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Google Search “Valentine’s Day Jokes”

  1. I asked my girlfriend when her birthday was and she said March 1st… Been marching for half an hour now, and she still hasn’t told me. (March Jokes)
  2. Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?… No, they had an apple! (Apple Jokes)
  3. Did you hear the one about the phoney Cupid?… He was totally bow-gus! (Archery Jokes)
  4. Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, ‘I bet you don’t know what day this is?’ ‘Of course I do,’ he answered indignantly, as he slammed the door, and drove to his office. At 11 o’clock, the doorbell rang. The wife answered, and there at her front door was a UPS driver, in his had was a box containing 12 red roses. Later, at 2 pm there was another knock at the door, this time it was a deluxe box of Belgian chocolates. Eventually the husband came home, tired after a hard day’s work. His wife greeted him by saying: ‘First the flowers, then the chocolates, I’ve never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!’ (Ground Hog Day Jokes & Breakfast Jokes)
  5. What did the pizza say when it went out on a date?… “I never sausage a beautiful face.” (Pizza Jokes)
  6. Do you have a date for Valentine’s day?… Yes, February 14th. (February Jokes)
  7. I just got a text from my girlfriend that said, “I bought you an awesome Valentine’s Day gift! xox” I really hope she spelled “Xbox” wrong. 
  8. What did one flame say to the other on Valentine’s Day?… We’re a perfect match.
  9. What shade of red is your heart?… Beat red! (Crayon Jokes)
  10. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Bea… Bea who?… Bea my Valentine! (Knock Knock Jokes for Valentine’s Day)
  11. I once fell in love with someone who only knew 4 vowels. They didn’t know I existed. (Grammar Jokes)
  12. In France people give each other white roses on Valentine’s Day… they surrender their love to each other! (World Geography Jokes & Flower Jokes)
  13. How can you get arrested on Valentine’s Day?… For stealing someone’s heart. (Police Jokes)
  14. What did the farmer give his wife for Valentine’s Day?… Hogs and kisses. (Farming Jokes)
  15. Mike walked into a post office just before Valentine’s day, he couldn’t help noticing a middle-aged, balding man standing in a corner sticking “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. Then the man got out a bottle of Channel perfume from his pocket and started spraying scent over the envelopes. By now Mike’s curiosity had got the better of him, and so I asked the man why he was sending all those cards. The man replied, “I’m sending out 500 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?'” “But why?” asked Mike. “I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replied. (Lawyer Jokes & Mailman Jokes)
  16. Knock, Knock… Who’s there?… Howard… Howard who?… Howard you like to be my Valentine?
  17. What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine’s Day?… Cauliflowers! (Farming Jokes & Flower Jokes)
  18. What did the calculator say to the pencil?… You can count on me. (Pencil Jokes)
  19. Where did the high-heel take its date?… To the football.
  20. Why did the banana go out with the prune?… Because it couldn’t get a date. (Banana Jokes)
  21. What type of shape is most popular on Valentine’s Day?… Acute triangle. (Geometry Jokes)
  22. Why shouldn’t you fall in love with a pastry chef?… He’ll dessert you. (Dessert Jokes)
  23. What’s the most romantic ship?… Courtship. (Ocean Jokes)
  24. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Atlas… Atlas who?… Atlas, it’s Valentine’s Day! (Knock Knock Jokes for Valentine’s Day)
  25. How did one drum tell the other about its feelings?… My heart beats for you. (Music Jokes)
  26. What are insects called when they’re dating?… Lovebugs.
  27. Two antennae met on a roof, fell in love and got married. Their wedding ceremony wasn’t fancy. The reception, however, was excellent. (Wedding Jokes)
  28. How did the tennis ball flirt with the racquet?… By saying, “Hit me up!” (Tennis Jokes)
  29. A book never written: “Guide to Love” by Val N. Tines. (Book Jokes & Wedding Jokes)
  30. What kind of Valentine’s Day candy is never on time?… ChocoLATE! (Candy Jokes)
  31. Why did all the other fruit ask the banana to be their Valentine?… She was very a-peel-ing. (Banana Jokes)
  32. How did the cashew share its feelings with the almond?… I’m nuts about you.
  33. What did the French chef give to his wife on Valentine’s Day?… A hug and a quiche.
  34. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Arthur…. Arthur who?… Arthur any chocolates left for me? (Knock Knock Jokes for Valentine’s Day & Candy Jokes)
  35. What’s a cutesy love term that can also be orange and delicious?… “Crush.”
  36. How did the vegetable politely ask for a date?… “Peas be my Valentine.”
  37. How did the two prunes confirm dinner plans?… They said it was a date.
  38. What did one cantaloupe write to the other in their Valentine’s card… You’re one in a melon!
  39. Why didn’t the skeleton want to send any Valentine’s Day cards?… His heart wasn’t in it. (Skeleton Jokes)
  40. What do you call two birds in love?… Tweethearts! (Bird Jokes)
  41. What did one blueberry say to the other on Valentine’s Day?… I love you berry much.
  42. What did the ghost say to his valentine?… You look so BOOtiful. (Ghost Jokes)
  43. If he doesn’t appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
  44. What do you call a Valentine’s Day gift that didn’t arrive time?… Choco-late. (Chocolate Jokes)
  45. What do you call a ghost’s true love?… Their ghoul-friend. (Ghost Jokes)
  46. What did one blueberry say to the other on Valentine’s Day?… “I love you berry much.”
  47. A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year. If he didn’t speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on. One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her “my darling.” But then he wanted to tell her he loved her, so he waited three more years.  At the end of these five years, he wanted to ask her to marry him, so he waited another four years.  Finally, as the ninth year of silence ended, he led the lady to the most romantic place in the kingdom and said, “My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?” And the lady said, “Pardon?” (Frog Jokes & Wedding Jokes)
  48. Why did the sheriff lock up her boyfriend?… He stole her heart. (Police Jokes)
  49. What did one cappuccino say to their shy crush?… “Espresso yourself.” (Coffee Jokes)
  50. Why did the skeleton break up with her boyfriend before Valentine’s Day?… Her heart wasn’t in it. (Skeleton Jokes)
  51. What message is on candy hearts for cats?… “You’re purr-fect!” (Candy Jokes & Cat Jokes)
  52. Why do air fresheners love Valentine’s Day?… They’re so scent-imental.
  53. How can you save money on Valentine’s gifts?… Become single.
  54. What did the baker say to his wife on V-Day?… “Gimme some sugar!”
  55. What do you call someone with a cold on Valentine’s Day?… Lovesick. (Doctor Jokes)
  56. Why couldn’t the mineral water ever get a Valentine?… All of his friendships were so pla-tonic.
  57. How do sheep share their feelings with each other?… By saying, “I love ewe.” (Sheep Jokes)
  58. What do you call a happy couple who first met via Twitter?… Tweethearts.
  59. Why was the canoe considered a heartthrob?… He was so row-mantic. (Canoe Jokes)
  60. What did the romantic sing after she got a paper cut?… I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love! (Music Jokes)
  61. Which type of flower is the best at giving smooches?… Tulips. (Flower Jokes)
  62. What can get you in trouble with the law on Valentine’s Day?… Stealing too many hearts. (Police Jokes)
  63. What did the boy squirrel say to the girl squirrel on Valentine’s Day?… “I’m nuts about you!” (Squirrel Jokes)
  64.  What did the girl squirrel say back to the boy squirrel on Valentine’s Day?… “You’re nuts so bad yourself!” (Squirrel Jokes)
  65. What do pieces of fruit write to each other in their V-Day cards?… I love you berry much!
  66. What did the couple say after they were struck by Cupid’s arrow?… Ouch! (Archery Jokes)
  67. What happened when the two angels got married?… They lived harpily ever after. (Wedding Jokes & Music Jokes)
  68. Did you hear about the bed bugs who fell in love?… They’re getting married in the spring! (Wedding Jokes & Spring Jokes)
  69. “If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods. He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms. Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to marry.” “Why?” asked the man, smiling. “I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!” she replied. (Wedding Jokes)
  70. Who always has a date on Valentine’s Day?… A calendar.
  71. What Valentine’s message can you find in a honeycomb?… Bee mine. (Bee Jokes)
  72. Which new Taylor Swift tune is the best couple’s song for two ghosts to share?… “Invisible String.” (Music Jokes)
  73. What happens when you fall in love with a french chef?… You get buttered up. (Dessert Jokes)
  74. Why did the magnet hit on the refrigerator?… He found her to be very attractive.
  75. What’s the best recipe for a perfect morning on February 14?… A hug and a quiche.
  76. What kind of flowers shouldn’t you gift your girlfriend?… Cauliflowers. (Flower Jokes)
  77. Why didn’t the two dogs make serious Valentine’s Day plans?… It was just puppy love. (Dog Jokes)
  78. Why did the dad approve of his daughter’s goalie-boyfriend?… He was a real keeper.
  79. When do bed bugs fall in love?… In the spring.
  80. How did one Bloody Mary share their strong feelings with another?… Olive you.
  81. What do you call two sparrows who just got engaged?… Lovebirds. (Bird Jokes)
  82. Why were the forks disappointed on Valentine’s Day?… All they wanted to do was spoon.
  83. Why would you want to marry a hockey goalie?… Because he (or she) is a real keeper! (Hockey Jokes)
  84. How did the coin propose to his girlfriend?… He gave her a jingle.
  85. What did one Hershey’s bar say to the other who arrived long past their date time?… You’re choco-late. (Chocolate Jokes)
  86. Why are artichokes so beloved?… They’re known for their hearts.
  87. What did the love-obsessed candle say when it was lit?… I found the perfect match! (Candle Jokes)
  88. What do you call a colorful heart that loves books?… Well-red. (Book Jokes)
  89. How did the orca ask the other to be their Valentine?… Whale you be mine? (Whale Jokes)
  90. “I asked my girlfriend if we could make our own Valentines. She tore my valentine in half!” the boyfriend said half-heartedly. 
  91. What’s Cupid’s favorite superhero TV show?… Arrow. (Super Hero Jokes & Archery Jokes)
  92. Why is Valentine’s Day a good day for a party?… Because you can really party hearty!
  93. Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?… Because it’s all heart. (Farming Jokes)
  94. What’s the perfect thing to say to a coffee-lover on Valentine’s Day?… “Words cannot espresso what you mean to me.” (Coffee Jokes)
  95. What’s the difference between February 14th and July 4th?… There isn’t any, at least to me, because they’re both Independence Day. (4th of July Jokes)
  96. What did the light bulb say to the switch?… You turn me on. (Daylight Saving Jokes)
  97. What did the whale say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?… Whale you be mine! (Whale Jokes)
  98. “I asked my students if I could make my own Valentines. They tore my valentines in half!” the teacher said half-heartedly. (February Jokes for Teachers
  99. How did the phone propose to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?… He gave her a ring.
  100. What did Robin Hood say to his girlfriend?… Sherwood like to be your valentine. (Robin Hood Jokes)
  101. Where do all the hamburgers take their girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?… To a meatball. (Hamburger Jokes)
  102. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Olive… Olive who?… Olive you! (Knock Knock Jokes for Valentine’s Day)
  103. What did one watermelon say to the other on Valentine’s Day?… You’re one in a melon! (Watermelon Jokes)
  104. What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine’s Day?… Let me call you Tweet heart! (Bird Jokes)
  105. A woman was taking a nap on Valentine’s Day afternoon. After she awoke, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a gorgeous and expensive diamond necklace for Valentine’s Day! What do you think it means?” “You’ll know tonight,” he said. That evening, her husband came home with a small package for her. Thrilled, she opened it and found a book titled “The Meaning of Dreams.” (Book Jokes / Psychology Jokes / Napping Jokes)
  106. Why do oars fall in love?… Because they’re row-mantic. 
  107. What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day?… I’m stuck on you! (Mailman Jokes)
  108. Why do melons have to get married in churches?… Because they cantaloupe! (Wedding Jokes)
  109. What did the boy candy say to the girl candy?… “It’s Valentine’s Day and we’re mint for each other.” (Candy Jokes)
  110. What do pigs give on Feb. 14?… Valen-swines! (Pig Jokes
  111. What happened to your leg?… I went to a seafood dance on Valentine’s Day. I pulled a mussel! (Biology Jokes & Ocean Jokes)
  112. What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?… I love you a ton! (Elephant Jokes)
  113. What did one magnet say to the other magnet on Valentine’s Day?… “I find you very attractive!”
  114. If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her?… Antelope. (Wedding Jokes)
  115. What did the boy owl say to the girl owl on Valentine’s Day?… Owl be yours! (Bird Jokes)
  116. A Cub Scout found a frog that said, “Kiss me and I will become a beautiful princess.” The boy studied the frog, then put it in his pocket. “Hey,” the frog croaked, “how come you didn’t kiss me?” “I’d rather have a talking frog than a princess any day!” (Frog Jokes)
  117. Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?… Because he wanted sweet dreams. (Candy Jokes & Napping Jokes)
  118. What did the rabbit say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?… Somebunny loves you! (Rabbit Jokes)
  119. I just got a text from my boyfriend that said, “I bought you an awesome Valentine’s Day gift! xox” I really hope she spelled “Xbox” wrong. 
  120. What did one mushroom say to the other on Valentine’s Day?… “There’s so mushroom in my heart for you!”
  121. “I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture. But when I got home the tables were turned.”
  122. “I asked my boyfriend if we could make our own Valentines. He tore my valentine in half!” the boyfriend said half-heartedly. 
  123. What did the toast say to the butter on Valentine’s Day?… You’re my butter half! (Bread Jokes)
  124. What did the cucumber say to the pickle?… You mean a great dill to me. (Pickle Jokes)
  125. What did the flame say to his buddies after he fell in love?… “I found the perfect match!”
  126. What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?… Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand? (Octopus Jokes)
  127. What did the one sheep say to the other?… I love ewe! And how did the other sheep respond?… You’re not so baaaaaa-d yourself! (Sheep Jokes)
  128. What did the bat say to his girlfriend?… You’re fun to hang around with. (Bat Jokes)  
  129. Why do skunks love Valentine’s Day?… Because they’re scent-imental creatures! (Skunk Jokes)
  130. What is the difference between a girl who is sick of her boyfriend and a sailor who falls into the ocean?… One is bored over a man the other is a man overboard. (Ocean Jokes)
  131. What did one cat say to the other cat on Valentine’s Day?… Don’t ever change, you’re purrrfect. (Cat Jokes)
  132. What did one snake say to the other snake?… Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey. (Snake Jokes)
  133. What did the painter say to her sweetheart?… I love you with all my art. (Art Jokes)
  134. What did one volcano say to the other?… I lava you. (Volcano Jokes)
  135. What did one bee say to the other?… I love bee-ing with you, honey! (Bee Jokes)
  136. What did one light bulb say to the other light bulb on Valentine’s Day?… I wuv you watts and watts!
  137. What do snails / slugs say on Valentine’s Day?… Be my Valen-slime!
  138. What kind of candy is never on time?… Choco-LATE. (Candy Jokes)
  139. What do you call a ghost’s true love?… His ghoul-friend. (Ghost Jokes)
  140. What did the tweenager give his mom?… Ughs and kisses! (Mom Jokes)
  141. Why would you want to marry a soccer goalie?… Because he (or she) is a real keeper! (Soccer Jokes)
  142. Why would you want to marry a lacrosse goalie?… Because he (or she) is a real keeper! (Lacrosse Jokes)
  143. Why would you want to marry a field hockey hockey goalie?… Because he (or she) is a real keeper! (Field Hockey Jokes)
  144. What do you call a very small valentine?… A valen-tiny!
  145. What did the girl cat say to the boy cat on Valentine’s Day?… You’re purrr-fect for me. (Cat Jokes)
  146. What Valentine’s Day candy is best to give a girl?… Her-She Kisses. (Candy Jokes)
  147. Man: “Honey, on this Valentine’s Day, I want to tell you something… I’m not rich like Jack. I don’t have a mansion like Russell. I don’t have a Porsche like Martin. But I do love you and I want to marry you.” Woman: “Oh, dear, I love you too! What was that you said about Martin? (Car Jokes)
  148. Me: “I love you.” You: “Is that you or the wine talking?” Me: “It’s me talking to the wine.”
  149. What happened when the man fell in love with his garden?… It made him wed his plants! (Flower Jokes)
  150. “You came home early from your date,” John observed to his roommate. “What happened?” “Well,” said the flatmate, “after dinner she invited me up to her flat. We had a couple of drinks and she put on some soft music. Then she reached over and turned out the lights.” “So, what next?” asked John, eyebrows raised. “I can take a hint,” said his flatmate. “I came home.”
  151. What did the pencil say to the paper?… I dot my i’s on you! (Pencil Jokes)
  152. If you were a triangle you’d be acute one. (Geometry Jokes)
  153. AN OLDER WOMAN runs into her friend at the mall. “You’re not going to believe this,” she said. “I found an old lamp the other day. I rubbed it and a genie popped out. He explained that genies don’t give three wishes anymore, but he did offer me a choice between one of two wishes. He could give me a better memory or turn my husband into the greatest lover ever.” “Tough choice,” said her friend. “Which one did you choose?” “That’s the thing. I can’t remember.” (Grandparent Jokes)
  154. Why does Cupid always make so much money at the casino?… Because he’s a Valentine’s Card Shark. (Shark Jokes)
  155. What did one muffin say to the other on Valentine’s Day?… You’re my stud-muffin! (Breakfast Jokes)
  156. What’s the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak?… February 14th.
  157. BEATING HEARTS What did one beet say to the other on Valentine’s Day?… You make my heart beet faster! (Farming Jokes)
  158. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Frank… Frank who?… Frank you for being my boyfriend! (Knock Knock Jokes for Valentine’s Day)
  159. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Frank… Frank who?… Frank you for being my girlfriend! (Knock Knock Jokes for Valentine’s Day)
  160. I gave my girlfriend a cannoli for Valentine’s Day. When she asked why, I said, “I cannoli be happy when I’m with you.” (Dessert Jokes)
  161. I just saved a bunch of money on Valentine’s Day by switching to single.
  162. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Emma… Emma who?… Emma hoping I get lots of cards on Valentine’s Day! (Knock Knock Jokes for Valentine’s Day)
  163. Knock… Knock… Who’s there?… Pooch… Pooch who?… Pooch your arms around me! (Knock Knock Jokes for Valentine’s Day)  
  164. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Olive… Olive who?… Olive you! (Knock Knock Jokes for Valentine’s Day)
  165. What did the boy bear say to the girl bear on Valentine’s Day?… I love you beary much! (Bear Jokes)
  166. What did the boy bee say to the girl bee on Valentine’s Day?… You are bee-utiful! (Bee Jokes)
  167. What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine’s Day?… You’re not so baaaa-d! (Sheep Jokes)
  168. What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?… Be my Valenstein! (Halloween Jokes)
  169. What did the ghost say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?…  Be my Valenslime! (Ghost Jokes)
  170. Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine?… He fell in love with a pin cushion! 
  171. What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?… “I’m sweet on you!” (Ice Cream Jokes)  
  172. What is a ram’s favorite song on February 14th?… I only have eyes for ewe, dear. (Music Jokes)
  173. What did the paper clip say to the magnet?… I find you very attractive.  
  174. What’s the most romantic part of a fork?… Its Valen-tines. 
  175. What’s the best part about Valentine’s Day?… The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale. (Candy Jokes)
  176. Knock… Knock… Who’s there?… Luke… Luke who?… Luke who got a Valentine! (Knock Knock Jokes for Valentine’s Day)
  177. Knock… Knock… Who’s there?… Sherwood… Sherwood who?… Sherwood like to be your Valentine! (Knock Knock Jokes for Valentine’s Day & Robin Hood Jokes) 
  178. Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?… Because it’s got heart. (Farming Jokes)
  179. Why is Valentine’s Day a great day for a party?… Because you can party hearty. (Biology Jokes)
  180. How can you tell when a squirrel is in love?… It goes nuts!
  181. How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?… He gave her a ring!
  182. What did one oar tell the other oar?… This is so row-mantic!
  183. What did the light bulb say to the other light bulb?… You light my world up.