Car Jokes

by | Sep 11, 2019 | Latest News, School Jokes | 0 comments

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NASCAR JOKES

  1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best car jokes.
  2. “I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather – not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.” Will Shriner (Grandparent Jokes)
  3. My late grandpa used to hate looking in the mirror. Humble man… terrible driver.
  4. I want to die like my grandpa did, in his sleep…. Not screaming like the people in the back seat of his car.
  5. What is a car’s favorite genre?… Auto-biography. (Book Jokes)
  6. What’s a flea’s favorite book?… The Itch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. (Book Jokes)
  7. Why did the mechanic take Labor Day off?… He needed to oil up his engine and recharge his batteries
  8. What don’t Indianapolis 500 drivers eat before a big race?… In case they get indy-gestion. (Indianapolis 500 Jokes)
  9. See the new “recently divorced” Barbie doll you can now get?… She comes with Ken’s Corvette. (Divorce Jokes & Car Jokes)
  10. What did the authorities do when Barbie’s boyfriend was involved in a serious car accident?… They contacted his next of Ken. (Car Jokes & Cemetery Jokes)
  11. Maryland Drivers: Amazing, but everyone is crazy when there is one drop of snow. (Car Jokes & Snow Jokes)
  12. Why did the cow cross the road?… To get to the udder side. (Cow Jokes)
  13. Peanut butter was driving toast when suddenly… There was a jam.
  14. Why did the man smear peanut butter on the road?… To go with the traffic jam.
  15. I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in my car on road trips… Just in case there’s a traffic jam.
  16. I tried working in a car muffler factory… but that was exhausting. (Labor Day Jokes)
  17. What is a dentist’s office?… A filling station. (Dentist Jokes)
  18. This heat wave is so hot… that we use our seat belts for branding iron. (Heat Wave Jokes)
  19. Where do peanut drivers go to fill their tanks?…  The Shell station!
  20. What is a car salesman’s favorite mountain?… Cadillac Mountain. (Maine Jokes)
  21. What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and a wooden engine?… It wooden go. (Tree Jokes)
  22. What was wrong with the tree’s car?… It wooden go! (Tree Jokes)
  23. What was the elephant doing on the freeway?… About 5 M.P. H. (Elephant Jokes)
  24. What did the elephant do when he hurt his toe?… He called a tow truck! (Elephant Jokes)
  25. Why did the elephant get pulled over?… He sped through the stomp sign. (Car Jokes & Police Jokes)
  26. Why did Harry Potter get pulled over for speeding?… Because he didn’t expect-no-patrol-man. (Police Jokes & Car Jokes)
  27. How are a car and a bicycle similar?… You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them. (Car Jokes & Bike Jokes)
  28. Why wouldn’t Ron’s car move?… It got stuck in a quid-ditch.
  29. Why are cheerleading teams driven around by the police?… Only police have squad cars. (Police Jokes & Car Jokes)
  30. Why did Aragog buy a car?… So he could take it out for a spin. (Car Jokes & Spider Jokes)
  31. Why did Severus Snape stand in the middle of the road?… So you’ll never know which side he’s on.
  32. Steve is in his car driving on the highway by the ocean in California when he stops and asks God for just 1 wish for being a super faithful and good human being. God instantly appears and tells Steve that he has earned right for one wish. Steve says, “I wish for a bridge from here to Hawaii so that I can drive there and have a great time.” God replies, “Ehhhh! Your wish is too materialistic! I would have to get the concrete, carefully think about the design, along with pipes and suspensions for balance and aesthetics. It would be quite a bit to handle on my part! Wish something else and I will grant it.” Greg thinks for a moment and then says, “Hmmm… Okay, I wish to be able to read women’s minds. I want to know exactly what they’re thinking at all times, what they mean when they say ‘nothing’. Basically, I want to understand women inside out.” God says, “So do you want 2 lanes or 4 lanes on that bridge?” (Hawaii Jokes)
  33. A man was driving down the highway and he was pulled over by a policeman. The policeman said “You were driving 85 miles per hour.” The Driver: “Don’t be ridiculous” the man said, “I’ve only been driving twenty minutes!” (Police Jokes)
  34. I don’t win Marathons because I’m lucky… I win because I’m driven. (Or maybe take the MBTA like Rosie Ruiz) (Marathon Jokes)
  35. Why does the ice cream man go so slow?… Because he’s a sundae driver! 
  36. Two ice cream vans crashed on the motorway… The police put some cones out, thankfully no-one had whippy-lash. (Car Jokes & Doctor Jokes)
  37. The 4th of July is the day that Americans celebrate their freedom… by sitting trapped in traffic jams for hours.
  38. My son didn’t expect me to pay for his share of the prom night limo rental, but he asked me anyway… It was a bit of a stretch. (Dad Jokes & Car Jokes)
  39. Why is New Jersey called the Garden State?… Because Oil, Petrolium, Nuclear, Land Fill, & Toxic Waste State Didn’t fit on a license plate! (New Jersey Jokes)
  40. What time is it when you find an elephant in your car?… Time to get a new car. (Elephant Jokes)
  41. What was the snapping turtle doing on the highway?… About 1 mile per hour.
  42. Why did the defensive lacrosse player cross the road?… To get to the other slide. (Lacrosse Jokes)
  43. How are defensive lacrosse players like a car?… Midfielders are always told to ride them.
  44. What is a lacrosse players favorite type of car?… A dodge! (Lacrosse Jokes)
  45. What car do minions like to drive?… SubaGru.
  46. What do you call road-tripping to the eclipse?… Going where the sun don’t shine. (Solar Eclipse Jokes)
  47. A student goes to the tuxedo shop, there’s a long line…. He goes to the limousine shop, there’s a long line… When prom rolls around, he goes to get a drink, but there’s no punch line. (Prom Jokes)
  48. You are locked inside a car with nothing but a lacrosse stick. How do you get out?… Unlock the door, of course!
  49. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about cars?
  50. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good car knock-knock joke?
  51. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good car knock knock jokes?(June Jokes & Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  53. I was gonna have a baby at the hospital downtown but the week I was due, all the nurses quit their job and bought Corvettes…. I guess they were having a midwife crisis. (Mother’s Day Jokes & Baby Jokes)
  54. How did the penguin pass its driving test?.. It winged it!
  55. What’s a Jedi’s favorite car?… A Toy-Yoda.
  56. Why wasn’t the car able to go to prom?… It didn’t have good at-tire! (Prom Jokes)
  57. What is a truck driver’s favorite song?… Interstate Love Song by Stone Temple Pirates.
  58. Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road?… To get to the Dark Side. (Car Jokes & Walking Jokes)
  59. Why are penguins good race drivers?… Because they’re always in the pole position! (NASCAR Jokes for Kids & Car Jokes)
  60. What’s a gas pump’s favorite holiday?… April Fuel’s Day! (April Fools’s Day Jokes)
  61. Simple advice: If you drink, don’t drive… And don’t even putt.
  62. Welcome to Rhode Island! Enjoy it, because you’ll be through it in 40 minutes.” (Rhode Island Jokes)
  63. Speaking of driving… Rhode Island roads are adventurous because no one knows how to drive.
  64. One of the best things about Daylight Saving Time is that the clock in my car will finally be correct again. (Daylight Savings Jokes)
  65. What did Saint Patrick say when he drove all the snakes out of Ireland?… Everyone got seat belts on back there?
  66. What time is it when you find an elephant in your car?… Time to get a new car
  67. What’s the most popular automobile brand for presidents?… Lincoln. (Presidents Day Jokes)
  68. What do bus drivers put on their pancakes for breakfast?… Traffic jam! (Car Jokes)
  69. Why did pi fail its driving test?… Because it didn’t know when to stop. (Pi Day Jokes)
  70. What do uber drivers put on their pancakes for breakfast?… Traffic jam! (Car Jokes)
  71. What do you call a groundhog who drives in the center of the road?… A road hog. (Ground Hog Day Jokes)
  72. How did the Grinch get home from the Christmas party?… He took a Who-ber. (Grinch Jokes)
  73. My sister bet me a $1,000,000 that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta. (Spaghetti Jokes)
  74. Did you hear that the spaghetti noodle got into a car accident?… Paramedics tried to save him, but in the end, he pasta-way. (Pasta Jokes & Spaghetti Jokes)
  75. Welcome to Rhode Island! Enjoy it… because it ends in 40 feet. (Rhode Island Jokes)
  76. Did you hear about the corn that got run over by a car?… It was creamed corn. (Corn Jokes)
  77. I got gas today for $1.39… Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell. (Taco Jokes)
  78. I really hate having to wait till September to drive my new car… Shouldn’t have bought an autumnobile. (Fall Jokes & September Jokes)
  79. Where do peanut drivers go to fill their tanks?…  The Shell station! (Peanut Jokes)
  80. What was the elephant doing on the freeway?… About 5 M.P. H. (Elephant Jokes)
  81. On the day I received my learner’s permit, my father agreed to take me out for a driving lesson. With a big grin, he hopped in behind the driver’s seat. “Why aren’t you sitting up front on the passenger’s side?” I asked. “Honey, I’ve been waiting for this ever since you were a little girl,” Dad replied. “Now it’s my turn to sit back here and kick the seat.” (Father’s Day Jokes)
  82. What do bus drivers put on their pancakes for breakfast?… Traffic jam! (Car Jokes)
  83. What do uber drivers put on their pancakes for breakfast?… Traffic jam! (Car Jokes)
  84. Today, on my way to work, I hit a guy riding a skateboard… On a lighter note, I’m selling a lightly used skateboard. (Skateboarding Jokes)
  85. What do you get when two giraffes collide?… A giraffic jam. (Giraffe Jokes)
  86. Why did the ice cream truck break down?… Because of the Rocky Road. (Ice Cream Jokes)
  87. “I had a dream about a muffler last night … I woke up exhausted!” Dad (Father’s Day Jokes)
  88. What do you get if you walk behind a car?… Exhausted! (Walking Jokes)
  89. I don’t have a Carbon Footprint… Because I drive everywhere! (Environment Jokes)
  90. I got hit by a car on my way to my high school graduation… The worst part is, I had the right of passage. (High School Graduation Jokes)
  91. What kind of vehicle did Watto drive?… A wattomobile. (May the 4th Be With You Jokes)
  92. How many NCAA Final Four basketball players does it take to change a light bulb?… Only one. But he gets money, a car, and three credit hours for it. (Final Four Jokes)
  93. Yesterday I was walking, and I was wondering why everyone always told me to look both ways before crossing a street… And then it hit me. (Walking Jokes)
  94. Why did the pencil get a speeding ticket?… He had a lead foot! (Pencil Jokes)
  95. What is a lacrosse players favorite type of car?… A dodge! (Lacrosse Jokes)
  96. Why was the car not allowed to play rugby?… It only had one boot. (Rugby Jokes)
  97. What is a the Cat in the Hat’s favorite brand of car?… The Catillac. (Cat Jokes & Dr. Seuss Jokes)
  98. Man: “Honey, on this Valentine’s Day, I want to tell you something… I’m not rich like Jack. I don’t have a mansion like Russell. I don’t have a Porsche like Martin. But I do love you and I want to marry you.” Woman: “Oh, dear, I love you too! What was that you said about Martin? (Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  99. Where do race cars go swimming?…  In a car pool. (Swimming Jokes)
  100. It’s getting real bad here in California. I just got robbed at the gas station. I called the cops and they asked if I knew who did it. “It was pump #5,” I replied. (Police Jokes)
  101. How do leaves get from place to place?… With autumn-mobiles. (Fall Jokes & Tree Jokes)
  102. Why did Spider-Man borrow his parent’s car?… To take it out for a spin. (Spiderman Jokes for Kids)
  103. Pi had its driver’s license revoked because it didn’t know when to stop. (101 Pi Day Jokes)
  104. Why shouldn’t people from Texas be allowed to drive?… Because they’re always Texan and driving. (Texas Jokes)
  105. I got hit by a car on my way to my graduation… The worst part is, I had the right of passage. (Graduation Jokes)
  106. What do you tell a hitchhiker on Leap Day?… Hop In. (Leap Year Jokes)
  107. Who does Santa call when his sleigh breaks down?… The Abominable Towman. (Car Jokes)
  108. What kind of keys do kids like to carry?… Chocolate Chip Cookies! (Chocolate Chip Cookie Jokes)
  109. How do you lift a frozen car?… With a Jack Frost. (Christmas Jokes)
  110. Why did the middle school student stare at the automobile’s radio?…. He wanted to watch a car-tune. (Middle School Jokes)
  111. If you want to avoid traffic this Memorial Day then avoid traveling on memorial day weekend.
  112. I’ve got the deal already worked out – this Black Friday, I’m getting a new Lexus for my wife I think she’s going to be really surprised – but from my perspective, it’s an awesome trade. (Black Friday Jokes)
  113. Why aren’t hot dog ads allowed in NASCAR?… because no-one else would be able to ketchup. (Hot Dog Jokes & NASCAR Jokes)
  114. Patient to nurse, “I feel run down.” Nurse, “ What makes you say that?” Patient, “The tire marks across my legs. (Nurse Jokes)
  115. Why did the physicist throw the stop sign into the ocean?… He was studying sign waves. (Ocean Jokes & Physics Jokes)
  116. What type of cars do elves drive?… Toy-otas. (Car Jokes & Elf Jokes)
  117. What goes hundreds of miles and never moves?… The Maryland Turnpike!
  118. What do you call a groundhog that drives recklessly?… A road hog. (Groundhog Day Jokes)
  119. You might be an Alaskan if… You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car. (Alaska Jokes)
  120. You might be an Alaskan if… You have more miles on your snow blower than your car. (Alaska Jokes)
  121. If you want to avoid traffic this Memorial Day then avoid traveling on memorial day weekend. (Memorial Day Jokes)
  122. A woman locked her car key in her car, so she asked a passerby for help. The passerby took off his pants, rolled it into a ball and rubbed it on the car door. The car door springs open. Amazed, the woman asked the passerby how did he do it, to which he replied:”It’s simple, these are khaki pants” (Car Jokes)
  123. Before I get into Spring Break traffic, I cover my car in Mucinex…It really thins out the congestion. (Car Jokes)
  124. Why was the giraffe late?… Because he got caught in a giraffic jam!