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Google Search “Police Jokes”

  1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best police jokes.
  2. Why were the police on a lookout for the maze designer?… He had gotten lost in his own work.
  3. If trees could kill you… They wood. (Tree Jokes)
  4. What happened to the math teacher who was caught robbing banks?… A judge sent him to prism!
  5. What do you call a tree who commits espionage?… A leaves-dropper.
  6. What crime is considered the worst in the kingdom of trees?… Treeson. (Tree Jokes)
  7. Why was the tree arrested?… For shopleafting. (Tree Jokes)
  8. Why do trees make great thieves?… Sticky fingers. (Tree Jokes)
  9. What do you call a serial killer watermelon?… A slaughter melon. (Watermelon Jokes)
  10. 4, 6, 8 and 9 have all been killed… 2, 3, 5, 7 and 11 are the prime suspects. (Prime Day Jokes)
  11. In the morning… I become a cereal killer. (Cereal Jokes)
  12. What does a police officer do on the volleyball court?… Serve and Protect. (Volleyball Jokes)
  13. Someone broke into our shop and stole all 31 flavors of ice cream… It was a Baskin-Robbery. (Ice Cream Jokes)
  14. Why are cheerleading teams driven around by the police?… Only police have squad cars. (Cheerleading Jokes)
  15. I was in a food fight at school & accidentally hit the principal with a stale cafeteria bun… he had me charged; assault with a breadly weapon. (Bread Jokes & Police Jokes)
  16. Someone stole my coffee cup from work today. I’m just off down the police station now to look at a few mug shots. (Coffee Jokes)
  17. A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.” (Turtle Jokes)
  18. Why did the shark get sent to jail?… He was involved with some fishy business. (Shark Jokes & Fishing Jokes)
  19. When a man walked in wearing sunglasses and holding a white and red walking stick, demanding all our money… He was robbing us blind! (Sunglasses Jokes)
  20. Why did the policeman go to the baseball game?… Because he heard that someone had stolen a base! (Baseball Jokes for Kids)
  21. What’s the difference between someone who doesn’t understand figures of speech, and the Grinch?… The first takes things literally. The other takes things, literally! (Grammar Jokes)
  22. To the person who stole my sunglasses… I will find you, I have contacts. (Sunglasses Jokes)
  23. Why did the elephant get pulled over?… He sped through the stomp sign. (Car Jokes & Police Jokes)
  24. What crime is an egg most afraid of?… Poaching. (Egg Jokes)
  25. Students going to prom: Knock Knock!… Who’s there?… Dewey….Dewey who?… Dewey have to take a breathalizer? (Prom Jokes)
  26. What did the police officer say when he saw the student stealing on a snow day?… Freeze. (Snow Day Jokes)
  27. What do you call a potato and an ear of corn driving a police car?… Starchy and Husk. (Potato Jokes &  Police Jokes)
  28. What type of bird should you never take to the bank?… A robin. (Bird Jokes & Spring Jokes)
  29. Which 4 letters frighten a thief?… O i c u!
  30. My report of an earthquake was not seriously considered by 911… I guess they did not understand the magnitude of the situation. (Earthquake Jokes)
  31. What happened to the woman who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve?… She got 12 months! (New Year’s Eve Jokes)
  32. What kind of metal do they have at a police station?… copper! (101 Mole Day Jokes)
  33. This really was supposed to be a joke! Why did the baseball manager get arrested (and fired)?… for stealing signs. (Police Jokes & Labor Day Jokes)
  34. Did you hear about the kidnapping?…. He’s still sleeping!
  35. Why was the detective at the beach?… He was investigating a crime wave! (Top Summer Jokes for Kids)
  36. What do you get if you cross a giraffes with a police-man ?… Long-arm of the Law! (Giraffe Jokes)
  37. What did the policeman say when he bumped into Bob, Stuart and Kevin?… Yellow, yellow, yellow. (Minion Jokes)
  38. The corn police receive many complaints from local people that somebody is trying to stalk them. (Corn Jokes)
  39. Why did the March Madness basketball player go to jail?…  Because he shot the ball! (March Madness Jokes)
  40. How can you get arrested on Valentine’s Day?… For stealing someone’s heart. (Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  41. Why did Winnie the Pooh call the police?… Because he saw Christopher Robin! (Winnie the Pooh Jokes)
  42. A policeman just knocked on my door and said my dogs were chasing people on bikes… My dogs don’t even own bikes. (Bike Jokes & Dog Jokes)
  43. What kind of treat do they feed prisoners ?… Jail- y donuts. (Donut Jokes)
  44. It’s getting real bad here in California. I just got robbed at the gas station. I called the cops and they asked if I knew who did it. “It was pump #5,” I replied. (California Jokes & Car Jokes)
  45. How did the jury find the hamburger?… Grill-ty as charred! (Hamburger Jokes & Lawyer Jokes)
  46. Why did the burglar break into the bakery?… Because he heard the cupcakes were rich. (Cupcake Jokes)
  47. How did the police solve the case of the stolen marinara sauce?… They caught the thief red-handed! (Spaghetti Jokes)
  48. Why did Harry Potter get pulled over for speeding?… Because he didn’t expect-no-patrol-man. (Harry Potter Jokes & Car Jokes)
  49. If a wizard gets robbed by a Muggle, has he been Muggled? (Harry Potter Jokes)
  50. Anyone else who had committed Voldemort’s crimes would have been riddled with guilt. (Harry Potter Jokes)
  51. What should you do if you have question about jail?… Azkaban. (Harry Potter Jokes)
  52. My local hockey rink just reported their Zamboni driver has gone missing… They hope he resurfaces soon. (Hockey Jokes)
  53. Why is a traffic policeman the strongest man in the world?… Because, he can stop a 10 ton truck by holding up his hand!
  54. If you blew up Mount Rushmore, what crime would you have committed?… Four counts of defacing a national monument. (South Dakota Jokes & Lawyer Jokes)
  55. The policeman said to the wig shopkeeper, “Sorry, we haven’t found your stolen wigs yet, but we have been combing the the area!” (Barber Jokes)
  56. Why was the Easter Bunny arrested? … He was charged with Hare-assment! (Easter Jokes)
  57. Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?… To the shell-block. (Turtle Jokes)
  58. A state trooper was asked on an exam “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?”… “Call for backup!”
  59. The police are looking for a thief with one eye… Why don’t the use both? (Biology Jokes)
  60. Why did George Washington have the soldier arrested?… For committing Valley Forgery.
  61. What do you call a flying policeman?… A helicopper!
  62. Why was the cop in bed?… Because he was an undercover cop! (Napping Jokes)
  63. What do you call a leprechaun who broke the law?… A lepre-con! (Leprechaun Jokes & Police Jokes)
  64. A man was driving down the highway and he was pulled over by a policeman. The policeman said “You were driving 85 miles per hour.” The Driver: “Don’t be ridiculous” the man said, “I’ve only been driving twenty minutes!” (Car Jokes)
  65. What happened to the thief who stole a Christmas Advent Calendar?… He got 25 days! (Christmas Jokes)
  66. Why did the police arrest the chef?… Because he was caught beating an egg! (Egg Jokes)
  67. What do you call fruit that commits egregious crimes?… a waterfelon. (Watermelon Jokes)
  68. How do you stop someone from stealing your grill?… With a burger alarm! (Cheeseburger Jokes)
  69. Why was the pencil brought in for questioning… Because they thought he was sketchy. (Pencil Jokes)
  70. Why did the pancake get arrested?… It had committed multiple unwaffle actions.
  71. What did the detective say when he tripped over a pretzel left by the perp?… Well, that was an unexpected twist! (Police Jokes)
  72. A restaurant served me soggy spaghetti… So I put in a re-straining order. (Spaghetti Jokes & Lawyer Jokes)
  73. Why were the police looking for Sauron?… He was wanted for first degree Mordor! (murder) (101 Lord of the Rings Jokes)
  74. Policeman: Why are you driving without a license? Motorist: Because it was revoked months ago
  75. Where did badminton go?… To prison he was a bad! (Badminton Jokes)
  76. Two pretzels walked through a sketchy alleyway… One was a salted. The other was knot. (Police Jokes)
  77. Why did Mr. Peanut go to the hospital?… He was a salted. (Peanut Jokes & Police Jokes)
  78. Graduation Party: Knock Knock. Who’s there?…Dishes….Dishes who?… Dishes the police, come out with your hands up!! (Graduation Jokes)
  79. What do you call an Atlanta Falcons football player with a Super Bowl ring?… A thief. (Super Bowl Jokes)
  80. There were three people named Trouble, Your Manners, and Be Quiet. One day Trouble fell into a hole. Your Manners and Be Quiet went to the police station for help. Your Manners waited outside and Be Quiet went inside. The front police officer asked: What is your name? BQ: Be Quiet. PO: Where are your manners? BQ: Outside. PO: Are you looking for trouble? BQ: Yes.
  81. .
  82. Coffee is the silent victim in our house… It gets mugged every day. (Coffee Jokes)
  83. I was caught stealing a rainbow once… Ended up getting thrown in prism! (Rainbow Jokes)
  84. Why did the hockey player go to jail?… Because he shot the puck. (Hockey Jokes)
  85. An iPhone and a firework were arrested on New Year’s Eve. One was charged and the other was let off. (Fireworks Jokes & New Year’s Eve Jokes)
  86. What are the pipes at the police station made of?… Copper! (101 Mole Day Jokes)
  87. What did the shark say when he was accused of hitting his brother?… Not gill-ty! (Shark Jokes)
  88. Math teacher: A man from Los Angeles drove toward New York at 250 miles per hour and a man from New York drove toward Los Angeles at 150 m.p.h. Where did they meet? Student: In jail! (Math Jokes for Kids)
  89. What does the Alaska police say in an interrogation?… Alaska questions here! (Alaska Jokes)
  90. This is the Alaska State Police… Where were you during the night of November 14th to February 12th? (Alaska Jokes)
  91. What did the headlines say when the very short fortune teller escaped the police?… Small Medium at Large!”
  92. Why do potatoes make good detectives?… Because they keep their eyes peeled. (Potato Jokes & Police Jokes)
  93. Why wouldn’t the policeman come out from under the covers?… He was arresting!
  94. A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters. He has two in his boat when the police approach him. The man claims he’s not poaching them and they are his pet lobsters, he’s just taking them for a swim. “I let them play in the water for a few minutes but when I whistle they come back to me. “So the police let him place the lobsters in the water and command the man to call them back. Call who back?” (Lobster Jokes)
  95. Why did the police arrest the turkey?… They suspected it of fowl play! (Turkey Jokes & Police Jokes)
  96. What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective?… Santa Clues! (Christmas Jokes)
  97. What do you call a great dog detective?… Sherlock Bones! (Dog Jokes)
  98. What did Columbus say when he was accused of speeding through the port?… I did knot! (Columbus Day Jokes)
  99. What is the job of Winnie the Pooh’s father?… POOHlice! He is a Poohliceman. (Winnie the Pooh Jokes)
  100. Which jam does a policeman use on his bread?… Traffic jam!
  101. Knock Knock!… Who’s there?… Police. Police who?… Police let us in; it’s cold out here. (Winter Jokes)
  102. The police have arrested two men for stealing batteries and fireworks…. They charged one and let the other one off!
  103. How did the hotdog get the job despite having a criminal record?… It was a misde-wiener. (Hot Dog Jokes & Lawyer Jokes)
  104. “The Constitution says I have the right to bear arms,” I told the officer and he said, “Where’s the rest of the bear?” (Bear Jokes & Constitution Jokes
  105. What did the police officer say when he saw Frosty stealing?… “Freeze!” (Frosty the Snowman Jokes)
  106. The gun fight between the turtles and tortoises was barbaric!… Empty shells everywhere! (Turtle Jokes)
  107. Did you hear about the sunglasses thief?… He was pretty shady. (Sunglasses Jokes)
  108. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about the police?
  109. Students going to prom: Knock Knock!… Who’s there?… Dewey….Dewey who?… Dewey have to go to take a breathalizer? (Prom Jokes)
  110. Why did the sheriff lock up her boyfriend?… He stole her heart. (Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  111. What does the Grinch eat for dessert?… Heist cream! (Ice Cream Jokes & Dr. Seuss Jokes)
  112. What was the name of the vegetable police squad that rode motorcycles?… Corn CHiPs. (Corn Jokes)
  113. My successful pancake business was recently shut down… Someone tipped off the police that I was selling them hot. (Labor Day Jokes & Police Jokes)
  114. Why did the police suspect the Pretzel?… Because he was twisted. (Police Jokes)
  115. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good police knock-knock joke?
  116. The left ear of corn says to the right ear of corn: “Don’t look now, but I think that we are being stalked.” (Corn Jokes)
  117. Why did the policeman have a blanket over himself?… He was working undercover!
  118. What is a detective’s ultimate car?… A track-tor! (Farming Jokes)
  119. Why can’t Pooh rob a bank?… He would only steal the honey and not the money. (Winnie the Pooh Jokes)
  120. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good police knock knock jokes?(June Jokes & Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  121. What did the Frosty the Snowman say when he was asked to commit a crime?… Snow way man. (Frosty the Snowman Jokes)
  122. What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve?… He got 12 months! (New Year’s Eve Jokes)
  123. What did the hamburger say when it pleaded not guilty?… I’ve been flamed! (Hamburger Jokes & Lawyer Jokes)
  124. What does the Grinch see with?… Burglarize! (Grinch Jokes)
  125. What’s a cop’s favorite food?… Corn on the cop! (Top Summer Jokes for Kids)
  126. Why did the Olympic basketball player go to jail?…  Because he shot the ball! (March Madness Jokes)
  127. What do you call a leprechaun who gets sent to jail?… A lepre-con. (Leprechaun Jokes & Police Jokes)
  128. Two peanuts were walking down a road… One was a salted (assaulted). (Walking Jokes & Police Jokes)
  129. What do you get when you cross an environmentalist with direct action?… Arrested!
  130. Why couldn’t the Grinch steal Christmas?… Because of the Santa clause.  (Grinch Jokes & Grammar Jokes)
  131. What do people say when they hear the Grinch stealing from them?… Who goes there? (Grinch Jokes)
  132. Why did the Grinch not steal any kitchen utensils?… He decided it wasn’t worth the whisk! (Grinch Jokes)
  133. Why did the Grinch get a burglar alarm?… Because he needs to get up on time! (Grinch Jokes)
  134. How do you stop someone from stealing your grill?… With a burger alarm! (Hamburger Jokes)
  135. What did the police man said to his tummy?… You are under a vest!
  136. What do you call a pig thief?… A hamburglar! (Bacon Jokes for Kids / Hamburger Jokes / Pig Jokes)
  137. They brought the hot dog in for questioning… He gave the… wurst… answers! (Hot Dog Jokes & Lawyer Jokes)
  138. How did the police solve the case of the stolen marinara sauce?… They caught the thief red-handed! (Pasta Jokes)
  139. Did you hear about the boy who broke into a fireworks factory?… The police let him off!
  140. Why did the basketball player go to jail?…  Because he shot the ball! (Basketball Jokes)
  141. What type of bird should you never take to the bank?… A robin. (Bird Jokes & Police Jokes)
  142. What did the detective in the Arctic say to the suspect?…  “Where were you on the night of September to March?” (Winter Jokes)
  143. A police officer spots a car on the highway going about 22mph, so he stops the car, with a lady and some of her friends, and tells the lady how dangerous is to be going slow as it is to speed. The lady answers “Officer I was going the speed limit! 22mph!”The officer says… that is the highway #.. That’s what highway you’re on. But I need to ask you, are your friends okay, they seem a little shaken up and pale. The driver answers “Oh they’ll be fine in a couple of seconds, we just got off of highway 119.”
  144. What kind of jam does a policeman have in his sandwich?… A traffic jam!
  145. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Police. Police who?… Police stop telling these awful knock, knock jokes!
  146. How did the police department figure out a perp stole a cop car?… The lojacked cop car went 5 hours without stopping at a Dunkin Donuts! (Donut Jokes)
  147. Why was the meat packer arrested?… For bringing home the bacon. (Labor Day Jokes& Bacon Jokes)
  148. What do you get if you steal Winnie-the-Pooh’s honey?… A nice clear table. (Winnie the Pooh Jokes)
  149. Did you hear about the Mexican who threw his wife over a cliff? When the police officer asked him why he’d done it he said, ‘Tequila! Tequila!
  150. How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm?.. It has a blue light! (Worm Jokes)
  151. Police arrested two kids yesterday… one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other off. 
  152. A battery and a firework were arrested. One was charged, the other let off.
  153. Did you hear about the boy who broke into a fireworks factory?… The police let him off!
  154. What did the shark plead in the murder case?… Not gill-ty! (Shark Jokes & Lawyer Jokes)
  155. What was the turkey suspected of?… Fowl play. (Turkey Jokes)
  156. Why did the lacrosse player go to jail?… Because he shot the ball.
  157. A snail shop owner was attacked by a turtle gang. The police asked if he could describe the perpetrators, he said I don’t know, it happened so fast.
  158. A man from Los Angeles drove toward New York at 250 miles per hour and a man from New York drove toward Los Angeles at 150 m.p.h. Where did they meet?… In jail.
  159. What does a wizard say when he gets robbed by a muggle?… Somebody muggled me!