway?… About 1 mile per hour.
- Why did the defensive lacrosse player cross the road?… To get to the other slide. (Lacrosse Jokes)
- How are defensive lacrosse players like a car?… Midfielders are always told to ride them.
- What is a lacrosse players favorite type of car?… A dodge! (Lacrosse Jokes)
- What car do minions like to drive?… SubaGru.
- What do you call road-tripping to the eclipse?… Going where the sun don’t shine. (Solar Eclipse Jokes)
- A student goes to the tuxedo shop, there’s a long line…. He goes to the limousine shop, there’s a long line… When prom rolls around, he goes to get a drink, but there’s no punch line. (Prom Jokes)
- You are locked inside a car with nothing but a lacrosse stick. How do you get out?… Unlock the door, of course!
- Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about cars?
- Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good car knock-knock joke?
- Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good car knock knock jokes?(June Jokes & Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
- I was gonna have a baby at the hospital downtown but the week I was due, all the nurses quit their job and bought Corvettes…. I guess they were having a midwife crisis. (Mother’s Day Jokes & Baby Jokes)
- How did the penguin pass its driving test?.. It winged it!
- What’s a Jedi’s favorite car?… A Toy-Yoda.
- Why wasn’t the car able to go to prom?… It didn’t have good at-tire! (Prom Jokes)
- What is a truck driver’s favorite song?… Interstate Love Song by Stone Temple Pirates.
- Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road?… To get to the Dark Side. (Car Jokes & Walking Jokes)
- Why are penguins good race drivers?… Because they’re always in the pole position! (NASCAR Jokes for Kids & Car Jokes)
- What’s a gas pump’s favorite holiday?… April Fuel’s Day! (April Fools’s Day Jokes)
- Simple advice: If you drink, don’t drive… And don’t even putt.
- Welcome to Rhode Island! Enjoy it, because you’ll be through it in 40 minutes.” (Rhode Island Jokes)
- Speaking of driving… Rhode Island roads are adventurous because no one knows how to drive.
- One of the best things about Daylight Saving Time is that the clock in my car will finally be correct again. (Daylight Savings Jokes)
- What did Saint Patrick say when he drove all the snakes out of Ireland?… Everyone got seat belts on back there?
- What time is it when you find an elephant in your car?… Time to get a new car
- What’s the most popular automobile brand for presidents?… Lincoln. (Presidents Day Jokes)
- What do bus drivers put on their pancakes for breakfast?… Traffic jam! (Car Jokes)
- Why did pi fail its driving test?… Because it didn’t know when to stop. (Pi Day Jokes)
- What do uber drivers put on their pancakes for breakfast?… Traffic jam! (Car Jokes)
- What do you call a groundhog who drives in the center of the road?… A road hog. (Ground Hog Day Jokes)
- How did the Grinch get home from the Christmas party?… He took a Who-ber. (Grinch Jokes)
- My sister bet me a $1,000,000 that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta. (Spaghetti Jokes)
- Did you hear that the spaghetti noodle got into a car accident?… Paramedics tried to save him, but in the end, he pasta-way. (Pasta Jokes & Spaghetti Jokes)
- Welcome to Rhode Island! Enjoy it… because it ends in 40 feet. (Rhode Island Jokes)
- Did you hear about the corn that got run over by a car?… It was creamed corn. (Corn Jokes)
- I got gas today for $1.39… Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell. (Taco Jokes)
- I really hate having to wait till September to drive my new car… Shouldn’t have bought an autumnobile. (Fall Jokes & September Jokes)
- Where do peanut drivers go to fill their tanks?… The Shell station! (Peanut Jokes)
- What was the elephant doing on the freeway?… About 5 M.P. H. (Elephant Jokes)
- On the day I received my learner’s permit, my father agreed to take me out for a driving lesson. With a big grin, he hopped in behind the driver’s seat. “Why aren’t you sitting up front on the passenger’s side?” I asked. “Honey, I’ve been waiting for this ever since you were a little girl,” Dad replied. “Now it’s my turn to sit back here and kick the seat.” (Father’s Day Jokes)
- What do bus drivers put on their pancakes for breakfast?… Traffic jam! (Car Jokes)
- What do uber drivers put on their pancakes for breakfast?… Traffic jam! (Car Jokes)
- Today, on my way to work, I hit a guy riding a skateboard… On a lighter note, I’m selling a lightly used skateboard. (Skateboarding Jokes)
- What do you get when two giraffes collide?… A giraffic jam. (Giraffe Jokes)
- Why did the ice cream truck break down?… Because of the Rocky Road. (Ice Cream Jokes)
- “I had a dream about a muffler last night … I woke up exhausted!” Dad (Father’s Day Jokes)
- What do you get if you walk behind a car?… Exhausted! (Walking Jokes)
- I don’t have a Carbon Footprint… Because I drive everywhere! (Environment Jokes)
- I got hit by a car on my way to my high school graduation… The worst part is, I had the right of passage. (High School Graduation Jokes)
- What kind of vehicle did Watto drive?… A wattomobile. (May the 4th Be With You Jokes)
- How many NCAA Final Four basketball players does it take to change a light bulb?… Only one. But he gets money, a car, and three credit hours for it. (Final Four Jokes)
- Yesterday I was walking, and I was wondering why everyone always told me to look both ways before crossing a street… And then it hit me. (Walking Jokes)
- Why did the pencil get a speeding ticket?… He had a lead foot! (Pencil Jokes)
- What is a lacrosse players favorite type of car?… A dodge! (Lacrosse Jokes)
- Why was the car not allowed to play rugby?… It only had one boot. (Rugby Jokes)
- What is a the Cat in the Hat’s favorite brand of car?… The Catillac. (Cat Jokes & Dr. Seuss Jokes)
- Man: “Honey, on this Valentine’s Day, I want to tell you something… I’m not rich like Jack. I don’t have a mansion like Russell. I don’t have a Porsche like Martin. But I do love you and I want to marry you.” Woman: “Oh, dear, I love you too! What was that you said about Martin? (Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes)
- Where do race cars go swimming?… In a car pool. (Swimming Jokes)
- It’s getting real bad here in California. I just got robbed at the gas station. I called the cops and they asked if I knew who did it. “It was pump #5,” I replied. (Police Jokes)
- How do leaves get from place to place?… With autumn-mobiles. (Fall Jokes & Tree Jokes)
- Why did Spider-Man borrow his parent’s car?… To take it out for a spin. (Spiderman Jokes for Kids)
- Pi had its driver’s license revoked because it didn’t know when to stop. (101 Pi Day Jokes)
- Why shouldn’t people from Texas be allowed to drive?… Because they’re always Texan and driving. (Texas Jokes)
- I got hit by a car on my way to my graduation… The worst part is, I had the right of passage. (Graduation Jokes)
- What do you tell a hitchhiker on Leap Day?… Hop In. (Leap Year Jokes)
- Who does Santa call when his sleigh breaks down?… The Abominable Towman. (Car Jokes)
- What kind of keys do kids like to carry?… Chocolate Chip Cookies! (Chocolate Chip Cookie Jokes)
- How do you lift a frozen car?… With a Jack Frost. (Christmas Jokes)
- Why did the middle school student stare at the automobile’s radio?…. He wanted to watch a car-tune. (Middle School Jokes)
- If you want to avoid traffic this Memorial Day then avoid traveling on memorial day weekend.
- I’ve got the deal already worked out – this Black Friday, I’m getting a new Lexus for my wife I think she’s going to be really surprised – but from my perspective, it’s an awesome trade. (Black Friday Jokes)
- Why aren’t hot dog ads allowed in NASCAR?… because no-one else would be able to ketchup. (Hot Dog Jokes & NASCAR Jokes)
- Patient to nurse, “I feel run down.” Nurse, “ What makes you say that?” Patient, “The tire marks across my legs. (Nurse Jokes)
- Why did the physicist throw the stop sign into the ocean?… He was studying sign waves. (Ocean Jokes & Physics Jokes)
- What type of cars do elves drive?… Toy-otas. (Car Jokes & Elf Jokes)
- What goes hundreds of miles and never moves?… The Maryland Turnpike!
- What do you call a groundhog that drives recklessly?… A road hog. (Groundhog Day Jokes)
- You might be an Alaskan if… You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car. (Alaska Jokes)
- You might be an Alaskan if… You have more miles on your snow blower than your car. (Alaska Jokes)
- If you want to avoid traffic this Memorial Day then avoid traveling on memorial day weekend. (Memorial Day Jokes)
- A woman locked her car key in her car, so she asked a passerby for help. The passerby took off his pants, rolled it into a ball and rubbed it on the car door. The car door springs open. Amazed, the woman asked the passerby how did he do it, to which he replied:”It’s simple, these are khaki pants” (Car Jokes)
- Before I get into Spring Break traffic, I cover my car in Mucinex…It really thins out the congestion. (Car Jokes)
- Why was the giraffe late?… Because he got caught in a giraffic jam!