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Summer Guest Blogs & Summer Jokes for Kids

  1. Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best swimming jokes.
  2. Which pumpkins can swim the best?… The coast gourd. (Coast Guard Jokes & Swimming Jokes)
  3. Navy recruiter: “Do you know how to swim?” Recruit: “Why? Have you run out of ships?” (Navy Jokes)
  4. My friend drowned, so at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a life jacket… It’s what he would have wanted. (Cemetery Jokes & Swimming Jokes)
  5. WARNING: A message to any weak/beginning swimmers thinking about swimming in the deep end of the pool today: I’d advise you not to… you’ll be in over your head.
  6. Funny Swimming Pool Signs: “Welcome to our _OOL, Notice there is no “P” in it. We’d like you to keep it that way.”
  7. A lifeguard reprimanded a kid: Lifeguard: Boy! Stop peeing in the pool! Boy: But everyone does! Lifeguard: I know, but not from the diving board! (Summer Camp Jokes)
  8. If you thought swimming with dolphins was expensive, you should try swimming with sharks …. It cost me an arm and a leg! (Shark Jokes & Dolphin Jokes)
  9. I was going to take a winter swim… But after wading in I got cold feet. (Winter Jokes)
  10. If you fall into water and don’t know how to swim… You have the rest of your life to learn.
  11. A man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool… I don’t know what they’re filling the pool with, because he abruptly left when I offered him a glass of water!
  12. I went swimming with dolphins yesterday but there was one problem… They were too clicky! (Dolphin Jokes)
  13. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe teach me how to swim? (Canoe Jokes)
  14. Dad: You wanna join the navy? You can’t even swim! Son: No one can fly in the Air Force either. (Dad Jokes)
  15. Why do they actually prefer non-swimmers in the Navy?… They defend their ship with a lot more enthusiasm. (Navy Jokes)
  16. What do you call a fish who raps?… Swim Shady. (Music Jokes)
  17. I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining. (Labor Day Jokes)
  18. Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda… I guess it was just a Fanta sea! (Napping Jokes)
  19. What kind of candy would a drowning person like to have?… A life saver! (Oceans Jokes & Candy Jokes)
  20. What is the only way a cheap person will swim?… Freestyle.
  21. How do you row a canoe filled with puppies?… Bring out the doggy paddle. (Canoe Jokes & Dog Jokes)
  22. Why do outdoor swimming pools cost less than indoor swimming pools?… Because there’s less overhead.
  23. Swimming’s good for you… Especially if you’re drowning!
  24. I made some fish tacos last night… They just swam away and ignored them. (Fish Jokes & Swimming Jokes)
  25. I don’t understand why people are afraid to swim when there is lightning nearby… If lightning actually hit my pool I’d be totally shocked! (Rain Jokes)
  26. A hole has been discovered in the swimming pool changing rooms… The police are looking into it. (Police Jokes)
  27. What detergent do swimmers use to wash their bathing suits?… Tide!
  28. What kind of dive are infantry men best at?… Cannon-ball! (Civil War Jokes)
  29. I’ve finally managed to conquer my addiction to swimming… I’ve been dry for six months now.
  30. What should you do if you see a shark?… Swim away. (Shark Jokes)
  31. What was the weather like when the right angle went swimming?… It was 90 degrees. (Math Jokes for Kids)
  32. How do swimmers clean themselves?… They wash up on shore! (Ocean Jokes)
  33. Memorial Day 2020: Not a single person at those Memorial Day swim parties in Missouri was social distancing. They were packed in there, shoulder-to-shoulder, splashing around, making a… …second wave pool. (Covid Jokes & Swimming Jokes)
  34. Two fish are swimming in a lake. They run into a concrete wall that blocks their path. One fish turns to the other and says ‘Dam.’
  35. What race is never run?… A swimming race. (Summer Jokes for Kids)
  36. What do scuba divers wear to bed?… A snore-kel. (Napping Jokes)
  37. Where do zombies like to go swimming?… The Dead Sea (Ocean Jokes)
  38. What do you call a small pole that can swim?… A tadpole. (Frog Jokes)
  39. What do you call a swim team made up of girls named Jennifer?… Hydrogens! (Chemistry Jokes for Teachers)
  40. A book never written: “How to Swim” by I.M. Senkin. (Book Jokes & Canoe Jokes)
  41. Where do ghosts like to go swimming?… Lake Eerie. (Ghost Jokes & New York Jokes)
  42. What kind of stroke can you use on toast?… BUTTER-fly! (Butter Jokes)
  43. I watched hockey before it was cool… They basically were swimming. (Hockey Jokes)
  44. Where do race cars go swimming?…  In a car pool. (Car Jokes)
  45. What is a pencil’s favorite sport?… Diving (the pencil dive)! (Pencil Jokes)
  46. How do pirates measure the distance they swim?… In YARRRRRds. (Pirate Jokes)
  47. What did Cinderella wear when she went swimming in the ocean?… Glass flippers! (Cinderella Jokes & Ocean Jokes for Kids)
  48. Funny Swimming Pool Signs: “We don’t swim in your toilet, please don’t pee in our pool.”
  49. A new study shows sharks only bite those who swim in the ocean… Researchers advise not swimming there. (Shark Jokes & Ocean Jokes)
  50. Where do mummies swim?… In the Dead Sea.
  51. What stroke do sheep enjoy doing?… The baaaackstroke! (Sheep Jokes)
  52. What do you call someone who refuses to accept that they’re swimming in an African river?… In de Nile. (Psychology Jokes & World Geography Jokes)
  53. Why did a person keep doing the backstroke?… He  just had lunch and didn’t want to swim on a full stomach.
  54. I am very good at swimming…some might even say I am eFISHient at it. (Fishing)
  55. A book never written: “How to Get Wet” by Tip D. Canoe. (Book Jokes & Canoe Jokes)
  56. A book never written: “How to Swim” by Flo Tees. (Book Jokes & Canoe Jokes)
  57. Did you hear about the baby swimmer?… He could only do the crawl. (Baby Jokes)
  58. I was just taking a dip in the swimming pool when the lifeguard shouted out. “What have you got there?” “Hummus,” I replied.
  59. Definition Carpool: Where automobiles go for a dip. (Grammar Jokes)
  60. Did you hear about the slow swimmer?… He could only do the crawl.
  61. Where does Winnie-The-Pooh like to swim the most?… In his honey pot! (Winnie the Pooh Jokes & Honey Jokes)
  62. Why did the vegetarians stop swimming?… They didn’t like meets!
  63. Why did the fish swim across the Atlantic?… To get to the other tide. (Ocean Jokes)
  64. Why did the New England teacher go for a swim at the Polar Plunge on New Year’s Day?… He wanted to test the water and also give the 1st test of the year! (Jokes for Teachers)
  65. There are 3 boys, named Stupid, Nothing, and Nobody. The boys go down to the river, and Nobody falls in the water, he can’t swim, so Nothing tells Stupid to call for help. Stupid calls 911 and says… “Hello, I’m Stupid, I’m calling for Nothing, Nobody fell in the water.” (Police Jokes)
  66. What did the ocean say to the beach?… Nothing. It just waved. (Ocean Jokes)
  67. Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?… It wanted to become a watermelon. (Watermelon Jokes)
  68. Why did the swimmers put peanut butter into the sea?… To go with the jellyfish! (Ocean Jokes & Swimming Jokes)
  69. Where does Winnie-The-Pooh like to swim the most?… In his honey pot!
  70. How do Penguins finish a race?… They pengwin.
  71. Where do fish keep their money?… In river-banks!
  72. What word looks the same backwards and upside down?… Swims. (Letter of the Week & Grammar Jokes)
  73. Why wasn’t the woman afraid when she saw a shark while she was swimming in the water?… Because it was a man-eating shark! (Shark Jokes)
  74. A fish swims into a wall… Dam.
  75. “The car won’t start,” said a wife to her husband. ‟I think there’s water in the carburetor.” ‟How do you know?” said the husband scornfully. ‟You do not even know what the carburetor is.” ‟I am telling you,” repeated the wife, ‟I’m sure there’s water in the carburetor.” ‟We’ll see,” mocked the husband. ‟Let me check it out. Where’s the car?” ‟In the swimming pool.”
  76. What is the best exercise for swimmers?… Pool-ups!
  77. I went fishing on the weekend and there was this man splashing about in the middle of the lake shouting, “I can’t swim! I can’t swim!” “It’s alright, mate,” I shouted, pointing at a nearby sign, “It says no swimming anyway.”
  78. What’s a penguin’s favorite place to swim?… The South Pool.
  79. What do a dentist and a swim coach have in common?… They both use drills! (Dentist Jokes)
  80. What did the tree wear to the pool party?… Swimming trunks! (Summer Jokes for Kids & Tree Jokes)
  81. Why do volleyball players like to go swimming?… They enjoy diving in the deep and floating in the shallow. (Volleyball Jokes)
  82. Did you hear about this year’s newest fad diet coming out of New York and New Jersey?… The swim-fast diet.
  83. A sole and a flounder are swimming in the ocean when they bump into each other. The sole says, “A flounder!” The flounder, to be polite, says nothing.
  84. Two cats called ‘1,2,3’ & ‘un,deux,trois’ had a swimming race across the channel. 1,2,3 cat won because un, deux, trois cat sank!
  85. What kind of swimmer makes a good gardener?… One with great seed times! (Flower Jokes)
  86. Two reasons why I don’t let my girlfriend go into my swimming pool 1. I don’t have a swimming pool. 2. I don’t have a girlfriend.
  87. Swimming in the swimming pool Is where I like to “B” Wearing underwater goggles So that I can “C” Yesterday, before I swam I took a cup of “T” Now the swimming pool had become a swimming ool Because I took a “P”
  88. Why did the teacher jump into the water?… She wanted to test it! (Jokes for Teachers)
  89. Teacher: “What’s your hobby.” Student: “Knitting and swimming.”Teacher: “But doesn’t the wool get soggy?”
  90. Why did the elephants get kicked out of the pool?… Because their trunks kept falling down! (Elephant Jokes)
  91. A lemon and an orange were on a high diving board. The orange jumped off. Why didn’t the lemon?… Because it was yellow. (Diving)
  92. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about swimming?
  93. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good swimming knock-knock joke?
  94. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good swimming knock knock jokes? (June Jokes Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  95. Why were the swimming elephants thrown out of the Olympics?… Because they couldn’t keep their trunks up! (Elephant Jokes & Summer Olympic Jokes)
  96. A hipster drowned yesterday… He went ice skateboarding before it was cool. (Skateboarding Jokes)
  97. Why do dolphins only swim in salt water?… Because pepper makes them sneeze! (Dolphin Jokes)
  98. Why did the fish swim across the Pacific?… To get to the other tide. (Ocean Jokes)
  99. Why did the swimmer go back in time?… Because he was doing the backstroke! (Daylight Savings Jokes)
  100. How do you call a father in a swimming pool?… Dad in the water. (Dad Jokes)
  101. Why did the girl have problems swimming?… She didn’t have boy-ancy!
  102. In which direction does a chicken swim?… Cluck-wise! (Daylight Savings Jokes)
  103. What is a polar bear’s favorite stroke?… Blubber-fly! (Animal Jokes)
  104. Why did the spider take swimming lessons?… He wanted to surf the Web. (Spider Jokes / Spiderman Jokes / Computer Jokes / Surfing Jokes / (Swimming Jokes)
  105. What do you call goat swimming really fast in a lake?… A motor goat.
  106. What do electric eels like to swim in?… Fresh Watter.
  107. What did the pine trees wear to the lake?… Swimming trunks! (Camping Jokes for Kids)
  108. What did the Christmas trees wear to the lake?… Swimming trunks! (Camping Jokes for Kids)
  109. Why can male elephants swim any time they want?… Because they always have their trunks on them.
  110. What detergent do swimmers use to wash their wet suit?… Tide! (Ocean Jokes)
  111. You might be an Alaskan if… You learned to swim indoors. (Alaska Jokes)
  112. How do people swimming in the ocean say HI to each other?… They Wave! (Ocean Jokes)
  113. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Arya…Arya, who?… Arya ready to go swimming?
  114. Why won’t they allow elephants in public swimming pools?… Because they might let down their trunks. (Elephant Jokes)
  115. Why should you never swim on a full stomach?… Because it’s easier to swim in water!
  116. Why do taco fish swim in salt water?… Cause pepper water is too spicy! (Taco Jokes)
  117. Why couldn’t the two elephants go swimming together?… They only had a pair of trunks. (Elephant Jokes)
  118. Why do sharks swim in salt water?… Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
  119. Why shouldn’t you listen to people who have just come out of the swimming pool? … Because they are all wet.
  120. I saw a sheep driving a car in a swim suit… It was a Lambikini
  121. How do you know if your swimming pool needs cleaning?… Kids still pee in your pool, but they refuse to get in it first.
  122. Why did the partially-sighted kid go to the public swimming pool?… He wanted adult supervision.
  123. I learned swimming the same way I learned Chemical Engineering… Online.
  124. What did the fish yell as it collided with a wall mid-swim?… DAMN!
  125. An Englishman named “One-two-three” and a Frenchman named “Un-deux-trios” challenged each other to see whose cat could swim across the Channel first… After a grueling competition, One-two-three won after Un-deux-trois quatre cinq.
  126. Two fish are swimming in a lake. They run into a concrete wall that blocks their path. One fish turns to the other and says ‘Dam’.
  127. Student: Sir, can I ask a question Teacher: Yes! Student: How do you put an elephant inside a fridge? Teacher: I don’t know. Student: it’s easy. You just open the fridge and put it in. I have another question! Teacher: Okay ask! Student: How to put a donkey inside the fridge? Teacher: It’s easy you just open the fridge and put it in. Student: No, sir! You just open the fridge to take out the elephant and then put the donkey in. Teacher: Ohhh.. Ok! Student: Let me ask another one. If all the animals went to the lion’s birthday party, and one animal went missing, which one would it be? Teacher: The Lion of course! Because it would eat all the animals. Student: No sir, it is the donkey because it’s still inside the fridge. Teacher: Are you kidding me?! Student: No sir! One last question. Teacher: OK!! Student: If there’s a river known for deadly crocodiles and you want to cross, how would you? Teacher: There’s no way, I would need a boat to cross. Student: No sir, you just swim and cross it because all the animals went to the lion’s birthday party.
  128. Why did the teacher dive into the ocean, lake, river, or pool?… She wanted to test the water! (Swimming Jokes / Teacher Jokes / 180 School Jokes / Ocean Jokes)
  129. Why did the Maine teacher go for a swim at the Polar Plunge on New Year’s Day?… She wanted to test the water. (Jokes for Teachers)
  130. If you were swimming in the ocean and a big alligator attacked you, what should you do?… Nothing. There are no alligators in the ocean. (Ocean Jokes)
  131. Why can female elephants swim whenever they want?… They always have trunks with them! (Elephant Jokes)
  132. So, my swimming instructor asked me a question. “what’s your favorite stroke?” He asked me. Apparently “the one that killed Margaret Thatcher” wasn’t the right answer.
  133. What kind of fish can’t swim?… A dead one.
  134. Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool… I gave him a glass of water.
  135. Why do fish swim in water?… Because their leg does not reach the bottom.
  136. What did one taco chip say to the other?… Let’s go for a dip.
  137. What do you call a person drowning in mayonnaise on May 5th?… Sinko De Mayo.