Harry Potter Jokes for Kids

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Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Harry Potter jokes.
On a scale from one to ten, how obsessed with Harry Potter are you?… About nine and three quarters. (Math Jokes for Kids)
Voldemort: Why so sirius? Sirius Black: Why so nosy? (Biology Jokes for Kids)
Why was Harry Potter sent to the office?… Because he was cursing in class! (School Jokes / 180 School Jokes / Principal Jokes)
I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light-hearted… The fifth one was dead Sirius. (Book Jokes & Cemetery Jokes)
What’s the biggest problem in Hogwarts School?… Spelling errors.
Harry Potter movies should be rated R for the huge amount of cursing. (Movie Jokes)
Harry Potter Pun: Harry Potter puns can Slytherin to any conversation.
How does Harry Potter get rid of a rash?… With quit-itch. (Biology Jokes for Kids)
I’m trying to write a book about Platform 9 and 3/4… But I keep hitting a wall. (Book Jokes)
Do you think Daniel Radcliffe could ever play a hobbit?… No, but Elijah Would! (Lord of the Rings Jokes)
How does Harry Potter listen to music?… He puts on Sirius XM. (365 Music Jokes)
Why did Lord Voldemort watch the eclipse?… To practice the dark arts. (Solar Eclipse Jokes)
How does Voldemort enter a room?… He slithers in.
Why is studying at Hogwarts confusing?… Students aren’t sure witch-craft to choose.
Anyone else who had committed Voldemort’s crimes would have been riddled with guilt. (Police Jokes)
Why does Voldemort only use Twitter and not Facebook?… Cause he only has followers, not friends!
What would you call a reality show where Sirius Black adopted the Weasley children?… Orange Is the New Black.
How does Harry Potter end an argument?… He slams the Gryffindor!
What do you call a wizard that can turn himself into a golf club?… Harry Putter. (Golf Jokes)
How does Harry Potter enter a room?… Through the Gryffin-door.
Why is Mad-Eye Moody such a bad professor?… Because he can’t control his pupils. (Biology Jokes for Teachers)
Which Hogwarts student would help you learn how to play Quidditch?… I think Oliver Wood.
What’s the difference between Harry Potter and a spelling bee contestant?… One conjures spells and the other spells conjure. (Bee Jokes)
Professor McGonagall is a good teacher, but… she has a tendency to be catty. (Cat Jokes & Jokes for Teachers)
Where do Hogwarts students celebrate their wins?… Diagon Rallies.
Have you read the JK Rowling book about Mardi Gras?… It’s called “Fantastic Beads and Where To Find Them.” (Mardi Gras Jokes & Book Jokes)
You think Harry Potter is better than Lord of the Rings… Tolkien must be Rowling in his grave… (Book Jokes & Cemetery Jokes)
How do Hogwarts students go on field trips?… They take the albus. (Bus Jokes / Field Trip Jokes / Jokes for Teachers)
Why was Sirius banned from Hogwarts?… For black magic.
Ron lives a long, happy life and then dies. What does he reincarnate as?… A neuron. (Cemetery Jokes & Chemistry Jokes)
Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the Harry Potter characters? (Canoe Jokes & Book Jokes
Why can’t Harry Potter tell the difference between his potions pot and his best friend?… They’re both cauldron.
Roses are red, violets are blue… If you don’t like Harry Potter puns, something is Siriusly Ron with you. (Flower Jokes)
Why doesn’t Voldemort have glasses?… Nobody nose. (Biology Jokes for Kids)
Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the Harry Potter books in order? (Canoe Jokes & Book Jokes)
What do you call two Quidditch players who share a dorm?… Broom-mates. (College Jokes)
What do you call the entrance to a Harry Potter gym?… A dumbbell door. (Gymnastics Jokes)
Why did Ron ask Hagrid for an autograph?… Because he is a giant fan! (Hagrid Jokes)
How does Malfoy get in his bed?… He slithers in! (Napping Jokes)
Harry Potter Pick-up line: You must have been in Professor Flitwick’s class… because I’ve never met anyone more charming.
What mints does Hogwarts promote?… Enchant mints.
How do Death Eaters freshen their breath?… With Dementos. (Candy Jokes for Kids)
If a wizard gets robbed by a Muggle… has he been Muggled? (Police Jokes)
Why were the books so huge in Hogwarts?… Because spells come in all Snapes and sizes. (Book Jokes)
What is an octopus’s favorite Harry Potter game?… Squidditch. (Octopus Jokes)
What do you call a Potterhead on a horse?… Harry Trotter. (Horse Jokes)
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?… Walking. JK, rolling. (Walking Jokes & Hiking Jokes)
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?… They were past their hexpiration date!
Why did Neville always sit on two chairs?… Because he is a Longbottom.
Why was Harry Potter such a good computer programmer?… Because he spoke python. (Computer Jokes & Snake Jokes)
What did the comedian say to Harry Potter?… Why so Sirius?
What do you call a Slytherin in winter?… A Shiver-in. (Winter Jokes)
What did the man with a beard call his pottery shop?… Hairy Potter. (Beard Jokes)
What do you call a house-elf in a hotel?… A Dobby in a lobby. (Elf Jokes)
What’s a dementors theme song?… “You take my breath away.” (365 Music Jokes)
What’s the difference between a comma and Crookshanks?… Crookshanks has claws at the end of his paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause. (Grammar Jokes)
You don’t get my Harry Potter jokes?… There must be something RON with you.
Rubeus Hagrid kicked down my door last night… …and all he said was, “Sorry, wrong house!” (Hagrid Jokes)
Why did Harry Potter go to the mirror shop?… He wanted to reflect on his adventures.
Why did Severus Snape stand in the middle of the road?… So you’ll never know which side he’s on. (Car Jokes)
What’s a dementors theme song?… “You take my breath away.” (365 Music Jokes)
Why was everyone avoiding Hermione?… She was Grangerous.
Which Harry Potter book is the darkest?… Order of the Phoenix because that’s when it gets dead Sirius. (Book Jokes)
Why did Voldemort change his name?… Because it was a Riddle!
July 31st: On a scale from one to ten, how excited are you it is JK Rowling’s Birthday?… About nine and three quarters. (Birthday Jokes)
Why is Ollivander never home?… He’s a wanderer.
What do you call the common cold when Ron Weasley gets it?… A ginger ail. (Doctor Jokes)
Top 10 Harry Potter Jokes: In addition to playing quidditch, Harry Potter played basketball?… He averaged nine and three quarters points per game. (365 Basketball Jokes)
Hagrid spreading Dumbledore’s ashes into the winds… “You’re a blizzard Albus.” (Hagrid Jokes & Blizzard Jokes)
Two Hungarian Horntails walk into a pub… The first one says, “Sure is hot in here.” The second one snaps back, “Shut your mouth!”
Potter Pun: I kept knocking at your dumble-door… but you did not answer.
Potter Pun: You have to admit, he’s looking a little Hagrid.
Which Hogwarts professor makes the best wine?… Severus Grape.
Why was Voldemort trying to listen to the Order of Phoenix meetings?… He was nosy!
What did The Dark Lord envy from Harry?… His nose! (Biology Jokes for Teachers)
How do Hogwarts students get to school?… They take the albus. (Bus Jokes / Field Trip Jokes / Jokes for Teachers)
Why did Harry Potter get pulled over for speeding?… Because he didn’t expect-no-patrol-man. (Police Jokes & Car Jokes)
What do you get when you cross the Harry Potter movies with the Batman movies?… “Why so Sirius?” (Movie Jokes)
How do you get a mythical creature into your house?… Through the Gryffindor.
Why do Gryffindors exercise?… All those Gryffindorphins.
What is Hermione’s favorite TV show?… Granger Things!
What do you call multiple potions teachers?… Several Snapes!
Why is Harry Potter’s cupcake shop so successful?… Because he has a magical staff. (Cupcake Jokes)
Where would Bellatrix play if she played the saxophone?… Jazzkaban.
How come Voldemort hates the sun?… Because his sunglasses won’t stay up. (Sunglasses Jokes & Sun Jokes)
Why did Lucius Malfoy cross the road twice?… Because he’s a double-crosser.
Harry Potter Pick-up line: Do you like Harry Potter?… Because I a-Dumbledore you!
Hagrid is so fat… The Sorting Hat put him in the Waffle House. (Hagrid Jokes & Waffle Jokes)
Hagrid: You’re a light bulb Harry! Harry Potter: I’m a watt!? (Hagrid Jokes)
Who writes books for little bees?… Bee-trix Potter. (Bee Jokes)
What did Hagrid say to Tinkerbell when she started working at Dairy Queen?… You’re a Blizzard fairy! (Hagrid Jokes)
What do you call a postal carrier that can speak to packages?… A parcel tongue. (Mailman Jokes)
Which Hogwarts professor gets blamed for everything?… Professor Snape Goat. (Goat Jokes)
Voldemort: So how do you grow a nose? Pinocchio: Just lie!
Why has the Dark Lord never been on a plane?… He can’t handle the nose-dives!
Harry Potter Pick-up line: Is your name Oliver Wood?… Because you’re a keeper!
Harry Potter Pick-up line: Did you survive Avada Kedavra?… Because you’re drop-dead gorgeous!
Why do wizards lock their doors at night?… They’re afraid to get muggled.
Why did Lucius Malfoy cross the road twice?… Because he’s a double-crosser.
Potter Pun: There are Severus factors you need to consider when fighting Voldemort.
Potterhead: On Monday I cannot function without my Espresso patronum.
What is Aragog’s favorite day of the week?… Flyday! (Hagrid Jokes)
Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the Harry Potter movies in order? (Canoe Jokes & Movie Jokes)
Why doesn’t Snape teach herbology?… Because his lily died. (Flower Jokes & Cemetery Jokes)
What type of shoes does Voldemort wear?… Horcrocs!
Harry Potter Pick-up line: Did you survive the Avada Kedavra curse?… Because you’re drop dead gorgeous. (Cemetery Jokes)
What do you call a mailman that can speak to packages?… A parcel tongue.
Harry Potter Pick-up line: Are you a Dementor?… You just took my breath away.
Harry Potter Pick-up line: Are you a Snitch?… Because you’re the finest catch here.
What did Harry Potter wear when his hair fell out?… A Hedwig. (Barber Jokes)
What is Hagrid’s favorite mood?… Sirius. (Hagrid Jokes)
Knock, knock?… Who is there?… August… August Who?… A gusta read Harry Potter. (August Knock Knock Jokes)
What social media channel did Slytherins use?… Snapechat!
Why does Voldemort love Nagini so much?… Because she gives him hugs and hisses.
What is a Hagrid’s favorite drink?… Espresso Patronum. (Coffee Jokes & Hagrid Jokes)
How did Aragog get in touch with other spiders?… The world wide WEB. (Spider Jokes & Hagrid Jokes)
What do you call an electrocuted Dark Lord?… A Volt-demort.
Why did Ron ask Hagrid for an autograph?… Because he is a giant fan!
How do wizards read PDFs?… With a Dobby. (Computer Jokes & Elf Jokes)
What is Harry’s favorite mood?… Sirius.
What’s Harry Potter’s motto?… Neville, give up!
What kind of drink would Harry Potter order at a bar?… Something Gin-ey. (Beer Jokes)
What do you call a hot dog wizard?… A sau-sage. (Hot Dog Jokes)
How many Slytherin does it take to stir a cauldron?… Just one. She puts her wand in and the cauldron revolves around her.
Harry Potter Pick-up line: The Sorting Hat saw my destiny, and it said I’m meant to be in your house.
Why did it take Harry so long to find all Horcurxes?… Because he was looking in all the Ron places.
How much does it cost to watch Harry Potter play his favorite sport?… A quid each.
I named my lizard Harry just so I can say “You’re a lizard, Harry!”
Potter Pun: He will s-muggle the gold across the sea.
Potter Pun: Spells come in all Snapes and sizes.
Potter Pun: Draco’s friends are a bit Crabbey.
Potter Pun: You are siriusly ridiculous if you do not like Harry Potter.
Potter Pun: Harry Otter.
How does the head of Gryffindor see when swimming?… She uses McGonagoggles.
What kind of cereal does Hagrid eat?… Huffle Puffs. (Cereal Jokes & Hagrid Jokes)
How do you know if someone’s a pureblood?… Don’t worry. They’ll let you know.
What program do you use to edit your photos?… A Dobby Photoshop. (Computer Jokes)
Why is there always an empty cloth hanger?… That’s where I keep my invisibility cloak!
What social media channel does Voldemort use?… Instagram, because he wants more followers!
Where can you find Dumbledore’s Army?… Up his sleeve-y! (Army Jokes)
Why has the Dark Lord never been on a rollercoaster?… He can’t handle the nose-dives!
What does Hagrid have that Voldemort doesn’t?… A NOSE! (Biology Jokes for Kids & Hagrid Jokes)
You don’t get my Hagrid puns?… There must be something RON with you. (Hagrid Jokes)
On a scale from one to ten, how much do you love Hagrid?… Nine and three quarters. (Hagrid Jokes)
Why was Hagrid sent to the office?… Because he was cursing in class! (School Jokes / 180 School Jokes / Principal Jokes)
Why did Hagrid sign up for the gym?… Because he loved the dumbbell doors. (Hagrid Jokes)
How do they call thugs in Hogwarts?… Swagrid. (Hagrid Jokes)
What does Aragog do on his day off?… He goes fly fishing. (Fishing Jokes / Spider Jokes / Hagrid Jokes)
Robbie Coltrane asked me why I want his signature I said: “I am a giant fan!” (Hagrid Jokes)
Potter Pun: It’s important not to jump to the Ron conclusion!
Potter Pun: But of curse, magic is hard.
Potter Pun: Wizards have a keen sense of spell!
Why was Harry hesitant to fight Voldemort?… There are Severus factors to consider.
What does Molly say to her children?… Don’t be a-Fred in school!
What does Hermione say to Ron when they plan to go out?… Don’t worry, owl be there. (Bird Jokes)
What does Harry Potter order at Starbucks?… Espresso Patronum!
Why was Ron shown the Dumbledore?… He kept making terrible Potterpuns.
Why did Aragog buy a car?… So he could take it out for a spin. (Car Jokes / Spider Jokes / Hagrid Jokes)
What did The Dark Lord envy from Hagrid?… His nose! (Biology Jokes for Teachers & Hagrid Jokes)
What should you do if you have question about jail?… Azkaban. (Police Jokes)
What do you call a gardener that has a beard?… Hairy Potter. (Flower Jokes & Barber Jokes)
Why did Ron lose the election?… People thought his elect-Ron campaign was too negative. (Election Jokes & Chemistry Jokes)
Why couldn’t Harry find Hermione?… He was looking in all the Ron places.
Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe spell Hagrid? (Canoe Jokes & Movie Jokes)
On a scale from one to ten, how much do you love Hogwarts?… Nine and three quarters.
Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the Harry Potter characters? (Canoe Jokes & Movie Jokes)
What is a worm’s favorite movie?… Harry Potter, they love “Wormtale!” (Worm Jokes & Movie Jokes)
What does Harry Potter have that Voldemort doesn’t?… A NOSE! (Biology Jokes for Kids)
You don’t get my Harry Potter puns?… There must be something RON with you.
Why did the protons vote for Harry Potter to be president?… Because they didn’t want to elect Ron. (Election Jokes & Chemistry Jokes)
Potter Pun: Harry Potter puns will make any Slytherin smile.
What would Harry Potter be if he didn’t when to Hogwarts?… A python programmer. (Computer Jokes)
What do witches say when they are rumoring?… Spell the tea! (Tea Jokes & Witch Jokes)
George Weasley’s favorite line from Shakespeare… “Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears.” (Biology Jokes for Teachers)
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good Harry Potter knock-knock joke?
Why was Draco’s shirt covered with dirt?… He spent the day Slytherin.
How do the Malfoys enter a building?… They Slytherin.
What do you call a Hufflepuff with one brain cell?… Gifted. (Biology Jokes for Kids)
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good Harry Potter knock knock jokes? (June Jokes & Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about Harry Potter?
Harry Potter Pick-up line: You may be a muggle… but that body is magical. (Magic Jokes)
How many Harry Potters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?… One. He holds it and the world revolves around him.
How many wizards does it take to screw in a lightbulb?… Two. One to hold the bulb. One to rotate the room.
How many Muggles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?… One. It is the only thing they are good for.
How many Purebloods does it take to screw in a lightbulb?… What’s a lightbulb?
What is a wizard’s favorite drink?… Espresso Patronum. (Coffee Jokes)
What do Azkaban prisoners use to freshen their breath?… Dementos!
What does a wizard say when he gets robbed by a muggle?… Somebody muggled me! (Police Jokes)
On a scale from one to ten, how sad are you that Robbie Coltrane the actor who played Hagrid has passed?… About nine and three quarters. (Hagrid Jokes)
Hagrid cremates Harry Potter and throws his ashes into a snowstorm “You’re a blizzard, Harry!”
What did Hagrid say to Harry Potter after Harry had a mishap with some potions? “You’re a lizard Harry!” (Hagrid Jokes)
Did you hear about the day when Hagrid took Harry, mashed him up, put him in a blender with ice cream and drank him?… Yer a Blizzard, Harry. (Hagrid Jokes)
How do you get a mythical creature into your house?… Through the Gryffindor.
In a snowstorm, Hagrid takes the cremated remains of Harry Potter and throws them out. What does he say?… “You’re a blizzard, Harry!” (Blizzard Jokes)
Why was everyone scared of Sirius?… Because of Black magic! (Magic Jokes)
How does Ron enter his room?… Through the Gryffindor.
A Muggle walks into the Hog’s Head Inn… …with a frog on his shoulder. The barkeep says, “That’s pretty cool, where’d you get it?” “London,” the frog croaks. “They’ve got millions of ‘em!” (Frog Jokes)
Why wouldn’t Ron’s car move?… It got stuck in a quid-ditch. (Car Jokes)
Why does Neville always use two bathroom stalls?… Because he has a Longbottom.
What is Bigfoot’s favorite book?… Hairy Potter. (Book Jokes)
Why didn’t Lord Voldemort use perfume?… Because he couldn’t smell it!
Why did Snape hate herbology?… Because his lily died. (Flower Jokes & Cemetery Jokes)
What kind of cereal do they have at Hogwarts?… Huffle Puffs. (Cereal Jokes)
What does Aragog do on his day off?… He goes fly fishing. (Fishing Jokes & Spider Jokes)
How does an electrician free Dobby?… With a shock! (Elf Jokes)
What’s the difference between Hagrid and a spelling bee contestant?… One conjures spells and the other spells conjure. (Bee Jokes & Hagrid Jokes)
Why did the Slytherins cross the road twice?… Because they are double-crossers.
What did the Golden Snitch say when Harry Potter was itchy?… Quidditching
What did Hermione tell Ron when he got home for Christmas?… Ron voyage! (Christmas Jokes)
What do you call a gardener that has a beard?… Hairy Potter. (Flower Jokes & Barber Jokes)
What gift do elf parents make their kids when they turn 18?… A pair of socks! (Elf Jokes)
Why was Severus so angry with Harry?… Because he made fun of someone on Snape Chat.
What do you say when someone offers you an Espresso Patronum?… Of curse you can’t refuse it! (Coffee Jokes)
Why did Wormtail have a pen outside his home?… For a Pett-he-grew. (Worm Jokes)
How many Hufflepuffs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?… All of them
Why did the Dark Lord cross the road?… Because Potter couldn’t stop him.
Why do you call it when a wand goes missing at Hogwarts?… A Hogwarts Mystery!
What did Ron Weasley say when Harry found his missing wand?… That’s WANDerful!
Why didn’t the professors like having Fred and George Weasley at Hogwarts?… They never knew which witch was which.
What’s the most unrealistic thing about the Harry Potter books?… A ginger with two friends.
What’s the first thing wizards do in the morning?… They wake up.
How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb?… None – wizards don’t use electricity!
Why did Barty Crouch Jr quit drinking?… It was making him Moody!
Why did Harry Potter cross the road?… No reason, but someone will write a 200-page fan fiction about it!
What do you call a wizard with his hand in a thestral’s mouth… A mechanic.
Which side of a centaur has more hair?… The outside.
What is the sorting hat’s biggest fear?… Lice.
How does Hagrid get rid of a rash?… With quit-itch. (Biology Jokes for Kids & Hagrid Jokes)
How does Hagrid enter a room?… Through the Gryffin-door. (Hagrid Jokes)
What did Hagrid say to Harry after he was bitten by Lupin?… Yer a hairy wizard. (Hagrid Jokes)
What did Hagrid say to Gandalf?… Stop playing with hobbits, yer a wizzard! (Hagrid Jokes)
Roses are red, violets are blue… If you don’t like Hagrid puns, something is Siriusly Ron with you. (Flower Jokes & Hagrid Jokes)
How does Hagrid listen to music?… He puts on Sirius XM. (365 Music Jokes)
Why didn’t Lord Voldemort use perfume?… Because he couldn’t smell it!
What do Lord Voldemort and a teenage girl have in common?… A diary!
What do Hogwarts students give their dogs to change their coat color?… Collie-juice potion.
What do you call a hedgehog skateboarding in Hogwarts?… Knarl-y.
How excited are you to see Harry Potter and the Cursed Child in NYC?… On a scale of 1 to 10 – About nine and three quarters. (New York Jokes)

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