Election Jokes for Kids

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Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the BEST election jokes in the world. (Knock Knock Jokes for Kids)
“George Washington is the only president who didn’t blame the previous administration for his troubles.” Author Unknown (George Washington Jokes)
“Being president is like running a cemetery: You’ve got a lot of people under you, and nobody’s listening.” Bill Clinton (Cemetery Jokes)
November 1st 2020: Someone just asked me, “Who do you think will win the 2020 Presidential Election?” I said, “I don’t know, I don’t have 2020 vision.”
A politician will find an excuse to get out of anything… except office.
Why do Americans choose just 2 people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? (Presidents Jokes)
What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?… Hair Force One! (Barber Jokes)
Give me a one-handed economist! All my economists say, “On the one hand …on the other.” Harry Truman
“Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.” Author Unknown
“I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of a national emergency – even if I’m in a Cabinet meeting.” Ronald Reagan
“Don’t buy a single vote more than necessary. I’ll be damned if I’m going to pay for a landslide.” Joseph P. Kennedy
It’s important to look closely at lawn signs during election campaigns… Last time I voted for a real estate agent.
What’s the difference between Election Day and Thanksgiving?… On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day. On Election Day, you get a turkey for four years. (Thanksgiving Jokes)
What’s the difference between a presidential election and an Indianapolis 500 race?… In Indy 500 they wear their sponsors on their shirts. (Indianapolis 500 Jokes)
How many presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb?… None. They’re supposed to keep the President in the dark.
“Daddy,” a little girl asked her father, “do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once upon a time’? ” “No, sweetheart,” he answered. “Some begin with ‘If I am elected.'”
Why did Bernie Sanders challenge his 49 vs 50% 2020 Democratic primary loss in Iowa?… I thought he didn’t care about the 1%? (Iowa Jokes)
What is Joe Biden’s favorite full moon?… The Hunter Moon. (Full Moon Jokes)
Latest Fox News election poll shows Trump way ahead … … in all 87 states. (Top 50 State Jokes)
What is Donald Trump’s least favorite full moon?… The Hunter Moon. (Full Moon Jokes)
What do you call George Washington’s false teeth?… Presidentures! (Dentist Jokes)
Great American Political Book Never Written: “How to Become President” by Paul O’Ticks. (Presidents’ Day Jokes / Election Jokes / Book Jokes)
An octopus politician offered to pay my debts if I voted for him…. I guess it’s squid pro quo. (Octopus Jokes)
If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress?
How do Republicans plan on fighting record high temperatures?… By switching from Fahrenheit to Celsius! (Earth Day Jokes)
If you golf on election day… make sure to cast an absent-tee-ballot! (Golf Jokes)
What is the most popular college during election season?… The Electoral College. (College Jokes)
What political party are most corn farmers and growers?… They are “corn” servative republic-corns. (Corn Jokes & Farming Jokes)
“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?” Abraham Lincoln (Civil War Jokes)
Which former president planted the most Christmas trees?… Wood-row Wilson! (Presidents’ Day Jokes & Christmas Tree Jokes)
How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?… Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.
What do you call a bee that tries to interfere with an election?… A Cagey Bee. (Bee Jokes & Election Jokes)
What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger?…. Babe Lincoln (Baseball Jokes)
2020 Election: Why can’t Donald Trump enter the White House?… It is now “For Biden!”
How did George Washington speak during his 1st presidential campaign?…. In general terms. (George Washington Jokes)
Maine Political Campaign Slogan: “Let’s Keep the Maine Thing… The Main Thing.” (Maine Jokes)
It was so cold today… a Democrat had his hands in his own pockets! (Winter Jokes)
What did Al Gore say when he went to the dentist?… “I have an Inconvenient Tooth.” (Dentist Jokes)
“Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly… and for the same reason.” (Baby Jokes)
Ice Cream Flavors honoring Richard Nixon… ‘ImPeachments & Cream’ and ‘Watermelon-Gate.’ (Election Jokes & Ice Cream Jokes)
I like my sunglasses like I like my politicians… Polarized and able to be bought surprisingly cheap. (Sunglasses Jokes)
Why was the delegation from the Dallas Dyslexic Republican Association turned away from the Republican National Convention?… Their placard read: ‘We love Taxes.’
Why did the protons vote for Harry Potter to be president?… Because they didn’t want to elect Ron. (Election Jokes & Chemistry Jokes)
Politician: I really feel like having some pancakes… maybe I don’t…I just can’t stop waffling. (Pancake Jokes)
“I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them.” Adlai Stevenson
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?… Your Honor. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?… Senator. (Lawyer Jokes)
A pasta chef was caught stuffing the ballot boxes at a big Broadway awards show… Apparently, he was trying to rig a Tony. (Pasta Jokes)
Why did the politician go to cheerleading classes?… To learn how to flip-flop. (Election Jokes & Flip Flop Jokes)
Top 3 things Florida is famous for 1. old people. 2. “stand your ground” laws. 3. recounts! (Florida Jokes)
What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president?…. Ape Lincoln!
2016 Election: If Steve Jobs was still alive and a presidential candidate, he would have won the 2016 Election… But let’s not compare Apples to Oranges. (Apple Jokes)
I’ve decided that I will not vote in the next election for the following reasons, please hear me out… I’m 14.
I can’t believe they’re considering an all mail election… …females worked so hard to get voting rights! (Mailman Jokes)
The Buccaneers didn’t win the Super Bowl… It might take weeks until we know the final score, as soon as they finish counting all the mail-in points. (Florida Jokes & Election Jokes)
Why did Ron lose the election?… People thought his elect-Ron campaign was too negative. (Election Jokes & Chemistry Jokes)
What do you call a bee that works for the government?… A pollentician. (Bee Jokes)
I have a big decision to make in November… Pumpkin or pecan pie for Thanksgiving? (Pie Jokes / Thanksgiving Jokes / Election Jokes)
I say this next election we learn from our mistakes in the past and try to move forward to a brighter tomorrow. This election vote… Hindsight 2020.
A politician was crossing a pasture when he stepped into something soft. He immediately stopped and looked down to see his foot completely covered in a large cow-pie. Standing still, he cried out in terror, “Please someone help me, I’m melting!” (Cow Jokes)
What is something that describes both political talk and filling up your plate at Thanksgiving?… Choosing sides. (Thanksgiving Jokes)
How do people in Boston vote?… Early and often! (Massachusetts Jokes)
Who are voting for this election?… I’m voting for tricity so vote for tricity… Electricity!
What’s the difference between skateboard tricks and my political views?… None – people call them “sick” and “radical.” (Skateboarding Jokes)
What would you call it if Sponge Bob ran for governor?… A goobernatorial election.
Why did they call Lincoln “Honest Abe”?… Because that’s what it said on all his campaign buttons.
What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character?… George Washingtoon!
Where do polar bears vote?… The North Poll! (World Geography Jokes / Bear Jokes / Christmas Jokes)
What’s the only thing that can stop Donald Trump in the primary?… A Cruz missile.
When playing spades with The Donald, why did the dealer lose?… He handed Donald Trump! (Top Summer Camp Jokes)
“Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.” George Carlin
“In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.” George Carlin
What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?… Abraham Stinkin
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: “Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?” The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant. In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant. In Western Europe they didn’t know what “shortage” meant. In China they didn’t know what “opinion” meant. In the Middle East they didn’t know what “solution” meant. In South America they didn’t know what “please” meant. And in the USA they didn’t know what “the rest of the world” meant. (World Geography Jokes)
“The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.” Winston Churchill
“There are always too many Democratic congressmen, too many Republican congressmen, and never enough US congressmen.” Author Unknown
“Half of the American people have never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half.” Gore Vidal
There was an election amongst the elements of the periodic table and Iron voted for Zinc… … because Zinc was able to galvanize Iron. (Mole Day Jokes)
Why did Ronald lose the election?… People thought his elect Ron campaign was too negative. (Chemistry Jokes & Mole Day Jokes)
“The problem with political jokes is they get elected.”
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?… It’s mole-itically incorrect! (Mole Day Jokes)
Putin won the election with 76.6% of the vote. Funnily enough the exact same percent I gave myself when my teacher told us we could mark our own tests and I didn’t want to look suspicious. (Teacher Jokes)
What is the difference between a politician and a snail?… One is slimy, a pest, and leaves a trail everywhere and the other is a snail.
Why are all the unemployed in Palm Beach County, Florida sitting on the dock?… An elections official said he needed help to count votes, and they all thought he said he needed help to count boats. (Fishing Jokes & Florida Jokes)
Teacher: “John, do you know Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address?” Student: “No. I thought he lived in Washington!” (Civil War Jokes)
A lady who was known as Churchill’s main rival in parliament was giving a speech. Churchill, with his usual enthusiasm for his rival, dozed off while the lady was speaking. She stopped her speech and awoke Sir Winston by yelling, “Mr. Churchill, must you sleep while I talk?” Churchill sleepily replied, “No, ma’am. I do so purely by choice.” (Napping Jokes)
What’s the difference between a presidential election and a NASCAR race?… In NASCAR they wear their sponsors on their shirts. (NASCAR Jokes)
I don’t get people who try to predict the next US presidential election… I mean, do they think they have 2020 vision?
Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?… Because E.T. eventually went home!
Why can’t sunglasses have political opinions?… Because they’re so polarizing. (Sunglasses Jokes)
What do you call a communist on a skateboard?… A radical leftist. (Skateboarding Jokes)
Punxsutawney Phil makes conservatives out of us all. Every time it snows after February 2, I rethink my position on gun control: “I’m gonna kill that damn groundhog!” (Ground Hog Day Jokes)
A priest, a politician, and a clown, walk into the bar. The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”
Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?…. Because he couldn’t lie. (Napping Jokes)
We should just name hurricanes after politicians…. That way we wouldn’t have to worry about them actually coming through with anything. (Hurricane Jokes)
Did you hear the one about the Senator who won his election despite not having thumbs?… He ran unopposed.
Florida: We’re not sure who is dumber – the politicians or the voters. (Florida Jokes)
Why couldn’t Hillary Clinton keep up her US presidential campaign?… She was let down by a weak Constitution. (Constitution Jokes)
The 2020 election results are in! Oh sorry, this is just for us Russians. (World Geography Jokes)
2016 Election: Why didn’t Melania Trump want to be the first lady?… Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
“If you put your politicians up for sale, as the US does … then someone will buy them — and it won’t be you; you can’t afford them.” Juan Cole
How did we know communism was doomed from the beginning?… All the red flags.
I’m nineteen and won’t vote in this upcoming election. Here’s why:… I’m Swedish.
Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?… After a while, he took it for Grant-ed! (Civil War Jokes)
Trump: “Foreign Policy?, if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee.”
Why is England the wettest country?… Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. (Rain Jokes)
What might an older candidate need if elected?… Presidentures! (Dentist Jokes & Presidents’ Day Jokes)
Donald Trump wants to control the country even though he can’t control his hair.
Why did the Three Stooges win the election?… They had Moe mentum!
Congress does some strange things. They put a high tax on liquor and then raises the other taxes that drive people to drink. (Beer Jokes & Car Jokes)
What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?… Senator.
Was General Washington a handsome man?… Yes, he was George-eous!!
“A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won’t cross the street to vote in a national election.” Bill Vaughan.
What is full moon Donald Trump is most critical of ?… The Hunter Moon. (Full Moon Jokes)
“A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won’t cross the street to vote in a national election.” Bill Vaughan
“If voting made any difference they wouldn’t let us do it.” Mark Twain
“The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything.” Joseph Stalin
“The oppressed are allowed once every few years to decide which particular representatives of the oppressing class are to represent and repress them.” Karl Marx
“We stand today at a crossroads: One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other leads to total extinction. Let us hope we have the wisdom to make the right choice.” Woody Allen
Who is the leader of the Kitty Communist Party?… Chairman Meow. (Cat Jokes)
Have you heard about McDonald’s new Obama Value Meal?… Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. (Fast Food Jokes)
We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Obama, no cash, and no hope.
Why was Abraham Lincoln born in a log cabin?… Because it was too cold to be born outside!
Why did Abe Lincoln grow a beard?… He wanted to look like that guy on the five-dollar bill.
Why did Lincoln wear a tall, black hat?… To keep his head warm!
How do you know the economy is only getting worse?… On the latest episode of “Celebrity Apprentice,” Donald Trump fired himself!
I don’t always insult entire nations… but when I do it’s with Trumped-up charges.
What is the Beach Boys song “Kokomo” about?… All the places Donald Trump has bank accounts.
What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common? …They both whine a lot!
Everybody needs to comb down.
Why is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone?…They’re both on the (s)cent!
“If you put your politicians up for sale … then someone will buy them — and it won’t be you; you can’t afford them.” Juan Cole
“By the time a man gets to be presidential material, he’s been bought ten times over.” Gore Vidal
“When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.” J. O’Rourke
“In a society governed passively by free markets and free elections, organized greed always defeats disorganized democracy.” Matt Taibbi
“Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that “my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.” Isaac Asimov
“If pigs could vote, the man with the slop bucket would be elected swineherd every time, no matter how much slaughtering he did on the side.” Orson Scott Card
“A politician thinks of the next election; a statesman thinks of the next generation.” James Freeman Clarke
Donald Trump Jokes: How is Donald Trump going to create more jobs?… By paying them to cheer for him at his campaign events!
What did Clinton say when asked if he had used protection?… “Sure, there was a guard standing right outside the door.”
Did you hear about Monica Lewinsky becoming a Republican?… The Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.
Apparently Monica Lewinsky didn’t vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

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