Funny Dad Jokes

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Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best dad jokes.
My dad set up a booth at a Renaissance Fair where people can dress up as Frodo from Lord of the Rings exclusively… It was his Frodo-Booth. (Dad Jokes & Photography Jokes)
My father wasn’t going to celebrate Leap Day… But he decided to jump on the band wagon.
What do you get when you cross a sheep, a warship, and a father?… A fleece navy dad. (Dad Jokes & Christmas Jokes)
My father asked me how my last hike went. I told him, “It had its ups and downs.” (Hiking Jokes)
I have Tuscons… They both live in Arizona. (Arizona Jokes)
I complained to my father, “This hike is taking too long.” He responded, “Rushmore and we’ll get there faster.” (South Dakota Jokes)
Did you realize the consequences of naming your son Taco Cheese?… No, but I had grate expectations. (Baby Jokes)
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe believe Darth Vader is Luke’s father? (Canoe Jokes & Star Wars Knock Knock Jokes)
What did the teenage tornado say to his parents?… Nothing. He just stormed off. (Dad Jokes & Mom Jokes)
Kids are like tornadoes They’re neat to watch but… you can’t help but be scared when they head for your house.
Kids: “There isn’t enough sugar in the pumpkin filling!” Dad: “Hey, cooking is an art, not a science…” “… you can’t calculate pie.” (Math Jokes for Teachers & Dad Jokes)
So I was watching Lord of the Rings with my dad… When I mentioned Legolas he asks, “so did he lose both his legs?” (Dad Jokes & Biology Jokes for Teachers)
My dad set up a booth at a Renaissance Fair where people can dress up as Frodo from Lord of the Rings exclusively… It was his Frodo-Booth.
Best play when you are playing on the same team as your dad?… Pick and Pop. (World’s Best Basketball Jokes)
Have you heard about Aragorn’s father, Arathorn?… He has a prickly personality! (101 Lord of the Rings Jokes)
Dad, what is it like to have the best child in the world?… I don’t know, go ask your grandparents. (Grandparent Jokes)
For my son’s birthday, I got him a copy of “The Lord of the Rings,” but he wasn’t too happy… He thought it was a Tolkien gesture. (Birthday Jokes & Dad Jokes)
My daughter was born this morning, July 4th… It’s the day I lost my independence. (Mom Jokes & Dad Jokes)
What advice did the dad shark give his son?… “Go take a bite out of life!” (Shark Jokes)
What did the Daddy shark say to the kid shark?… Watch that sharkasm, young man!
A dad coming back to his campsite for sunscreen while the rest of his family plays at the lake notices a van pulling up into a neighboring empty site. As soon as the engine dies, the doors fly open and four children of varying ages burst out and fly into a frenzy of activity. Their parents follow quickly behind them, with the mom and dad unloading gear as the kids rake the area, set up the tent, and arrange the fire pit. Amazed at their efficiency, the dad with the sunscreen walks over and watches for a moment more before commenting to his fellow father, “I’ve never seen a family work so well together—or so fast.” “Yeah,” the other dad says while unrolling a sleeping bag. “We live a few hours away, and our policy is that nobody gets to go to the bathroom after the drive until the camp us set up.” (Camping Jokes)
I just taught my kids about taxes… by eating 38% of their ice cream. (Ice Cream Jokes)
What is the #1 summer treat for dads?… a “pop” sicle. (Summer Jokes for Kids & Popsicle Jokes for Kids)
Son: Dad, can you tell me what an eclipse is? Dad: No sun. (Solar Eclipse Jokes)
Dad: You wanna join the navy? You can’t even swim! Son: no one can fly in the Air Force either.
After watching Star Wars with my son for the first time today, he looked up at me and asked, “Daddy, why was R2D2 such a potty mouth?” Puzzled, I asked him what he meant. He replied, “Well, they had to bleep out every word he said!” (R2D2 Jokes)
The phone rang in the principal’s office… Principal: “Hello?” Caller: “Umm yes hi, my son won’t be coming to school today because he’s got the flu.” Principal: “OK and who may I ask is speaking?” Caller: “Umm my dad.” (Principal Jokes)
What do you call a person who is not a dad who makes dad jokes?… A Faux Pa.
My son asked me to hand him his sunglasses. I said ‘You never told me you had a son named glasses!’
Son: Dad there’s a small get together at school tomorrow, Father: Small get together? How small? Son: Only me…you…and the principal. (Principal Jokes)
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about dads?
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good dad knock-knock joke?
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good dad knock knock jokes?(June Jokes & Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
My son didn’t expect me to pay for his share of the prom night limo rental, but he asked me anyway… It was a bit of a stretch. (Dad Jokes & Car Jokes)
Dad, name 5 animals living in the North Pole… Three seals and two penguins. (Seal Jokes & Penguin Jokes)
I was teaching my son to cook spaghetti bolognese, he asked “How do I know when the spaghetti is ready?” “Ah, that’s the magic bit! You throw it at the wall and if it sticks, it’s ready!” I smiled. From over my shoulder I heard the clatter of a pan hitting the wall, then a voice said “Some of it stuck…” (Spaghetti Jokes)
What do children treat their fathers to on the 4th of July?… Pops-icles. (July Jokes & Popsicle Jokes)
Jokes about tacos always get a bad wrap… It’s probably because they’re so corny. (Corn Jokes & Dad Jokes)
The phone rang in the principal’s office… Principal: “Hello?” Caller: “Umm yes hi, my son won’t be coming to school today because he’s got the flu.” Principal: “OK and who may I ask is speaking?” Caller: “Umm my dad.” (Principal Jokes)
My son didn’t expect me to pay for his share of the prom night limo rental, but he asked me anyway… It was a bit of a stretch. (Prom Jokes)
What does this joke and a overcrowded prom have in common?… One really bad punch line. (Prom Jokes)
What does a dad joke and a overcrowded prom have in common?… One really bad punch line. (Dad Jokes)
Son: Dad there’s a small get together at school tomorrow, Father: Small get together? How small? Son: Only me…you…and principal
Dad: “Son, do you know why Spider-Man is so good with his quips?” Son: “Why dad?” Dad: “Because with great power comes great response ability.” (Spiderman Jokes)
Son: How many people are buried in that cemetery? Dad: All of them. (Cemetery Jokes)
If I ever run out of dad jokes…. I’ve always got daylight savings time puns to fall back on. (Daylight Savings Jokes)
If I ever tell my father I want to be a professional skateboarder, heelflip! (Skateboarding Jokes)
Son: “Hey Dad, have you seen my sunglasses?” Dad: “No son, have you seen my dad glasses?” (Sunglasses Jokes)
“Our wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.” Dad (Cake Jokes & Wedding Jokes)
Summer 2020: My dad said everything would be back to normal by June… So I told him yesterday “Julyed!” (Dad Jokes & Covid Jokes)
What do you call a sleepy Dad getting pizza for his kids?… Papa Yawns! (Pizza Jokes)
What do you call a Super Bowl lineman’s kids?… Chips off the old blocker. (Father’s Day Jokes & Super Bowl Jokes)
After Graduating from High School, A son moves away from home to study at University. One of his letters home reads: Dear Father, University i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on. After receiving his son’s letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back. Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad (Graduation Jokes)
I will never forget my daughter’s words to me at her graduation.”Wow dad.. After 18 years you decide to come back…” (High School Graduation Jokes)
Knock knock… Who’s there?… Papa… Papa who?… Papapapapapapapa popcorn. (Knock Knock Jokes for Kids & Popcorn Jokes)
What do Corn cobs call their father?… “Pop” corn. (Popcorn Jokes)
“I promise not to make any bad jokes for the rest of the year.” A dad on New Year’s Eve. (New Year’s Eve Jokes)
What did the sweet potato say to Luke Skywalker?… I Yam your father! (May the 4th Be With You Jokes & Dad Jokes)
Son, do you know we have one of the most popular cemeteries in America?… People are dying to get in there! – Dad
What did the little champagne bottle call his father?… Pop! (New Year’s Eve Jokes)
What did the daddy volcano say to his son volcano?… “I lava you” (Volcano Jokes)
Who are Frosty’s parents?… Mom and Pop-Sicle! (Popsicle Jokes / Frosty the Snowman Jokes / Mom Jokes)
How do you call a father in a swimming pool?… Dad in the water. (Swimming Jokes)
Dad jokes are like hot dogs…. Frankly, I can’t get enough. (Hot Dog Jokes)
Son: Dad, I met an Irish girl on St. Patrick’s Day. Dad: Oh, really? Son: No, O’Reilly! (St. Patrick’s Day Jokes)
Teacher: Why is your homework in your father’s handwriting? Student: I used his pen! (Back to School Jokes & Father’s Day Jokes)
I saw a hearse today carrying a wreath that spelled “Dad”… I think they left the “E” out… (Dad Jokes & Cemetery Jokes)
What did Dad say when he was asked to say grace?… “Grace.” (Thanksgiving Jokes)
What did the Buffalo say to his son?… Bye-son. (Animal Jokes)
It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father. “Let’s try to make this look natural “she said. “Junior, put your arm around your dad’s shoulder.” The father answered, “If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?” (Top Graduation Jokes)
Teacher: Where did your dad go for her summer vacation? Student: Alaska. Teacher:Never mind, I’ll ask her myself. (Top 10 Jokes for Each State)
What did baby corn say to mama corn?… Where’s popcorn?
What do you call a dad who spent all day at the beach?… Tangent. (Top Summer Jokes)
Teacher: Please use the words “letter carrier” in a sentence. Student: Yes, ma’am. “My dad said that after seeing how many things my mom was bringing on vacation, he would rather letter carrier own luggage.” (Top Teacher Jokes)
Do dads always snore?… No, only when they are asleep! (Napping Jokes)
A Father’s Day book never written: “Fatherly Advice” by Buck L. Upson.
What do you call your dad when he falls through the ice?… A POPsicle! (Top Summer Jokes & Popsicle Jokes)
Waiter: How he would you like your steak? Dad: On a plate, please.
Why did the dad love his barbecue?… Because it was the grill of his dreams.
How is the baby bird like its dad?… He’s a chirp off the old block.
Why did the father wear sunglasses?…. Because his children were so bright! (Top Summer Jokes)
What did the daddy ocean say to the baby ocean?… Nothing, he just waved. (Ocean Jokes)
What did Dad’s tie say to his neck?… Do you mind if I hang around?
Boy: How do you like the drum set you got for your birthday?Friend:I love it!Boy:Why? Friend: Whenever I don’t play it, my dad gives me 10 bucks!
Dad: Son, if you keep pulling my hair, you will have to get off my shoulders.Son: But, Dad, I’m just trying to get my gum back!
What did the father ghost say to the naughty baby ghost?… Spook when you’re spooken to! (101 Halloween Jokes)
Little League Vampire: Dad, what’s the best way to hold a bat? Father Vampire: By the wings, son. (Baseball Jokes)
Why do fathers who golf take an extra pair of socks?… In case they get a hole in one! (Golf Jokes)
Dad: How do you like fourth grade? Son: It isn’t much fun. Dad: That’s too bad. It was the best three years of my life! (180 School Jokes)
Boy: I have a lot of my dad’s genes. Friend: Really? I bet they don’t fit.(Biology Jokes)
Boy: I gave my dad some soap flakes instead of frosted flakes for breakfast Friend: Was he mad? Boy: Yup. He was foaming at the mouth! (Cereal Day Jokes)
Teacher (on phone): You say Michael has a cold and can’t come to school today? To whom am I speaking?…Voice: This is my father. (180 School Jokes)
Johnny’s father: Let me see your report card. Johnny: I don’t have it.Johnny’s father:Why not? Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents. (180 School Jokes)
What do you call two people who embarrass you in front of your friends?… Mom and Dad!
My Dad thinks he wears the trousers in our house, but it’s always Mom who tells him which pair to put on!
Knock knock…Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe help me with my homework please Dad – I’m stuck! (Top Teacher Jokes)
Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached?… Science student:When my father sees my report card! (Top Teacher Jokes)
Son: For $20, I’ll be good…Dad: Oh, yeah? When I was your age, I was good for nothing.
Son: Dad, do you know the difference between a pack of cookies and a pack of elephant? Dad: No. Son: Then it’s a good thing Mom does the grocery shopping!
Dad: You’ll never amount to anything because you procrastinate…Son: Oh yeah? Just you wait!
Boy: What does your father do for a living? Friend: He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half. Boy: Do you have any brothers or sisters? Friend: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.
How do fathers exercise on the beach?… By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How do you scare a divorced dad?… Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice!
Why don’t some fathers have a mid-life crisis?… They’re stuck in adolescence.
Dad, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy. “Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son,” his father replied. After dinner the father inquired, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?” “Oh, nothing,” the boy said. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”
Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.” “That’s odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!” A nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!” “That’s weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!” A nurse tells the third man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets!” “That’s strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!” The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What’s wrong?” the others ask. “I work for 7 Up!”
One evening a little girl and her parents were sitting around the table eating supper. The little girl said, “Daddy, you’re the boss, aren’t you?” Her Daddy smiled, pleased, and said yes. The little girl continued, “That’s because Mommy put you in charge, right?”
While flying from Denver to Kansas City, Kansas, my mother was sitting across the aisle from a woman and her eight-year-old son. Mom couldn’t help laughing as they neared their destination and she heard the mother say to the boy, “Now remember — run to Dad first, then the dog.”
On the day I received my learner’s permit, my father agreed to take me out for a driving lesson. With a big grin, he hopped in behind the driver’s seat. “Why aren’t you sitting up front on the passenger’s side?” I asked. “Honey, I’ve been waiting for this ever since you were a little girl,” Dad replied. “Now it’s my turn to sit back here and kick the seat.”
My father was completely lost in the kitchen and never ate unless someone prepared a meal for him. When Mother was ill, however, he volunteered to go to the supermarket for her. She sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven items. Dad returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded to unpack the grocery bags. He had one bag of sugar, two dozen eggs, three hams, four boxes of detergent, five boxes of crackers, six eggplants, and seven green peppers.
A small boy was at the zoo with his father. They were looking at the tigers, and his father was telling him how ferocious they were. “Daddy, if the tigers got out and ate you up…” “Yes, son?” the father asked, ready to console him. “ …Which bus would I take home?”
A man and his eldest son went to have their photographs taken together, and the photographer said to the young man, “It will make a better picture if you put your hand on your father’s shoulder.” “H’m,” said the father, “it would make a more natural picture if he put it in my pocket.
Yes, sir, our household represents the United Kingdom of Great Britain,” said the proud father of number one to the rector. “I am English, my wife’s Irish, the nurse is Scotch and the baby wails.”
Mom: Why are you home so early? Dad: My boss told me to go to hell.
“Dad I’m hungry” … “Hi hungry I’m Dad.”
A Dad walked in to a bar with some asphalt on his arm. He said “Two beers please, one for me and one for the road.”
What do you say to your Dad if he has a bladder infection?… urine trouble.

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