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Google Search “New Year’s Eve Jokes”

  1. Are you ready for the most famous countdown of the whole world? New Years is coming! And 10, 9, 8, …. 3, 2, 1…. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! (Math Jokes for Teachers)
  2. Not to brag, but I already have a date for New Year’s Eve… It’s December 31st.
  3. Every New Year’s Eve, I look forward to a good show at Time’s Square …… and year after year, they drop the ball. (New York Jokes)
  4. “I promise not to make any bad jokes for the rest of the year.” A dad on New Year’s Eve. (Dad Jokes)
  5. Why do you need a jeweler on New Year’s Eve?… To ring in the New Year.
  6. How does New Year’s Eve end?… With the letter ‘E’!
  7. If 2020 was a person I’d sue him for pain and suffering. (Lawyer Jokes)
  8. The year 2020 is going to be filled with so many puns about perfect vision …… I can’t wait to see them all.
  9. I can’t wait till New Year’s Day 2021… Then I can say hindsight is really 2020.
  10. What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve?… He got 12 months! (Police Jokes & Top 10 Jokes for Each Month)
  11. What is a New Year’s resolution?… Something that goes in one year and out the other.
  12. May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.
  13. What new year’s resolution should a basketball player never make?… To travel more.
  14. Knock knock!… Who’s there?… Razor… Razor who?… Razor glass and toast the New Year.
  15. What do snowmen like to do on New Year’s Eve?… Chill out.
  16. An iPhone and a firework were arrested on New Year’s Eve. One was charged and the other was let off. (Fireworks Jokes & Police Jokes)
  17. What does the Easter Bunny say on New Year’s Eve?…. Hoppy New Year! (Easter Jokes)
  18. What did the little champagne bottle call his father?… Pop! (Dad Jokes)
  19. Where can you find comedians on New Year’s Eve?… Waiting for the punchline.
  20. Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer?… To start off the New Year in a cool way.
  21. Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up for New Year’s. Middle age is when you’re forced to.
  22. I love when they drop the ball in Times Square …… It’s a nice reminder of what I did all year.
  23. An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
  24. Knock knock... Who’s there?… Abbey... Abbey who?… Abbey New Year! (Christmas Knock Knock Jokes & New Year’s Eve Jokes)
  25. New Year?… I just got used to this last one!
  26. At the beginning of this year I made a New Year’s resolution to lose 10 pounds … … Only 15 more to go!
  27. What’s the problem with jogging on New Year’s Eve?… The ice falls out of your drinks! (Track & Field Jokes)
  28. Did you hear about the fire cracker’s New Year’s Eve party?… It was a BANG! (Fireworks Jokes)
  29. What did the ghost say on January 1st?… Happy Boo Year. (Ghost Jokes)
  30. What’s a cow’s favorite holiday?… Moo Year’s Eve. (Cow Jokes)
  31. What do you call always having a date for New Year’s Eve?… Social Security. (Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  32. Why should you stand on just your left foot during the New Year’s Eve countdown?… So you start the New Year on the right foot.
  33. Where can you go to practice math on New Year’s Eve?… Times Square. (Math Jokes for Teachers)
  34. What song does a vampire sing on New Year’s Eve?… Auld FANG Syne. (Vampire Jokes & 365 Family Friendly Jokes)
  35. What do you tell someone you didn’t see on New Year’s Eve?… I haven’t seen you for a year!
  36. What is a corn’s favorite holiday?… New Ear’s Eve. (Corn Jokes & Farming Jokes)
  37. The only “homework” you want your dog to chew up is your list of New Year’s resolutions. (December Jokes for Teachers)
  38. What do New Year’s parades have in common with Santa Claus?… No one is awake to see either of them.
  39. My New Year’s resolution is to stop procrastinating. But I’ll wait until tomorrow to start.
  40. What song did Avogadro’s family sing on New Year’s Eve?… “Mole Lang Syne.” (Mole Day Jokes & Music Jokes)
  41. Let’s celebrate New Year’s Eve …… by making many pour decisions! (Beer Jokes)
  42. What do you call someone named Stephen on Dec. 31?… New Year’s Steve!
  43. What is the digital camera’s New Year’s resolution?… 1080p.
  44. What should you never eat on New Year’s Eve?… Fire crackers.
  45. (In 2020) My friend asked me where I see myself in the new year… How would I know? I don’t have 2020 vision.
  46. (In 2020) Looking at the new year’s calendar …… we’ll all have 2020 vision.
  47. What happened to the woman who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve?… She got 12 months! (Police Jokes)
  48. Knock knock... Who’s there?… Mary and Abbey... Mary and Abbey who?… Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year! (Christmas Knock Knock Jokes & New Year’s Eve Jokes)
  49. What New Year’s resolution guarantees success?… Making a resolution to break your resolution.
  50. What does a caterpillar do on Jan. 1?… Turns over a new leaf.
  51. Did you hear about the guy who started fixing breakfast at midnight on Dec. 31?… He wanted to make a New Year’s toast!
  52. What did the generous mole say when his friends crashed his New Year’s Eve party?… The mole the merrier! (Mole Day Jokes & New Year’s Eve Jokes)
  53. Why was 6 afraid of 9 on New Year’s Eve?… Because 9, 8, 7 … (Math Jokes for Kids)
  54. What is a cow’s favorite holiday?…  Moo Year’s Day! (Cow Jokes)
  55. What do you tell someone you didn’t see at New Year’s Eve?… I haven’t seen you for a year!
  56. I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
  57. I would lose weight for my New Year’s resolution …… but I hate losing.
  58. My New Year’s resolution is to get better at pretending to know the words to “Auld Lang Syne.” (Music Jokes)
  59. Why do birds fly south for New Year’s Eve?… It’s too far to walk.
  60. My resolution was to read more …… so I put the subtitles on my TV.
  61. What is corn’s favorite holiday?… New EARS Day! (Corn Jokes & Farming Jokes)
  62. What do you call always wanting a date for New Year’s Eve?… Social Security.
  63. They say New York has the best New Year’s Eve Party… I’d say it’s overrated — every year they drop the ball.
  64. Knock knock!… Who’s there?… Cheese… Cheese who?… For cheese a jolly good fellow.
  65. What does the Easter Bunny say on New Year’s Day?…. Hoppy New Year! (Easter Jokes)
  66. What was the Amityville Priest’s resolution?… To exorcise more.
  67. My New Year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full …… with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
  68. This New Year’s, I resolved to lead a better life. Now all I have to do is find someone who will trade lives with me.
  69. My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.
  70. My New Year’s resolution is to break my New Year’s resolutions. That way I succeed at something!
  71. What did the cat say on New Year’s Eve?… Meow.
  72. What is the snowman’s New Year’s resolution?… To chill out more.
  73. What does a jeweler do on Dec. 31?… Ring in the New Year.
  74. What do criminals pay on Jan. 1?… New Year’s restitution.
  75. What did the cheerleaders say on New Year’s Day?… Happy New Cheer!
  76. What do you say when bidding farewell on Dec. 31?… “See you next year!”
  77. What does a ghoul say on Dec. 31?… “Happy New Fear!”
  78. Apparently most babies are born in September… I suppose that’s one way to start the new year off with a bang.

New Years Eve One Liners

  1. A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
  2. May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions.