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  1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best cemetery jokes.
  2. What do you get in a 5-star pyramid?… A tomb with a view. (Archaeology Jokes)
  3. A Drill Sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said: “I guess when I die you’ll come and dance on my grave.” The cadet replied: “Not me, Sarge…no sir! “I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I’d never stand in another line.” (Veterans Day Jokes)
  4. When a knight in armor was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave?… Rust in peace! (Knight Jokes & Cemetery Jokes)
  5. Do mummies enjoy being mummies?… Of corpse! (Cemetery Jokes & Mummy Jokes)
  6. A grandfather from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final requests. He told her rabbi he had two final requests. First, he wanted to be cremated, and second, he wanted her ashes scattered over Yankee Stadium. “Yankee Stadium!” the rabbi exclaimed. “Why Yankee Stadium?” “Then I’ll be sure my son visits me once a week.” (Baseball Jokes & New York Jokes)
  7. I Went To a Cemetery Today With my grandparents. I have been before, and there are such beautiful flowers planted and some pretty hiking trails that go behind the cemetery. I was telling my grandparents about it, and my grandmother said in the most excited tone “I’m just dying to get in there!” (Grandparent Jokes)
  8. Three things I want to do before I die: #1 Swim next to a Great White Shark…. (Shark Jokes)
  9. What do you call it when a tornado interrupts your burial?… Plot twist.
  10. My grandpa’s so cheap, when he dies, he’ll probably walk towards the light and turn it off.
  11. I’ll never forget my granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?””
  12. “Every time I go to a wedding, my grandma pokes me and says, “You’re next”. So, every time I go to a funeral with her, I poke her and say the same.”  (Wedding Jokes & Cemetery Jokes)
  13. On her death bed, the last words that my grandma told my grandpa was, “Honey, I’ll see you in heaven!” Since then, he’s been kicking puppies and robbing stores every day.
  14. My grandparents passed away 36 times… Every time I change jobs all four of them come alive again.
  15. What would a lawnmower grandfather’s eulogy be like?… Now he’s lawn-gone.
  16. My Grandparents passed away together last night. He went peacefully in his sleep, but she was apparently distraught before dying, screaming and crying hysterically I guess we really should’ve taken away his license.
  17. What did the authorities do when Barbie’s boyfriend was involved in a serious car accident?… They contacted his next of Ken. (Car Jokes & Cemetery Jokes)
  18. What did the newspaper print when Barbie died of a drug overdose?… A barbituary.
  19. Smoking will kill you… Bacon will kill you… But, smoking bacon will cure it. (Doctor Jokes & Cemetery Jokes)
  20. Two chemists go into a restaurant. The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.” The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too” — and he died. (Chemistry Jokes)
  21. March Madness 2022: An Angel Came to Coach Calipari: Coach I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is when it is all said and done, despite a few NCAA violations, you are going to heaven. The bad news is you will have to face St. Peter again.
  22. How much does a dead elephant weigh?… A skeleton. (Skeleton Jokes & Cemetery Jokes)
  23. How do you cremate someone who died on Pi Day?… You burn them on their funeral pi res.
  24. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Pi… Pi who?… Pi-rate mathematicians never die, they just go off on a tangent. (Pirate Jokes for Kids & Cemetery Jokes)
  25. I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light-hearted… The fifth one was dead Sirius. (Harry Potter Jokes & Cemetery Jokes)
  26. Bruce Willis has been cast to play the lead role in the upcoming Lord of the Rings sequel… Old Hobbits Die Hard. (Movie Jokes & 101 Lord of the Rings Jokes)
  27. My parents had me late in life so I never met any of my grandparents. No body was surprised about this… It was a four gone conclusion.(Grandparent Jokes)
  28. What would a lawnmower grandfather’s epitaph be like?… ‘Now he’s lawn-gone’. (Grandparent Jokes)
  29. I’m 12 feet taller than my grandparents… I’m 6 feet tall and they’re 6 feet under. (Grandparent Jokes)
  30. Why couldn’t the dentist’s family find the spot where he was buried?… Because there was no plaque on it. (Dentist Jokes)
  31. Epitaph on a gravestone in Stowe, Vermont: “I was somebody. Who, is no business of yours.” (Vermont Jokes)
  32. It is Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup, and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible. But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, a relative or even a neighbor to take the seat? The man shook his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.” (Hockey Jokes & Cemetery Jokes)
  33. Why was the ghost so tired?… He worked the graveyard shift. (Ghost Jokes & Cemetery Jokes)
  34. Basketball stars don’t pass away – they just crossover. (World’s Best Basketball Jokes)
  35. My wife who was a dentist passed away… I’ve loved and I’ve flossed. (Marriage Jokes & Cemetery Jokes)
  36. A lumberjack went into a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree. It shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!” The lumberjack smiled, “and you will dialogue.” (Smile Jokes & Tree Jokes)
  37. What do you call a dead pine tree?… A nevergreen. (Tree Jokes)
  38. If trees could kill you… They wood. (Police Jokes)
  39. Did you know that I can cut down a dead tree just by looking at it?… It’s true. I saw it with my own eyes. (Tree Jokes)
  40. I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life. (Watermelon Jokes)
  41. Did y’all hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way, but his legacy will become a pizza history. I’m sending olive my thoughts and prayers to his family. How sad that he ran out of thyme, here today gone tomato, we cannoli do so much. I never sausage a tragedy. (Pasta Jokes)
  42. You think Harry Potter is better than Lord of the Rings… Tolkien must be Rowling in his grave… (Book Jokes & Harry Potter Jokes)
  43. Why did Snape hate herbology?… Because his lily died. (Flower Jokes & Cemetery Jokes)
  44. Why doesn’t Snape teach herbology?… Because his lily died. (Flower Jokes & Cemetery Jokes)
  45. Harry Potter Pick-up line: Did you survive the Avada Kedavra curse?… Because you’re drop dead gorgeous.
  46. Ron lives a long, happy life and then dies. What does he reincarnate as?… A neuron. (Cemetery Jokes
  47. & Chemistry Jokes)
  48. What were Pheidippides (the marathon soldier) last words?… My feet are killing me! (Marathon Jokes)
  49. How do you memorialize the death of a planet?… You write an orbituary. (Memorial Day Jokes & Cemetery Jokes)
  50. How did Frodo Baggins know when his neighbor had died?… He read it in the Hobbituary. (Lord of the Rings Jokes)
  51. When Jason Voorhees tells a joke…. it kills! (Friday the 13th Jokes)
  52. I knew someone who died in a skydiving accident. Their funeral wreath was in the shape of a parachute… After all, that’s what they would’ve wanted. (Christmas Wreath Jokes)
  53. My friend drowned, so at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a life jacket… It’s what he would have wanted. (Christmas Wreath Jokes)
  54. Bruce Willis has been cast to play the lead role in the upcoming Lord of the Rings sequel… Old Hobbits Die Hard. (Movie Jokes & Cemetery Jokes)
  55. I saw a hearse today carrying a wreath that spelled “Dad”… I think they left the “E” out… (Dad Jokes & Cemetery Jokes)
  56. What do you call death by a massive pumpkin falling on your head?… gourd to death. (Pumpkin Jokes)
  57. Two golfers are ready to play on the 11th tee as a funeral cortege passes by. The first player stops, doffs his cap, and bows his head as the cortege passes. “That was a really nice thing to do,” the second golfer says. “It’s good to see there is still some respect in the world.” “Well, it’s only right,” the first golfer replies. “I was married to her for 35 years.” (Golf Jokes & Marriage Jokes)
  58. Knock knock… Who is there?… Norma Lee… Norma Lee, who?… Normally, I won’t ask this, but witches the way to the haunted cemetery? (Friday the 13th Jokes)
  59. My pet turtle died. I’m not upset… just shell-shocked.
  60. What happens to a turtle when it dies?… It goes into riga-tortoise.
  61. Where do ghosts play volleyball?… On a volleyball corpse! (Cemetery Jokes & Ghost Jokes)
  62. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about astronomy?
  63. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good astronomy knock-knock joke?
  64. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good astronomy knock knock jokes? (June Jokes Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  65. How did Bilbo Baggins know when his neighbor had died?… He read it in the Hobbituary.
  66. What do you call a death that is caused by an earthquake?… Death by Default. (Cemetery Jokes)
  67. What do you call it when there’s an earthquake at a cemetery?… A maraca band. (Cemetery Jokes)
  68. During an earthquake, coffins double in function as human maracas. (Cemetery Jokes)
  69. Son: How many people are buried in that cemetery? Dad: All of them. (Dad Jokes)
  70. Son, do you know we have one of the most popular cemeteries in America?… People are dying to get in there! – Dad (Dad Jokes)
  71. Which sharks do you find in heaven?… Angel sharks. (Shark Jokes)
  72. My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands… and two of them were just napping. (Cemetery Jokes & Napping Jokes)
  73. I would like to see a Great White shark before I die… But not right before I die. (Shark Jokes)
  74. Do you know why there is have one of the most popular cemeteries in America?… People are dying to get in there! – Dad
  75. My grandpa’s last wish was that when he died, we convert his ashes into a diamond…. That’s a lot of pressure.
  76. A small boy was staring at the names on the wall of an old church Long when the pastor noticed him. “What are you looking at?” asked the clergyman. “All those names. Who are they?” the boy asked. The pastor nodded, and said, “They are the reason we have Memorial Day. They are those who died in the service.” The little boy considered that, then asked quietly, “The 9 o’clock service or the 11 o’clock?” (Memorial Day Jokes)
  77. When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18, and I could just have his motorcycle. (High School Graduation Jokes)
  78. A man dies at the Arizona, Colorado, New Mexico, and Utah border… He had to have four coroners. (Cemetery Jokes & Top 10 Jokes for each state)
  79. If you time travel to visit Julius Caesar. He thinks you are from the future. He asks you, “How do I die?”… You reply with: “Surrounded by friends.” (Ides of March Jokes)
  80. What do you say when someone dies between February 19 and March 20?… Rest in Pisces. (February Jokes & March Jokes)
  81. I was a turtle in my past life… It’s slowly coming back to me. (Turtle Jokes)
  82. My uncle died from a turtle stampede… It was a slow death. (Turtle Jokes)
  83. A man is attending the Super Bowl, when he notices an empty seat. Thinking this to be strange, the man asks the person sitting next to the empty seat if he knows who sits there. The guy replies: Well, I bought two tickets for my wife and I a long time ago, but she passed away. So the man asks: Couldn’t you have brought someone else? “They’re all at the funeral.” (Super Bowl Jokes)
  84. Two men are walking through a graveyard with their dogs. One man turns to the other and says ‘Morning’ The other man replies ‘No, just walking the dog.” (Walking Jokes for Kids)
  85. Today I went to visit my dead grandparents but I accidentally visited the wrong tomb… It was a grave mistake. (Grandparent Jokes)
  86. Where is the cemetery?… It’s in the dead center of town!
  87. Why is that cemetery so popular?… People have always been dying to get in!
  88. Being president is like running a cemetery: You’ve got a lot of people under you, and nobody’s listening. Bill Clinton (Election Jokes)
  89. If your great-grandmother saw you making boxed mashed potatoes … she would turn over in her gravy. (Grandparent Jokes Farming Jokes / Cemetery Jokes)
  90. What do you call a skeleton that lies on its grave?… Lazy bones! (Biology Jokes for Kids & Halloween Jokes for Kids)
  91. Why couldn’t the skeleton get into the cemetery?… He had no body to go with! (Halloween Jokes for Kids)
  92. A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”  “No, ma’am. They’re dead.” (Thanksgiving Jokes & Cemetery Jokes)
  93. What do modern day Native Americans call a pilgrim?… Pil-grim Reaper. (Pilgrim Jokes & Halloween Jokes)
  94. What does a cemetery have a fence?… To keep the people out because they are dying to get in.
  95. Wow the cemetery is huge. How many people are dead in there?… All of them!
  96. What do zombies eat with their Christmas dinner?… Grave-y. (Christmas Jokes)
  97. Old judo players never die, they just flip out. (Judo Jokes)
  98. The heart shaped wreath at the funeral of a a cardiologist… makes one wonder for the funeral of a gynecologist. (Cemetery Jokes)
  99. The heart shaped wreath at the funeral of a a cardiologist… makes one wonder for the funeral of a proctologist. (Cemetery Jokes)
  100. The ninja turtles and master splinter were found dead in their lair… The police ruled the deaths as sewer-cides.
  101. Where do grave diggers get their coffee?… At the burial grounds! (Coffee Jokes for Kids)
  102. Did you hear about the guy who wrote cemetery jokes?… He was sentenced to death!
  103. Why do people hate driving in a cemetery?… The roads are all dead ends!
  104. What time does a gave digger like to work?… The graveyard shift!
  105. Did you know the cemetery is the most popular place in town?… People are dying to get in!
  106. I was at a restaurant last night and I asked the waiter, “How do you prepare the lobster?” He said, “We just tell him the truth, man. This is the end of the line. (Lobster Jokes)
  107. I’ll be bringing my Cinco de Mayo leftovers to work tomorrow… Looks like it’ll be tacos de reincarne for lunch!
  108. Donald Trump goes to a fortune teller and asks, “When am I going to die?” The fortune teller replies, “You will die on a major Mexican holiday.” Trump asks: “Which Mexican holiday? Cinco de Mayo? Dia de los muertos?” The fortune teller replies, “ANY day you die, Donald, will be a major Mexican holiday!” (Election Jokes & Cemetery Jokes)