Vermont Jokes

by | Mar 2, 2020 | Latest News, School Jokes | 0 comments

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  1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Vermont jokes.
  2. Tourist: “Hey, buddy! Does this road go to Montpelier?” Vermont Native: “Nope. Stays right here.” Tourist: “No, I mean can I take this road to Montpelier?” Vermont Native: “Don’t think you can get it in your car.” Tourist: “Well, if I drive down this road, will I get to Montpelier?” Vermont Native: “Don’t know how good a driver you are.” Tourist: “You don’t know anything, do you?” Vermont Native: “I know I ain’t lost.” Tourist: “There’s not much between you and an idiot, is there?” Vermont Native: “Just this yard and that fence.”
  3. A tourist wants to take a shortcut across a field, but is worried by the bull he sees grazing in the middle of it. So he asks the nearby farmer, “Say, is that bull safe?” The Vermonter says, “Sure, he’s safe”. So the tourist jumps the fence and starts across the pasture. The Vermonter continues, “Can’t say the same ’bout you, though.”
  4. In Vermont, the seasons are: “Almost winter,” “winter,” “still winter,” and “road construction.”
  5. Tourist: “Excuse me sir, Have you lived here all your life?” Vermont Resident: “Not Yet!”
  6. Epitaph on a gravestone in Stowe, Vermont: “I was somebody. Who, is no business of yours.” Epitaph on a gravestone in Stowe, Vermont: “I was somebody. Who, is no business of yours.” (Cemetery Jokes)
  7. How many Vermonters does it take to change a light bulb?… 101; One to change it, and 100 to hold a rally on Church Street complaining about light pollution. (Earth Day Jokes)
  8. Guy walks into a general store in Vermont and sees bags of salt on all the counters. More bags on the shelves. Bags stacked on the floor. He looks at the owner and says, “Wow, you must sell a lot of salt!” The owner says, “Nope, can’t say as I do… Had a guy in last week, though: Now there was a man who could sell salt!”
  9. The Patriots aren’t going to the Super Bowl this year… I’m deflated. (Super Bowl Jokes)
  10. How many Vermonters does it take to change a light bulb?… Three: one to change it and two to talk about how much better the old one was.
  11. What does the pope put on his pancakes?… Papal syrup. (Pancake Jokes)
  12. What do groundhogs put on pancakes?… Hog cabin syrup. (Ground Hog Day Jokes & Vermont Jokes)
  14. Can you name the capital of Vermont?… “V”
  15. Why did the Vermont teacher jump into the lake?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
  16. Why do folks from Vermont go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?… 17 and under are not admitted.
  17. Why did the Vermont teacher jump into the pool?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
  18. What did Lake Champlain say to the shore?… Nothing, it waved.  (15 Best Lakes in Vermont)
  19. What is the tallest building in Vermont ?… Waterbury Public Library of course, it has the most stories! (Library Jokes)
  20. What goes hundreds of miles and never moves?… The Turnpike!
  21. Where do a fish keep their money?… In the riverbanks of the Otter Creek River. (Ten Longest Rivers in Vermont)
  22. What has a mouth but can’t eat?… The Winooski River!
  23. What runs but never goes out of breath?… The . Lamoille River! (Geography Jokes for Kids & Ten Longest Rivers in Vermont)
  24. If a plane crashed on the borders of Vermont and New Hampshire where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Geography Jokes for Kids)
  25. Teacher: Where were you born? Student: Vermont. Teacher: Which part? Student: What do you mean, ‘which part’? My whole body was born in Vermont! (Teacher Jokes)
  26. Where do Vermont elementary school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (Elementary School Jokes)
  27. What separates a good hockey team from a great hockey team?… The New Hampshire-Vermont border.
  28. Where do Vermont middle school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (Middle School Jokes)
  29. Where do [state] high school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (High School Jokes)
  30. Why do Vermont students have such beautiful noses?… They’re hand picked.
  31. Why do Vermont students have TGIF on their shoes?… Toes Go In First!
  32. How did the Vermont grad die from drinking milk?… The cow fell on him! 
  33. What’s the one thing that keeps Vermont students from graduating?… Going to Class.
  34. Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Vermont library?… Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
  35. Why did the Vermont football team cross the road?…: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
  36. What separates a good team from a great team?… The Vermont-New Hampshire border.
  37. What does the average University of Vermont student get on his SAT?… Drool.
  38. How many University of Wyoming freshman does it take to change a light bulb?… None, it’s a sophomore course.
  39. What does a University of Vermont fan do when his team has won the Final Four?… He turns off the PlayStation. 
  40. What’s the difference between a Vermont football player and a dollar?… You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
  41. Did you hear that Vermont’s football team doesn’t have a website?… They can’t string three “Ws” together.
  42. Did you hear the joke about Mountain?… You won’t get over it. (Hiking Jokes)
  43. Tourist: “Nice little town — so old and quaint. Must be a lot of odd characters around here, though, right?” Vermont Resident: “Oh yes, quite a few. You see ’em around. But they’re mostly gone after Labor Day.” (Labor Day Jokes)
  44. Why is “The Wave” banned in Gutterson Fieldhouse?… Two Catamounts fans drowned last year.
  45. Why did the Vermont regents decide to cover Gutterson Fieldhouse in cardboard?… Because the Catamounts always look better on paper.
  46. What’s the best thing to come out of Rutland?… Route 7
  47. Why did the Vermont teacher jump into the ocean?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Ocean Jokes)
  48. Why did the Vermont teacher jump into the river?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
  49. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about State?
  50. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good State knock-knock joke?
  51. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good State knock knock jokes? (June Jokes & Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  52. Why should you never buy golf equipment made in Vermont?… Because Vermont drivers are terrible. (Golf Jokes & Car Jokes)
  53. I have the heart of a lion… And a lifetime ban from the Echo Leahy Center. (Zoo Jokes)
  54. How do the zebras at the Echo Leahy Center play baseball?… Three stripes and you’re out! (Baseball Jokes)
  55. What do you call a dishonest cat at the Echo Leahy Center?… Lion. (Zoo Jokes)
  56. Why won’t any of Vermont’s bicycles stand up by themselves?… They are two tired. (Bike Jokes)
  57. In what state does the Otter Creek River flow?… Liquid. (Vermont Rivers)
  58. What is a Vermont mountain’s favorite type of candy?… Snow caps. (Hiking Jokes & Candy Jokes)
  59. Over the summer, Vermonet is expected to break the hottest temperatures ever recorded in its entire history, some places as hot as 105°F… NOT cool. (Summer Jokes & Heat Wave Jokes)
  60. Speaking of driving… Vermont roads are adventurous because no one knows how to drive.
  61. Over the winter, Vermont is expected to break the coldest temperatures ever recorded in its entire history, some places as hot as -50°F… NOT cool.. FREEZING. (Winter Jokes)
  62. Why is a Winooski River rich? …. Because it has two banks. (10 Longest Vermont Rivers)
  63. What did Vermont see?… The same thing Arkansas. (Top 50 State Jokes)
  64. In the news, Vermont had it’s first remote trial via zoom… It looks like things will be settled out of court. (Lawyer Jokes)
  65. A Vermont man was arrested for stealing a truck filled with $56,000 worth of Campbell’s soup…. I, for one, hope this guy goes away for ‘Mmm, mmm, good!’
  66. Why can’t Mount Mansfield and Killington Peak play hide and seek?… Because they like to peak. (Ghost Jokes)
  67. How many Vermont men do you need before you can make change for a dollar?… You can’t. Nobody in Florida has any cents.
  68. Did you guys hear about that girl they found murdered in Vermont?… They found her covered in milk with cheerios still in her mouth… They think it was a cereal killer. (Cereal Jokes)
  69. What is a Vermont cloud’s favorite drink?… Mountain Dew. (Hiking Jokes & Skiing Jokes)
  70. A retired Vermont man was jailed for refusing to nap… …he was resisting a rest. (Napping Jokes)
  71. What does the average Vermont high school student get on his SAT?… Drool. (College Jokes)
  72. Why do Vermont students have TGIF on their shoes?… Toes Go In First!
  73. No, really. I’ve been holding my breath for someone in Vermont to use their turn signal and I haven’t breathed since 2005. (Car Jokes)
  74. Vermont: America hates us because America ain’t us.
  75. Vermont: We’re not sure who is dumber – the politicians or the voters. (Election Jokes)
  76. How do you get a man in Vermont to do sit-ups?… Put the remote control between his toes.
  77. Nightmares in other states are just visions of what’s really going on in Vermont.
  78. How many University of Vermont freshman does it take to change a light bulb?… None, it’s a sophomore course.
  79. Vermont: If You Don’t Ski, Don’t Bother! (Skiing Jokes)
  80. Tourist: “Nice little town — so old and quaint. Must be a lot of odd characters around here, though, right?” Vermont Resident: “Oh yes, quite a few. You see ’em around. But they’re mostly gone after Labor Day.” (Labor Day Jokes & Travel Blogs)
  81. No, really. I’ve been holding my breath for someone in Vermont to use their turn signal… I haven’t breathed since 2005. (Car Jokes)
  82. Tourist: “Lived in this town all your life?” Vermont Resident: “No, not yet.”
  83. Divorced couples in Vermont are having trouble deciding who gets the Marijuana… The judges have started issuing joint custody. (Divorce Jokes)
  84. Yes, marijuana is legal in Vermont… now leaf the jokes alone.
  85. How do you get a man in Colorado to do sit-ups?… Put the remote control between his toes.
  86. Nightmares in other states are just visions of what’s really going on in Colorado.
  87. Colorado: We’re not sure who is dumber – the politicians or the voters. (Election Jokes)
  88. The only difference between Florida and an oven is that an oven doesn’t produce serial killers.
  89. I went to Florida yesterday and a cop asked me if I have a criminal record… I said “No, is that still required?”
  90. What does the average Florida State University student get on his SAT?… Drool.
  91. I’m absolutely disgusted with the state my life is in right now Florida. I live in Florida
  92. A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a good Alabama joke. The bartender says, “Before you tell it, you should know that I am 6-2 and weigh 225 and I’m from Alabama. See that guy at the end of the bar? He’s 6-4 and weighs 250 and he’s from Alabama, too. And see the guy at the other end of the bar? He’s 6-6 and weighs 280 and he’s from Alabama,too! Now, do you still want to tell your Alabama joke?” The guy says, “Nah.” To which the bartender smiles and says, “What’s the matter? Are ya chicken?” The guy says, “Nah. I just don’t want to have to explain it three times.”
  93. An Alabaman came home and found his house on fire, rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, “Hurry on over here. My house is on fire!” “OK,” replied the fireman, “how do we get there?” “Say, don’t you still have them big red trucks?”
  94. A tourist was walking around a Denver suburb and asked the shop owner, “What is the name of this town?” “Boulder,” he told me. So I stuck out my chest and shouted, “WHAT IS THE NAME OF THIS TOWN?!”
  95. State has TWO capitals. Can you name them?… “N” and “D”
  96. Whats the difference between Alabama and cheerios?… Nothing. They both belong in a bowl.
  97. What did Lake say to the shore?… Nothing, it waved. (15 Best Lakes in South Carolina)
  98. What is the tallest building in?… Public Library of course, it has the most stories! (Library Jokes)
  99. What goes hundreds of miles and never moves?… The Turnpike!
  100. Where do a fish keep their money?… In the riverbanks of the . (Ten Longest Rivers in North Dakota)
  101. What has a mouth but can’t eat?… The River!
  102. What runs but never goes out of breath?… The River! (Geography Jokes for Kids)
  103. If a plane crashed on the borders of where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Geography Jokes for Kids)
  104. Teacher: Where were you born? Student: North Dakota. Teacher: Which part? Student: What do you mean, ‘which part’? My whole body was born in ! (Teacher Jokes)
  105. Did you hear the joke about Mountain?… You won’t get over it. (Hiking Jokes)
  106. Montana, where the elevation is usually a bigger number than the town’s population. (Hiking Jokes)
  107. A couple in Montana had a baby… Now their population is 17! (Baby Jokes)
  108. A cowboy and his blind horse: A man is casually crossing the Montana plains when his horse died all of the sudden. The nearest town was three days walk. So, he started to walk. 3 days later he ends up in this quiet ‘ol town but nobody had a horse for sale. So he commenced to walking to the closest town which was a two days journey. Unfortunately, nobody in that town had a horse for sale, however, he did come across this stable where the fellow runnin’ it mentioned his brother in a nearby Town had a horse for sale. He commenced to walk to this next town and 2 DAYS LATER found the guy’s brother. “I talked to your brother two days walk from here and he says you might have a horse to sell me.” “Yes I do have a horse for sale,” He replied, “But he don’t look so good.” “I don’t care. I’ll take him anyways. I’ve been walking for damn near a week now. I’m tired and I need a horse.” So he gets on the horse and the horse takes off and bumps into a tree and stops. “Heyyy, something’s wrong with this horse. I think he’s blind. YOU SOLD ME A BLIND HORSE MISTER!” “I told you Sir, THE HORSE DON’T LOOK SO GOOD!”
  109. Tourist: “Lived in this town all your life?” Resident: “No, not yet.”
  110. Tourist: “Nice little town — so old and quaint. Must be a lot of odd characters around here, though, right?” Resident: “Oh yes, quite a few. You see ’em around. But they’re mostly gone after Labor Day.” (Labor Day Jokes & Travel Blogs)
  111. Where do [state] elementary school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (Elementary School Jokes)
  112. Where do [state] middle school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (Middle School Jokes)
  113. Where do [state] high school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (High School Jokes)
  114. Why did the [state] teacher jump into the pool?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
  115. Why did the [state] teacher jump into the lake?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
  116. Why did the [state] teacher jump into the ocean?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Ocean Jokes)
  117. Why did the [state] teacher jump into the river?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
  118. What did [state] see?… the same thing Arkansas.
  119. What did the California flag say to the American flag?… Nothing. It waved!
  120. Hawaii is hosting a party for all the states. Hawaii says, “be there or be square!” Unfortunately, Colorado and Wyoming didn’t attend. (Wyoming Jokes & Colorado Jokes)
  1. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe spell? 
  2. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the colleges and universities? (Top U.S. Colleges)
  3. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the professional sports teams? 
  4. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the capital of ? (State Capitals)
  5. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the most populated city in ?  
  6. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the least populated city in ?  
  7. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the most highest mountain in ? (Hiking Jokes)  
  8. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the most longest river in ?  
  9. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the two senators from ? 
  10. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the governor of ?
  11. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the representatives from ?  
  12. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe visit ?  
  13. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe give me the name of a great restaurant ?   
  14. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the cost of living ?  
  15. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me some good lakes in? 
  16. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe take me to a game?
  17. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe take me to a game?  
  18. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe you tell me the cost of ? (Top U.S. Colleges)
  19. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the mascot? (College Mascots)
  20. Why is Alabama the smartest state in elementary school?… Because it has 4 A’s and 1 B! (Back to School Jokes)
  21. Why is Alabama the smartest state in middle school?… Because it has 4 A’s and 1 B! (Back to School Jokes)
  22. Why is Alabama the smartest state in high school?… Because it has 4 A’s and 1 B! (Back to School Jokes)
  23. Why is Alabama the smartest state in college?… Because it has 4 A’s and 1 B! (Back to School Jokes)
  24. Alabama has changed its drinking age to 28…. Lawmakers warrant this by saying it is meant to keep alcohol out of high school.
  25. What do a maggot and an Alabama fan have in common?… They can both live off of a dead bear for 20 years.
  26. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe spell Alabama? 
  27. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the colleges and universities in Alabama? (Top U.S. Colleges)
  28. If a plane crashed on the borders of Alabama and Georgia, where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Geography Jokes for Kids & Plane Jokes)
  29. If a plane crashed on the borders of Alabama and Mississippi, where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Geography Jokes for Kids & Plane Jokes)
  30. Where do Alabama middle school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (Middle School Jokes)
  31. Where do Alabama high school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (High School Jokes)
  32. Why did the Alabama teacher jump into the lake?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
  33. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name any professional sports teams in Alabama? 
  34. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the capital of Alabama? (State Capitals)
  35. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the most populated city in Alabama?  
  36. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the least populated city in Alabama?  
  37. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the highest mountain in Alabama? (Hiking Jokes)  
  38. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the longest river in Alabama?  
  39. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the two senators from Alabama? 
  40. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the governor of Alabama?
  41. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the representatives from Alabama?  
  42. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe visit Alabama?  
  43. Divorced couples in Alabama are having trouble deciding who gets the Marijuana… The judges have started issuing joint custody. (Divorce Jokes)
  44. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe give me the name of a great restaurant Alabama?   
  45. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the cost of living Alabama?  
  46. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me some good lakes in Alabama? 
  47. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe take me to an Alabama football game?
  48. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe take me to an Alabama basketball game?
  49. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe take me to an Alabama baseball game?
  50. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe you tell me the cost of the University of Alabama? (Top U.S. Colleges)
  51. How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Alabama?… If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.
  52. Why did Troy State disband its water polo team?… All the horses drowned.
  53. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the mascot? (College Mascots)
  54. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the mascot? (College Mascots)
  55. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the mascot? (College Mascots)
  56. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the mascot? (College Mascots)
  57. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the mascot? (College Mascots)
  58. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the mascot? (College Mascots)
  59. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the mascot? (College Mascots)
  60. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the mascot? (College Mascots)
  61. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the mascot? (College Mascots)
  62. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the mascot? (College Mascots)
  63. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the mascot? (College Mascots)
  64. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the mascot? (College Mascots)
  65. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the mascot? (College Mascots)
  66. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the mascot? (College Mascots)
  67. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the mascot? (College Mascots)
  68. What are the preferred pronouns in Alabama?… He/Haw.
  69. A 5th grader from Alabama and a 5th grader from New York City got into a fight. Who won?… The 5th grader from Alabama, because he’s 18 years old.
  70. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the mascot? (College Mascots)
  71. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the mascot? (College Mascots)
  72. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the mascot? (College Mascots)
  73. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the mascot? (College Mascots)
  74. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the mascot? (College Mascots)
  75. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the University of Alabama mascot? (College Mascots)
  76. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the Alabama A&M University mascot? (College Mascots)
  77. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the Air University mascot? (College Mascots)
  78. Hawaii is hosting a party for all the states. Hawaii says, “be there or be square!” Unfortunately, Colorado and Wyoming didn’t attend. (Hawaii Jokes & Colorado Jokes)
  79. A man dies at the Arizona, Colorado, New Mexico, and Utah border… He had to have four coroners. (Cemetery Jokes & Top 10 Jokes for Each State)
  80. What do you call the event between two cities that legalized marijuana?… The Super Bowl.