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More Octopus Jokes… (Octopus Jokes)

  1. What did the octopus say to his girlfriend at the Beatles concert?… I wanna hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand… (Music Jokes)
  2. What is an octopus’s favorite game?… Squidditch. (Harry Potter Jokes)
  3. Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight?… Because the octopus was well armed. (Shark Jokes & Boxing Jokes)
  4. Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand] Cat: you’re one short pal. (Cat Jokes)
  5. Who was the most infamous pirate octopus?… Captain Squid. (Pirate Jokes)
  6. An octopus went off to war… It’s a good thing that he was well-armed. (Memorial Day Jokes & Veterans Day Jokes)
  7. What do you call 8 x 3.14?… Octopi. (Pi Day Jokes)
  8. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?… Ten tickles.
  9. Why did the octopus blush?… He saw the bottom of the ocean. (Ocean Jokes)
  10. A recruiter asks an octopus if he wants to join the Army… The octopus says no thanks I’m army enough as it is. (Memorial Day Jokes & Veterans Day Jokes)
  11. How do young fish get to school?… By octobus. (180 School Jokes)
  12. What do you call an octopus musician?… A rocktopus. (Music Jokes)
  13. How do you make an octopus laugh?… You give it ten-tickles.
  14. Why does an octopus make a great drill sergeant?Because it’s arm-y
  15. What do octopus knights wear?… A coat of arms. (Knight Jokes & Biology Jokes)
  16. An octopus held up the local bank… Apparently he was well armed.
  17. An octopus politician offered to pay my debts if I voted for him.I guess it’s squid pro quo
  18. What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same?… Itenticle.
  19. How did the octopuses win the football match?Ten tackles
  20. What do humans and octopuses have in common?Two sets of forearms
  21. What do you get when you cross an Octopus and a Babboon?A stern rebuke from the ethics committee and a cessation of research funding.
  22. What would be good about crossing a turkey with an octopus?… Everyone would get a drumstick on Thanksgiving. (Thanksgiving Jokes)
  23. Saw an octopus dancing at the marine disco. It pulled a mussel.
  24. What do you call a relaxed octopus?… A calm-ari!
  25. What is the octopuses favorite shape?… An octagon
  26. Where do female sea creatures keep their money?… In their octopurse.
  27. A teacher asks the class to name six creatures that you might find in the sea. One of the pupils replies, “five octopuses and a herring”.
  28. I asked how much the creature that looked like an ill octopus cost and what it was. The chap said “Sick squid.”
  29. What sort of fish operates on sick octopuses? A sturgeon.
  30. People sometimes confuse the plural of octopus, it’s one octopus, two octopuses, 3.14 octopi.
  31. I saw a singing octopus once, in the choral reef.
  32. How did the octopus go to the war?… Well armed.
  33. How do you know if an octopus is alive?… You check its octo-pulse!
  34. Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?… He got inked up.
  35. What does the octopus have on its toast? Ocean current jam!
  36. What’s a squid’s favourite pudding? Octo-pie
  37. Who held the baby octopus for a ransom?…  Squidnappers.
  38. A chap goes to the cinema and is surprised to see an octopus sitting on the seat beside him. “How come you are here?” he asks. The octopus says “I enjoyed the book”.
  39. Why did the octopus cross the road?… To get to the other TIDE!!! (Ocean Jokes)
  40. Why everyone at the school is afraid of the octopus? He is armed
  41. What do you get if you cross a cat with an octopus? Arrested under the Animal Scientific Procedures Act 1986.
  42. What looks like half an octopus? … The other half!
  43. What did the octopus say to it’s sweetheart?… You octopi my heart. (Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  44. What breed of cat has eight legs and loves to swim?… An octo-pussy cat!
  45. I heard on the news that the police were looking for a runaway octopusThey said he was armed and dangerous
  46. What do you call a job for an octopus?… It’s octopation 
  47. What do you call good characteristics of an octopus?…  It’s octo-pluses.
  48. How do we know that octopuses can’t commit crimes?… They don’t have a bad bone in their bodies. (octopus have no bones) 
  49. What story do octopus parents read to their kids?… Octopuss in boots.
  50. What do you call a flying octopus?… An octocopter.
  51. When are all octopuses born?… October! (October Jokes)
  52. What did the squid sheriff put together to find the outlaw cowboy?… An octoposse. 
  53. What has 72 arms and catches flies?… An octopus baseball team. (Baseball Jokes)
  54. What did the octopus say to the other?… Let’s hold hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands.
  55. I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday. Oh, don’t worry, he’s okay now. But the vet charged me six quid. 
  56. What has eight legs and turns into a truck?…  Octopus Prime
  57. What do you call the place where an octopus is sitting?… Octopied.
  58. What did the doctor check on his octopus patient … His octopulse. (Doctor Jokes) 
  59. What did the octopus use to make jelly? …  From ocean currants. 
  60. What do you get when you cross an octopus with a cow?… An animal that milks itself. 
  61. What is a gathering of octopus called?… Octoposse.
  62. What do you call a cool octopus?… Tenta-cool (tentacle)
  63. What sea creatures say hello sixteen times?… Two octopuses shaking hands. 
  64. What do u get when you cross a farm laborer with an octopus?… The best darn apple picker you’ve ever seen.
  65. Why is the octopus such a good cook?… Because he’s a chef-alopod!
  66. What do you call an octopus with a hat?… An octopus with a hat of course.
  67.  How do you know the bathroom is in use when your are at an octopus party?…  The sign on the door says “Octopied.”
  68. What was the octopuses favorite cartoon?… Octonauts. 
  69. What is a play on words among sea creatures?… Octopuns. 
  70.  What do you call an octopus with 2 arms?… A Platypus
  71. What do you call an octopus who thinks the glass if always half full?…  An octomist.
  72. What did the octopus receive from the chiropractor?A back kraken.
  73. What do you call an affectionate octopus?A cuddle fish
  74. What’s a baby octopus’s favorite story?… Octo-puss in boots!
  75. What game do octopuses play at Hogwarts?Squiddich
  76. I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus…I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus.The waiter said: “It takes four hours.”I asked why?He said: “It keeps turning off the gas!”
  77. What is the biggest danger for a baby octopus?… Squid-nappers!
  78. How do you call an octopus who plays guitar?… A rock-topus!
  79. What does the doctor say to an octopus who needs to lose weight?… You need to go on a low-crab diet!
  80. What is an octopus’s favourite food?… Ten-tacos!
  81. What type of keyboard does an octopus use? SQWERTY
  82. How does an octopus propose to its sweetheart?… “I would like to ask for your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage.”
  83. How does a squid propose to its sweetheart?… “Will you cala-marry me?”
  84. What do you call an octopus with no tentacles?… Bob
  85. What type of keyboard does an octopus prefer to use?… Sqwerty!
  86. What do you call a creature with the head of a shark, some claws, the body of a dolphin and the tentacles of an octopus?… A crab-omination!
  87. Why did the octopus have to leave the party?… It pulled a mussel dancing!
  88. What do you get if you cross an octopus and a frog?… A croak-topus!
  89. What do you get if you cross an octopus and an alligator?… A crock-topus!
  90. What sound does an octopus make?… a squid word.
  91. Where does an octopus sleep?… On the seabed!
  92. What is an octopus’s favorite band?… Ink Floyd!
  93. What sea creatures say hello sixteen times?… Two octopuses shaking hands!
  94. Who held the baby octopus for a ransom?… Squidnappers.
  95. Where does an octopus go to sing?… The choral reef!
  96. Where does the octopus go to get an operation done?… To the sturgeon!
  97. Why is the octopus the most popular animal?… Because it’s tenta-cool!How do you know if a squid has swallowed a clock?… You hear a tick tock-topus sound!
  98. Why do octopuses love camping?…They sleep in tent-icles!
  99. What’s an octopus’s favorite number?… 3.14, octo-pi!
  100. Why is an octopus always positive?… Because it always sees the octo-plus side of things!
  101. If octopuses have twins… Does that make them “i-tentical”
  102. Why is the octopus always bored? …Because he never finds anything interest-ink!
  103. When are all octopus born? …In Octo-ber!
  104. Why is the octopus always on time?… Because he looks at the clock-topus!
  105. What do you call a group of squid?… A squad!
  106. What is an octopus’s favourite item of clothing?… The sock-topus
  107. She: Why is your shirt smudged with ink blots? He: I refilled a printer cartridge at work today. Octopus under their bed: whispers Tell her about us, you chicken.
  108. Why do American Octopuses get arrested when they travel abroad? Because they are heavily armed.
  109. What’s the formula for octopus circumference? octopi * r2
  110. What do you call an octopus without any legs An octopus cause they have tentacles not legs.
  111. Barman says “what’s with this octopus?” “This is the sick squid I owe you.” Says the guy.
  112. What do you call an octopus that fights sharks? An octobrave.