Top 50 Harry Potter Jokes

by | Jan 10, 2023 | Uncategorized

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  1. Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Harry Potter jokes.
  2. On a scale from one to ten, how obsessed with Harry Potter are you?… About nine and three quarters. (Math Jokes for Kids)
  3. Why was Harry Potter sent to the office?… Because he was cursing in class! (School Jokes / 180 School Jokes / Principal Jokes)
  4. Harry Potter Pun: Harry Potter puns can Slytherin to any conversation.
  5. How does Harry Potter get rid of a rash?… With quit-itch. (Biology Jokes for Kids)
  6. Why did Lord Voldemort watch the eclipse?… To practice the dark arts. (Solar Eclipse Jokes)
  7. How does Voldemort enter a room?… He slithers in.
  8. What do you call a wizard that can turn himself into a golf club?… Harry Putter. (Golf Jokes)
  9. I’m trying to write a book about Platform 9 and 3/4… But I keep hitting a wall. (Book Jokes)
  10. How does Harry Potter enter a room?… Through the Gryffin-door.
  11. I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light-hearted… The fifth one was dead Sirius. (Book Jokes)
  12. Voldemort: Why so sirius? Sirius Black: Why so nosy? (Biology Jokes for Kids)
  13. How does Harry Potter listen to music?… He puts on Sirius XM. (365 Music Jokes)
  14. On a scale from one to ten, how sad are you that Robbie Coltrane the actor who played Hagrid has passed?… About nine and three quarters. (Hagrid Jokes)
  15. What’s the difference between Harry Potter and a spelling bee contestant?… One conjures spells and the other spells conjure. (Bee Jokes)
  16. How did Harry Potter get down the hill?… Walking. JK, rolling. (Walking Jokes & Hiking Jokes)
  17. Why does Voldemort only use Twitter and not Facebook?… Cause he only has followers, not friends!
  18. How do you get a mythical creature into your house?… Through the Gryffindor.
  19. If a wizard gets robbed by a Muggle… has he been Muggled? (Police Jokes)
  20. Why is Mad-Eye Moody such a bad professor?… Because he can’t control his pupils. (Biology Jokes for Teachers)
  21. Anyone else who had committed Voldemort’s crimes would have been riddled with guilt. (Police Jokes)
  22. Why can’t Harry Potter tell the difference between his potions pot and his best friend?… They’re both cauldron.
  23. Why doesn’t Voldemort have glasses?… Nobody nose. (Biology Jokes for Kids)
  24. How do Death Eaters freshen their breath?… With Dementos. (Candy Jokes for Kids)
  25. McGonagall is a good teacher, but… she has a tendency to be catty. (Cat Jokes & Jokes for Teachers)
  26. What is an octopus’s favorite Harry Potter game?… Squidditch. (Octopus Jokes)
  27. Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?… They were past their hexpiration date!
  28. You think Harry Potter is better than Lord of the Rings… Tolkien must be Rowling in his grave… (Book Jokes & Cemetery Jokes)
  29. What would you call a reality show where Sirius Black adopted the Weasley children?… Orange Is the New Black.
  30. What do you call a house-elf in a hotel?… A Dobby in a lobby. (Elf Jokes)
  31. Why did Neville always sit on two chairs?… Because he is a Longbottom.
  32. What’s the difference between a comma and Crookshanks?… Crookshanks has claws at the end of his paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause. (Grammar Jokes)
  33. How does Malfoy get in his bed?… He slithers in! (Napping Jokes)
  34. You don’t get my Harry Potter jokes?… There must be something RON with you.
  35. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the Harry Potter books in order? (Canoe Jokes & Book Jokes)
  36. Rubeus Hagrid kicked down my door last night… …and all he said was, “Sorry, wrong house!” (Hagrid Jokes)
  37. Why did Ron ask Hagrid for an autograph?… Because he is a giant fan! (Hagrid Jokes)
  38. Hagrid spreading Dumbledore’s ashes into the winds… “You’re a blizzard Albus.” (Hagrid Jokes & Blizzard Jokes)
  39. What do you call a gardener that has a beard?… Hairy Potter. (Flower Jokes & Barber Jokes)
  40. Why was Hagrid sent to the office?… Because he was cursing in class! (School Jokes / 180 School Jokes / Principal Jokes)
  41. What do you call two Quidditch players who share a dorm?… Broom-mates. (College Jokes)
  42. What do you call a Potterhead on a horse?… Harry Trotter. (Horse Jokes)
  43. What did The Dark Lord envy from Harry?… His nose! (Biology Jokes for Teachers)
  44. How does Hagrid listen to music?… He puts on Sirius XM. (365 Music Jokes)
  45. How do Hogwarts students go on field trips?… They take the albus. (Bus Jokes / Field Trip Jokes / Jokes for Teachers)
  46. Roses are red, violets are blue… If you don’t like Harry Potter puns, something is Siriusly Ron with you. (Flower Jokes)
  47. What do you call the entrance to a Harry Potter gym?… A dumbbell door. (Gymnastics Jokes)
  48. Hagrid: You’re a light bulb Harry! Harry Potter: I’m a watt!? (Hagrid Jokes)
  49. How does Hagrid get rid of a rash?… With quit-itch. (Biology Jokes for Kids & Hagrid Jokes)
  50. How does Hagrid enter a room?… Through the Gryffin-door. (Hagrid Jokes)