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Google Search “Police Jokes”

  1. The corn police receive many complaints from local people that somebody is trying to stalk them. (Corn Jokes)
  2. What was the name of the vegetable police squad that rode motorcycles?… Corn CHiPs. (Corn Jokes)
  3. What you call a potato and an ear of corn driving a police car?… Starchy and Husk. (Potato Jokes &  Police Jokes)
  4. The left ear of corn says to the right ear of corn: “Don’t look now, but I think that we are being stalked.” (Corn Jokes)
  5. My report of an earthquake was not seriously considered by 911… I guess they did not understand the magnitude of the situation. (Earthquake Jokes)
  6. Two peanuts were walking down a road… One was a salted (assaulted). (Walking Jokes & Police Jokes)
  7. What do you get if you cross a giraffes with a police-man ?… Long-arm of the Law! (Giraffe Jokes)
  8. Why did the March Madness basketball player go to jail?…  Because he shot the ball! (March Madness Jokes)
  9. Why did the Olympic basketball player go to jail?…  Because he shot the ball! (March Madness Jokes)
  10. What does the Grinch eat for dessert?… Heist cream! (Ice Cream Jokes & Dr. Seuss Jokes)
  11. Why was the pencil brought in for questioning… Because they thought he was sketchy. (Pencil Jokes)
  12. How can you get arrested on Valentine’s Day?… For stealing someone’s heart. (Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  13. Why did the sheriff lock up her boyfriend?… He stole her heart. (Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  14. Why did Winnie the Pooh call the police?… Because he saw Christopher Robin! (Winnie the Pooh Jokes)
  15. What do you call an Atlanta Falcons football player with a Super Bowl ring?… A thief. (Super Bowl Jokes)
  16. Why can’t Pooh rob a bank?… He would only steal the honey and not the money. (Winnie the Pooh Jokes)
  17. It’s getting real bad here in California. I just got robbed at the gas station. I called the cops and they asked if I knew who did it. “It was pump #5,” I replied. (California Jokes & Car Jokes)
  18. A restaurant served me soggy spaghetti… So I put in a re-straining order. (Spaghetti Jokes & Lawyer Jokes)
  19. What do you get when you cross an environmentalist with direct action?… Arrested!
  20. How did the police solve the case of the stolen marinara sauce?… They caught the thief red-handed! (Spaghetti Jokes)
  21. What happened to the woman who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve?… She got 12 months! (New Year’s Eve Jokes)
  22. Why couldn’t the Grinch steal Christmas?… Because of the Santa clause.  (Grinch Jokes & Grammar Jokes)
  23. What did the police officer say when he saw Frosty stealing?… “Freeze!” (Frosty the Snowman Jokes)
  24. What did the Frosty the Snowman say when he was asked to commit a crime?… Snow way man. (Frosty the Snowman Jokes)
  25. What do people say when they hear the Grinch stealing from them?… Who goes there? (Grinch Jokes)
  26. Graduation Party: Knock Knock. Who’s there?…Dishes….Dishes who?… Dishes the police, come out with your hands up!! (Graduation Jokes)
  27. If you blew up Mount Rushmore, what crime would you have committed?… Four counts of defacing a national monument. (South Dakota Jokes & Lawyer Jokes)
  28. A policeman just knocked on my door and said my dogs were chasing people on bikes… My dogs don’t even own bikes. (Bike Jokes & Dog Jokes)
  29. My local hockey rink just reported their Zamboni driver has gone missing… They hope he resurfaces soon. (Hockey Jokes)
  30. What type of bird should you never take to the bank?… A robin. (Bird Jokes & Spring Jokes)
  31. What does the Grinch see with?… Burglarize! (Grinch Jokes)
  32. Why did the Grinch not steal any kitchen utensils?… He decided it wasn’t worth the whisk! (Grinch Jokes)
  33. Why did the Grinch get a burglar alarm?… Because he needs to get up on time! (Grinch Jokes)
  34. Why did the hockey player go to jail?… Because he shot the puck. (Hockey Jokes)
  35. An iPhone and a firework were arrested on New Year’s Eve. One was charged and the other was let off. (Fireworks Jokes & New Year’s Eve Jokes)
  36. What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve?… He got 12 months! (New Year’s Eve Jokes)
  37. I was caught stealing a rainbow once… Ended up getting thrown in prism! (Rainbow Jokes)
  38. This really was supposed to be a joke! Why did the baseball manager get arrested (and fired)?… for stealing signs. (Police Jokes & Labor Day Jokes)
  39. Why did the burglar break into the bakery?… Because he heard the cupcakes were rich. (Cupcake Jokes)
  40. How did the jury find the hamburger?… Grill-ty as charred! (Hamburger Jokes & Lawyer Jokes)
  41. What did the hamburger say when it pleaded not guilty?… I’ve been flamed! (Hamburger Jokes & Lawyer Jokes)
  42. 4, 6, 8 and 9 have all been killed… 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11 are the prime suspects. (Prime Day Jokes)
  43. How do you stop someone from stealing your grill?… With a burger alarm! (Hamburger Jokes)
  44. What do you call a pig thief?… A hamburglar! (Bacon Jokes for Kids / Hamburger Jokes / Pig Jokes)
  45. What did the shark say when he was accused of hitting his brother?… Not gill-ty! (Shark Jokes)
  46. Math teacher: A man from Los Angeles drove toward New York at 250 miles per hour and a man from New York drove toward Los Angeles at 150 m.p.h. Where did they meet? Student: In jail! (Math Jokes for Kids)
  47. Coffee is the silent victim in our house… It gets mugged every day. (Coffee Jokes)
  48. They brought the hot dog in for questioning… He gave the… wurst… answers! (Hot Dog Jokes & Lawyer Jokes)
  49. What does the Alaska police say in a interrogation?… Alaska questions here! (Alaska Jokes)
  50. This is the Alaska State Police… Where were you during the night of November 14th to February 12th? (Alaska Jokes)
  51. “The Constitution says I have the right to bear arms,” I told the officer and he said, “Where’s the rest of the bear?” (Bear Jokes & Constitution Jokes
  52. How did the hotdog get the job despite having a criminal record?… It was a misde-wiener. (Hot Dog Jokes & Lawyer Jokes)
  53. A man from Los Angeles drove toward New York at 250 miles per hour and a man from New York drove toward Los Angeles at 150 m.p.h. Where did they meet?… In jail.
  54. A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters. A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters. He has two in his boat when the police approach him. The man claims he’s not poaching them and they are his pet lobsters, he’s just taking them for a swim. “I let them play in the water for a few minutes but when I whistle they come back to me. “So the police let him place the lobsters in the water and command the man to call them back. Call who back?” (Lobster Jokes)
  55. The police have arrested two men for stealing batteries and fireworks…. They charged one and let the other one off!
  56. Students going to prom: Knock Knock!… Who’s there?… Dewey….Dewey who?… Dewey have to go to take a breathalizer? (Prom Jokes)
  57. Why did the police arrest the turkey?… They suspected it of fowl play! (Turkey Jokes & Police Jokes)
  58. How did the police solve the case of the stolen marinara sauce?… They caught the thief red-handed! (Pasta Jokes)
  59. Did you hear about the boy who broke into a fireworks factory?… The police let him off!
  60. Why did the basketball player go to jail?…  Because he shot the ball! (Basketball Jokes)
  61. What type of bird should you never take to the bank?… A robin. (Bird Jokes & Police Jokes)
  62. What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?… Santa Clues! (Christmas Jokes)
  63. What do you call a great dog detective?… Sherlock Bones! (Dog Jokes)
  64. What did Columbus say when he was accused of speeding through the port?… I did knot! (Columbus Day Jokes)
  65. Why is a traffic policeman the strongest man in the world?… Because, he can stop a 10 ton truck by holding up his hand!
  66. What is the job of Winnie the Pooh’s father?… POOHlice! He is a Poohliceman. (Winnie the Pooh Jokes)
  67. What happened to the thief who stole a Christmas Advent Calendar?… He got 25 days! (Christmas Jokes)
  68. Why was the detective at the beach?… There was a crime wave! (Top Summer Jokes for Kids)
  69. Why wouldn’t the policeman come out from under the covers?… He was arresting!
  70. Someone stole my coffee cup from work today. I’m just off down the police station now to look at a few mug shots. (Coffee Jokes)
  71. Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?… To the shell-block. (Turtle Jokes)
  72. Why do potatoes make good detectives?… Because they keep their eyes peeled. (Potato Jokes & Police Jokes)
  73. What did the detective in the Arctic say to the suspect?…  “Where were you on the night of September to March?” (Winter Jokes)
  74. What did the police man said to his tummy?… You are under a vest!
  75. A state trooper was asked on an exam “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” ANSWER:  “CALL FOR BACKUP!
  76. Did you hear about the kidnapping?…. He’s still sleeping!
  77. How do you stop someone from stealing your grill?… With a burger alarm! (Cheeseburger Jokes)
  78. What kind of metal do they have at a police station?… copper! (101 Mole Day Jokes)
  79. Why did the policeman go to the baseball game?… Because he heard that someone had stolen a base! (Baseball Jokes for Kids)
  80. Why was the cop in bed?… Because he was an undercover cop!
  81. Which 4 letters frighten a thief?… O i c u! (26 Lessons for the Letter of the Week A- Z)
  82. What do you call a flying policeman?… A helicopper!
  83. A man was driving down the highway and he was pulled over by a policeman. The policeman said “You were driving 85 miles per hour.” The Driver: “Don’t be ridiculous” the man said, “I’ve only been driving twenty minutes”!
  84. What do you call fruit that commits egregious crimes?… a waterfelon. (Watermelon Jokes)
  85. The policeman said to the wig shopkeeper, “Sorry, we haven’t found your stolen wigs yet, but we have been combing the the area!”
  86. A police officer spots a car on the highway going about 22mph, so he stops the car, with a lady and some of her friends, and tells the lady how dangerous is to be going slow as it is to speed. The lady answers “Officer I was going the speed limit! 22mph!”The officer says… that is the highway #.. That’s what highway you’re on. But I need to ask you, are your friends okay, they seem a little shaken up and pale. The driver answers “Oh they’ll be fine in a couple of seconds, we just got off of highway 119.”
  87. There were three people named Trouble, Your Manners, and Be Quiet. One day Trouble fell into a hole. Your Manners and Be Quiet went to the police station for help. Your Manners waited outside and Be Quiet went inside. The front police officer asked: What is your name? BQ: Be Quiet. PO: Where are your manners? BQ: Outside. PO: Are you looking for trouble? BQ: Yes.
  88. Why did the police arrest the chef?… Because he was caught beating an egg! (Egg Jokes)
  89. Which jam does a policeman use on his bread?… Traffic jam!
  90. What are the pipes at the police station made of?… Copper! (101 Mole Day Jokes)
  91. Knock Knock!… Who’s there?… Police. Police who?… Police let us in; it’s cold out here. (Winter Jokes)
  92. What kind of treat do they feed prisoners ?… Jail- y donuts. (Donut Jokes)
  93. The police are looking for a thief with one eye… Why don’t the use both? (Biology Jokes)
  94. What is a detective’s ultimate car?… A track-tor! (Farming Jokes)
  95. What kind of jam does a policeman have in his sandwich?… A traffic jam!
  96. What’s a cop’s favorite food?… Corn on the cop! (Top Summer Jokes for Kids)
  97. What did the headlines say when the very short fortune teller escaped the police?… Small Medium at Large!”
  98. Why did the policeman have a blanket over himself?… He was working undercover!
  99. Policeman: Why are you driving without a license? Motorist: Because it was revoked months ago.
  100. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Police. Police who?… Police stop telling these awful knock, knock jokes!
  101. How did the police department figure out a perp stole a cop car?… The lojacked cop car went 5 hours without stopping at a Dunkin Donuts! (Donut Jokes)
  102. Why was the meat packer arrested?… For bringing home the bacon. (Labor Day Jokes& Bacon Jokes)
  103. What do you get if you steal Winnie-the-Pooh’s honey?… A nice clear table. (Winnie the Pooh Jokes)
  104. Did you hear about the Mexican who threw his wife over a cliff? When the police officer asked him why he’d done it he said, ‘Tequila! Tequila!
  105. How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm?.. It has a blue light! (Worm Jokes)
  106. Police arrested two kids yesterday… one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other off. 
  107. A battery and a firework were arrested. One was charged, the other let off.
  108. Did you hear about the boy who broke into a fireworks factory?… The police let him off!
  109. What did the shark plead in the murder case?… Not gill-ty! (Shark Jokes & Lawyer Jokes)
  110. What was the turkey suspected of?… Fowl play. (Turkey Jokes)
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