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Top Joke Pages: 180 School JokesFamily Joke of the DayMay Jokes for Kids

Top 10 May Pages / May Hashtag of the Day

  1. What did the mother rope say to her child?…“Don’t be knotty.”
  2. Sunday school teacher: Tell me, do you say prayers before eating?… Student: No, ma’am, I don’t have to. My mom’s a good cook.
  3. Mother to son: I’m warning you. If you fall out of that tree and break both your legs, don’t come running to me! (Biology Jokes for Kids)
  4. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, “The driver just insulted me!” The man says, “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
  5. I asked a little girl do you know why we get out of school for Labor Day? She was very enthusiastic to say “It is a time when all the mommies of the world go into labor” (Labor Day Jokes)
  6. Son: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today! Mom: That’s great. What in? Son: A 40 in Reading and a 60 in Spelling. (180 School Jokes)
  7. Jackson is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, “Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?” Fred replied, “Actually, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.” His friend thinks for a moment and says, “I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who’s just like your mother.” A few months later they meet again and his friend says, “Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?” With a frown on his face, Fred answers, “Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.” The friend said, “Then what’s the problem?” Fred replied, “My father doesn’t like her.”
  8. Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?… Because their kids have to play inside! (Top Animal Jokes)
  9. A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along when suddenly a cat attacks them. The mother mouse shouts “BARK!” and the cat runs away. “See?” the mother mouse says to her baby. “Now do you see why it’s important to learn a foreign language?”
  10. Mother to daughter advice: Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.
  11. What kind of flowers are best for Mother’s Day?… Mums.
  12. What did the digital clock say to its mother?… “Look, Ma! No hands!”
  13. What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?… It’s time to go to sweep!
  14. Mom, what is it like to have the best child in the world?… I don’t know, go ask your grandparents. (Grandparent Jokes)
  15. Larry’s mother had four children. Three were named North, South and West. What was her other child’s name?… Larry. (Geography Jokes for Kids)
  16. A police recruit was asked during the exam, ‘What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?’ He answered, ‘Call for backup.’ (Police Jokes for Kids)
  17. What did the mother bullet say to the daddy bullet?… “We’re gonna have a BB!”
  18. Son: Why is a computer so smart?… Mom: It listens to its motherboard.
  19. Dad: Why did you chop the joke book in half? Son: Mom said to cut the comedy.
  20. Mom #1: How do you get your sleepy-head son up in the morning? Mom #2: I just put the cat on the bed. Mom #1: How does that help?Mom #2:: The dog’s already there.
  21. How come the mother needle got mad at the baby needle?… It was way past its threadtime!
  22. Son: I think my mom’s getting serious about straightening up my room once and for all. Dad: How do you know? Son: She’s learning to drive a bulldozer.
  23. Baby snake: Mommy, are we poisonous? Mother snake: Yes, son.Why? Baby snake: I just bit my tongue! (Top Animal Jokes)
  24. Son: Dad, do you know the difference between a pack of cookies and a pack of elephants? Dad: No. Son: Then it’s a good thing Mom does the grocery shopping!
  25. Why did the monster’s mother knit him three socks?… She heard he grew another foot!
  26. A mother is trying to get her son to eat carrots. “Carrots are good for your eyes,” she says. “How do you know?” the boy asks. The mother replies, “Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?”
  27. Definition: Minimum—A small mother.
  28. Definition: Sweater—something you wear when your mother gets cold.
  29. Why did they have to rush the mommy rattlesnake to the doctor on Mother’s Day?… She bit her tongue!
  30. Why did the mommy cat want to go bowling on Mother’s Day?… She was an alley cat.
  31. A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along when suddenly a cat attacks them. The mother mouse shouts “BARK!” and the cat runs away. “See?” the mother mouse says to her baby. “Now do you see why it’s important to learn a foreign language?”
  32. Definition of Mom: The amazing ability to hear a sneeze through 3 closed doors in the middle of the night, three bedrooms away… while Daddy snores next to you.
  33. What color flowers do mama cats like to get on Mother’s Day?… Purrrrrrrple flowers.
  34. What kind of candy do moms love for Mother’s Day?… Her-she’s Kisses.
  35. Middle of the Road:What kind of coffee was the alien mommy drinking on Mother’s Day?… Starbucks
  36. Why was the cracker so happy to see his mom on Mother’s Day?… Because he had been a wafer so long.
  37. How do you keep little cows quiet so their mommy can sleep late on Mother’s Day?… Use the moooooote button.
  38. What did the kittens give their mom for Mother’s Day?… A subscription to Good Mousekeeping.
  39. What do young computers do on Mother’s Day?… Give memory cards to their motherboards.
  40. Why did the mommy horse want to race on a rainy Mother’s Day?… She was a mudder.
  41. Why did the bean children give their mom a sweater for Mother’s Day?… She was chili.
  42. What kind of flowers do yellow jacket mothers like for Mother’s Day?… Bee-gonias.
  43. Why did mom get a plate of English muffins on Mother’s Day?… Her family wanted her to feel like a queen!
  44. Why did the children put their joke book through the shredder?… It was Mother’s day and their dad told them to CUT the comedy.
  45. What did the girl give her mom on Mother’s Day to make her feel pampered?… A box of diapers (Pampers).
  46. What did the mommy cat say when her kittens brought her warm milk on Mother’s Day?… It’s purrrrrfect.
  47. Who do flowers celebrate on Mother’s Day?… Their chrysanthemoms.
  48. Why did the boy put the Mother’s Day cupcakes in the freezer?… His sister told him to ice them.
  49. What did the Panda give his mommy on Mother’s Day?… A bear hug.
  50. What makes more noise than a child jumping on mommy’s bed on Mother’s Day morning?… Two children jumping on mommy’s bed!
  51. How did the Panda open her Mother’s Day card?… With her bear hands.
  52. Why was the strawberry late for Mother’s day brunch?… She got caught in a jam on the way.
  53. Why did mommy’s gift arrive the day after Mother’s Day?… It was chocoLATE.
  54. How did the alien boy write her Mother’s Day poem?… In uni-verses.
  55. What did the hermit crabs do on Mother’s Day?… They shellabrated their mommy.
  56. What’s the best thing a new mom can get for Mother’s Day?… A long nap.
  57. What dessert did the mommy cat get after her Mother’s Day dinner?… Chocolate Mouse
  58. Why was the Mother’s Day cake so hard?… It was a marble cake.
  59. Why did the sea captain’s mommy go out on Mother’s Day?… To shop the sails.
  60. What did the waiter say to the mommy dog when he served Mother’s Day dinner?… Bone-appetit!
  61. What was the mommy cat wearing to breakfast on Mother’s Day?… She was still in her paw-jamas.
  62. What did the banana’s mommy get on Mother’s Day? … Slippers.
  63. Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom on Mother’s Day?… Because she left the phone off the hook. (Pirates Jokes for Kids)
  64. What did the lazy boy say to his mom on Mother’s Day when she was about to do the dishes?… Relax mom… you can just do them in the morning.
  65. What kind of sweets do astronaut moms like for Mother’s Day?… Mars bars.
  66. Why did the sisters give such a tiny gift to their mom for Mother’s Day?… She was a minimum.
  67. What do nice pirates do on Mother’s Day?… Take out the garrrrrrrrrrrbage without being asked. (Pirates Jokes for Kids)
  68. What did the cheerleader bring her mom for breakfast on Mother’s Day?… Cheerios.
  69. Why couldn’t mom put her crochet project down on Mother’s Day?… She was hooked on it.
  70. Why were the rope children so quiet on Mother’s Day?… They were trying not to be knotty.
  71. Where did the cow family go on Mother’s Day?… The moo-vies.
  72. What did the martians wear to Mother’s Day dinner?… Space suits. (Astronomy Jokes for Kids)
  73. What should you never give a mommy dentist on Mother’s Day?… A plaque! (Dentist Jokes for Kids)
  74. What did the puppies make their mom for Mother’s Day breakfast?… Pooched eggs. (Puppy Jokes for Kids)
  75. Where did the spider learn how to make a Mother’s Day gift?… On the web.
  76. What magazine did the mommy cow read while her calves made a Mother’s Day brunch?… Cows-mopolitan.(Cow Jokes for Kids)
  77. What did Chewbacca bake for his mom on Mother’s Day?… Chocolate Chip Wookiees. (Star Wars Jokes for Kids)
  78. How did the mommy cat feel on Mother’s Day?… She was in a great Mewd. (Cat Jokes for Kids)
  79. Why didn’t the teddy bear’s mommy want a big meal on Mother’s Day?… She was already stuffed!
  80. How do piglets wake their mama up on Mother’s Day?… With hogs and kisses. (Animal Jokes for Kids)
  81. Why couldn’t the digital clock make dinner for Mother’s Day?… He had no hands.
  82. A mother said to her son, “Look at that kid over there; he’s not misbehaving.” The son replied, “Maybe he has good parents then!”
  83. Daughter: Ma, what’s it like to have the greatest daughter in the world? Ma: I don’t know dear, you’d have to ask Grandma. (Grandparent Jokes)
  84. Mom #1: I have the perfect son. Mom #2: Does he smoke?Mom #1:No, he doesn’t. Mom #2:Does he drink whiskey? Mom #1: No, he doesn’t. Mom #2: Does he ever come home late? Mom #1: No, he doesn’t. Mom #2: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? Mom #1: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
  85. A kid asks his dad, “What’s a man?” The dad says, “A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family.” The kid says, “I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!”
  86. Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother’s Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen. But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs. “As a surprise for Mother’s Day,” one explained, “We decided to cook our own breakfast.”
  87. A mother is trying to get her son to eat carrots. “Carrots are good for your eyes,” she says. “How do you know?” the son asks. The mother replies, “Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?”
  88. “If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says ‘keep away from children’”| -Susan Savannah
  89. Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.” – Ambrose Bierce
  90. “People who say they sleep like a baby don’t have one.”
  91. Why don’t they have Mother’s Day sales?… Because Mothers are priceless.
  92. What’s the difference between Superman and Mothers?… Superman’s just a superhero now and then. Moms are superheroes all the time.
  93. What three words solves Dad’s every problem?… Ask your mother.
  94. I asked Mom what she wanted for Mother’s Day. She said, “ A bit of care and comfort” So I put her in a nursing home.
  95. Why do Mothers have to have two visits to the optometrist?… Because they also have eyes in the back of their head.
  96. One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks: “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?” Her mother replied: “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then asked: “Mama, how come all of grandma’s hairs are white?”
  97. Happy Mother’s Day to someone who spoils me and then complains about how spoiled I am.
  98. The family were disappointed with their Mother’s Day celebrations on the moon. The food was terrific but the restaurant lacked atmosphere.
  99. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
  100. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”. What’s my mother going to do?
  101. 9 Things Mom Would Never Say “How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?” “Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too.” “Just leave all the lights on … it makes the house look more cheery.” “Let me smell that shirt — Yeah, it’s good for another week.” “Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I’ll be glad to feed and walk him every day.” “Well, if your friend’s mamma says it’s OK, that’s good enough for me.” “The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It’s not like I’m running a prison around here.” “I don’t have a tissue with me… just use your sleeve.” “Don’t bother wearing a jacket – the wind-chill is bound to improve.”
  102. What did mommy spider say to baby spider?… You spend too much time on the web.
  103. “Mom, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy. “Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son,” his mother replied. After dinner the mother inquired, “Now, baby, what did you want to ask me?” “Oh, nothing,” the boy said. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”
  104. Bottom of the Barrel
  105. Definition: Jumper – something you wear when your mother gets cold.
  106. “It is never easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.” -Anon
  107. What did Eeyore say to his mom on Mother’s Day when he served her breakfast in bed?… I hope thistle make you happy.
  108. What has a long plume, wings and wears a red bow?… A Mother’s Day pheasant.
  109. Why did the dentist’s children give their mommy so many gifts for Mother’s Day?… The love toothee her smile.
  110. Why was the house so neat on Mother’s Day?… Because Mom spent all day Saturday cleaning it…
  111. How do you get the kids to be quiet on Mother’s Day morning?… Say mums the word.
  112. What warm drink helps mom relax on Mother’s Day?… Calm-omile tea
  113. What did mommy pig put on her Mother’s Day pancakes?… Hog cabin syrup
  114. Mom, why did the chicken cross the road?… I don’t know, go ask your dad! (Top Animal Jokes)
  115. Mother: Why is there a strange baby in the crib? Daughter: You told me to change the baby.
  116. “If evolution really works, how come Mothers only have two hands?” -Milton Berle
  117. Which is the most special Sunday in Egypt?… Mummy’s Day.
  118. Who do panda children celebrate on Mother’s Day?… Child-BEARers.
  119. I shouted to my Mom on Mother’s Day, “How does breakfast in bed sound?” She said, “Ooh that sounds lovely! I said, “Great, I’ll have bacon, fries and two eggs.”
  120. What’s the hardest thing your mother makes you swallow?… The fact she’s always right.
  121. When would you hit a Mother’s Day cake with a hammer?… When it’s a pound cake.
  122. Which day does Cherry Garcia’s mommy like the most?… Mother’s Day Sundae.
  123. What’s the easiest way to wake mom up on Mother’s Day?… Put a cat on the bed… while the dog’s there!
  124. What if mom still doesn’t wake up with a cat and dog on the bed?… Throw a mouse on the bed!
  125. Why did the kids give their mom a blanket for Mother’s Day?… Because they thought she was the coolest mom.
  126. Why did the boy make sweet potato pie for Mother’s Day?… His mom always said his pie was yamtastic.
  127. What should you make mom for dinner on Mother’s Day?… Anything you want – she’s just happy that she doesn’t have to make it!
  128. Why was mom so happy to go to IHOP for pancakes on Mother’s Day?… She knew she wouldn’t have to do any dishes.
  129. Why do moms hope it doesn’t rain on Mother’s Day?… Because their kids can’t play outside!
  130. What did the Egyptian family do on Mother’s Day?… Brought their mummy breakfast in bed.
  131. Why do sons love Mother’s Day so much?… Because it’s always on son day (Sunday).
  132. Son: Mommy, how does breakfast in bed sound to you? Mommy: It sounds wonderful! Son: Great… I’ll have scrambled eggs, pancakes and hashbrowns.
  133. Which restaurant did the buccaneer take his mom for Mother’s Day?… Long John Silver’s.
  134. Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young.
  135. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Annie… Annie who?… Annie thing you can do, Mom can do better.
  136. Knock, Knock… Who’s there?… Water… Water who?.. Water you doing for Mother’s Day?
  137. What was Cleopatra’s favorite day of the year?… Mummy’s day.
  138. Knock, knock!… Who’s there?… Justin!… Justin who?… Justin time for Mother’s Day!
  139. What happens at the needle’s house on Mother’s Day at 8pm?… It threadtime.
  140. Why is Mother’s Day before Father’s Day?… So the kids can spend all their Christmas money on Mom.
  141. Son: When is Mother’s Day Dad? Dad wearily unplugging the vacuum, “Every day son, every day.”
  142. For weeks a six-year-old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, “Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?” Tommy burst into tears and confessed, “I think Mummy ate it!”
  143. A little girl asked her mom, “How did the human race appear?” Mom answered, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made …” Two days later the girl asked her Dad the same question. Dad answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.” The confused girl returned to her mum and said, “Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?” The mother answered, “Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his!”
  144. How do your kids know that you’re cross with them?… You use their full name.
  145. Who helped make Mother’s Day breakfast for mama corn?… Popcorn.
  146. Where did the reindeer family go for ice cream on Mother’s Day?… Deery Queen.
  147. “You will always be your child’s favorite toy.” – Vicki Lansky
  148. Son: “Ma, stop making jokes you’re not funny.” Mom: “I made you.”
  149. Why are you drinking wine out of a coffee mug? I have to it was getting embarrassing. Every time Lucy saw a wine glass she would point and cry out Mummy, Mummy!
  150. I saw Mummy asking Santa why he didn’t put his dishes in the dishwasher.
  151. Boy: Hey mum can I have 100 dollars? Mom: Son money doesn’t grow on trees Boy: Where does money come from? Mom: Paper Boy: Does Paper come from? Mom: …
  152. Daughter: Ma, I need my personal space! Mom: You came out of my personal space
  153. A mother’s sacrifice isn’t giving birth. It’s nine months without wine.
  154. “I bet Mother’s Day gets really awkward and confusing on Game of Thrones.”
  155. “One day’s vacation a year, that’s all I get!” queries the womanBoss, “ Well we call it Mother’s Day and technically you still have to work.”
  156. I really wanted a games console so I presented my Mum with a Playstation 4 for Mother’s Day. She said, “Why am I not surprised?” I said, “‘Because there’s no wrapping paper?”