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More Lobster Jokes…

  1. Today I stopped at this roadside stand that said “Lobster Tails: $2”.So I paid my $2 and the guy said, “Once upon a time there was this lobster… (Book Jokes & Maine Jokes)
  2. A man ordered lobster for dinner…And when the waiter brought it to him, he complained, “Hey, this lobster has only one claw!”The waiter said, “That lobster was in a fight.”“Okay then,” replied the man, “Bring me the winner!” (Boxing Jokes)
  3. Irish Lobsters: The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Claddaghduff, Ireland man answered his door to find a grim-faced Constable & one waiting in the front yard.”We’re sorry, Mr. O’Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen” said one of the officers.””Tell me! Did you find her?” Michael Patrick O’Flynn asked.The constables looked at each other and one said,”We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”Fearing the worst, Mr. O’Flynn said, “Give me the bad news first.”The constable said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but early this morning we found your poor wife’s body in the bay.””Lord sufferin’ Jesus and Holy Mother of God!” exclaimed O’Flynn. Swallowing hard, he asked, “What could possibly be the good news?”The constable continued, “When we pulled the late, departed poor Maureen up, she had 12 of the best-looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven’t seen lobsters like that since the 1960’s, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”Stunned, Mr. O’ Flynn demanded, “Glory be to God, if that’s the good news, then what’s the really great news?”The constable replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow. (St. Patrick’s Day Jokes)
  4. Why did the lobster blush?… It saw the ocean’s bottom. (Ocean Jokes for Kids & Summer Jokes for Kids)
  5. A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters. A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters. He has two in his boat when the police approach him. The man claims he’s not poaching them and they are his pet lobsters, he’s just taking them for a swim. “I let them play in the water for a few minutes but when I whistle they come back to me. “So the police let him place the lobsters in the water and command the man to call them back. Call who back?” (Police Jokes)
  6. Who brings presents to lobsters?… Santa Claws! (Christmas Jokes)
  7. What happened when a Maine fisherman was late to work?… She lobster job. (Lobster Jokes & Maine Jokes)
  8. There are no hipster lobsters……In a Maine stream! (Maine Jokes)
  9. Lobster Lawyer: He goes up to the bartender and says: “Look, before you can serve me, I need to advise you that I’m a lawyer.” “Blimey… A lobster lawyer? That is impressive,” says the bartender. The Lobster puts his briefcase up on the bar, deftly opens it with his claws, and produces a document that looks to be at least 100 pages. He slides it to the bartender. “This is a legal contract that covers all the questions usually asked of me whenever I walk into a bar. I’ve just finished a pretty rough case and would like to get to drinking as soon as possible, so if we could skip over the usual jokes and just get through this without delay I’d be much obliged.” The bartender looks at the lobster carefully, but soon nods in agreement. “Fair enough, mate,” he says. “Let’s work through this.” The bartender flips over the cover page and starts reading aloud. “‘Point 1: I am a lobster of legal drinking age and you’ll find in Annex A a copy of my legally acceptable identification.’ Well, okay, no problems there. “‘Point 2: You can serve me more than water and are absolved of any misfortune that befalls me while drinking at your establishment.’ What’s your favourite drink?” “Vermouth, usually,” says The Lobster, “but I’m hoping for a few stiff glasses of whiskey tonight.” “Okay,” the bartender continues reading, “‘Point 3: We’ve established I am a lawyer, and therefore reasonably wealthy. This should assuage any fears you might have about my capability to settle my tab, but I am happy to pay up front if you have any concerns.'” The Lobster slaps a crisp $50 bill onto the bar. “Well alright then,” says the bartender. “There’s just one more point to read and agree to,” says The Lobster. The bartender raises an eyebrow, seeing that he’s still on page one and there are a considerable amount of pages left to read, and quickly flips through a number of the pages to confirm that there is, in fact, writing on every page. “Look,” he says, “before I read the rest, I have to ask: why the large clause?” The Lobster gives a little sigh. “Dunno,” he says. “I’m a lobster. I guess I’ve always had them.” (Lawyer Jokes)
  10. In which part of the bread factory do lobsters work?… The crust station. (Labor Day Jokes)
  11. Why don’t lobsters share?… They’re shellfish.
  12. Maine: We’re Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster. (Maine Jokes)
  13. What happened when a Maine fisherman was late to work?… She lobster job. (Maine Jokes)
  14. How does a lobster answer the phone?… Shello?
  15. What is a Lobster’s favorite shot in tennis?… The “lob” of course! (Sports Jokes for Kids & Tennis Jokes)
  16. I was a professional lobsterman, but I couldn’t live on my net income. (Labor Day Jokes)
  17. What did the tied up lobster fear more than boiling water?… Claw-Strophobia.
  18. If you cross a telephone and a lobster what will you get?… Snappy talk.
  19. tIf you bring lobster to class, you better share…. Or else it would be shellfish.
  20. Did you hear about the fight at red lobster?… Four fish were battered!
  21. Why are lobsters bad at relationships?… Too shellfish.
  22. .I dated a woman who thought she was a lobster… She was the most shellfish person I ever met.
  23. Have you heard about the lobster that rode a sea mammal into battle?… He did it on Porpoise.
  24. Did you hear about the lobster that went to the party?… It pulled a mussel.
  25. I was boiling a lobster, and it started screaming…I felt bad, so I drove it to the woods and set it free.
  26. What’s a lobster’s favorite part of a build-your-own-pizza bar?… The crust station
  27. A girl goes out surfing but does not return home… …sick with worry, her parents ask for help and the lifeguard service heads out to find her. Soon, the parents are informed over the phone by an excited lifeguard. “We have bad news, good news, and really good news!” The parent’s tears are instantly dried and smiles spread across their faces but also still some dread remains from the bad news. “The bad news is your daughter drowned, the good news is when we pulled her body from the water a dozen lobsters and 3 tunas were clinging onto her corpse, and the really good news is we’re pulling her up again tomorrow!”
  28. Why didn’t the crab and lobster get along?… They were too shellfish.
  29. Waiter, waiter, this lobster’s only got one claw. It must have been in a fight, sir. Then bring me the winner. (Boxing Jokes)
  30. I asked my girlfriend if they serve whales at red lobster.That way next time we go we know if we can bring her mother.