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Top Chemistry Twitter Accounts & 101 Mole Day Jokes

  1. We would like to apologize for not adding more jokes… but we only update them…. periodically!
  2. Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything.
  3. Teacher: What is the chemical formula for water? Student: H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O. Teacher: What are you talking about? Student: Yesterday you said it was H to O. (Back to School Jokes)
  4. What did one mole say to the other?… We make great chemistry together. 
  5. How much does Avogadro exaggerate?… He makes mountains out of mole hills! (Mole Day Jokes & Hiking Jokes)
  6. What do you call Mufasa’s farts?… Noble gas! (Lion King Jokes)
  7. Why are chemists perfect for solving problems?… Because they have all the solutions.
  8. H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?… Drinking.
  9. Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?… He just couldn’t put it down. (Book Jokes)
  10. Why did the noble gas cry?… Because all his friends argon.
  11. Anyone know any jokes about sodium?… Na
  12. How about the chemical workers… are they unionized? (Top Teachers Unions)
  13. What do you get when you complete science class?… A graduated cylinder. (Graduation Jokes)
  14. Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
  15. Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the healing elements?… Because if you can’t helium or curium, you barium!
  16. What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?… SWAG
  17. Helium walks into a bar, The bartender says “We don’t serve noble gasses in here.” Helium doesn’t react.
  18. Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, “AU, get outta here!”
  19. Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?… He’s 0K now.
  20. How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate?… A sulfone
  21. What two elements do sheep belt when happy?… BaH (Animal Jokes for Kids)
  22. Two chemists go into a restaurant. The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.” The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too” — and he died.
  23. What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?… HeHe
  24. Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?… He got Avogadro’s number!
  25. A proton and a neutron are walking down the street. The proton says, “Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it.” The neutron says “Are you sure?” The proton replies “I’m positive.”
  26. The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
  27. What do you call Iron blowing in the wind?… Febreeze.
  28. If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?… H2O cubed. (Math Jokes)
  29. What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?… OH SNaP!
  30. What did one ion say to the other?… I’ve got my ion you. (Biology Jokes)
  31. What do you call a clown who’s in jail?… A silicon. (Police Jokes for Kids)
  32. Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?… Because it’s in the ground state. (Hamburger Jokes)
  33. What element is derived from a Norse god?… Thorium. (Super Hero Jokes)
  34. What is the name of 007’s Eskimo cousin?… Polar Bond. (Geography Jokes)
  35. What kind of dogs do chemists have?… Laboratory Retrievers (Dog Jokes)
  36. What do you call a wheel made of iron?… A ferrous wheel. (Summer Jokes)
  37. What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?… He was booked for a salt and battery. (Police Jokes for Kids)
  38. Why did the acid go to the gym?… To become a buffer solution! (101 Sports Jokes)
  39. What i a Ochem students favorite kind of plant?… A chemistree (Tree Jokes for Kids)
  40. Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?… It’s mole-itically incorrect! (Election Jokes)
  41. What do you do with a dead chemist?… Barium. (Cemetery Jokes)
  42. What did Avogadro get when he mixed ice cream, chocolate syrup, and milk together?… A chocolate Moledt!
  43. A neutron walks into a bar and asks, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.”
  44. Atom: I’d like to report a missing electron. Policeman: Are you sure? Atom: Yes, I’m positive! (Police Jokes for Kids)
  45. Why did Avogadro stop going to a chiropractor on October 24th?… He was only tense to the 23rd! (Top Fall Jokes)
  46. What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?… Watermolens! (Top Summer Jokes)
  47. Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?… They bonded well from the minute they met.
  48. Why did the white furry bear dissolve in water?… Because it was polar. (Animal Jokes for Kids)
  49. What do hungry chemists eat?… Gram (Graham) crackers!
  50. What do you call a periodic table with gold missing?… “Au revoir”
  51. What do you call a scientific plant?… Chemis-tree. (Tree Jokes for Kids)
  52. What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?… CSI
  53. How many guacs are in a bowl of guacamole?… Avocados number! (Cinco De Mayo Jokes)
  54. What do you do with a sick chemist?… If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium. (Cemetery Jokes)
  55. If a mole of moles were digging a mole of holes, what would you see?… A mole of molasses! (Top STEM Jokes)
  56. What element do moles love to study in chemistry?… Molybdenum (Top Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  57. What is the chemical formula for “coffee”?… CoFe2 (Coffee Jokes)
  58. Why did hydrogen marry carbon?… Because they bonded so well.
  59. Avogadro loved to watch MASH. Which character did he like most?… Father Molecahy! (Top Father’s Day JokesTop Father’s Day Quotes)
  60. What’s the first thing you should learn in chemistry?… Never lick the spoon.
  61. What’s the mole’s favorite college football team?… The Florida State Semimoles (Football JokesSports Joke of the Day)
  62. The name’s Bond, Covalent Bond.
  63. What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?… Marsh-mole-ows!
  64. How does Avogadro write to his friends?… By e-mole! (Write it Forward)
  65. What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?… A one molar solution.
  66. What did Avogadro collect at the seashore?… mole-uscs (World Ocean Day JokesCape Cod Jokes)
  67. How many clowns can you fit in a car?… As many as you want, they’re Bozons!
  68. What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon?… A CaNiNe (Animal Jokes for Kids)
  69. What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron?… A KNiFe.
  70. How did carbon propose to Hydrogen?… With a “carbonkneel”
  71. What is a cation afraid of?… A dogion. (Animal Jokes for Kids)
  72. What did the Cowboy Chemist tell his horse?… HIO Ag!
  73. According to a chemist, why is the world so diverse?… Because it’s made up of alkynes of people.
  74. What’s wrong with a joke involving Cobalt, Radon, and Ytterium?… It’s CoRn Y
  75. Why is Avogadro so rich?… He’s a multi-mole-ionare!
  76. Where do you put dirty dishes?… In the zinc.
  77. What did Avogadro call his church services?… Molar Mass.
  78. Why was there only one Avogadro?… When they made him, they broke the Moled.
  79. What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?… 2 Na (Animal Jokes)
  80. What is the chemical formula for “banana”?… BaNa2
  81. What kept Avogadro in bed for two months?… Moleonucleosis.
  82. What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?… A bunch of Moleasses.
  83. What line from Shakespeare do high school moles have to memorize?… “To mole or not to mole, this is the question.”
  84. Why do chemists prefer nitrates?… Because they’re cheaper than day rates.
  85. What did Avogadro invent for his wife to use as a night cream?… Oil of Molay
  86. Why is Avogadro in love with Cindy Crawford?… She’s his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
  87. Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?… It went OK.
  88. Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?… It went OK2!
  89. What did the generous mole say when his friends crashed his Christmas party?… The mole the merrier! (Top Christmas JokesChristmas Trivia)
  90. What is a mole’s favorite television show?… Molerose place
  91. What is Avogadro’s favorite day of the year?… Moleday (101 Mole Day Jokes)
  92. How would you describe a stinky chemist? … Mole-odorous
  93. What kind of test do student moles like best?… Mole-tiple choice. (Top Teacher Jokes)
  94. What is Avogadro’s favorite kind of music?… Rock ‘N’ Mole!
  95. What happens when a mole bites a dog?… He becomes Moleicious! (Top Dog Jokes)
  96. What are mammoles?… Four-legged animoles!
  97. If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys. (Super Hero Jokes)
  98. Why can’t Avogadro have pets?… Because he will mole them.
  99. Why does the chemist like going to the zoo?… To see the animoles.
  100. What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?… Moletiplication (Top Math Jokes101 Pi Day Jokes)
  101. Why was there only one Avogadro?… When they made him, they broke the Moled!
  102. What was Avogadro’s favorite Native American tribe?… The Molehawks!
  103. Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?… One of his molars.
  104. Who is the the mole’s favorite actor?… Mole Gibson
  105. Who is the mole’s favorite rapper?… Mole-ja Boy
  106. What is the mole’s favorite tv show?… Mole-eesha
  107. Why are moles bad at counting?… Because they only know one number. (Top Math Jokes101 Pi Day Jokes)
  108. What’s the mole’s favorite brand of soda?… Coca-Mola.
  109. What’s the mole’s favorite Disney Movie?… The Little Molemaid
  110. What is the mole’s favorite Britney Spears song?… Gimme Mole!
  111. Why do moles love music from the 60′s?… Because of Moletown
  112. Why are moles always on the phone?… Because they love moleble devices.
  113. Why do moles love Tyra Banks?… Because she’s on America’s Next Top Moledel
  114. Why don’t moles like Rod Stewart?… Because he’s a wannabe Barry Manimole
  115. What are the moles’ favorite line from the Wizard of Oz?… “I’m mole-ting, i’m mole-ting.”
  116. Why are moles always eating?… Because they’re molenourished.
  117. What did Avogadro give his ex-wife every month?… Alimoley
  118. What did Avogadro have on his pancakes?… moleasses
  119. On which American mountain was Avogadro’s face carved in stone?… Mount Rushmole (Top 10 Presidents’ Day JokesTop Election Jokes)
  120. What song did Avogadro’s family sing on New Year’s Eve?… “Mole Lang Syne” (Top New Year’s Eve Jokes)
  121. Where did Avogadro send his CARE packages?… Moleasia (Top Geography Jokes)
  122. What was Avogadro’s favorite board game?… Moleoply
  123. Who was Avogadro’s favorite singing group?… The Moleing Stones
  124. Who was Avogadro’s favorite composer?… Moles art!
  125. How would you have described Avogadro’s room while he was a teenager?… a Molar Mess!
  126. What did Avogadro put into the pockets of his tweed suit?… moleth balls!
  127. Can you name two movies that Avogadro really liked?… Mole Miner’s Daughter and Moleby Dick!
  128. What was Avogadro’s best day in golf?… When he got a mole-in-one! (Top Golf Jokes)
  129. How did Avogadro send a secret message with his walkie-talkie?… He used Molse Code!
  130. Which Walt Disney characters was Avogadro fond of?… Mickey and Minnie Mole!
  131. What is Avogadro teaching his astronomy class about?… The molar system! (Top Astronomy Jokes)
  132. How did Avogadro help his team win the soccer playoffs?… He scored the winning mole! (Top Soccer JokesTop 10 Summer Olympic Jokes)
  133. What was Avogadro’s favorite drink?… Moleson Golden Ale! (Top Summer Jokes)
  134. Why did people say Avogadro was lazy?… They said he was slow as moleasses!
  135. What is Avogadro’s favorite chocolate bar?… moletd chocolate!
  136. What religion did Avogadro belong to?… Molslem!
  137. What did Avogadro’s bird do when it was time for him to send his feathers?… it moleted!
  138. I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite…
    He said NaBrO (Sibling Jokes)
  139. What was the mad bomber’s favorite drink?… Moletev cocktail!
  140. Where did Mrs. Avogadro do her shopping?… In a shopping mole!
  141. What are moles made of?… molecules!
  142. Which team lost the World Series in 1982?… the Molewaukee Brewers (Top Baseball Jokes)
  143. What brand of cigarettes did Avogadro smoke?… DuMoleix!
  144. What do you sue to flatten hot asphalt?… a steam moler!
  145. How did Avogadro get through the desert?… on a camole!
  146. What do chemists do in a math class?… moletiply! (Top Math Jokes101 Pi Day Jokes)
  147. Which part of the universe did Avogadro like to study?… the Molkey Way! (Top Astronomy Jokes)
  148. How much money did Avogadro make from being a chemist?… Enough to make him into a moleionnaire!
  149. What is Avogadro’s favorite sport?… lawn moles! (365 Sports Jokes)
  150. What is Avogadro’s favorite drink?… coca-molar! (Top Summer Jokes)
  151. What happened to Avogadro when he had to drive over a bridge?… He had to pay at the molegate!
  152. What area did Avogadro explore?… The South Mole! (Top Geography Jokes)
  153. What were Avogadro’s houses made of?… Moleskin.
  154. Where does Avogadro plant his trees?… Moles in the ground. (Top Arbor Day Jokes)
  155. What was Avogadro’s best subject?… Mass!
  156. What was Avogadro dressed as when he went to the masquerade ball?… !n avacado!
  157. What was the problem Avogadro had with his shoes?… He wore the moles out too quickly!
  158. At what time was Avogadro at his romantic best?… On mole-lit nights! (Top Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  159. What scientist was a member of the pig family?… Neils Bohr!
  160. What is Avogadro’s favorite character… Masswell Smart!
  161. What was Avogadro full of?… Molar energy or 6 × 1023 particles!
  162. What’s the mole’s favorite Disney Channel movie?… Mole-aweentown! (Top Halloween Jokes)
  163. Where do students graduate?… At moleage! (Top College Jokes)
  164. Where did Avogadro go sailing?… Mole ucc Strait (Top Sailing Jokes)
  165. Why don’t moles like teenage actresses?… Because Lindsay Molehan gives them a bad reputation.
  166. What did Avogadro do when he lost his job?.. He joined the mole queue.
  167. How do moles finance their homes?… With a molergage!
  168. What are Avogadro’s favorite places?… Moldend, Massachusetts
  169. If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate!
  170. What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry labs?… Methylated Spirits. (Holiday Jokes for Kids)
  171. What did one titration say to the other?… “Let’s meet at the endpoint.”
  172. What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?… Breaking up is hard to do.
  173. Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.
  174. What is “HIJKLMNO”?… H2O.
  175. How did the chemist survive the famine?… By subsisting on titrations.
  176. If H20 is water, what is H204?… Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
  177. Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?… To reduce his carbon footprint.
  178. What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?… A ferrous wheel.
  179. What happens when spectroscopists are idle?… They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
  180. Why can you never trust atoms?… They make up everything!
  181. Why did Chlorine’s sisters Boron and Carbon lock her in the closet?… Because she was too attractive!
  182. What is it called when Queen of England farts?… A noble gas
  1. Mole Day Dictionary: Demoleition: The destruction which moles bring about in your yard.
  2. Mole Day Dictionary: Dismole: being gloomy on Mole Day
  3. Mole Day Dictionary: Imoleble: anything that does not have to do with a mole
  4. Mole Day Dictionary: Mol: the symbol for mole
  5. Mole Day Dictionary: Mole-mole: a mole double agent
  6. Mole Day Dictionary: Molearchy: government in which moles are in complete control; under this government Mole Day is celebrated three times a year and chemistry is the only scientific subject taught in school
  7. Mole Day Dictionary: Molebile: a mole which hangs from the ceiling; also a term describing anything which can move rapidly
  8. Mole Day Dictionary: inderground Molect: the obsessive collection of Mole Day stuff including T-shirts, lawn decorations, pins, and endless other things
  9. Mole Day Dictionary: Molectomy: the study of a mole’s insides
  10. Mole Day Dictionary: Molehill: a large hill made of dirt in your backyard, formed from moles borrowing underground; also a term used to describe anything that’s pesky
  11. Mole Day Dictionary: Moleism: the continual reverence of moles
  12. Mole Day Dictionary: Molelaberate: working together on a project which includes moles
  13. Mole Day Dictionary: Moleodic: a word describing the Mole Day songs which are played over the loudspeaker
  14. Mole Day Dictionary: Moleskito: a tiny molelike creature with wings which drinks the blood of anyone who doesn’t remember when
  15. Mole Day Dictionary: Mole Day is Remoletly: obscurely having to do with a mole
  16. Mole Day Dictionary: Remolte control: a devise used by moles to watch all their favorite television shows, such as Bill Nye the Science Guy and the Discovery Channel, particularly used by lazy papa moles
  17. Mole Day Dictionary: Sophmole: anyone in the tenth grade who is taking Chemistry already
  18. Mole Day Dictionary: Thermole: an adjective describing a mole of a highly explosive substance

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