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High School Psychology Lessons & Bullying Prevention Blogs

(Psychology Jokes)

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  1. Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best psychology jokes.
  2. Lord of Rings Life Lesson: Man puts ring on finger, slowly goes insane! (Marriage Jokes & Psychology Jokes)
  3. My coworker was fired on Leap Day… apparently he picked the wrong time to jump off the deep end.(Labor Day Jokes & Psychology Jokes)
  4. Why do psychiatrists love football players?… Because they tackle their problems head-on! (Super Bowl Jokes)
  5. Why did Cleopatra think she didn’t need a psychiatrist?… Because she was the Queen of Denial. (Archaeology Jokes World Geography Jokes)
  6. Why did the tree worry that he would never get his leaves back after autumn?… He didn’t be-leaf in himself!
  7. Why is the depression rate so high for US sailors?… Because they have the Navy blues. (Navy Jokes) 
  8. Why was the croissant depressed?… He suffered a mental bake-down. (Croissant Jokes)
  9. What did the sailor say to the other when they had a problem?… We are in the same boat. (Navy Jokes) 
  10. What do you call a relaxed octopus?… A calm-ari! (Octopus Jokes)
  11. What do you call a lobster who’s uncomfortable with tight spaces?… claw-strophobic. (Psychology Jokes)
  12. I can’t eat any boiled lobster, clam, or shrimps… I have some shellfish steamed issues. (Psychology Jokes)
  13. Lobster Pun: The lobster said he was going to dive into the pot of boiling water, and everybody thought he was cray-sea.
  14. Why can’t you eat any boiled lobster, clam, or shrimps?… Because I have some shellfish steamed issues.
  15. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? (Pavlov’s Dog Experiment: Amazing Nobel Prize Psychology Lesson!)
  16. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother. (Mother’s Day Jokes)
  17. Why was Pavlov’s Hair so soft?… Classical conditioning. (Barber Jokes)
  18. Dog #1 Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Dog #2 No but it makes my mouth water. (Pavlov’s Dog Experiment: Amazing Nobel Prize Psychology Lesson!)
  19. I was at a ski resort for a psychiatry convention… I’ve never seen so many Freudians slips. (Skiing Jokes)
  20. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology… Do not read it. (Book Jokes)
  21. Wouldn’t it be nice if retail therapy was covered by health insurance? (Black Friday Jokes)
  22. What do psychologists say to each other when they meet?… “You’re fine, how am I?”
  23. A Ph.D. student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park and they find and antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one.” “Me first! Me first!” says the Ph.D. student. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman who sunbathes topless.” Poof! He’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the post-doc. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other.” Poof! He’s gone. “You’re next,” the genie says to the professor. The professor says, “I want those guys back in the lab after lunch.” (Hawaii Jokes)
  24. Pavlov’s dog to his friend: “See that! Every time I salivate, Pavlov smiles and scribbles something in his notebook.” (Dog Jokes)
  25. Why did Santa go to a psychiatrist?… He no longer believed in himself. (Christmas Jokes)
  26. One behaviorist meets another one on the street. He says, “Hi. How am I feeling today?”
  27. People from Maine are so self-centered… All their T-Shirts and mugs say “I ❤️ ME”! (Maine Jokes)
  28. Tommy paid his way through college by waitering in a restaurant. “What’s the usual tip?” asked a customer. “Well,” said Tommy, “this is my first day, but the other guys said that, if I got five dollars out of you, I’d be doing great.” “Is that so?” growled the customer. “In that case, here’s twenty dollars.” “Thanks. I’ll put it in my college fund,” Tommy said. “By the way, what are you studying?” asked the customer. “Applied psychology.” (Waiter Jokes)
  29. Does the name “Pavlov” ring a bell?… No, but it makes my mouth water.
  30. I’m feeling forever Jung.
  31. Why did the croissant go to therapy?… It couldn’t handle the pressure of always being flaky!
  32. What did the hippocampus say when it retired?… “Thanks for the memories.” (Retirement Jokes)
  33. Why are recycle bins optimistic?… Because they’re full of cans. (Earth Day Jokes)
  34. What do you hear when a crazy person sings?… Looney tunes. (365 Music Jokes & Psychology Jokes)
  35. Why was the mathematician told to see a psychologist?… Because he kept obsessing over his x. (Divorce Jokes & Math Jokes for Kids)
  36. Therapist: I suggest that you needs to work on your constant need to please others. Patient: “Sure, if it makes you happy.”
  37. What did the out of work rat write on his cardboard scrap?… Don’t mind pressing a lever for food.  (Labor Day Jokes)
  38. What do you call a depressed pair of croissants?… Pain au pain.
  39. What’s the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist?… If you say, ‘I hate my mother’, a psychiatrist will ask, ‘Why do you say that?’, whereas a psychologist will say, ‘Thank you for sharing that with us.’
  40. At a job interview for a new receptionist: “I see you used to be employed by a psychologist. Why did you leave?””Well, I just couldn’t win. If I was late to work, I was hostile; if I was early, I was anxious; and if I was on time, I was obsessional.” (Top Summer Jobs for Teachers)
  41. What do you call a lobster that’s afraid of tight spaces?… Claw-strophobic. (Lobster Jokes)
  42. Why did the donut start going to therapy?… It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole! (Donut Jokes for Kids)
  43. What’s the difference between a psychologist and a magician?… A magician pulls rabbits out of hats, whereas a psychologist pulls habits out of rats. (Rabbit Jokes & Hat Jokes)
  44. Why do tennis players have low self esteem?… Because they have so many faults. (Tennis Jokes)
  45. One day I told a psychiatrist that pi wasn’t real… She said I was being irrational. (Pi Jokes)
  46. Who answers the door at the nut house?… The peanut buttler.
  47. What does making too many croissant puns lead to?… Self-loaving.
  48. What do you call a body of water on the moon?… Lunacy. (Ocean Jokes & Psychology Jokes)
  49. “The moon is waning. Do you think it’s sad?”… Nah, it’s just going through a phase. (Full Moon Jokes)
  50. Why is psychotherapy a lot quicker for men than for women?… Because when it comes to going back to childhood, men are already there.
  51. How many “Rogerians” does it take to change a light bulb?… How many do you think it takes?
  52. The nurse taking my blood got annoyed when I told them they were bad at their job, I don’t understand why though, after all they did keep saying:.. ‘be negative.’ (Psychology Jokes)
  53. I overheard a man order a sundae with nuts, but no ice cream… To me, that’s just nuts. (Ice Cream Jokes)
  54. How many psychotherapists does it take to change a lightbulb?… Just one, but it’ll need nine more sessions.
  55. What undergarment does a psychologist wear?… A Freudian Slip.
  56. What do you call someone who refuses to accept that they’re swimming in an African river?… In de Nile. (World Geography Jokes & Swimming Jokes)
  57. Receptionist to psychologist: “Doctor, there’s a patient here who thinks he’s invisible.” “Tell him I can’t see him right now.”
  58. What was Waldo going to start psychotherapy?… He wanted to find himself.
  59. What do you get when you cross a banana peel with a psychologist?… A freudian slip.
  60. How many psychotherapists does it take to change a lightbulb?… Well, how many do you think it takes?
  61. Did you hear about the angry pancake?… He totally flipped! (Pancake Jokes)
  62. What do you call the NCAA tourney when your #1 seed loses to a #16 seed?… March Sadness. (March Madness Jokes)
  63. I told my psychologist I am scared off living in tall buildings… Apparently it’s an Apartment Complex.
  64. Ocean walks in to a bar. Bartender says “why so blue?” (Ocean Jokes & Beer Jokes)
  65. Three Freudians go into a bar. The bartender asks for some id. (Beer Jokes)
  66. What does a depressed tortilla say?… I don’t wanna taco ’bout it. (Taco Jokes)
  67. How many psychotherapists does it take to change a light bulb?… Just one, so long as the light bulb “wants” to change.
  68. Why did the Maine lobsterman lose his job?… Claw-strophobia. (Lobster Jokes &  Labor Day Jokes)
  69. Why was the person with narcissism so secure in his relationship?… He knew his significant other loved him.
  70. Two psychotherapists pass each other in the hallway. The first says to the second, “Hello!” The second smiles back nervously and half nods his head. When he is comfortably out of earshot, he mumbles, “God, I wonder what *that* was all about?”
  71. I joined a new therapy group for loneliness… Nobody turned up.
  72. What is a boat full of psychiatrists labeled as?… Freudian ship.
  73. “After 12 years of therapy, my psychotherapist said something that brought tears to my eyes.” “What did he say?” “”No hablo inglés.””
  74. How do French psychologists like their beverages?… Froid.
  75. “Doctor, I feel like such a failure.”… “Anyone who can pay my fees is certainly not a failure.”
  76. What do you call a Jedi in denial?… Obi-Wan Cannot Be! (May the 4th Be With You Jokes)
  77. Since the earthquake struck I have been under some stress… but it is nobody’s fault. (Earthquake Jokes)
  78. What do psychologists call a bear who likes to eat penguins?… Bipolar.
  79. I brought my therapist a cake… He thinks I’m having a mental bake down.
  80. Which psychologist helps members of rock bands?… Pink Freud.
  81. You order one pizza and you love it. Next time you order a pizza and a garlic bread. Before you know it, you’re eating pizzas for every meal and you get withdrawal symptoms if you don’t get one… That’s the domino effect… (Pizza Jokes)
  82. What happens if you go skiing with a lot of psychologists?… You’ll see a lot of Freudians slip.
  83. What profession truly enjoys fruitcakes?… Psychologists (Fruitcake Jokes)
  84. I always get a little sad during hurricane season in South Florida… you could say I have tropical depression. (Hurricane Jokes & Psychology Jokes)
  85. Why was the psychology major such a good musician?… He was classically conditioned.
  86. What did the bouncer say to the psychology major and his friends, Ego and Superego?… I’m sorry I can’t let you enter without Id.
  87. Patient: “Doctor, help me. I think I’m a dog.” Psychologist: “Lie down on the couch.” Patient: “I can’t. I’m not allowed on the furniture.”
  88. A woman was taking a nap on Valentine’s Day afternoon. After she awoke, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a gorgeous and expensive diamond necklace for Valentine’s Day! What do you think it means?” “You’ll know tonight,” he said. That evening, her husband came home with a small package for her. Thrilled, she opened it and found a book titled “The Meaning of Dreams.” (Book Jokes / Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes / Napping Jokes)
  89. What is a favorite 80’s band for psychologists and psychiatrists?… Simple Minds. (Music Jokes)
  90. Why was the sports fan acting so crazy?… He had March Madness! (March Madness Jokes)
  91. What do you call a moon out of orbit?…  A Lunatic!
  92. What do you call Santa if he also lives in the South Pole?… Bi-Polar. (Christmas Eve Jokes)
  93. What did the corn farmer say to his therapist?… An ear full. (Psychology Jokes & Farming Jokes)
  94. The US Navy will start to equip all their subs with emotional support dogs. After a lot study, they decided on Dachshunds… They will be subma-weiners. (Dog Jokes & Psychology Jokes)
  95. A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drank coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?” (Coffee Jokes)
  96. My husband has a minor in psychology… I guess you could say he’s a little psycho.
  97. Why were Pavlov’s curls always amazingly perfect?… He used classical conditioning.
  98. The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and had proceeded to give an oral quiz to the freshman class.  Speaking specifically about manic depression, the instructor asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?”  A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, “A Final Four basketball coach?” (Final Four Jokes)
  99. How did the crazy shark become normal again?… electro shark therapy. (Shark Jokes)
  100. I’m about to lose my job in the Navy unless I make some drastic changes… I have to take a course in anchor management. (Labor Day Jokes & Psychology Jokes)
  101. So this group of psychologists goes ice skating. Being novices, all of them failed in their first attempt. I have never seen so many Freudians slip at a time.
  102. Have you heard of the new psychological therapy for trendy kids?… Hipnosis.
  103. How do you know if your clock is crazy?… It goes “cuckoo!” (Daylight Savings Jokes)
  104. What do you call sad coffee?… Despresso. (Coffee Jokes)
  105. Where in America should you go to feel good about yourself and life?… Fort Worth Texas! (Texas Jokes)
  106. My psychologist says I have an obsession with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
  107. Why is there no point in going to a child psychologist?… They’re too young.
  108. What did the depressed statistician say when the psychologist asked if someone had been mean to him?… I don’t remember, but probably.
  109. Why did the psychology student ask the speaker if he had Broca’s aphasia?… His lecture left him speechless.’What did the ghost say to its psychologist?… I just feel like I really used to be somebody.
  110. Why is there no point in going to a child psychologist?… They’re too young.
  111. Why did the Psychology major work in a theatre as a side job?… He knew projection very well.
  112. What does a psychologist listen to for music?… Shrink rap.
  113. Why did the psychology major panic when the bartender rang the happy hour bell?… He remembered that he’d forgotten to feed his dog.
  114. Why was the psychologist always so good at solving mysteries?… He had a real “sense” of “psycho-logic”.
  115. What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?… A small, medium at large.
  116. Why did the psychology major have a cast on his arm?… He had suffered a Freudian slip.
  117. Doctor, doctor! I’m scared of Father Christmas!… You’re suffering from Claus-trophobia!
  118. What did the psychologist name his scared cat?… Freudy cat.
  119. What does a psychologist say to a psychology major when he confronts him about his theory?… The psychologist says that he has a lot of ego.
  120. A man walks into a psychologist’s office, wearing nothing but saran wrap. The psychologist says “It’s a good thing you came. I can clearly see your nuts.”
  121. A good psychologist once advised me to shut out all the negative people that remind me of my dark past and move on. It’s been more than a month since I’ve gone to him and I am already starting to feel better.
  122. I went to the psychologist to treat my big ego. I think it worked, I’m feeling much better than all of you today.
  123. Why did all the dogs start salivating when the ice cream truck passed by?… It rang a bell.
  124. Teacher: Define claustrophobia. Student: Fear of Santa Claus? (Christmas Jokes)
  125. One day a guy went to a psychologist for the first time. After telling him his troubles, the man says, “So doc, what’s wrong with me?” The doctor replies, “Well, you’re crazy.” Indignant, the man replies, “I am not, I want another opinion.” To which the doctor replies, “OK… You’re also ugly.”
  126. “Doctor, I feel as though nobody understands me.”… “What do you mean by that?”
  127. As he lay unconscious and bleeding, a psychologist, who happened to be passing by, rushed up to him and exclaimed, “My God! Whoever did this really needs help!”
  128. My therapist informed me that I was delusional. I took so much offense that I almost fell off my unicorn.
  129. What did everyone call Freud after he lied about studying for the psychology exam?… Sigmund Fraud.
  130. I just got back from my first session at the Bird Psychologist… He comes highly recommended, but the tweetment won’t be cheep.
  131. What does a psychologist wear to work?… Shrinkwrap.
  132. Ski Pun: I have to take care of my mental well-skiing. (Ski Puns & Skiing Jokes)
  133. What is a sad, sad, basketball team?… The Duke Blue Devils. (College Basketball Jokes)
  134. Skier: Why do I feel so good when my life and all my friends are going downhill? (Skiing Jokes)
  135. Why should you be kind to your dentist?… Because they have fill-ings too! (Dentist Jokes)
  136. Super Bowl LIII One of the LOWEST POINTS of my life. (Super Bowl Jokes)
  137. Why does the dental staff go to the dentist with their problems?… Because she gets right to the root of things.
  138. How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb?… Just one. All he has to do is to hold it in place while the world revolves around him.
  139. My new sunglasses are making me paranoid… Everyone suddenly seems shady! (Sunglasses Jokes)
  140. Jupiter to moon on a solar eclipse: Do you remember the sun? Moon: No, I blocked it out. (Solar Eclipse Jokes)
  141. My dentist asked me to open up… but I don’t know him well enough to confide in him. (Dentist Jokes)
  142. What does a psychologist do when they’ve lost their sanity?… They talk to themself.
  143. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?…  A nervous wreck! (Pirate Jokes & Ocean Jokes)
  144. Why was the duck kicked out of his psychology lecture?… He kept calling the professor a quack.
  145. A psychotherapist returned from a conference in the Rocky mountains, where the delegates spent more time on the icy ski slopes than attending lectures and seminars. When she got back, her husband asked her, “So, how did it go?” “Fine,” she replied, “but I’ve never seen so many Freudians slip.” (Colorado Jokes & Top Winter Jokes)
  146. Watermelons are the most philosophical fruit… Cause they’re like, “Watermelons.” (Watermelon Jokes)
  147. Hurricanes are very… depressing. (Hurricane Jokes)
  148. “A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.” Jay Leno (Dog Jokes & Canada Day Jokes)
  149. Why are watermelons the saddest fruit?… Because they’re melon-cholic! (Watermelon Jokes)
  150. Why is Rabbit so confident?… He’s a hop-timist. (Winnie the Pooh Jokes)
  151. What do you call a happy penguin?… a Pen-Grin! (Penguin Jokes)
  152. When is a blue school book not a blue school book?… When it is read! (180 School Jokes & Book Jokes)
  153. What did the psychologist say to the patient who thought he was a church bell?… If the feeling continues, ring me.
  154. What did the psychologist tell the patient who felt that everyone ignored him?… Nothing, he was too busy taking a call.
  155. What’s the difference between an experimental psychologist and a magician?… An experimental psychologist pulls habits out of rats.
  156. My psychologist told me: “Write letters to the people you hate and later on you burn them.” I have done so, but now I don’t know what to do with the letters…
  157. Why are tacos depressed?… Because they’re always falling apart. (Taco Jokes)
  158. Why did the watermelon go crazy?… He lost his rind. (Watermelon Jokes)
  159. Why did the clock think he had amnesia?… He lost an hour of time without realizing it. (Daylight Savings Jokes)
  160. What was the mercurial cow diagnosed with?… A moo-od disorder.
  161. How many psychologists does it take to change a bike tire?… Only one, but the tire should have the motivation to change.
  162. What does Winnie the Pooh say when he’s sad?… Pooh-hoo. (Winnie the Pooh Jokes)
  163. Fan: What did you get on your last hole? Struggling Masters Golfer: Depressed. (Masters Golf Jokes)
  164. How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?… It doesn’t matter. How did that joke make you feel?
  165. I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. Mainly because it was a sew-sew job, de-pleating and de-pressing. (Labor Day Jokes)
  166. What did the author of the reverse psychology books request his readers to do?… Not read the book.
  167. What did the ghost tell the psychologist at his first therapy session?… I used to know who I was, but now I just feel like I’m drifting through life.
  168. Why did the psychologist not believe in reverse psychology?… He was a Freud of being fooled.
  169. A man starts his new job at an insane asylum: He is given his orientation and at the very end asked if he has any questions. “Yes, how do we know if a patient is ready to leave the asylum?” “Well,” the director says. “We just ask them a simple question and based on their response determine if they need to stay longer.” The director then calls up three patients for a demonstration. He asks the first one, “what’s is 6 times 6?” The patient is shaking and nervously says “1000?” The director shakes his head “no, give this one six more months,” then turns to the next patient. This one jumps up and down and screams “February!” “Oh god no!” Says the director. “Another year for this one!” Finally, he turns to the third patient who looks at him calmly and says “well, the answer is obviously 36.” “Yes!” Exclaims the director. “How did you know that?!” “Easy, I just divided 1000 by February.” (February Jokes)
  170. I told my psychologist I was thinking about killing myself. He said, “How can I help?”
  171. What do you call a sad mole?… Dismole. (Mole Day Jokes)
  172. What did the psychology major study in wizarding college?… Defense against his dark concepts.
  173. How does the Cat in the Hat get what he wants?… With purr-suasion. (Cat Jokes & Psychology Jokes)
  174. Why did the crazy Angrallian Toobir cross the nebula?… To get to the other dementia. (Star Wars Jokes)
  175. What are unhappy cranberries called?… Blueberries!
  176. What’s the difference between a loan and a psychologist?… The loan eventually matures and earns money.
  177. The best part of any person is always their Dark Side. (Star Wars Jokes)
  178. Why was the Grinch afraid of Santa Claus?… He was Claustrophobic. (Grinch Jokes)
  179. Why do people like ice-cream whether it’s in a carton, a cone, or a cup?… You can’t help but love ice-cream un-cone-ditionally! (Ice Cream Jokes)
  180. I wish I could describe the earthquake in more detail… but I have a shaky memory of it. (Earthquake Jokes)
  181. Why was the psychology major such a good musician?… He was classically conditioned.
  182. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about psychology?
  183. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good psychology knock-knock joke?
  184. A guy goes to a psychologist and says, “Hey Doc, I think I’m schizophrenic.” The doctor says, “What a coincidence that makes four of us!”
  185. Why did the peanuts run across the busy road?…  Because they were nuts! (Peanut Jokes)
  186. Hurricanes are very… depressing. (Hurricane Jokes)
  187. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good psychology knock knock jokes? (June Jokes Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  188. Why do they call some storms Tropical Depressions?… Because it’s a storm that is suffering from a “Depression” because it couldn’t become a hurricane. (Hurricane Jokes)
  189. Why did no one take pistachio ice-cream seriously?… He was nutty!
  190. Apologies, but most of these pi jokes are about being irrational. (Pi Day Jokes for Teachers & Pi Math Jokes)
  191. Are you a scratch player?… I sure am – every time I hit the ball I scratch my head and wonder where it went. (Golf Jokes for Kids)
  192. Why did the apple pie cry?… It’s peelings were hurt! (Pie Jokes)
  193. Why did the polar bears get divorced?… One was bi-polar, and the other just wasn’t into that stuff. (Bear Jokes)
  194. Why was the groundhog depressed about his den?… He was having a bad lair day! (Ground Hog Day Jokes)
  195. What did the employee say when his boss asked him if he should hire him as a reverse psychologist?… I don’t think you should.
  196. What did the psychologist say to the patient who thought he was a church bell?… If the feeling continues, ring me.
  197. What do kind of coffee goes well with a fruit cake?… Despresso. (Top Fruit Cake Day Jokes)
  198. Why was the sports fan acting so crazy?… He had March Madness! (March Madness Jokes)
  199. Why are watermelons the saddest fruit?… They get melancholy. (Watermelon Jokes)
  200. I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I’m doing! (Walking Jokes)
  201. Why was the middle school trash can sad?…He / she was dumped. (Middle School Jokes)
  202. What do angry hockey players say after getting tripped?… That’s it – no more Mr. Ice guy. (Hockey Jokes)
  203. What do you call a sad bird?… A bluebird! (Bird Jokes)
  204. Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated. (Graduation Jokes)
  205. Why was the cheeseburger sad?… It had blue cheese! (Cheeseburger Jokes for Kids)
  206. Why did Pumbaa’s friend call the complaints hotline?… T’moan! (Lion King Jokes & Disney Jokes for Kids)
  207. What did Columbus do with the blue whale?… Cheered it up. (Cheerleading Jokes & Columbus Day Jokes)
  208. What’s white, red and blue at Christmas time?… A sad candy cane! (Candy Jokes)
  209. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?… Claustrophobia! (Christmas Jokes)
  210. The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and had proceeded to give an oral quiz to the freshman class.  Speaking specifically about manic depression, the instructor asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?”  A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, “A basketball coach?” (Top Basketball Jokes)
  211. What psychosis do you have, if all you can think about is Chinese noodles?… Mega-Lo-Mein-ia.
  212. I attended a psychology lecture by a famous professor today… It was mental.
  213. I got a degree in psychology and a degree in reverse psychology. I didn’t learn a thing.
  214. Audio psychology isn’t witchcraft. It’s sound science.
  215. If you want to study psychology, it’s important to have a “psychological mindset”.
  216. I take psychiatric medication. It doesn’t feel as bad as stealing it.
  217. What did the psychologist tell the actor that impulsively performed his roles?… I think you’re acting out.
  218. My therapist said I had “phycological blindspots” and I couldn’t see the problem.
  219. I was psychologically disturbed by the fact that I can’t stop making bad psychology jokes.
  220. I have an anxiety disorder. It means I panic when I do something out of order.
  221. I always cheated on my psychology tests. I don’t know what that says about me.
  222. I think i’m an expert in reverse psychology, but you don’t have to agree.
  223. I told my psychologist I am scared of living in a block of flats. She says I have an apartment complex.
  224. Why did the fashionista not do a master’s in psychology?… She didn’t really approve of APA style.
  225. I want to buy a guide that covers all of the aspects of phobias… That includes even those that I am too afraid to know about.
  226. The developmental psychologists got back to us about our son. They said he’s smart on paper. Unfortunately, he can’t read.
  227. I have a double major in Psychology and Geography. I lead the field in research on glacial depressions.