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More Golf Jokes…

  1. Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the BEST golf jokes in the world. (Knock Knock Jokes for Kids)
  2. Why are college basketball coaches so excited to make it to the 15th hole in golf?… They love the final fore. (World’s Best Basketball Jokes)
  3. What did the dentist say to the golfer?… “You have a hole in one.” (Dentist Jokes)
  4. What do you call a wizard that can turn himself into a golf club?… Harry Putter. (Harry Potter Jokes)
  5. Why do Minions wear two pairs of pants when they play golf?… In case they get a hole in one. (Minion Jokes)
  6. What do you call a wizard who can hit a white ball with a club?… Cangolf! (101 Lord of the Rings Jokes)
  7. Mulligan: Invented by an Irishman who wanted to hit one more 20-yard grounder.
  8. Why can’t Irish golfers ever end a game?… They refuse to leave the green.
  9. Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white, they are sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy more. (Egg Jokes)
  10. A golfer who says he never cheats is also a liar.
  11. Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly and the golfers lie well. (Math Jokes for Kids & Pi Day Jokes)
  12. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. (Math Jokes for Kids & Pi Day Jokes)
  13. The higher a golfer’s handicap, the more likely he is to try to tell you what you’re doing wrong.
  14. If you golf on election day, make sure to cast an absent-tee-ballot! (Election Jokes)
  15. Brand new golf balls are attracted to water, and the power of the attraction is in direct proportion to how much the balls cost.
  16. A guy on vacation finishes his round, goes into the clubhouse. The head pro says, “Did you have a good time out there?” The man replied, “Fabulous, thank you.” “You’re welcome,” said the pro. “How did you find the greens?” Said the man: “Easy. I just walked to the end of the fairways and there they were!”
  17. How many golfers does it take to change a light bulb?… FORE! (Math Jokes for Kids & Pi Day Jokes)
  18. I play in the low 80’s. If it’s any hotter than that, I won’t play.
  19. Why can’t Tampa Bay Buccaneers play golf?… They always hook the ball. (Pirate Jokes & Golf Jokes)
  20. Why can’t pirates play golf well?… They always hook the ball. (Pirate Jokes & Golf Jokes)
  21. What does Luke Skywalker say whilst playing golf… May the course be with you! (Star Wars Jokes)
  22. Are you a scratch player?… I sure am – every time I hit the ball I scratch my head and wonder where it went. (Psychology Jokes)
  23. I’m ready to go for this par-5 green in two, but there’s still a group on the green. What should I do?… Well, you have two options: you can go ahead and shank it right now, or wait for the green to clear and then top the ball half way there.
  24. What is a golfer’s favorite lunch?… A ham sand-wedge. (Sandwich Jokes)
  25. The only problem with golf is that the slow groups are always in front of you and the fast groups are always behind you.
  26. Why are college basketball players so excited to make it to the 15th hole in golf?… They love the final fore. (World’s Best Basketball Jokes)
  27. The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often.
  28. You spend too much time thinking about golf! Do you even remember the day we got married?… Of course I do! It was the same day I sank that 45-foot putt. (Wedding Jokes & Marriage Jokes)
  29. What are the primary components of a golfer’s diet?… A lot of greens and water.
  30. The golfer called one of the caddies and said, “I want a caddie who can count and keep the score. What’s 3 and 4 and 5 add up to?” “11 sir,” said the caddie. “Good, you’ll do perfectly.” (Math Jokes for Kids & Pi Day Jokes)
  31. An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice … once before swinging, and once again, after swinging.
  32. Why do golfers hate cake?… Because they might get a slice. (Cake Jokes)
  33. The best wood in most golfer’s bags is the pencil. (Pencil Jokes)
  34. “After all these years, it’s still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham and rye.” – Professional golfer Chi Chi Rodriguez
  35. What is a golfer’s worst nightmare?… The “Bogey” man. (Friday the 13th Jokes & Funny Halloween Jokes)
  36. Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night?… Clubbing.
  37. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh.
  38. What’s the problem with my golf game?… You’re standing too close to the ball … after you’ve hit it.
  39. Why do golfers at summer camp carry an extra pair of socks?… In case they get a hole in one. (Golf Jokes & Summer Camp Jokes)
  40. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly… or start cheating.
  41. Why are college coaches & players so excited to make it to the last hole in golf?… They love the final fore. (Final Four Jokes)
  42. The game of golf is 90-percent mental and 10-percent mental. (Math Jokes for Kids & Psychology Jokes)
  43. Why did they kick Tarzan out of the golf game?… He screamed with every swing. (Tarzan Jokes & Disney Jokes)
  44. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Woo… Woo, who?… What are you cheering for in golf at the Summer Olympics in Tokyo? (Summer Olympic Knock Knock Jokes)
  45. If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, it means he probably shot an eight. (Math Jokes for Kids & Pi Day Jokes)
  46. What’s the easiest shot in golf?… Your fourth putt.
  47. A good golf partner is one who’s always a little bit worse than you are.
  48. Golfer to caddie: “Why do you keep looking at your watch? I find it very distracting.” Caddie: “It’s not a watch, sir – it’s a compass.”
  49. Why didn’t the golfer get his homework done?… He was puttering around. (Jokes for Teachers)
  50. Why did the golfer have an extra pair of pants?… In case he got a hole-in-one.
  51. After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th. He looked at his caddie and said, “I’ve played so badly all day, I think I’m going to drown myself in that lake.” The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, “I’m not sure you could keep your head down that long.”
  52. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about golf? (Summer Olympic Knock Knock Jokes)
  53. What is the difference between a golfer and a fisherman?… When a golfer lies, he doesn’t have to bring anything home to prove it. (Fishing Jokes)
  54. Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?… He was perfecting his swing. (Tarzan Jokes & Disney Jokes)
  55. Two golfers are ready to play on the 11th tee as a funeral cortege passes by. The first player stops, doffs his cap, and bows his head as the cortege passes. “That was a really nice thing to do,” the second golfer says. “It’s good to see there is still some respect in the world.” “Well, it’s only right,” the first golfer replies. “I was married to her for 35 years.” (Cemetery Jokes & Marriage Jokes)
  56. Why does Sir-Mix-a-Lot always chip the ball away from the flagstick?… He likes big putts and he cannot lie. (Music Jokes)
  57. What is a golfer’s favorite bird?… Any birdie will do. (Bird Jokes)
  58. Golf is harder than baseball, in golf you have to play your foul balls. (Baseball Jokes)
  59. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good golf knock-knock jokes?
  60. What is a golfer’s favorite dance move?… The Bogey.
  61. When it comes to putters, try before you buy: Never buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it.
  62. Why do [insert a college here] basketball fans only play 14 holes of golf?… Because they can’t make it to the Final Four. (Final Four Jokes)
  63. Golf is a lot like taxes… you go for the green and come out in the hole.
  64. Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.” Caddie: “Try heaven. You’ve already moved most of the earth.”
  65. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse.
  66. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good golf knock knock jokes? (June Jokes Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  67. Why does the golfer carry two shirts?… In case he gets a hole in one.
  68. My golf game is so bad I had to have my ball retriever regripped.
  69. When is the course too wet to play golf?… When your golf cart capsizes.
  70. Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments.
  71. Golf is what you play when you’re too out of shape to play softball. (Softball Jokes)
  72. I once played a golf course that was so difficult… I lost two balls in the ball washer!
  73. Why is the game called “golf”?… Because all the other 4-letter words were already taken.
  74. Why do WWI veterans dislike golf?… They always end up in the bunker. (Veterans Day Jokes)
  75. You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10-percent of the time, but hit a 2-inch branch 90-percent of the time. (Math Jokes for Kids & Psychology Jokes)
  76. Two longtime golf buddies were standing on a tee box overlooking a river, getting ready to hit their tee shots.  One golfer pointed down the river, turned to the other golfer and said, “Look at those idiots fishing in the rain!” (Fishing Jokes)
  77. Why does the golf pro tell you to keep your head down during lessons?… So you can’t see them laughing.
  78. If you think it’s hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong ball on a golf course.
  79. Golfer: Hey caddie, would you wade into that pond and see if you can find my ball? Caddie: Why? Golfer: It’s my lucky ball.
  80. Why does the golfer carry two pants?… In case he gets a hole in one.
  81. Why does the golfer carry an extra pair of socks?… In case he gets a hole in one.
  82. How do you like my game?… Oh, it’s a great game, but personally I prefer golf.
  83. Practice Tee: A place where golfers go to convert a nasty hook into a wicked slice
  84. A golfer was having a terrible round — 20-over par for the front nine with scores of balls lost in water or rough. When his caddie then coughed as he steadied himself over a 12-inch putt on the 10th, he lost it. “You’ve got to be the worst caddie in the world!” he yelled. “I doubt it,” replied the caddie, dead-pan. “That would be too much of a coincidence.”
  85. Where can you find 100 doctors all at the same place on any given day?… A golf course! (Doctor Jokes)
  86. Golf is what you play when you’re too out of shape to play baseball. (Baseball Jokes)
  87. Golf is what you play when you’re too out of shape to play basketball. (Basketball Jokes)
  88. When is it too wet to play golf?… When your golf cart capsizes.
  89. Golf was once a rich man’s sport, but now it has millions of poor players!
  90. In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf. (Witch Jokes)
  91. Why do golfers at summer camp carry an extra pair of pants?… In case they get a hole in one. (Golf Jokes)
  92. Fairway: An unfamiliar tract of closely mowed grass running from the tee to the green. Your ball is usually found immediately to the left or right of it.
  93. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.
  94. If you do find that you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here’s a valuable tip: Your life is in trouble. (Rain Jokes / Hurricane Jokes / Snow Jokes)
  95. Why was Cinderella such a terrible golfer?… Her coach was a pumpkin. (Cinderella Jokes)
  96. Mulligan: Invented by an Irishman who wanted to hit one more 20-yard grounder. (St. Patrick’s Day Jokes)
  97. Where do ghouls and ghosts play their golf?… On a golf corpse. (Ghost Jokes)
  98. You made a 12 on a par-3? How in the world did you manage that?… I chipped in from the fringe. (Math Jokes for Kids & Psychology Jokes)
  99. The term “mulligan” is really a contraction of the phrase “maul-it-again.”
  100. Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.
  101. What do you call a wizard that can turn himself into a golf club?… Harry Putter. (Harry Potter Jokes)
  102. Did you hear about the two guys that met on the golf course?…It was the beginning of a beautiful friend-chip.
  103. What do golfers do on their days off?… Putter around.
  104. What do you call a monkey who wins the Masters?… The chimpion! (Masters Jokes)
  105. What should NASA do if it wants to explore water on Mars?… Send a golfer there to hit a golf ball. (Astronomy Jokes)
  106. A schoolteacher was taking her first golf lesson. “Is the word spelled p-u-t or p-u-t-t?” she asked the instructor. “P-u-t-t is correct,” he replied. “Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing.” (Jokes for Teachers)
  107. Why do golf announcers whisper?… Because they don’t want to wake up the people watching.
  108. An American citizen is vacationing on his own in Ireland. He decides to play a round and is paired with three locals. He takes a few practice swings, steps up to the first tee, and proceeds to hook the ball out of bounds. He shakes his head, reaches in his pocket, and re-tees another ball. He tells his playing partners that he is taking a mulligan. He pounds one down the center of the fairway. With a big smile, he asks the others, “In the States, we call that a mulligan. What do you call it here in Ireland?” After a moment of silence, one of the locals replies, “Hitting three.” (St. Patrick’s Day Jokes)
  109. Which actress is incredible at golf?… Minnie Driver. (Movie Jokes)
  110. What did Nat King Cole sing after he won a round of golf?… Un-fore-gettable, in every way. (Music Jokes)
  111. What did the driver yell at the golf cart that cut him off?… Kiss my putt.
  112. What did the sign above the golf club bar say?… “Don’t drink and drive. Don’t even putt.” (Beer Jokes)
  113. A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. “Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T?” She asked her instructor. “P-U-T-T is correct,” the instructor replied. “P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. “P-U-T-T means merely a futile attempt to do the same thing.”
  114.  It’s not your fault you missed that shot…. It must have been the crap attached to the end of your club.
  115. Why didn’t the golfer say anything before he hit the ball off the tee?… He was at a loss fore words, 
  116.  What do you call a really friendly golfer?… A social putterfly.
  117. What does a golfer like to hear from his wife?… “Talk birdie to me.” (Bird Jokes)