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  1. Knock! Knock!… Who is there?… Teddy!… Teddy who?… Teddy (today) is the first day of school! (Knock Knock Jokes for Kids & Jokes for the 1st Day of School)
  2. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah who?… Noah more summer – it’s time for school! (Knock Knock Jokes for Kids & Jokes for the 1st Day of School)
  3. Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. ‘Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school’ ‘But why, Mom? I don’t want to go.’ ‘Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.’ ‘Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!’ ‘Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.’ ‘Give me two reasons why I should go to school.’ ‘Well, for one, you’re 52 years old. And for another, you’re the Head teacher!’ (Teacher Jokes & Jokes for the 1st Day of School)
  4. Teacher: Everybody hand in your homework, please. Students: Teacher, it’s the first day of school. We didn’t have any homework. Teacher: That’s right, and that’s the last excuse for not doing your homework that I’ll accept for the rest of the year. (Teacher Jokes & Jokes for the 1st Day of School)
  5. What’s the king of all school supplies?… The ruler. (180 School Jokes)
  6. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why isn’t it #1? (Pencil Jokes for Kids)
  7. Student: The first day of school is always special to me. It’s the only day of the year when I’m not behind in my homework. (Jokes for the 1st Day of School)
  8. Student: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn’t do? Teacher: Of course not. Student: Good, because I didn’t do my homework. (180 School Jokes)
  9. Teachers always seem happy on the first day of school. That’s because they’re getting paid to be there. We kids have to do it for free. (Teacher Jokes)
  10. What did the calculator say to the girl on the first day of school?… Pick me and I’ll solve all your problems! (Math Jokes for Kids)
  11. How do you get straight A’s?… By using a ruler!
  12. The first day of school is exciting, but so is riding a roller coaster, and I wouldn’t want to do that for nine months in a row either.
  13. Why did the Cyclops teacher have such an easy first day of school?… He only had one pupil. (Biology Jokes)
  14. Why was school easier for cave people?… Because there was no history to study! (US History Jokes)
  15. What did the math teacher have for dessert in the 1st day of school?… Pi. (Pi Day Jokes & Math Jokes for Kids)
  16. On the first day of school, what did the teacher say her three favorite words were?… June, July & August. (Summer Jokes & Top 10 Jokes for Each Month)
  17. A book never written: “When Does School Start?” by Wendy Belrings
  18. Knock Knock!… Who’s there!… B-2!… B-2 who?… B-2 school on time! (Knock Knock Jokes for Kids & Jokes for the 1st Day of School)
  19. A book never written: “The Best Subject in School” by Jim Class.
  20. Why did the broom get a poor grade in class?… Because it was always sweeping during class! (Napping Jokes for Kids)
  21. Why did the M&M go to school?… Because he really wanted to be a Smartie! (Candy Jokes for Kids)
  22. What object is king of the classroom?… The ruler! (Teacher Jokes)
  23. The first day of school wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t followed by the second day of school, and the third day of school, and then the fourth day of school.
  24. What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?… A teacher says, “Spit out that gum!” and a train says, “Chew! Chew!” (Teacher Jokes & Train Jokes)
  25. Teacher: You’ve got your shoes on the wrong feet. Student: But these are the only feet I’ve got! (Biology Jokes)
  26. Teacher: Name two days of the week that start with “t”. Student: Today and Tomorrow. (Teacher Jokes)
  27. What do librarians take with them when they go fishing?… Bookworms. (Fishing Jokes)
  28. Mother: How did you find school on the 1st day today? Daughter: I just got off the bus and there it was! (Mother’s Day Jokes)
  29. Knock, Knock!… Who’s there?… Jess!… Jess Who?… Jess (just) wait till I tell you about my first day back to school! (Knock Knock Jokes for Kids & Jokes for the 1st Day of School)
  30. Why do magicians do so well in school?… They’re good at trick questions. (Magic Jokes)
  31. Teacher: Why are you late for class?… Student: Because of the sign on the road? Teacher: What sign? Student: School Ahead. Go slow! (Teacher Jokes)
  32. What food do math teachers eat?… Square meals! (Math Jokes for Kids)
  33. Son: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today! Mom: That’s great. What in? Son: A 40 in Reading and a 60 in Spelling. (Mother’s Day Jokes)
  34. Son: My teacher says I have to write more clearly. Mom: That’s a good idea, Jordan.Son: No, it’s not. Then she’ll know I can’t spell. (Mother’s Day Jokes)
  35. Knock Knock!… Who’s there?… Dewey…. Dewey who?… Dewey have to go to school today? (Knock Knock Jokes for Kids & Jokes for the 1st Day of School)
  36. Why did nose not want to go to school?… He was tired of getting picked on! (Biology Jokes)
  37. Why did the clock in the cafeteria run slow?… It always went back four seconds. (Daylight Savings Jokes)
  38. What has given Mr. Bubbles nightmares since elementary school?… Pop quizzes! (Elementary School Jokes)
  39. Principal: I’ve had to send you to the principal every day this week. What do you have to say for yourself? Student: I’m glad it’s the last day of school! (Principal Jokes for Kids)
  40. Why didn’t the sun go to college?… Because it already had a million degrees! (College Jokes)
  41. How do bees get to school?… By school buzz! (Bee Jokes)
  42. Why would a music teacher might need a ladder?… The reach the high notes. (Music Jokes)
  43. Math teacher: A man from Los Angeles drove toward New York at 250 miles per hour and a man from New York drove toward Los Angeles at 150 m.p.h. Where did they meet? Student: In jail! (Police Jokes for Kids)
  44. What kind of tree does a math teacher climb?… Geometry. (Geometry Jokes / Tree Jokes / Arbor Day Jokes)
  45. Knock Knock… Who’s there!… B-4 ! B-4 who?… B-4 you go to bed, do your homework! (Knock Knock Jokes for Kids & Jokes for the 1st Day of School)
  46. Teacher: What would happen if you took the school bus home? Student: The police would make you bring it back! (Police Jokes for Kids)
  47. Mother: What was the first thing you learned in class today, son?… Son: How to talk without moving lips, mom. (Mother’s Day Jokes)
  48. Teacher: What is the chemical formula for water? Student: H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O. Teacher: What are you talking about? Student: Yesterday you said it was H to O. (Chemistry Jokes & Mole Day Jokes)
  49. Why is Alabama the smartest state?… Because it has 4 A’s and 1 B! (Back to School Jokes & Top 50 State Jokes)
  50. Why did the kid study in the airplane?… Because he wanted a higher education! (Pilot Jokes & Travel Guest Blogs)
  51. Math Teacher: If you had 13 apples, 12 grapes, 3 pineapples and 3 strawberries, what would you have? Student: A delicious fruit salad. (Math Jokes for Kids)
  52. Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning. Class: Hooray! Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon. (Math Jokes for Kids)
  53. A book never written: “High School Math” by Cal Q. Luss. (Calculus Jokes & High School Jokes)
  54. Knock, knock…. Who’s there?… Gladys… Gladys, who?… Gladys the weekend—no homework! (Knock Knock Jokes for Kids)
  55. What school supply is always tired?… A knapsack! (Napping Jokes for Kids)
  56. Teacher: Can anyone give me a sentence with a direct object? Student: You are pretty. Teacher: What’s the direct object? Student: A good report card. (Teacher Jokes)
  57. Mother: “What did you learn today?” Son: “Not enough. They said I have to go back tomorrow.” (Mother’s Day Jokes)
  58. Teacher: Why can’t you work in an orange juice factory? Student: I don’t know. Why? Teacher: Because you can’t concentrate! (Labor Day Jokes & Orange Juice Jokes)
  59. Teacher: Where are the Great Plains located? Students: At the great airports! (Geography Jokes & Pilot Jokes)
  60. Teacher: Can you tell us where the Declaration of Independence was signed? Student: Yes, ma’am. At the bottom. (American Revolution Jokes)
  61. Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses to school?… She had bright students! (Summer Jokes)
  62. What is the school’s tallest room?… The library because it has the most stories. (Library Jokes)
  63. What vegetables to librarians like?… Quiet peas. (Library Jokes)
  64. How did the music teacher get locked in the classroom?… His keys were inside the piano! (Music Jokes)
  65. What happened when the wheel was invented?… It caused a revolution!
  66. What do elves learn in school?… The elf-abet! (Christmas Jokes & Christmas Trivia Answers)
  67. What did the pencil sharpener say to the pencil?… Stop going in circles and get to the point! (Pencil Jokes)
  68. “We have too many quizzes in school!” The student said testily.
  69. What kind of school do you go to if you’re an ice cream man?… Sundae school. (Ice Cream Jokes)
  70. What kind of school do you go to if you’re a giant?… High school. (High School Jokes)
  71. What kind of school do you go to if you’re a surfer?… Boarding school. (Surfing Jokes)
  72. What kind of school do you go to if you’re King Arthur?… Knight school. (Knight Jokes)
  73. What did the pen say to the pencil?… So, what’s your point! (Pencil Jokes)
  74. Why did you eat your homework?… Because I don’t have a dog. (Dog Jokes)
  75. Teacher: Where is your homework? Student: I ate it. Teacher: Why?! Student: You said it was piece of cake! (Cake Jokes)
  76. Mom: What did you do at school today? Son: We did a guessing game.Mom: But I thought you were having a math exam. Son: That’s right! (Mother’s Day Jokes)
  77. Knock Knock…Who is there?… B-4!… B-4 who?… B-4 you go to school, do your homework! (Teacher Jokes)
  78. What’s the worst thing you’re likely to find in the school cafeteria?… The Food!
  79. How did you find school today?…  I simply hopped off the bus – and there it was. 
  80. Have you heard about the teacher who was cross-eyed?… She couldn’t control her pupils! (Biology Jokes)
  81. Son: Today my teacher yelled at me for something I didn’t do. Mom: What was that? Son: My homework!(Teacher Jokes) 
  82. What is white when it’s dirty and black when its clean?… A blackboard (Teacher Jokes) 
  83. Son: I think we need a new teacher. Mom: Why is that? Son: Our teacher doesn’t know anything, she keeps asking us for the answers.
  84. Teacher: Why is your homework in your father’s handwriting? Student: I used his pen!
  85. Teacher: I see you missed the first day of school. Student: Yes, but I didn’t miss it much.
  86. Teacher: Could you please pay a little attention? Student: I’m paying as little attention as I can.
  87. What U.S. state has the most math teachers?… Mathachussets. (Massachusetts Jokes)
  88. Why did the boy go to school with his pants tucked into his socks?… To protect himself from mathema-ticks. 
  89. Which class was the caterpillar excited about on his first day in school?…Mothematics.
  90. What do you get when you cross a math teacher with a tree?… Arithma-sticks. (Math Jokes for Kids)
  91. What room can a student never enter?… A Mushroom. 
  92. Why don’t you see giraffes in elementary school?… Because they’re all in High School.  (Elementary School Jokes)
  93. Why did the kindergartener bring a spoon to his first day of school?…  He thought it was sundae school.  (Kindergarten Jokes)
  94. Why did the teacher write the class rules on the windows?… She wanted it to be very clear for her students. 
  95. Who is everyone’s best friend on the first day of school?… Their princi-PAL.  (Principal Jokes)
  96. Which grade school children have the greenest thumbs?… The kindergardeners.  (Kindergarten Jokes)
  97. What flies around grade school at night?… The alpha-bat. 
  98. Why did the girl wear glasses during math class?… To improve her di-vison. (Math Jokes for Kids) 
  99. Why did the math book look so sad when school started again?…  Because it had so many problems. (Math Jokes for Kids)
  100. Why was the obtuse angle so upset at school?…  Because it was never right. (Math Jokes for Kids)
  101. What did the algebra book say to the science book?…  Boy, do I have problems! (Math Jokes for Kids)
  102. What did the math book say to the history book?…  You know you can count on me. (Math Jokes for Kids)
  103. What is a math teacher’s favorite season?…  Sum-mer.
  104. Why wouldn’t the teacher allow her students to say 288 in class?…  Because it’s two gross. (Hint: 144 is called a gross) (Math Jokes for Kids)
  105. Why was the geometry book so adorable?…  Because it had acute angles.  (Math Jokes for Kids)
  106. What do you get when you add 4 apples and 2 apples?…  A 2nd grade math problem. (Math Jokes for Kids)
  107. What did the girl say to her math book?…  Some day, you’re going to have to solve your own problems.  (Math Jokes for Kids)
  108. Why is glue bad at math?…  It always gets stuck on the problems. (Math Jokes for Kids)
  109. What’s treat do math teachers in Maine bring to the first day of class?…  Whoopie Pi’s. (Pi Day Jokes)
  110. What tool did the boy bring to his first math class?…  Multi-plyers. (Math Jokes for Kids)
  111. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a calculator?…  Someone you can always count on. (Math Jokes for Kids)
  112. Why didn’t the boy want to go to public school?…  He wanted to go to Sundae school instead – because of all the ice cream!
  113. Why did the echo get detention on the first day of school?…  It kept answering back. 
  114. How can you make the first day of school fly by?…  Throw a clock!   
  115. Who was in charge of the school during summer vacation?…  The rulers. 
  116. What did the lobster do when the first day of school ended?…  It shellabrated. 
  117. Why did the warlock way he had so much trouble with math?…  He never knew WITCH equation to use. 
  118. What do they do on the first day of sheep school?…  Have a baa-baa-cue. 
  119. Why was the school cafeteria clock behind on the first day of school?…  It went back four seconds. 
  120. Why was the snake upset when math class ended?…  He was an Adder!
  121. C.L.A.S.S. = Come Late And Start Sleeping
  122. Teacher: What’s big and yellow and comes in the morning to brighten a mother’s day? Student: The school bus! (Mother’s Day Jokes
  123. Why is 6 afraid of 7?… Because 7 8 (ate) 9! (Math Jokes for Kids)
  124. Son: Today my teacher yelled at me for something I didn’t do. Mom: What was that? Son: My homework!
  125. Son: I’m not going back to school ever again! Mother: Why not? Son: The teacher doesn’t know a thing, all she does is ask questions!
  126. WATSON: What school did you go to, Holmes? SHERLOCK: Elementary, my dear Watson! (Top Elementary School Jokes)
  127. Mother: Does your teacher like you? Son: Like me, she loves me. Look at all those X’s on my test paper
  128. Mother: How do you like your new teacher? Son: I don’t. She told me to sit up front for the present and then she didn’t give me one!
  129. Teacher: I’m your teacher this year. My name is Mr. Wilson. Can you all remember that? Student: If we can’t, we’re going to have one hard time with the 9 times tables. (Math Jokes for Kids)
  130. Teacher: I’ve had to send you to the principal every day this week. What do you have to say for yourself? Student: I’m glad it’s Friday!
  131. Friend: Our teacher is going to be tough this year. We’ve been instructed to say “Yes, Sir” and “No, Sir.” Other Friend: That’s not unusual. Friend: It is when your teacher’s a woman.
  132. What are you going to be when you get out of school?… An old man!
  133. Teacher: Goodness, haven’t you finished washing that blackboard yet? You’ve been at it for an hour. Student: I know, but the more I wash it, the blacker it get.
  134. Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses on the 1st day of school?… She had bright students! (Top Summer Jokes)
  135. Student: Teacher, I don’t have a pencil. Teacher: I want you to write 100 times, “I will come to school prepared.” Student: With what?
  136. Chemistry Teacher: What is the chemical formula for water? Student: H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O. Chemistry Teacher: What are you talking about? Student: Yesterday you said it was H to O. (Top Chemistry Jokes)
  137. Why did the little vampires stay up all night?… They were studying for a blood test. (Top Halloween Jokes)
  138. Mother: What did you learn in school today? Son: How to write. Mother: What did you write? Son: I don’t know. They haven’t taught us how to read yet!
  139. What is the first thing a little snake learns in school?… Hiss tory. US History Jokes)
  140. Teacher: Name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago. Student: Me! (Elementary School Jokes)
  141. Teacher: I’ll be teaching you English this year and there are two words that I will not permit on any of your writing assignments. One is “cool” and the other is “lousy.” Student: Okay, what are the words?
  142. What do little astronauts get when they do their homework?… Gold stars. (Astronmy Jokes)
  143. Teacher: How old were you on your last birthday? Student: Seven. Teacher: How old will you be on your next birthday? Student: Nine. Teacher: That’s impossible! STUDENT: No, it isn’t, teacher. I’m eight today. (Birthday Jokes)
  144. Mother: What did you learn during your 1st day of school today? Son: Not enough; I have to go back tomorrow!
  145. Student: Teacher, I don’t have a pencil. Teacher: How can you come to school without a pencil? Student: I took the bus. (Pencil Jokes)
  146. Teacher: Name six wild animals. Student: Two lions and four tigers.
  147. Where do monsters study? In ghoul school. (Halloween Jokes for Kids)
  148. Who sits in front of the class in ghoul school?… The creature teacher. (Halloween Jokes for Kids)
  149. Student: “Teacher, may I leave the room?” Teacher: “Well, you certainly can’t take it with you.”
  150. Teacher: Do you know “London Bridge Is Falling Down?” Student: No, but I hope no one gets hurt.
  151. Teacher: What time do you get up in the morning? Student: About an hour and a half after I arrived at school.
  152. A student came into his kindergarten class with a squirming worm. “What are you doing with that disgusting worm?” asked his teacher.
    “We were playing outside and I thought I’d show him my kindergarten.” the student replied. (Elementary School Jokes)
  153. Teacher: How can you make so many mistakes in just one day? Student: I get up early.
  154. Teacher: I’ll be your teacher this year. Does anybody here know my name? Student: How do you like that? It’s only the first day of school and already we’re having a quiz.
  155. With tears in his eyes, the little boy told his kindergarten teacher that only one pair of boots was left in the classroom and they weren’this. The teacher searched and searched, but she couldn’t find any other boots. “Are you sure these boots aren’t yours?” she asked. “I’m sure,” the little boy sobbed. “Mine had snow on them.” (Elementary School Jokes)
  156. It was the first day of school. As the principal made his rounds, he heard a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms. He rushed in and spotted one boy, taller than the others, who seemed to be making the most noise. He seized the lad, dragged him into the hall, and told him to wait there until he was excused. Returning to the classroom, the principal restored order and lectured the class for half an hour about the importance of good behavior. “Now,” he said, “are there any questions?” One girl stood up timidly. “Please, sir,” she asked, “may we have our teacher back?
  157. What is the difference between a school bus driver and a cold?… One knows the roads and one stops the nose!
  158. Teacher: Name four members of the cat family. Student: Mother, father, sister and brother.
  159. Son: I won a prize in kindergarten today. The teacher asked me how many legs a hippopotamus had. I said three. Father: Three? How on earth did you win the prize? Son: I came the closest. (Elementary School Jokes)
  160. Teacher: If this class doesn’t stop making so much noise I’ll go crazy? Class: Too late, we haven’t made a sound for an hour!
  161. I show up at the beginning of each school year with a full pencil box and an empty head.
  162. Mother: How was your first day at school? Son: It was all right except for some man called “Teacher” who kept spoiling all our fun!
  163. Son: I’m not going back to school tomorrow! Father: Why not? Son: Well I’ve been there a whole day, I can’t read, I can’t write and they won’t let me talk, so what’s the use?
  164. What’s yellow, has wheels and lies on its back?… A dead school bus!
  165. One of my classmates gets carried away. He shows up for the first day of school each year with a smiling face and three pack mules of school supplies.
  166. Son to mother after 1st day of school. “Nothing exciting happened except the teacher didn’t know how to spell cat, so I told her.”
  167. Mother: Now these new clothes are expensive. I don’t want you coming home from school that first week with a hole in the knee. Son: Okay, Mom, where would you like the hole?
  168. I don’t know how my Mom does it, but she even buys shoelaces that are out of style.
  169. Friend: My teacher this year is Mrs. Wright. They say she rules the first grade with an iron fist. Other Friend: I believe it. That’s the way she plays the piano at school assemblies.
  170. Mother: I want to help you pick out your new school outfits because I want you to buy clothes that last. Son: Mom, the clothes you pick out will last forever because I’m never going to wear them.
  171. What is the first thing a little gorilla learns in school?… The Ape B C’s. (Elementary School Jokes)
  172. Some kids enjoy buying school supplies. To me, it’s like buying your own dental instruments.
  173. Mother: What’s wrong with the new clothes I bought you? They’re indestructible. Son: So is a Sherman tank, Mom, but I wouldn’t wear it to school.
  174. Moms like to buy “sensible” clothing. That’s the kind that they only sell in the “Junior Nerd” department.
  175. I buy pencils with an eraser at both ends. That’s so I can make sure I don’t make the same mistake twice. (Pencil Jokes)
  176. I love school supplies. If only there were some other place we could use them besides school.
  177. Mother: Now those are the kinds of clothes I wish I could have worn when I was in school. Daughter: They were probably in style back then.
  178. My grandparents buy me so many school supplies for the first day of school that I have to take the first two weeks off just to sharpen pencils. (Pencil Jokes)
  179. There’s one good thing about the first day of school. When it’s over; you’re one day closer to the last day of school.
  180. Mother: There now, young man, I think that outfit is absolutely perfect. Son: Mom, it’s the first day of school; not a Pee Wee Herman look alike contest.
  181. Show me a kid who likes the first day at school and I’ll show you a kid who likes to get his lip caught under a manhole cover.
  182. What makes a Cyclops such an effective teacher?… He has only one pupil. (Biology Jokes)

More jokes

What did the ground say to the earthquake?… You crack me up! 

What kind of plates do they use on Venus?… Flying saucers!

When do astronauts eat?… At launch time!