More St. Patrick’s Day Jokes…

Happy St. Patrick’s Day. We hope we can bring you a few smiles with the following jokes.

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  1. Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….Irish!… Irish Who? …. Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day! (St. Patrick’s Day Jokes)
  2. An American citizen is vacationing on his own in Ireland. He decides to play a round and is paired with three locals. He takes a few practice swings, steps up to the first tee, and proceeds to hook the ball out of bounds. He shakes his head, reaches in his pocket, and re-tees another ball. He tells his playing partners that he is taking a mulligan. He pounds one down the center of the fairway. With a big smile, he asks the others, “In the States, we call that a mulligan. What do you call it here in Ireland?” After a moment of silence, one of the locals replies, “Hitting three.” (Golf Jokes)
  3. Mulligan: Invented by an Irishman who wanted to hit one more 20-yard grounder.
  4. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Irish… Irish who?… Irish you a Happy 4th of July! (4th of July Knock Knock Jokes)
  5. Knock knockWho’s there?… Irish... Irish who?… Irish you a Merry Christmas! (Christmas Knock Knock Jokes & St. Patrick’s Day Knock Knock Jokes)
  6. An Irish dad calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.” “Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams. “We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.” The son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced!”she shouts, “I’ll take care of this!” She calls Ireland immediately, and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Sorted! They’re coming for Christmas – and they’re paying their own way”
  7. What do you get when you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?… A rash of good luck on St. Patrick’s Day. (Doctor Jokes)
  8. Son: Dad, I met an Irish girl on St. Patrick’s Day. Dad: Oh, really? Son: No, O’Reilly! (Dad Jokes)
  9. On what musical instrument did the showoff musician play his St. Patrick’s Day tunes?… On his brag-pipes. (Music Jokes)
  10. What did the leprechaun say when the video game ended?… Game clover! (Leprechaun Jokes)
  11. What do you call leprechauns who collect aluminum cans, used newspapers and plastic bottles?… “Wee-cyclers!” (Leprechaun Jokes)
  12. Where do leprechauns buy their groceries?… Rainbow Foods! (Leprechaun Jokes)
  13. What did the leprechaun say on March 17?… “Irish you a Happy St. Patrick’s Day!” (Leprechaun Jokes)
  14. Potato: Knock, knock… Carrot: Who’s there?… Potato: Irish stew… Carrot: Irish stew, who? Potato: Irish stew in the name of the law. (St. Patrick’s Day Knock Knock Jokes & Police Jokes)
  15. Irish Lobsters: The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Claddaghduff, Ireland man answered his door to find a grim-faced Constable & one waiting in the front yard.”We’re sorry, Mr. O’Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen” said one of the officers.””Tell me! Did you find her?” Michael Patrick O’Flynn asked.The constables looked at each other and one said,”We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”Fearing the worst, Mr. O’Flynn said, “Give me the bad news first.”The constable said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but early this morning we found your poor wife’s body in the bay.””Lord sufferin’ Jesus and Holy Mother of God!” exclaimed O’Flynn. Swallowing hard, he asked, “What could possibly be the good news?”The constable continued, “When we pulled the late, departed poor Maureen up, she had 12 of the best-looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven’t seen lobsters like that since the 1960’s, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”Stunned, Mr. O’ Flynn demanded, “Glory be to God, if that’s the good news, then what’s the really great news?”The constable replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow. (Lobster Jokes)
  16. Knock. Knock… Who’s there?… Warren… Warren who?… Warren any green today? (St. Patrick’s Day Knock Knock Jokes)
  17. What happens if you fall in the Irish Sea on St. Patrick’s Day?… You get wet! (Ocean Jokes & World Geography Jokes)
  18. What’s Irish and stays out all night?…Paddy O’Furniture.
  19. Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers?… Because you don’t want to press your luck.
  20. Daughter: Mom, I met an Irish boy on St. Patrick’s Day. Mom: Oh, really? Daughter: No, O’Reilly! (Mom Jokes)
  21. What does a leprechaun say when you tell him Bono is his favorite singer?… You too? (Music Jokes)
  22. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? …. Because they’re always a little short. (Leprechaun Jokes)
  23. How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? …. He’s Dublin over with laughter! (World Geography Jokes)
  24. What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day? …. St. O’Claus! (Christmas Jokes & Christmas Trivia)
  25. “I married an Irishman on St. Patrick’s Day.” ….”Oh, really?” …. “No, O’Reilly!”
  26. What do you call Dwayne Johnson’s stunt double?… The Sham-Rock!
  27. What do leprechauns love to barbecue? …. Short ribs! (Leprechaun Jokes)
  28. What does an Irishman get after eating Italian lasagna?… Gaelic breath! (Pasta Jokes)
  29. Why is a River Liffey rich? …. Because it has two banks.
  30. What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player?…. The Halfback of Notre Dame! (101 Sports Jokes)
  31. When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato? …. When it’s a FRENCH fry!
  32. What was the shark’s favorite James Joyce novel?… FINnegan’s wake! (Shark Jokes)
  33. Do leprechauns make good secretaries? …. Sure, they’re great at shorthand!
  34. How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover?…. Because they are hard to find and lucky to have.
  35. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day?… ‘Cause real rocks are too heavy!
  36. What did Saint Patrick say when he drove all the snakes out of Ireland?… Everyone got seat belts on back there?” (Car Jokes)
  37. Are people jealous of the Irish?… Sure, they’re green with envy!
  38. Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? ….To keep from falling in the stew!
  39. How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold? …. He took a shortcut!
  40. Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? …. Because they’re very short-tempered!
  41. What do you call a fake stone in Ireland? …. A sham rock
  42. Why do frogs like St. Patrick’s Day? …. Because they’re always wearing green.
  43. Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland?… Airplanes weren’t invented yet.
  44. What does it mean when you find a horseshoe? …. Some poor horse is going barefoot!
  45. What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green? …. A Jolly Green Giant
  46. Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? …. He couldn’t afford plane fare. (Animal Jokes)
  47. Why do leprechauns hide behind 4-leafclovers and not 3-leafclovers? …. They need all the luck they can get!
  48. What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river? …. He gets wet!
  49. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? …. Regular rocks are too heavy.
  50. What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone? …. A sham rock
  51. What’s big and purple and lies next to Ireland?… No clue… Grape Britain!
  52. Have you ever heard of the 6-leaf clover? …. I haven’t either!
  53. Child: Mom, I met an Irish boy on St. Patrick’s Day. Parent: Oh, really? Child: No, O’Reilly! (Mom Jokes)

PG-13

  1. What is Irish diplomacy? …. It’s the ability to tell a man to go to hell. So that he will look forward to making the trip.
  2. Why do leprechauns have pots o’gold? …. They like to “go” first class!
  3. How did the Irish Jig get started? … Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!
  4. What do ghosts drink on St Patrick’s Day? …. BOOs (Halloween Jokes)
  5. What do you call a diseased Irish criminal? …. A leper con