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*(Math Jokes for Teachers)*

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- What is a math teacher’s favorite dessert?… Pi!
*(Pie Jokes &*)*Pi Day Jokes for Teachers* **February 29th:**We should have February 29th every year?…Statistically it’s the day the fewest people die so why only have it 1/4 of the time?- We will never see Super Bowl LIVE… E is not a Roman Numeral.
*(Super Bowl Jokes)* - I can’t wait for Tuesday, February 22, 2022 (2/22/22)… We can call it… 2’s day.
*(February Jokes)* - Following a recipe, says I need: apples, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of apples for a pie…
*(Math Jokes for Teachers)* - I like how my local pizza place cuts my pizza into 6 slices instead of 8… I can’t finish 8 slices.
- Are you ready for the most famous countdown of the whole world? New Years is coming! And 10, 9, 8, …. 3, 2, 1…. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
*(Math Jokes for Teachers & New Year’s Eve Jokes)* - If California splits into 3 states, we just need to make Puerto Rico a state. We’d have a prime number of states and finally be “one nation, indivisible.”
*(Prime Day Jokes &**California Jokes)* - Where can you go to practice math on New Year’s Eve?… Times Square.
*(New Year’s Eve Jokes)* - Why was 6 afraid of 9 on New Year’s Eve?… Because 9, 8, 7 …
*(New Year’s Eve Jokes for Teachers)* - My geometry teacher went to Hawaii… When he came back, he was a tan gent.
*(Geometry Jokes &**Hawaii Jokes**)* - How did the Grinch know to average all of the presents he stole, so that each Who in Whoville got the same amount returned to them?… He’s a mean one, Mr. Grinch.
*(Grinch Jokes)* - What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?… Owlgebra.
*(Algebra Jokes)* - What is a math teacher’s favorite type of camp?… “Sum”mer Camp!
*(**Summer Camp Jokes**)* - Will you be teaching statistics class next year?… Probably.
*(Jokes for the Last Day of School)* - I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th… Because I know how to reduce fractions unlike the rest of you morons.
*(Top 10 Jokes for Each Month)* - What tools does a middle school teacher need for math?… MultiPLIERS.
- Why is middle school arithmetic hard work?… You have to carry all those numbers.
- Why is 6 afraid of 7?… Because 7 8 (ate) 9.
- Where do New York City middle school teachers learn their multiplication tables?… Times Square.
*(New York Jokes)* - Where would you find a Christmas tree?… Between a Christmas two and a Christmas four!
& Christmas Tree Jokes)*(Christmas Jokes* - What food do math teachers eat?… Square meals!
- What is a @NCTM math teacher’s favorite sum?… Summer!
*(Summer Jokes for Kids)* - On a scale from one to ten, how obsessed with Harry Potter are you?… About nine and three quarters.
*(**Harry Potter Jokes**)* - Why do hockey rinks have rounded corners?… If they were 90 degrees they would melt!
**(Hockey Jokes)** - A book never written: “Middle School Math” by Cal Q. Luss.
*(Math Jokes & Book Jokes)* - What did the calculator say to the other calculator?… “You can count on me!”
**Mom:**What did you do at middle school today?**Son:**We did a guessing game.**Mom**: But I thought you were having a math exam.**Son:**That’s right!**Son:**Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today!**Mom:**That’s great. What in?**Son:**A 40 in Reading and a 60 in Spelling**.***(**Mother’s Day Jokes***&***Back to School Jokes)*- What grade did the Cat in the Hat get on his math test?… A Purrrr-fect score! (
*Dr. Seuss Jokes**)* - What U.S. state teaches math class all year long?… Mathachusetts.
*(Massachusetts Jokes & Math Jokes for Kids)* - Teacher: “If I gave you 2 tents and another 2 tents and another 2, how many would you have?” Student:“Seven.” Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two tents, and another two tents and another two, how many would you have?” Student:“Seven.” Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?” Student:“Six.” Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two tents, and another two tents and another two, how many would you have?” Student:“Seven!” Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!” Student: “Because I’ve already own a tent!”
*(Teacher Jokes**& Summer Jokes for Kids)* - If you ever get cold while camping, just stand in the corner of a tent for a while. They’re normally around 90 degrees. (
*Camping Jokes for Kids**)* - Where do math teachers like to go on vacation?… Times Square!
*(New York Jokes)* - What is the hardest foot to buy a hockey skate for?… A square foot.
*(**Hockey Jokes**)* - Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?… Because when you add four and four you get ate (eight). (Math Jokes for Kids)
- What Tex-Mex food is good at math?… Inch-iladas.
- Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?… It’s not right.
*(Biology Jokes)* - What is the hardest foot to buy a hockey skate for?… A square foot.
**(Hockey Jokes)** - What’s St. Nicholas’s favorite measurement in the metric system?… The Santameter!
*(Christmas Jokes for Kids)* - A math teacher asked her sassy student “If you had 4 tacos and I asked for one, how many would you have left?” The student replied “well if your asking, I’ll still have 4.”
*(**Taco Jokes**)* - What did the math teacher have for dessert in the 1st day of school? favorite dessert?… Pi.
*(**Pi Day Jokes**& Back to School Jokes for Kids)* - Why are birthdays good for you?… Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest!
*(Birthday Jokes for Kids)* - What did the calculator say to the girl on the first day of school?… Pick me and I’ll solve all your problems!
*(Back to School Jokes for Kids)* - Teacher: Why are you doing your multiplication on the floor? Student: You said we had to do it without tables!
- What’s the ratio of a pumpkin’s circumference to its diameter?… Pumpkin Pi
*(**Pi Day Jokes**&**Pumpkin Jokes**)* - What can a whole apple do that half an apple can’t do?… It can look round.
- Which class was the caterpillar excited about on his first day in school?…Mothematics.
- Why did the boy go to school with his pants tucked into his socks?… To protect himself from mathema-ticks.
- Why is a math book always unhappy?… Because it always has lots of problems.
- What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?… Moletiplication.
*(Mole Day Jokes)* - What Tex-Mex food is good at math?… Inch-iladas.
*(**Taco Jokes**)* **Teacher:**If you have 5 people and only 4 apples, how would you divide them?**Student:**I’d ask someone to go get a knife and whoever was stupid enough to go wouldn’t get an apple.**Teacher:**If I had ten apples in my right hand and nine in my left, what would I have?… Student: Huge hands!*(**Biology Jokes for Kids**)*- What happened to the plant in math class?… It grew square roots.
*(**World Environment Day Jokes**)* - What did the math classroom have instead of desks?… Times tables.
- How did the little kids like learning addition?… They thought it was a real plus.
- Why did the right triangle put the air conditioner on?… Because it was 90 degrees.
- If you had 13 apples, 12 grapes, 3 pineapples and 3 strawberries, what would you have?… delicious fruit salad.
- What did one math book say to the other?… Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems!
- How did the math teacher paint a picture?… By the numbers.
- How far open were the windows in the math class?… Just a fraction.
- If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?… One dollar.
- How can you make seven even?… Take away the “s”!
- What does the zero say to the the eight?… Nice belt!
- How did the student get the answer to ten minus ten?… He zeroed in on it.
- I go to the store and buy ten hotdogs, nine burgers, three bags of chips, and six sodas. If I eat nine hot dogs, seven burgers, three bags of chips, and drink five sodas, what do I have?… No self control.
*(Hot Dog Jokes)* - 3.14% of Sailors are PI rates!
**(Pi Day Jokes & Top Pirate Jokes)** - What is the official animal of Pi Day?… the PI – thon!
**(101 Pi Day Jokes)** - Where can you buy a ruler that is 3 feet long?… At a yard sale.
- Why couldn’t the seven and the ten get married?… They were under eighteen.
- How many eggs can you put in an empty basket? … Only one, after that the basket is not empty.
**(Top Easter Jokes)** **Teacher:**How much is half of 8?**Student:**Up and down or across?**Teacher:**What do you mean ?**Student:**Well,up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0.- What do you get when you cross geometry with McDonalds?… A plane cheeseburger.
- Why was the math book sad that school was over for the year?… Because it needed help solving it’s problems.
- Why was the math student so bad at decimals?… She couldn’t get the point.
- What kind of tree does a math teacher climb?… Geometry.
**(Top Geometry Jokes)** - What would you get if you crossed a dog and a calculator?… A friend you can count on.
- What kind of meals do math teachers eat?… Square meals!
- What is a mathematician’s favorite dessert?… Pi!
**Teacher:**: Remember, class, you can’t add apples and oranges.**Student:**My mother does it all the time. She calls it fruit cocktail.- Why does nobody talk to circles?… Because there is no point!
**(Top Geometry Jokes)** - Why couldn’t the math student get any attention?… He didn’t count.
**Teacher:**Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once. How much is six plus 4?**Class:**At once! - What do geometry teachers have on their floors?… Area rugs.
**(Top Geometry Jokes)** - What do you have to know to get top grades in geometry?… All the angles!
**(Top Geometry Jokes)** - Which member of royalty is best at math?… The Count.
**(The Count counts the digits of Pi.)** **Teacher:**If you eat two thirds of a pie, what do you have left?**Student:**An angry mother.**(Top Mother’s Day Jokes)****Teacher:**Let X equal the unknown quantity. Now, if X + 10 = 20, and X – 5 = 5, what is X?**Student:**As far as I’m concerned, it’s still the unknown quantity.**Teacher:**If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?**Student:**That’s not fair; you answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!Decimals have a point.- How does a mathematician plow his fields?… With a protractor.
- How do you plow underground fields?… With a subtractor.
**Teacher:**If you had two dimes and your brother gave you a nickel, how much money would you have?**Student:**Twenty cents.**Teacher:**: You don’t know your mathematics.**Student:**You don’t know my brother.- Why did the boy eat his math homework?… Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
- What did the bee say when it solved the problem?… “Hive got it!
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**Teacher:**How do you find the square root of 144?**Student:**I generally ask someone who’s smarter than I am.What kind of pliers do you use in arithmetic?… Multipliers! **Teacher:**What’s 2 and 2?**Student:**4.**Teacher:**That’s good.**Student:**Good? That’s perfect!- What shape is usually waiting for you at Stabucks?… A line.
**(Top Geometry Jokes)** - What is a smart bird’s favorite type of math?… owl-gebra!
**(Top Geometry Jokes)** **Math teacher:**A man from Los Angeles drove toward New York at 250 miles per hour and a man from New York drove toward Los Angeles at 150 m.p.h. Where did they meet?**Student:**In jail!*(**Math Jokes for Kids**)*- Who invented fractions?… Henry the Eighth!
**Teacher**: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.**Class:**Hooray!**Teacher:**We will have the other half this afternoon.*(**Math Jokes for Kids**)***Math Teacher:**If you had 13 apples, 12 grapes, 3 pineapples and 3 strawberries, what would you have?**Student:**A delicious fruit salad.- Why are moles bad at counting?… Because they only know one number.
*(Mole Day Jokes***& Pi Day Jokes)** - What do you call an arithmetic teacher who can make numbers disappear?… A mathemagician.
- Did you hear about the statistics major who ended up homeless when they couldn’t find a job after graduation?… It was a real bad after-math.
*(Graduation Jokes)* - What Tex-Mex food is good for measuring?… Inch-iladas.
*(**Taco Jokes**)* - If there are ten cats in a boat and one jumps out, how many are left?… None; they were all copycats!Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?… They already 8!Why is a geometry book always unhappy?… Because it always has lots of problems.
**(Top Geometry Jokes)****Teacher:**Can you count from 1 to 20?**Student:**I’m not sure. How about if I just count from 1 to 10 twice?**Teacher:**If you had 36 cents in one pocket and 59 cents in the other pocket, what would you have?**Student:**Somebody else’s pants.How are you doing in arithmetic?… I’ve learned to add up the zeros, but the numbers are still giving me trouble.What makes arithmetic hard work?… All those numerals you have to carry.What did the acorn say when he grew up?… Gee, I’m A Tree!What do you call people who like tractors?… Protractors.What did the baby tree say when it looked in a mirror?… Gee-Om-A-Tree**(Top Geometry Jokes)**How is the moon like a dollar?… They both have 4 quarters.**(Top Geometry Jokes)****(Full Moon Names)**What goes up and never comes down?… Your Age.What was T. rex’s favorite number?… Eight!What do you call an empty parrot cage?… Polygon.Why are diapers like 100 dollar bills?… They need to be changed.When things go wrong, what can you always count on?… Your fingers.Why is the longest human nose on record only 11 inches long?… Otherwise it would be a foot.What do mathematicians eat on Halloween?… Pumpkin Pi.**(101 Grandparents Quotes)****(101 Pi Day Jokes)**Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?… Because it had more cents.What do you call a crushed angle?…. A Rectangle (wrecked angle).Why did I divide sin by tan?… Just cos.Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?… because it was over 90 degrees.**(Top Geometry Jokes)**What do you call an angle which is adorable?… acute angle.What do you call male friends who love math?… alge “bros”**(Top Summer Jokes)**What do you call 144 cockroaches?… Gross.Who invented the Round Table?… Sir Cumference.Which triangles are the coldest?… Ice-sosceles triangles.**(Top Algebra Jokes)**What did one geometry book say to the other?… Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems!What does the little mermaid wear?… An algae-bra.**(Top Winter Jokes)**Did you hear the joke about the statistician?… Probably.What wild animal is good at calculus?… The tangent lion.Why was the Calculus teacher bad at baseball?… He was better at fitting curves than hitting them.**(Top Algebra Jokes)****(Top Baseball Jokes)**Who invented algebra?… A Clever X-pert.Why won’t Goldilocks drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?… It’s too cubed.What do you get when you cross an algebra class with the prom?… The quadratic formal.Why is an algebra book always unhappy?… Because it always has lots of problems.What geometric figure is like a lost parrot?… A polygon!How does a ghost solve a quadratic equation?… By completing the scare.**(Top Halloween Jokes)**Why did the doctor send the expression to a psychiatrist?… Because it wasn’t rational.**(Top Psychology Jokes)**Do you know a statistics joke?… Probably, but it’s mean!What do you call a snake after it drinks three cups of coffee?… A hyper boa.What is Ho cubed?… HoHoHo**(Christmas Trivia & Christmas Jokes)**How can you tell when a factorial is enthusiastic?… It’s always enthusiastic – it has an exclamation point!Why did the girl wear glasses during math class?… Because it improves di-vison!**Surgeon:**Nurse! I have so many patients! Who do I work on first?**Nurse:**Simple. Use the order of operations.**Teacher:**Your behavior reminds me of square root of 2?**Student:**Why?**Teacher:**Because its’ completely irrational.**(Top Teacher Jokes)Student:**The artist Picasso must have been really good at algebra.**Teacher:**Why do you say that?**Student:**He was a famous cubist, so he probably had to do a lot of factoring.**(Top Teacher Jokes)Teacher:**Why did your mother and father do your algebra homework?**Student:**They really understand parent functions.**(Top Teacher Jokes)**Why are you drumming on your algebra book with two big sticks?… Because we are studying log rhythms.How can a fisherman determine how many fish he needs to catch to make a profit?… By using a cod-ratic inequality.**(Top Summer Jokes & Top Massachusetts Jokes)**A circle is just a round straight line with a hole in the middle.How do you know that your dentist studied algebra?… She said all that candy gave me exponential decay.What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of Mount Everest?… A high-pot-in-useWhy do plants hate math?… Because it gives them square roots.Why is a calculus book always unhappy?… Because it always has lots of problems.**(Top Geometry Jokes)****(Top Calculus Jokes)**How can you make time fly?… Throw a clock out the window!Without geometry, life is pointless.Why are misers good math teachers?… They know how to make every penny count!You don’t know your arithmetic… You don’t know my father!A daughter stood quietly as her father examined her report card. “What is this 45 in math?” asked her father. “I think that’s the size of the class,” she said quickly!If I had five coconuts and I gave you three, how many would I have left?… I don’t know. Why not?… In our school we do all our arithmetic in apples and oranges.If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?… Big hands!If you got $10 from 10 people, what would you have?… A new bike!Why was the maths book unhappy?… It had too many problems!**Teacher:**If I gave you three rabbits today and five rabbits tomorrow, how many rabbits would you have?**Student:**Nine.**Teacher:**That’s not right, you’d have eight.**Student:**No, Teacher, I’d have nine. I already have one rabbit at home!**Teacher:**If you add 3452 and 3096, then divide the answer by 4 and multiply by 6, what would you get?**Student:**The wrong answer.“Our teacher has a bad memory. For three days she asked us how much is two and two. We told her it was four. But she still doesn’t know. Today she asked us again!”What are 12 and 14?… NumbersBirds on the mountain, Fish in the sea, How you passed math, Is a mystery to me.**Son:**I got 100 in school today.**Mother:**Wonderful. What did you get 100 in?**Son:**Two things: I got 50 in Spelling and 50 in History.**(Top Social Studies Jokes)Teacher:**Take 932 from 1,439. What is the difference?**Student:**That’s what I say; what’s the difference?Why is a dog with a lame leg like adding 6 and 7?… He puts down the three and carries the one.What animal is best at math?… Rabbits; they multiply fastest!I failed every subject except for algebra…. How did you keep from failing that?… I didn’t take algebra!**Teacher:**Did you parents help you with these homework problems?**Pupil:**No I got them all wrong by myself!**Student:**Teacher, I can’t solve this problem.**Teacher:**Any five year old should be able to solve this one.**Student:**No wonder I can’t do it then; I’m nearly ten!**Teacher:**Today we’re studying percentages. If there are ten questions on a quiz and you get ten correct, what do you get?**Student:**Accused of cheating.Why did the multiplication table get in trouble with the girls?… He was a two timer.What did the math teacher order for dinner?… Cubed steak.What did the math teacher order for dessert?… Pi.If a train is traveling in one direction at 50 miles per hour and another train is coming towards it at 25 miles per hour, when will they meet?… Sooner than they want to.What do you call it when geometry teachers use bad language?… Sphering (swearing).He said she was average because he was mean.What has eight legs and eight eyes?… Eight pirates!There are 10 types of mathematicians. Those who know binary and those who don’t.Why was the math book sad?… Because it had too many problems!What snakes are good at doing sums?… Adders.A woman has seven daughters, and each daughter has a brother. How many children does the woman have all together?… She has eight children! - Why can’t you trust math teachers in the spring time?… Because they’ll always play matrix on you.
*(Spring Jokes)* - Why did 6 hate 7?… Because 7 8 9.
- What is a math teacher’s favorite sum?… Summer.
*(Summer Jokes & Math Jokes for Kids)*