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Google Search “Vermont Jokes”

  1. The Patriots aren’t going to the Super Bowl this year… I’m deflated. (Super Bowl Jokes)
  2. Tourist: “Hey, buddy! Does this road go to Montpelier?” Vermont Native: “Nope. Stays right here.” Tourist: “No, I mean can I take this road to Montpelier?” Vermont Native: “Don’t think you can get it in your car.” Tourist: “Well, if I drive down this road, will I get to Montpelier?” Vermont Native: “Don’t know how good a driver you are.” Tourist: “You don’t know anything, do you?” Vermont Native: “I know I ain’t lost.” Tourist: “There’s not much between you and an idiot, is there?” Vermont Native: “Just this yard and that fence.”
  3. Tourist: “Excuse me sir, Have you lived here all your life?” Vermont Resident: “Not Yet!”
  4. A tourist wants to take a shortcut across a field, but is worried by the bull he sees grazing in the middle of it. So he asks the nearby farmer, “Say, is that bull safe?” The Vermonter says, “Sure, he’s safe”. So the flatlander jumps the fence and starts across the pasture. The Vermonter continues, “Can’t say the same ’bout you, though.”
  5. In Vermont, the seasons are: “Almost winter,” “winter,” “still winter,” and “road construction.”
  6. Epitaph on a gravestone in Stowe, Vermont: “I was somebody. Who, is no business of yours.”
  7. How many Vermonters does it take to change a light bulb?… 101; One to change it, and 100 to hold a rally on Church Street complaining about light pollution. (Earth Day Jokes)
  8. How many Vermonters does it take to change a light bulb?… Three: one to change it and two to talk about how much better the old one was.
  9. Guy walks into a general store in Vermont and sees bags of salt on all the counters. More bags on the shelves. Bags stacked on the floor. He looks at the owner and says, “Wow, you must sell a lot of salt!” The owner says, “Nope, can’t say as I do… Had a guy in last week, though: Now there was a man who could sell salt!”
  10. Can you name the capital of Vermont?… “V”
  11. Why did the Vermont teacher jump into the lake?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
  12. Why do folks from Vermont go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?… 17 and under are not admitted.
  13. Why did the Vermont teacher jump into the pool?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
  14. What did Lake Champlain say to the shore?… Nothing, it waved.  (15 Best Lakes in Vermont)
  15. What is the tallest building in Vermont ?… Waterbury Public Library of course, it has the most stories! (Library Jokes)
  16. What goes hundreds of miles and never moves?… The Turnpike!
  17. Where do a fish keep their money?… In the riverbanks of the Otter Creek River. (Ten Longest Rivers in Vermont)
  18. What has a mouth but can’t eat?… The Winooski River!
  19. What runs but never goes out of breath?… The . Lamoille River! (Geography Jokes for Kids & Ten Longest Rivers in Vermont)
  20. If a plane crashed on the borders of Vermont and New Hampshire where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Geography Jokes for Kids)
  21. Teacher: Where were you born? Student: Vermont. Teacher: Which part? Student: What do you mean, ‘which part’? My whole body was born in Vermont! (Teacher Jokes)
  22. Where do Vermont elementary school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (Elementary School Jokes)
  23. What separates a good hockey team from a great hockey team?… The New Hampshire-Vermont border.
  24. Where do Vermont middle school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (Middle School Jokes)
  25. Where do [state] high school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (High School Jokes)
  26. Why do Vermont students have such beautiful noses?… They’re hand picked.
  27. Why do Vermont students have TGIF on their shoes?… Toes Go In First!
  28. How did the Vermont grad die from drinking milk?… The cow fell on him! 
  29. What’s the one thing that keeps Vermont students from graduating?… Going to Class.
  30. Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Vermont library?… Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
  31. Why did the Vermont football team cross the road?…: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
  32. What separates a good team from a great team?… The Vermont-New Hampshire border.
  33. What does the average University of Vermont student get on his SAT?… Drool.
  34. How many University of Wyoming freshman does it take to change a light bulb?… None, it’s a sophomore course.
  35. What does a University of Vermont fan do when his team has won the Final Four?… He turns off the PlayStation. 
  36. What’s the difference between a Vermont football player and a dollar?… You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
  37. Did you hear that Vermont’s football team doesn’t have a website?… They can’t string three “Ws” together.
  38. Did you hear the joke about Mountain?… You won’t get over it. (Hiking Jokes)
  39. Tourist: “Nice little town — so old and quaint. Must be a lot of odd characters around here, though, right?” Vermont Resident: “Oh yes, quite a few. You see ’em around. But they’re mostly gone after Labor Day.” (Labor Day Jokes)
  40. Why is “The Wave” banned in Gutterson Fieldhouse?… Two Catamounts fans drowned last year.
  41. Why did the Vermont regents decide to cover Gutterson Fieldhouse in cardboard?… Because the Catamounts always look better on paper.
  42. What’s the best thing to come out of Rutland?… Route 7
  43. Why did the Vermont teacher jump into the ocean?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Ocean Jokes)
  44. Why did the Vermont teacher jump into the river?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)