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Google Search “California Jokes”

  1. Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best jokes about California.
  2. During 2020 & 2021 with Covid, what happened when the smog lifted over Los Angeles?… UCLA. (Covid Jokes)
  3. What is an earthquake’s favorite song?… Good Vibrations by the Beach Boys. (Music Jokes)
  4. What is Clarence’s (It’s a Wonderful Life) favorite baseball team?… The Angels! (Baseball Joke &Christmas Jokes)
  5. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about California? (Summer Olympic Knock Knock Jokes)
  6. I just made a playlist for hiking in California. It consists of Peanuts, Eminem, California Raisins and The Cranberries… I call it my Trail Mix. (Hiking Jokes & Music Jokes)
  7. California is looking to eradicate a once popular item. Apparently it was the last straw. (Earth Day Jokes)
  8. Where in California does everyone have minty fresh breath?… Sacra-mentos. (Candy Jokes)
  9. Where do waffles go on vacation?… Sandy Eggo. (Travel Blogs & Egg Jokes)
  10. What do you call a map guide to Alcatraz?… A con-tour map. (Geography Jokes)
  11. What’s California’s favorite band?… Earth Wind and Fire. (Music Jokes)
  12. If California splits into 3 states, we just need to make Puerto Rico a state. We’d have a prime number of states and finally be “one nation, indivisible.” (Prime Day Jokes & Math Jokes for Teachers)
  13. What do you call a group of California Highway Patrolmen eating nachos?…CHiPs and dip. (Cinco De Mayo)
  14. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good California knock-knock joke?
  15. What do Magic Johnson and a map key have in common?… Both are legends. (Basketball Jokes)
  16. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good California knock knock jokes? (June Jokes Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  17. Did you hear about the California owl conspiracy network?… They’re allegedly calling themselves the “ca-hoots.” (Bird Jokes)
  18. What is the tallest building in the California?… The Los Angeles Public Library of course, it has the most stories! (Library Jokes)
  19. What has a mouth but can’t eat?… The Sacramento River! (California Rivers)
  20. How does the Pacific Ocean say hello to California?… It waves! (Geography Jokes)
  21. Where do Christmas plants go when they want to become movie stars?… Holly-wood! (Christmas Jokes & Movie Jokes)
  22. I ain’t sayin she a gold digger… but she did move to California in 1849.
  23. What did San Andreas say when the earthquake hit California?… My fault. (California Jokes)
  24. It’s getting real bad here in California. I just got robbed at the gas station. I called the cops and they asked if I knew who did it. “It was pump #5,” I replied. (Police Jokes & Car Jokes)
  25. Some people are saying that the California earthquakes are a cause of past actions of humans…. But I think it’s San Andreas’ fault. (Earthquake Jokes)
  26. Why do San Diego State students have such beautiful noses?… They’re hand picked. 
  27. Why did the California teacher jump into the Pacific ocean?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Ocean Jokes)
  28. What did California say to Baja California?… Nothing. They just shook! (Earthquake Jokes)
  29. Did you hear about the map of California that was mugged?… It was rolled by the map librarian. (Geography Jokes & Library Jokes)
  30. Tourist: “Lived in this town all your life?” California Resident: “No, not yet.”
  31. Tourist: “Nice little town — so old and quaint. Must be a lot of odd characters around here, though, right?” California Resident: “Oh yes, quite a few. You see ’em around. But they’re mostly gone after Labor Day.” (Labor Day Jokes & Travel Blogs)
  32. Did you hear the joke about Mount Whitney?… You won’t get over it. (Hiking Jokes & California Mountains)
  33. Teacher: Where were you born? Student: California. Teacher: Which part? Student: What do you mean, ‘which part’? My whole body was born in California! (Top Teacher Jokes)
  34. Did you know that in California you cannot take a picture of a woman with a basket of strawberries?… You need a camera because strawberries do not take pictures.
  35. My sister in California said she felt two earthquakes last week… I said that it was her fault.
  36. San Andreas was hit by an earthquake again last week… Nobody could stand it.
  37. Can you name the capital of California?… “C” (Grammar Jokes)
  38. What goes hundreds of miles and never moves?… The California Freeway Turnpike! (Car Jokes)
  39. Why did Cali phone ya (California)?… She called to say Hawhi ya (Hawaii) (Hawaii Jokes)
  40. Where do find missing angels?… Lost Angeles.
  41. California geologists aren’t perfect, they have their San Andreas faults. (Geography Jokes)
  42. Fortunately the California earthquakes were a bit out in the desert so not many people got hurt. But a few snakes were rattled. (Earthquake Jokes & Snake Jokes)
  43. What does California need in order to have 100% renewable energy by 2045?… 40 million generators. (Earth Day Jokes)
  44. I was on a trip to California and stopped for a coffee. I was startled by whom I saw behind the counter. “Arnold Schwarzenegger, what are you doing here?”… “I’m a barista, baby!”
  45. What did the ground say to the California earthquake?… You crack me up! (Geography Jokes / Earthquake Jokes / California Jokes)
  46. What’s in the middle of the Pacific (Ocean)?… Letter C (or E)! (Geography Jokes & Ocean Jokes)
  47. If the LA Lakers were chasing the San Francisco Giants, what time would it be?… Five after nine. (9:05) (Baseball Jokes & Basketball Jokes)
  48. Where do you find the Pacific Ocean without water?… On a map! (Geography Jokes)
  49. Why can West Coast fish measure distances so well?… Because they have their own scales. (Fishing Jokes)
  50. What do you get if you drop a waffle on a Southern California beach?… A sandy Eggo! (Waffle Jokes)
  51. Why don’t you see penguins Monteray Bay Aquarium?… Because they are afraid of Wales! (Geography Jokes & Whale Jokes)
  52. What is a nautical chart’s best pitch?… The depth curve. (Baseball Jokes)
  53. What did the California flag say to the American flag?… Nothing. It waved! (Flag Day Jokes)
  54. Did you hear about the California Girls that went to Disneyland?… They were driving down the freeway and saw a sign Disneyland Left; so they went home. (Disney Jokes)
  55. Did you hear about that politician who objected to building another reservoir in California?… His argument didn’t hold water.
  56. What did California see?… the same thing Arkansas.
  57. How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?… Eleven. One to change it and ten to follow the trend.
  58. During 2020, Why were many celebrities including Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, and Paris Hilton all hospitalized yesterday in Los Angeles?… An apparent allergic reaction to fresh air!
  59. Why does the Joe Montana know all the map symbols?… Because he’s a legend.
  60. If a plane crashed on the border of California and Oregon, where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Geography Jokes)
  61. Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?… There was a power outage, and twelve California Valley Girls were stuck on the escalators for over four hours.
  62. Why did the California teacher jump into the pool?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
  63. What do Steve Young and a map key have in common?… Both are legends. (Geography Jokes)
  64. What do you call a group of California Highway Patrolmen with chewing tobacco?… CHiPs and dip.
  65. Did you hear about the two California Valley Girls who froze to death in a drive-in movie?…They went to see “Closed for the Winter.” (Movie Jokes)
  66. What runs but never goes out of breath?… The San Joaquin River! (Geography Jokes)
  67. .What did Lake Tahoe say to the shore?… Nothing, it waved. (15 Best Lakes in California)
  68. What’s a Californians favorite type of comedy?… Dry humor.
  69. Where do a fish keep their money?… In the riverbanks of the Sacramento River. (Ten Longest Rivers in California)
  70. What has a mouth but can’t eat?… The River!
  71. I heard they found water on Mars… I bet California is pretty jealous.
  72. Does your state have less water than California?… Drought it.
  73. What did Arnold Schwarzenegger become after he resigned as Governor of California?… An ex-terminator.
  74. What runs but never goes out of breath?… The River Significance! (Geography Jokes for Kids)
  75. Why does California have so many lawyers and New York has so much garbage?… New York had first choice. (Lawyer Jokes)
  76. California pick up line “I have electricity.”
  77. The dispensaries in California have teams devoted to rolling up marijuana. It’s a joint effort.
  78. A cowboy and his blind horse: A man is casually crossing the California plains when his horse died all of the sudden. The nearest town was three days walk. So, he started to walk. 3 days later he ends up in this quiet ‘ol town but nobody had a horse for sale. So he commenced to walking to the closest town which was a two days journey. Unfortunately, nobody in that town had a horse for sale, however, he did come across this stable where the fellow runnin’ it mentioned his brother in a nearby Town had a horse for sale. He commenced to walk to this next town and 2 DAYS LATER found the guy’s brother. “I talked to your brother two days walk from here and he says you might have a horse to sell me.” “Yes I do have a horse for sale,” He replied, “But he don’t look so good.” “I don’t care. I’ll take him anyways. I’ve been walking for damn near a week now. I’m tired and I need a horse.” So he gets on the horse and the horse takes off and bumps into a tree and stops. “Heyyy, something’s wrong with this horse. I think he’s blind. YOU SOLD ME A BLIND HORSE MISTER!” “I told you Sir, THE HORSE DON’T LOOK SO GOOD!”
  79. Where do California elementary school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (Elementary School Jokes)
  80. Where do California middle school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (Middle School Jokes)
  81. A cop drives past my open garage in California, and notices my plants and grow lamps. He stops and shouts, “You better not be growing weed with those lamps!” “You’re gonna need at least twice the wattage and a lot more room!” (Police Jokes)
  82. Where do California high school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (High School Jokes)
  83. Why is “The Wave” banned in the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum?… Two USC fans drowned last year. 
  84. Why did the University of Southern California regents decide to cover Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum in cardboard?… Because the Trojans always look better on paper.
  85. Why did the UCLA football team cross the road?… Because it was easier than crossing the goal line. 
  86. What is the most popular type of tree in California?… Ash. (Tree Jokes)
  87. Why do the UCLA Bruins eat cereal straight from the box?… They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
  88. My sister in California said she felt two earthquakes just in the last week. I told her it was her fault.
  89. What separates a good team from a great team?…: The California-Oregon border.
  90. Did you hear about the earthquake in California?… it was all San Andreas Fault.
  91. I heard it’s a great time to buy in California. Real-estate’s on fire there!
  92. Did you hear about the power outage at the San Diego State library?… Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
  93. Why did the California teacher jump into the lake?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
  94. The air in California is so toxic… I think I might date it.
  95. If a plane crashed on the border of California and Nevada, where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Top Geography Jokes)
  96. If a plane crashed on the border of California and Arizona, where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Top Geography Jokes)
  97. Why did the California Girl resolve to have only 3 children?… She heard that one out of every four children born in the world is Chinese.
  98. Why is everyone in Northern California so skinny?… Because everything is NoCal
  99. What do you call a waffle that’s been buried in sand? … Sandy Eggo! (Top 500 Jokes for U.S. States)
  100. What do you call a waffle on the beach?… Sandy Eggo! (California Jokes)
  101. What do you call a waffle you drop in the desert… Sandy Eggo! (Top 500 Jokes for U.S. States)
  102. Why did the California teacher jump into the river?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
  103. California legalized marijuana I guess they had a high voter turnout.
  104. Why don’t casinos in Las Vegas hire girls from California? Because they, like, can’t even deal.
  105. Oklahoma asked California about all these earthquakes recently. California said “It’s not our fault.”
  106. What happens when the smog lifts over Los Angeles?… UCLA. (Earth Day Jokes)
  107. What do you call a watermelon in California? A melon.
  108. What do you call a waffle on a California beach? A Sandy Eggo.
  109. If they build a new airport in LA, what will they call the old one?… EX-LAX
  110. I’m moving to California to become a real estate agent… I heard the market is on fire!!!
  111. Where in L.A. can a deer hunter find does in season year round?… Venison Beach. (Deer Jokes)