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More Octopus Jokes… (Octopus Jokes)

  1. Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Octopus jokes.
  2. Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand] Cat: You’re one short pal. (Cat Jokes)
  3. Did you know that sea turtles can also squirt ink?… Just Squidding!
  4. What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same?… Itenticle. (Twin Jokes)
  5. What is an octopus’s favorite Harry Potter game?… Squidditch. (Harry Potter Jokes)
  6. How does a pirate make an octopus laugh?… Ten tickles. (Octopus Jokes)
  7. Why does an octopus perform poorly on a basketball court?… It’s always getting tentacle fouls. (World’s Best Basketball Jokes)
  8. What do you get when you cross a farm laborer with an octopus?… The best darn apple picker you’ve ever seen. (Farming Jokes & Apple Jokes)
  9. I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus.The waiter said: “It takes four hours.”I asked why? He said: “It keeps turning off the gas!”
  10. What’s an octopus’ favorite party?… Oktoperfest. (Octopus Jokes & October Jokes)
  11. Who held the baby octopus for a ransom?…  Squidnappers. (Police Jokes)
  12. What is an octopus’s favorite band?… Ink Floyd! (365 Music Jokes)
  13. What do humans and octopuses have in common?… Two sets of forearms. (Biology Jokes for Teachers)
  14. What do you call 8 x 3.14?… Octopi. (Pi Day Jokes & Pi Jokes)
  15. Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?… He got inked up.
  16. What is the octopuses favorite shape?… An octagon. (Geometry Jokes for Teachers)
  17. What is the octopuses favorite sport?… UFC. The love the octagon. (Geometry Jokes for Teachers)
  18. An octopus politician offered to pay my debts if I voted for him…. I guess it’s squid pro quo. (Election Jokes)
  19. Who was the most infamous pirate octopus?… Captain Squid. (Pirate Jokes)
  20. What did the squid sheriff put together to find the outlaw cowboy?… An octoposse. (Police Jokes)
  21. What’s an octopus’s favorite number?… 3.14, octo-pi! (Pi Jokes)
  22. Where does an octopus sleep?… On the seabed! (Ocean Jokes)
  23. How do young fish get to school?… By octobus. (180 School Jokes)
  24. What did the octopus say to his girlfriend at the Beatles concert?… I wanna hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand… (Music Jokes & 365 Music Jokes)
  25. Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight?… Because the octopus was well armed. (Shark Jokes & Boxing Jokes)
  26. What would be good about crossing a turkey with an octopus?… Everyone would get a drumstick on Thanksgiving. (Thanksgiving Jokes)
  27. What do sharks eat for dessert?… Octo-pie. (Shark Jokes & Pie Jokes)
  28. What sort of fish operates on sick octopuses?… A sturgeon.
  29. An octopus went off to war… It’s a good thing that he was well-armed. (Memorial Day Jokes & Veterans Day Jokes)
  30. What do octopus knights wear?… A coat of arms. (Knight Jokes & Biology Jokes)
  31. People sometimes confuse the plural of octopus, it’s one octopus, two octopuses, 3.14 octopi.
  32. What do you call the crew that follows around the top octopus rapper Sir Squid?… His octoposse. (365 Music Jokes)
  33. What sea creatures say hello sixteen times?… Two octopuses shaking hands. 
  34. How do you know if an octopus is alive?… You check its octo-pulse! (Doctor Jokes)
  35. What do you call a relaxed octopus?… A calm-ari! (Psychology Jokes)
  36. What do you call an octopus musician?… A rocktopus. (Music Jokes)
  37. A recruiter asks an octopus if he wants to join the Army… The octopus says no thanks I’m army enough as it is. (Memorial Day Jokes & Veterans Day Jokes)
  38. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?… Ten tickles.
  39. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about an Octopus? (Summer Olympic Knock Knock Jokes)
  40. How does a nurse know if an octopus is alive?… You check its octo-pulse!
  41. I saw an octopus dancing at the marine disco… It pulled a mussel.
  42. Why does an octopus make a great drill sergeant?… Because it’s arm-y!
  43. Where do female sea creatures keep their money?… In their octopurse.
  44. I asked how much the creature that looked like an ill octopus cost and what it was… The chap said “Sick squid.”
  45. What do you call a group of squid?… A squad!
  46. Why do octopuses love camping?…They sleep in tent-icles!
  47. I heard on the news that the police were looking for a runaway octopus… They said he was armed and dangerous.
  48. How do we know that octopuses can’t commit crimes?… They don’t have a bad bone in their bodies. (octopus have no bones) 
  49. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good Octopus knock-knock joke?
  50. She: Why is your shirt smudged with ink blots? He: I refilled a printer cartridge at work today. Octopus under their bed: whispers Tell her about us, you chicken.
  51. How do we know that octopuses can’t commit crimes?… They don’t have a bad bone in their bodies. (octopus have no bones) 
  52. An octopus held up the local bank… Apparently he was well armed.
  53. How did the octopuses win the football game?.. Ten tackles. (College Football Jokes)
  54. A teacher asks the class to name six creatures that you might find in the sea. One of the pupils replies, “five octopuses and a herring.”
  55. If octopuses have twins… Does that make them “i-tentical”
  56. I saw a singing octopus once… in the choral reef.
  57. What’s a squid’s favorite dessert?… Octo-pie.
  58. What did the Giant Octopus under the Tacoma Narrows Bridge eat for lunch?… Fish and ships. (Octopus Jokes & Fishing Jokes)
  59. What do you call a cool octopus?… Tenta-cool (tentacle)
  60. What do you call a job for an octopus?… It’s octopation.
  61. When are all octopuses born?… October! (October Jokes) 
  62. Why did the octopus blush?… He saw the bottom of the ocean. (Ocean Jokes)
  63. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good Octopus knock knock jokes? (June Jokes Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  64. What type of keyboard does an octopus use?… SQWERTY
  65. What did the octopus say to it’s sweetheart?… You octopi my heart. (Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  66. What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?… Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand? (Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  67. What do you get when you cross an Octopus and a Babboon?… A stern rebuke from the ethics committee and a cessation of research funding.
  68. How did the octopus go to the war?… Well armed.
  69. What does the octopus have on its toast?… Ocean current jam!
  70. Why did the octopus cross the road?… To get to the other TIDE!!! (Ocean Jokes)
  71. What do you get if you cross a cat with an octopus?… Arrested under the Animal Scientific Procedures Act 1986.
  72. I saw an octopus dancing at the marine disco… It pulled a mussel.
  73. What do you call an octopus without any legs?… An octopus cause they have tentacles not legs.
  74. Why is an octopus always positive?… Because it always sees the octo-plus side of things
  75. What do you call the place where an octopus is sitting?… Octopied.
  76. What breed of cat has eight legs and loves to swim?… An octo-pussy cat!
  77. What do you call good characteristics of an octopus?…  It’s octo-pluses.
  78. How does a doctor know if an octopus is alive?… You check its octo-pulse!
  79. What story do octopus parents read to their kids?… Octopuss in boots.
  80. What do you call a flying octopus?… An octocopter.
  81. What has 72 arms and catches flies?… An octopus baseball team. (Baseball Jokes)
  82. What did the octopus say to the other?… Let’s hold hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands.
  83. I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday. Oh, don’t worry, he’s okay now. But the vet charged me six quid. 
  84. What game do octopuses play at Hogwarts?… Squiddich.
  85. Why did the octopus blush?… He saw the bottom of the ocean. (Ocean Jokes)
  86. Why did the octopus cross the road?… To get to the other TIDE!!! (Ocean Jokes)
  87. What did the octopus say to it’s sweetheart?… You octopi my heart. (Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  88. What has 72 arms and catches flies?… An octopus baseball team. (Baseball Jokes)
  89. I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday. Oh, don’t worry, he’s okay now. But the vet charged me six quid. 
  90. Why is the octopus always on time?… Because he looks at the clock-topus!
  91. What sound does an octopus make?… a squid word
  92. What has eight legs and turns into a truck?…  Octopus Prime.
  93. What did the octopus use to make jelly? …  From ocean currants. 
  94. How do you make an octopus laugh?… You give it ten-tickles.
  95. What do you get when you cross an octopus with a cow?… An animal that milks itself. 
  96. What is a gathering of octopus called?… Octoposse.
  97. How do you know the bathroom is in use when your are at an octopus party?…  The sign on the door says “Octopied.”
  98. What is an octopus’s favorite item of clothing?… The sock-topus
  99. What is a play on words among sea creatures?… Octopuns. 
  100. What do you call an octopus with 2 arms?… A Platypus
  101. What did the octopus receive from the chiropractor?… A back kraken.
  102. What do you call an affectionate octopus?… A cuddle fish.
  103. What’s a baby octopus’s favorite story?… Octo-puss in boots!
  104. How do you call an octopus who plays guitar?… A rock-topus!
  105. What does the doctor say to an octopus who needs to lose weight?… You need to go on a low-crab diet!
  106. Barman says “what’s with this octopus?” “This is the sick squid I owe you.” Says the guy.
  107. What’s the formula for octopus circumference?… octopi * r2
  108. What has 72 arms and catches flies?… An octopus softball team. (Baseball Jokes)
  109. A chap goes to the cinema and is surprised to see an octopus sitting on the seat beside him. “How come you are here?” he asks. The octopus says “I enjoyed the book”.
  110. What is an octopus’s favorite food?… Ten-tacos!
  111. How does an octopus propose to its sweetheart?… “I would like to ask for your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage.”
  112. How does a squid propose to its sweetheart?… “Will you cala-marry me?”
  113. What do you call an octopus with no tentacles?… Bob.
  114. Why did the octopus have to leave the party?… It pulled a mussel dancing!
  115. What do you get if you cross an octopus and a frog?… A croak-topus!
  116. What do you get if you cross an octopus and an alligator?… A crock-topus!
  117. How do you know if a squid has swallowed a clock?… You hear a tick tock-topus sound!
  118. Why is the octopus always bored? …Because he never finds anything interest-ink!
  119. Why do American Octopuses get arrested when they travel abroad?… Because they are heavily armed.
  120. What do you call an octopus that fights sharks?… An octobrave.
  121. What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?… Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand? (Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  122. Why did the octopus blush?… He saw the bottom of the ocean. (Ocean Jokes)
  123. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good Octopus knock knock jokes? (June Jokes Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  124. I asked how much the creature that looked like an ill octopus cost and what it was… The chap said “Sick squid.”
  125. Why does an octopus make a great drill sergeant?… Because it’s arm-y!
  126. An octopus held up the local bank… Apparently he was well armed.
  127. What’s a squid’s favorite pudding?… Octo-pie
  128. What do you call an octopus which is missing 4 and 6/7 legs?… An octo-pi.