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**Top 10 Jokes****180 School J****okes****Family Joke of the Day****Top 10 Pie Jokes***(Pie Jokes)*

**Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best pie jokes.**- How did the baker describe the pumpkin pie?… It’s gourd-geous.
*(Pumpkin Jokes &*)*Pie Jokes* - What do you call a pie protesting on Wall Street?… Occu-pie.
*(New York Jokes)* **Mardi Gras Pun:**Moon pies put me in a good ala mode!*(Ice Cream Jokes &*)*Pie Jokes*- Where does Neil Young put his pie?… On his harvest spoon.
*(Harvest Moon Jokes)* **Pie Puns:**I’m gonna ride my pie-cycle around the neighborhood.*(**Bike Jokes)*- How did the apple go to the pie shop?… On a pie-cycle.
*(**Bike Jokes)* - What do you call a mud pie on April 22?… An Earth Day cake!
*(**Earth Day Jokes &*)*Cake Jokes* - The mathematician says, “Pi r squared.” The baker replies, “No, pies are round. Cakes are square.”
*(Pie Jokes &*)*Pi Day Jokes for Teachers* - The worst thing about getting hit in the face with pi… is that it never ends.
- A statistics professor and a math professor worked together on a cookbook… They called it “Pi A La Mode.”
**Pie Puns:**Could you sing me a lulla-pie?*(Baby Jokes &*)*Pie Jokes*- What’s the best way to celebrate Pi Day?… With a slice of the pi(e).
- The first time Snoop Dogg bought a pot pie he was probably very disappointed.
*(Dog Jokes & 365 Music Jokes)* - What did they call the first person to bake a pie?… A pie-oneer.
- I was walking home late one night when I saw dozens of giant cupcakes and pies everywhere. It was kind of scary… The streets were oddly desserted.
*(Cupcake Jokes & Walking Jokes)* - What did Obi Wan say to Luke when he tried to eat bantha pie with a spoon?… “Use the FORK, Luke.”
*(Star Wars Jokes)* - How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie?… 3.14159265.
**(Pi Day Jokes & Chocolate Jokes)** - I tried to make a pie with fish innards!… It was cod offal.
*(Fishing Jokes)* - I had a shepherd’s pie for lunch today… He wasn’t happy.
*(Farming Jokes)* - Why did the waitress say when Rick Astley asked to fast track his order of apple pie and vanilla ice cream?… I’m never gonna run around and dessert you.”
*(Apple Pie Jokes / Music Jokes / Dessert Jokes)* - Did Judy Garland ever figure out how much a pie weighs? …Apparently, somewhere over the rainbow you can weigh a pie.
*(Rainbow Jokes & Wizard of Oz Jokes)* - What’s the best thing to put into a pie?… Your teeth!
*(Dentist Jokes)* - What do you call a dessert that flies a plane?… A pie-lot.
**(Pilot Jokes)** - How many pastry chefs does it take to make a pie?… 3.14.
**(Pi Day Jokes***)* - The local pie shop almost never closes… It’s 22/7.
*(Pi Day Jokes for Teachers)* - The roundest knight at King Arthur’s table was Sir Cumference…. He ate too much pi.
*(Knight Jokes & Pi Day Jokes for Teachers)* - Who led all the apples to the bakery?…The Pie Piper.
*(Fall Jokes & Apple Pie Jokes)* - How far can you recite pi?… Cherry, Apple, Pecan, Blueberry…
*(Apple Pie Jokes)* - A pie walks into a bar. The bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve food.”
*(Beer Jokes)* - What snack did the teacher in Maine give her students on the last day of school?… Whoopie Pi!
*(Jokes for the Last Day of School & Maine Jokes)* - What is 1.57?… Half a pie.
**(Pi Day Jokes***)* - Following a recipe, says I need: apples, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of apples for a pie…
*(Math Jokes for Teachers)* - How would the dessert propose to his girlfriend?… Pie love you berry much.
**(Marriage Jokes)** - What do you call a mud pie on April 22?… An Earth Day cake!
*(Earth Day Jokes)* - What is a great for dessert for Halloween?… Boo-berry pie and I-scream!
*(Halloween Jokes)* - What is a great for dessert for Friday the 13th?… Boo-berry pie and I-scream!
*(Friday the 13th Jokes)*- What do you call a street full of pies?… A desserted street.
- Why is it so difficult to work at an apple pie factory?… Because they have such a high turnover rate!
*(Apple Pie Jokes &**Labor Day Jokes)* - What is a ghosts favorite kind of dessert?… Boo-berry pie!
*(Ghost Jokes)* - Why did the apple pie join the circus?… It loved all the apple-ause.
*(Apple Pie Jokes)* - What do you call a sailor who loots desserts?… A pie-rate.
*(Pirate Jokes)* - What’s the ideal way to serve pi?… A la mode! Anything less is mean.
**(Pi Day Jokes***& Ice Cream Jokes*) - What did the pumpkin say after Thanksgiving?… Good-pie everyone.
*(Thanksgiving Jokes &*)*Pie Jokes* - Remember not to eat too much pi… it will give you a large circumference.
*(Geometry Jokes for Teachers)* - Why did the pie go to a dentist?… Because he needed a filling!
*(Dentist Jokes)* - How do you make a gold pie?… You put 14 carrots on it.
*(Farming Jokes)* - What happened to the snake that ate a whole pie?… It became a pie-thon!
*(Snake Jokes)* **Hole #9**Where do North and South Carolina bakers travel to make cherry pie?… The go to Augusta National Golf Course and set up shop at hole #9, Carolina Cherry.*(Pie Jokes /**South Carolina Jokes /**North Carolina Jokes)*- What’s the difference between a worm and an apple?… Have you ever tried worm pie?
*(Worm Jokes & Apple Jokes)* - Got a big decision to make in November… Pumpkin or pecan pie for Thanksgiving?
*(Pie Jokes & Thanksgiving Jokes)* - What did Yoda say when the bakery was out of Pies?… Dough. Or Doughnut. There is no Pie.
*(Star Wars Jokes)* - Why did the pie cross the road?… Because it was meetin’ potato.
*(Potato Jokes)* - What’s really good on pie and really awful on people?… Crust.
- Did you hear of the man who robbed a pie shop?… He was put into custardy.
*(Police Jokes)* - What do you call a baker who invented a new way to bake a pie?… A pie-oneer.
- Which pie has the most jam in it?… Cherry Garcia Pie.
*(365 Music Jokes)* - Waiter! Why does my dessert have a shoe print in it?… Sir, you did say “Apple pie and step on it!”(Apple Pie Jokes)
- I told the doctor I had a mince pie growing out of my head. He said he had some cream for it.
*(Doctor Jokes)* - Why did the pie cross the road?… Because it was meat & potato.
*(Potato Jokes)* - Why did the other pies stop playing with Pecan Pie during recess?… Because it was nuts.
- What do sharks eat for dessert?… Octo-pie.
*(Shark Jokes & Octopus Jokes)* - What did the pie yell when it heard a knock at the bathroom door?… Occu-pied!
- Who will you call to bake the tastiest apple pies?… Granny Smith.
*(**Grandparent Jokes**)* - What was the scarecrow’s contribution to the Thanksgiving dinner pot-luck?… A Straw-berry pie.
- Why shouldn’t you eat too much pi?… You’ll end up with a big circumference.
- I think my favorite Thanksgiving food is pie… but some people say that’s irrational.
*(Thanksgiving Jokes & Math Jokes for Teachers)* - What kind of pie is Curious George’s favorite?… Banana cream pie.
*(Banana Jokes)* - A billboard advertising a pie shop read… Just 3.14 miles away.
*(Pi Day Jokes for Teachers)* - A girl at the bar sold me a DVD. It had 3.14 stars… I think it was pi-rated.
*(Movie Jokes & Pirate Jokes)* - A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3 in the Bahamas… These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
*(World Geography Jokes*)*& Apple Pie Jokes* - A food critic was stealing pie-making recipes in the guise of rating and reviewing pies from various bakeries… She was Pie-rating.
- How do you cure a person with a pie allergy?… Use an E-pie pen on them.
*(Doctor Jokes)* - Why did the pie cross the road?… It saw a fork up ahead.
- My wife sat down with half a pie before dinner.
**Me**: Are you really planning to eat pie before dinner?**Her:**It’s only half a pie.**Me:**It’s still irrational.*(Math Jokes for Teachers)* - When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that’s amore… When you suddenly squeal ’cause you stepped on an eel that’s a moray!
*(Moon Jokes & Pizza Jokes)* - Did you hear about the sailor who turned into a pumpkin pie?… He’s a squashbuckling pirate!
*(Farming Jokes / Pirate Jokes / Pumpkin Jokes)* - Why did the apple pie turn red?… Because it saw the salad dressing.
*(Apple Pie Jokes)* - What did the key lime pie say to the pecan pie?… You’re Nuts!
- I love pie… I could eat it 22/7.
*(Pi Day Jokes for Teachers)* - How can you tell if someone spiked your chocolate pie with alcohol?… The proof is in the pudding.
*(Dessert Jokes)* - Where do you go to weigh a pie?… Somewhere, over the rainbow.
*(Rainbow Jokes & Wizard of Oz Jokes)* - A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in. One grabbed the trucker’s cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker’s coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn’t say a word as he paid the waitress and left. As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, “He ain’t much of a man, is he?” “He’s not much of a driver, either,” the waitress replied. “He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles.”
- What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter?… Pi a la mode.
- A mathematician walks into a diner. He asks the waitress for pie. She says: “3.14159 26535”
*(Math Jokes for Teachers)* - What do you call a pie protesting on Wall Street?… Occu-pie.
*(New York Jokes)* **Mathematician:**“Pi r squared.”**Baker:**“No, pies are round. Cakes are square.”*(Cake Jokes)*- What do you get if you chase a pie around the garden?… Puff pastry.
- What’s the difference between cake and pie?… πr², cakes are round.
*(Cake Jokes)* - Why does pirate likes to eat pie?… Because PIE RATING is in their job description.
*(Pirate Jokes)* - What is an Australian ghost’s favorite pie?… Boo meringue.
*(Ghost Jokes)* - What did the pie tell his significant other?… I will never dessert you.
*(Dessert Jokes)* - The price of your average meat pie in Nicaragua, Panama, Dominica and Cubais $3. In Mexico, Honduras, Jamaica and Bahamas it lies around $2.79, and the cheapest at $1.79 can be found in Granada and Guatemala… These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
**Pie Puns:**Pie love you with all of my heart.**Pie Puns:**She was really hap-pie today.**Pie Puns:**I’m pie-ning for you.**Pie Puns:**Y ou’re the apple of my pie.**Pie Puns:**Feast your pies on this.**Pie Puns:**I only have pies for you.**Pie Puns:**I got my pie on you.**Pie Puns:**Beauty is in the pie of the beholder.**Pie Puns:**Hi, sweetie pie!**Pie Puns:**You’re such a cutie pie.**Pie Puns:**You occu-pie my thoughts.**Pie Puns:**She completed the task to pie-fection.**Pie Puns:**Keep your eyes on the pies.**Pie Puns:**Good-pie my friends.**Pie Puns:**Pie’m all ears.**Pie Puns:**I’m gonna ride my pie-cycle around the neighborhood.*(Bike Jokes)***Pie Puns:**Could you sing me a lulla-pie.*(365 Music Jokes)***Pie Puns:**Don’t invade my pie-vacy.**Pie Puns:**The best pie that money can pie.**Pie Puns:**I read my pie-ble (bible) everyday says the pastor.**Pie Puns:**Pie-lates – The reason pies can keep in shape.**Pie Puns:**S-pie-der – A baked 8 legged creature.*(Spider Jokes)***Pie Puns:**Pi – A nerdy mathematical dessert that’s round.**Pie Puns:**Arrgh, it a swashbuckling pie-rate.*(Pirate Jokes)***Pie Puns:**Pie-rat – A scurvy little rodent with an eye-patch and a hook.*(Pirate Jokes)*- What’s the problem eating too much pumpkin pie this time of year?… You’ll get autumn’y ache.
*(Fall Jokes & Pumpkin Jokes)* - What did the pumpkin say to the pie baker?… Use apples instead.
*(Pumpkin Jokes)* - What can a whole apple pie do that half an apple pie can’t do?… It can look round.
*(Apple Pie Jokes)* - I robbed a pastry shop in Lombardy and ended up in custardy.
*(Police Jokes)* **Kids:**“There isn’t enough sugar in the pumpkin filling!”**Dad:**“Hey, cooking is an art, not a science…” “… you can’t calculate pie.”*(Math Jokes for Teachers & Dad Jokes)*- I dropped my pie on the apartment stairs… Now it’s some where between three and four.
- Apple Pie is 3.14 times better than apples by themselves.
*(Apple Pie Jokes)* - What have I named the pie section of my bakery menu?… Treasure Hunter cus its full of Pie-Rates.
*(Pirate Jokes)* - The first time Snoop Dogg bought a pot pie he was probably very disappointed.
*(Dog Jokes & 365 Music Jokes)* - I drive around and sell pies. Key lime for $8 and pecan pie for $10…. Those are the pie rates of the car I be in.
*(Pirate Jokes)* - What’s a pumpkin circumference divided by pumpkin diameter?… Pumpkin pi.
*(Pumpkin Jokes)* - What do you call a ghost of a pie that you can’t throw away because it keeps coming back?… Boo-meringue.
*(Ghost Jokes)* - What do you call a pie without 3.14?… 2.718
- Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50 and in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00? Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
- What do you get when you take the sun and divide its circumference by its diameter?… Pi in the sky.
*(Sun Jokes)* - How did the baker describe the pumpkin pie?… It’s gourd-geous.
*(Pumpkin Jokes)* - How did the apple go to the pie shop?… On a pie-cycle.
*(Bike Jokes)* - Pirates of the Caribbean joke A pie in Jamaica is usually 3 dollars. While a pie in the Bahamas is usually 4 dollars. I know because I have always been a fan of the pie rates of the Caribbean.
- A politician was crossing a pasture when he stepped into something soft. He immediately stopped and looked down to see his foot completely covered in a large cow-pie. Standing still, he cried out in terror, “Please someone help me, I’m melting!”
*(Cow Jokes)* - What do you get when you eat 3.14 pies?… Fat. You get fat.
- Why did the cherry pie and apple pie break up?… They were having crust issues.
*(Apple Pie Jokes)* - What kind of pie did George Washington like most?… Cherry pie!
*(***George Washington Jok***es)* - What’s kind of dessert is Egyptian pie?… The kind mummy used to make.
- What do you get when you cross an apple pie with a Christmas tree?… Pineapple pie.
*(**Christmas Tree Jokes**)* - A bakery can only calculate the size of circular cakes… if their pie are squared.
*(Pi Day Jokes for Teachers)* - A math professor is trapped on a deserted island with nothing but a pie. He decides to ration the pie so he can survive for a month, and hopefully someone will have come by then. He dies a week later cause he ate all the pie in one day. He should’ve listened to what he told his students “Pi is irrational.”
*(Math Jokes for Teachers)* - How many pies can an explorer eat before they go deaf?… Two: a pie an ear!
- Why were the pirates happy when they washed up on shore and saw cakes, pies, and ice cream?… It was a desserted island.
*(Dessert Jokes*&*Pirate Jokes)* - What do you get when you cross an apple pie with a shellfish?… A crab apple pie.
*(Apple Pie Jokes)* - What do you call a pie that loves to go to the gym?… A buff pastry.
- Did you know that Cherry Pie is $15 in Barbados but only $10 in Antigua?… Arrr. Those be the Pie rates of the Caribbean today.
*(Pirate Jokes)* - So I was baking a premade pie and the instructions told me to put it in the oven at 180 degrees. Now I’m left with an upside down pie in an oven.
*(Math Jokes for Teachers)* - I couldn’t find any round pies for Pi Day!… My baker insists pie are squared.
*(Pi Day Jokes for Teachers)* **Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about birds?****Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good bird knock-knock joke?****Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good bird****knock knock jokes?***(June Jokes & Spring Knock Knock Jokes)*- Where does Dorothy from OZ weigh a pie?… Somewhere over the rainbow, weigh-a-pie!
*(**Wizard of Oz Jokes**)* - Why did the apple pie cry?… It’s peelings were hurt!
*(**Pie Jokes**)* - Which band did the Pie like the most?… S-pie-ce Girls.
- The worst thing about getting hit in the face with pi is that it never ends.
**(Pi Day Jokes)** - What do you get when a bunch of sheep stand in a circle?… Shepherd’s Pi.
**(Pi Day Jokes)** - What did the apple say to the pie baker?… Use cherries instead.
- What did the cherry say to the cherry pie?… “You’ve got some crust.”
- In Jamaica pies cost $4.76, in the Cuba pies cost $3.89, and in Haiti pies cost $3.23. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean. (Pirate Jokes)
- What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie?… Puff pastry
- Why did the pie cross the road?… She was meat an potato.
*(Potato Jokes)* - What do you call a fantasy adventure movie about baked goods and a Bengal tiger?… Life of Pie.
- What is a ghost’s favorite dessert?… Boo-Berry pie with I-scream!
*(Halloween Jokes & Friday the 13th Jokes)* - What is a math teacher’s favorite dessert?… Pi!
**(Pi Day Jokes)** - Why did the apple pie cry?… It’s peelings were hurt!
- What was Sir Isaac Newton’s favorite dessert?… Apple pi.
**(Pi Day Jokes)** - What do you get when you cross an apple pie with a crustacean?… A crab apple pie.
*(Apple Pie Jokes)* - What is the ideal number of pieces to cut a pie into?… 3.14
- What kind of pie has a short temper?… A crab apple pie.
*(Apple Pie Jokes)* - How did the audience cheer the apple pie for its sensational performance?… With apple-ause!
*(Apple Pie Jokes)* - When is an apple pie grouchy?… When it’s made with crab apples!
*(Apple Pie Jokes)* - Why was the cherry pie so happy?… It won first pies in the contest.
- What did the mother ghost tell the baby ghost when he ate his pie too fast?… Stop goblin your dessert.
- Why did the man eat pecan pie at the bank?… He wanted to eat rich food.
- What’s the best thing to put in your pumpkin pie?… Your teeth!
*(Pumpkin Jokes)* - Remember not to eat too much pi—it will give you a large circumference.
*(Pie Jokes)* - Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?… A Mince Spy!
*(**Christmas Jokes**)* - Key lime pie is Barbados costs $3.14 Pecan pie in Jamaica costs $1.59. Those are the Pi Rates of the Caribbean.
- A pie costs $2.20 in Jamaica and $1.90 in Cuba. Does anyone else know the pie rates of the Caribbean?
- What did the monkey get for Thanksgiving dessert?… A banana cream pie.
*(Banana Jokes)* - Why should we not disturb a fashion designer when they’re eating apple pie and ice cream?… Because they’re a la mode.
- What did the man say when he took a bite of sweet potato pie?… Mmmm, this is so yammy.
- What did the boy say about his mom’s sweet potato pie?… It’s yamtastic!
- I was walking home late one night when I saw dozens of giant cupcakes and pies everywhere. It was kind of scary. …The streets were oddly desserted. (Dessert Jokes)
- Why was everyone sad for the Thanksgiving dessert?… It had ex-pie-red!
- Chicken pot pie My three favorite things.
*(Chicken Jokes)* - How do you compliment a math nerd?… Just call them a “qt pi.”
*(Math Jokes for Teachers)* - What do you feel after having a lot of tasty pie?… Hap-pie!
- What did the scientist use for his pie experiment?… A peach-tree dish.
- Name the sailor who loves spinach pie?… Po-pie the Sailor Man!
- What was Newton’s most favorite dessert?… An apple pi.
- Who was the pie’s favorite pop star?… Pumpkin Pie Spice.
- How do you pay your math teacher?… With pi.
- What would you gift a math teacher on their birthday?… A 3.14-pound pie.
- What do you call a pie ghost that keeps returning?… A boo-meringue.
- Why should someone never speak to a pi?… He will go on forever.
- What does a butcher do after traveling somewhere over a rainbow?… Weigh a pie!
*(Rainbow Jokes)* - What do you get when you cross a snowman and a Pi Day pie?… Froze-zen pi.
*(Snowman Jokes &*)*Pie Jokes* - What’s wrong with the equation “pi r squared?”… Pi are round. Cake are square.
*(Cake Jokes &*)*Pie Jokes* - I want to open a restaurant called Pi… All the food is round, but the pie are square.

**101 Pi Day Jokes****Pi Day Jokes (26)**

- 3.14% of Sailors are PI rates!
**(Top Pirate Jokes)** - What is a math teacher’s favorite dessert?… Pi!
**(Find a U.S. math teacher who tutors!)** - What is the ideal number of pieces to cut a pie into?… 3.14
- Mathematician: “Pi r squared” Baker:” No! Pies are round, cakes are square!
- How many pastry chefs does it take to make a pie?… 3.14.
- In Alaska, where it gets very cold, pi is only 3.00. As you know, everything shrinks in the cold. They call it Eskimo pi.
- The roundest knight at King Arthur’s was Sir Cumference… He ate too much Pi!
- What is the official animal of Pi Day?… the PI – thon!
- The worst thing about getting hit in the face with pi is that it never ends.
- Never talk to pi. He’ll go on forever.
- I just saw the movie American Pi. I gave it a rating of 3.14.
- What is 1.57?… Half a pie
- What do you get when you cut a jack o’lantern by its diameter?… Pumpkin Pi!
**(Top Halloween Jokes)** - What do you get when you take green cheese and divide its circumference by its diameter?… Moon Pi.
- What do you get when you take the sun and divide its circumference by its diameter?… Pi in the sky.
- What was Sir Isaac Newton’s favorite dessert?… Apple pi!
- What do we get when we take the object and order the rim by the diameter?…Pi in the sky by and by.
- What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter?… Pi a’la mode.
- Come to the nerd side, we have pi!
- How far can you recite pi?… Cherry, Apple, Pecan, Blueberry…
- What famous private investigator solves math problem?… Magnum PI
- What do you get when you take a bovine and divide its circumference by its diameter?… A cow pi.
- A
**mathematician**, a**physicist**, and an**engineer**are all given identicalrubber balls and told to find the volume. They are given anything theywant to measure it, and have all the time they need.**The mathematician**pulls out a measuring tape and records the circumference. He then divides by two times pi to get the radius, cubes that, multiplies by pi again, and then multiplies by four-thirds and thereby calculates the volume.**The physicist**gets a bucket of water, places 1.00000 gallons of water in the bucket, drops in the ball, and measures the displacement to six significant figures.**And the engineer?**He writes down the serial number of the ball, and looks it up. - Albert Einstein‘s birthday was on Pi Day — March 14, 1879. Perhaps he served pie for his birthday instead of cake.
- What do you get when you take a native Alaskan and divide its circumference by its diameter?… Eskimo pi.
- Several Experts Several experts were all posed the following question: What is pi?

- The engineer said: “It is approximately 3 and 1/7″
- The physicist said: “It is 3.14159.”
- The mathematician thought a bit, and replied “It is equal to pi.”
- A nutritionist: “Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!”

**Math Riddles (14)**

- Why should you never mention the number 288 in front of anyone?… Because it is too gross (2 x 144 – two gross).
- How is the moon like a dollar?… They both have 4 quarters.
- How can you add eight 8′s to get the number 1,000? (only using addition) A: 888 +88 +8 +8 +8 = 1,000
- How many eggs can you put in an empty basket? … Only one, after that the basket is not empty.
- Where can you buy a ruler that is 3 feet long?… At a yard sale
- When things go wrong, what can you always count on?… Your fingers.
- What coin doubles in value when half is deducted?… A half dollar.
- Why are diapers like 100 dollar bills?… They need to be changed.
- What goes up and never comes down?… Your Age
- Why is the longest human nose on record only 11 inches long?… Otherwise it would be a foot.
- Why do they never serve beer at a math party?… Because you can’t drink and derive…
- Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?… Because it had more cents.
- Why is 6 afraid of 7?… Because 7 8(ate) 9
- What is a proof?… One-half percent of alcohol.

*Geometry Jokes (33)*

- What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of mount everest?… A high-pot-in-use
- What do you call a crushed angle?…. A Rectangle (wrecked angle)
- What did the baby tree say when it looked in a mirror?… Gee-Om-A-Tree.
- What do you get when you cross geometry with McDonalds?… A plane cheeseburger.
- Why did I divide sin by tan?… Just cos.
- What shape is usually waiting for you at Stabucks?… A line.
- Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?… because it was over 90 degrees.
- What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito?…
- Nothing! You know you can’t cross a scalar and a vector.
- What did the acorn say when he grew up?… Gee, I’m A Tree!
- Why does nobody talk to circles?… Because there is no point!
- What do you call an angle which is adorable?… acute angle
- What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?… Hexagon
- Who invented the Round Table?… Sir Cumference.
- Which triangles are the coldest?… Ice-sosceles triangles.
- What do people who whine a lot and 3 points have in common?… They are both coplaners
- How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie?… 3.142
- What kind of tree does a math teacher climb?… Geometry
- What do you call people who like tractors?… Protractors
- Why were the similar triangles weighing themselves?… They were finding their scale.
- Why won’t the circles invite the ellipses over for dinner?… They are too eccentric.
- Why did the 30-60-90 triangle marry the 45-45-90 triangle?… They were right for each other.
- Why is a geometry book always unhappy?… Because it always has lots of problems.
- Why is Ms. Radian such a good reporter?… She covers the story from every angle.
- Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?… His parents wouldn’t cosine
- Where do circles, ellipses, hyperbolas and parabolas like to hang out in the summer?… Coney Island.
- Why didn’t the chicken cross to the other side of the inequality?… It couldn’t get past the boundary line.
- Q: What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?… Pumpkin Pi
- Why was the parent function upset with its child?… It was stretched to its limit.
- What is a proof?.. One-half percent of alcohol.
- Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?… Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don’t need the sun!
- What did one geometry book say to the other?… Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems!
- What do you call a broken record?… A Decca-gone

*Calculus Jokes (21)*

- Why do they never serve beer at a math party?… Because you can’t drink and derive…
- Why won’t Goldilocks drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it? It’s too cubed.
- What’s the integral of (1/cabin)d(cabin)?… A natural log cabin!
- What is the first derivative of a cow?… Prime Rib!
- What is the value of the contour integral around Western Europe?… Zero. Why?
- Because all poles are in Eastern Europe!
- How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children?… “I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times…”
- What is polite and works for the phone company?… A deferential operator.
- Why was the parent function upset with its child?… It was stretched to its limit.
- Did you hear the joke about the statistician?… Probably
- What wild animal is good at calculus?… The tangent lion.
- Why is a calculus book always unhappy?… Because it always has lots of problems.
- Why was the Calculus teacher bad at baseball?… He was better at fitting curves than hitting them.
- Why was the function so bent out of shape?… It’s regression model was too tight a fit.
- What is the integral of log cabin d cabin?…Log Cabin + sea = houseboat.
- Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?… Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don’t need the sun!
- What did one calculus book say to the other?… Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems!
- What’s yellow and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice?… Zorn’s Lemon.
- Why did the algebra students throw bottles of hand cream across the classroom?… They were investigating projectile lotion.
- What do you get if you cross an elephant with a zebra?… Elephant zebra sin theta.
- Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation function, the more expensive it becomes to compute?… That’s the Law of Spline Demand.

**Algebra Jokes (22)**

- Why was the student afraid of the y-intercept?… She thought she’d be stung by the b.
- Who invented algebra?… A Clever X-pert.
- What do you call mall friends who love math? alge “bros”
- Why won’t Goldilocks drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?… It’s too cubed.
- What do you get when you cross an algebra class with the prom?… The quadratic formal.
- What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito?… Nothing! You know you can’t cross a scalar and a vector.
- Why is an algebra book always unhappy?… Because it always has lots of problems.
- Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?… Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don’t need the sun!
- What is purple and commutative?… An abelian grape
- What shape is usually waiting for you at Stabucks?… A line.
- Why did the relation need a math tutor? … It failed the vertical-line test.
- How can a fisherman determine how many fish he needs to catch to make a profit?… By using a cod-ratic inequality.
- Why did the imaginary number turn red?… It ran out of i-drops.
- What does the little mermaid wear?… An algae-bra.
- How does a ghost solve a quadratic equation?… By completing the scare.
- What is a proof?… One-half percent of alcohol.
- What did algebra math book say to the other?… Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems!
- What is the definition of a polar bear?… A rectangular bear after a coordinate transformation
- Why did all the apples in the fruit bowl know each other?… They were core-relations.
- Why was the matrix arrested?… Illegal entry.
- What do you call a rodent with babies?… A quad-rat-ic parent.
- What do you get when you cross a linebacker with a computer geek?… A linear programmer.