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More Coffee Jokes…

(Coffee Jokes)

  1. Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best coffee jokes.
  2. There is a time and a place for decaf coffee… Never, and in the trash. 
  3. My teeth were stained, so the dentist asked me, “do you smoke or drink coffee?”… I told him I drink it. (Dentist Jokes)
  4. What is the unofficial song for National Coffee Day?… Black Coffee in Bed! (Music Jokes & Napping Jokes)
  5. Where do college basketball players always get their coffee?… Dunkin’ Donuts! (Donut Jokes & March Madness Jokes)
  6. Barista: How do you take your coffee? Me: Very, very seriously.
  7. A guy walks into a cafe and orders a coffee to go… The coffee gets up and leaves.
  8. I went to the coffee shop and asked the barista how much a cup of coffee was. He said, “Two dollars and the refills are free.” I said, “Great, I’ll have a refill then.”
  9. I just read that every year we spend more on coffee than we do on educating our children… How do we sleep at night? (180 School Jokes & Napping Jokes)
  10. What do you call sad coffee?… Despresso. (Psychology Jokes)
  11. What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?… Sanka. (Ocean Jokes)
  12. Where does Santa and his reindeer go to get hot chocolate while flying in the sky?… Star-bucks. (Christmas Eve Jokes)
  13. How do you discipline a coffee bean?… You ground it.
  14. Why do the Lakers have to drink their coffee black?… There is no more KAREEM. (Basketball Jokes)
  15. Why don’t dementors drink coffee… Because they hate Espresso Patronum. (Harry Potter Jokes)
  16. I worked at Starbucks, but I had to quit… because it was always the same old grind. (Labor Day Jokes)
  17. What did the coffee addict say to his nurse?…I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it! (Nurse Jokes)
  18. Ever notice that when you serve someone a cold cup of coffee… it makes them boiling mad?
  19.  I was on the phone with my wife and said, “I’m almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on.” After a twenty second pause, I asked, “You still there sweetheart?” “Yeah,” she replied, “But I don’t think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…” 
  20. I don’t think of it as losing an hour of sleep this weekend… I think of it as being an hour closer to coffee. (Daylight Savings Jokes)
  21. Someone stole my coffee cup from work today… I’m just off down the police station now to look at a few mug shots. (Police Jokes)
  22. Did you know it’s a sin for a woman to make coffee?… Yup, it’s in the Bible. It says. “He-brews”
  23. So, a cheerleader walks into a Starbucks… and shouts, “gimme a tea!” (Tea Jokes & Cheerleading Jokes)
  24. How does Moses make his coffee?… Hebrews it.
  25. What did the coffee lover name his son?… Joe, obviously. (Baby Jokes)
  26. How are coffee beans like middle school kids?… They’re always getting grounded. (Middle School Jokes)
  27. Drinking too much coffee can cause a latte problems.
  28. The tea and coffee are married, but the tea leaves… Does that give the coffee grounds for divorce? (Marriage Jokes / Divorce Jokes / Tea Jokes)
  29. What is best Beatles coffee song?… Latte Be! (Music Jokes)
  30. Coffee has bean the grounds of many a heated and strong discussion. 
  31. Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies, “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”  (Milk Jokes)
  32. Drink coffee… Do stupid things faster with more energy.
  33. Don’t ever let anyone tell you fairy tales aren’t real. I wake up every morning to drink a potion made from magic beans that brings me back to life.
  34. When born, Arnold Schwarzenegger got a job serving spaghetti for a local coffee shop… He was known as the pasta barista baby. (Spaghetti Jokes & Movie Jokes)
  35. What are coffee shops in Russia called?… Tsarbucks. (World Geography Jokes)
  36. What’s fat, hairy, and drinks a lot of coffee?… Java the Hut! (Star Wars Jokes)
  37. How did the hipster burn his tongue?… He drank his coffee before it was cool.
  38. I drink so much coffee at work… I consider it part of my daily grind. (Labor Day Jokes)
  39. What inspires a nurse to move at the speed of light?… A bed alarm or fresh coffee in the break room. (Nurse Jokes)
  40. What’s a shark’s favorite coffee shop?… Shark-bucks. (Shark Jokes)
  41. Where do birds go for coffee?… on a NESTcafe! (Bird Jokes)
  42. What do you call it when cafe customers joke about their coffee?… A brewhaha. (Boxing Jokes)
  43. What did the coffee say after getting hit by an earthquake?… I’m shaken but not stirred. (Earthquake Jokes)
  44. What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?… I asked for coffee.
  45. Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?… He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup! (Veterans’ Day Jokes)
  46. A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drank coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?” (Psychology Jokes)
  47. I just got myself a top of the range coffee maker… It has a lot of perks. 
  48. My sister made me some coffee today. I said to her, “You make a mean cup of coffee, sis.” She said, “It was good?” I replied, “I just said, it was average.” (Math Jokes for Teachers)
  49. What does the Cat in the Hat use to make his coffee?… A purr-colator. (Cat Jokes & Dr. Seuss Jokes)
  50. What do lobsters drink in the morning?… Clawfee. (Lobster Jokes)
  51. Coffee is the silent victim in our house… It gets mugged every day. (Police Jokes)
  52. How do you make Pig Jerky?… Give them some coffee. (Pig Jokes)
  53. Why are Italians so good at making coffee?… Because they know how to espresso themselves. (World Geography Jokes)
  54. There are two types of people in this world… People who love Starbucks and liars.
  55. How does an IT guy drink coffee?… He installs Java. (Computer Jokes)
  56. What is a wizard’s favorite drink?… Espresso Patronum.
  57. What’s the opposite of coffee?… Sneezy. (Doctor Jokes)
  58. Starbucks or Victoria Secrets?…..Who charges more per cup?
  59. The coffee tasted like dirt because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
  60. If you spend too much time drinking coffee in the morning… you could be latte for work again. (Labor Day Jokes)
  61. Why did the espresso keep checking his watch?… Because he was pressed for time. (Daylight Savings Jokes)
  62. The worst thing about being a giraffe is that your coffee gets cold by the time it reaches your belly. (Giraffe Jokes)
  63. I made my wife a cup of coffee today and she complained it tasted like dirt. I said, “That’s not surprising. It was just ground this morning.” (Marriage Jokes)
  64. A yawn is just a silent scream for coffee. (Napping Jokes)
  65. The barista at Starbucks looked so nervous as she handed me my coffee. I think she was scared because she spelt my name wrong, she wrote “callthecops.” I didn’t bother leaving a tip. (Police Jokes)
  66. I don’t have a problem with caffeine… I have a problem without caffeine.
  67. Why is a bad cup of coffee the end of a marriage?… Because it’s GROUNDS for divorce! (Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  68. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about coffee?
  69. What did one cappuccino say to their shy crush?… “Espresso yourself.”
  70. I visited a coffee shop where the Wifi password was wedonthavewifi… It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier. (Computer Jokes)
  71. Instead of going to Starbucks, I make coffee at home, mispronounce my own name as loudly as possible, then light $5 on fire. 
  72. How do sharks stay up all night?… They drink jaw-va. (Shark Jokes)
  73. Why do I not like hot drinks?… It’s just not my cup of tea. (Iced-T Jokes)
  74. A newlywed religious couple are lying in bed one morning when the husband says, “How about you go brew us some coffee?” The wife replies, “That’s your job.” The husband, a little taken aback, says, “Says who?” The wife replies, “The bible; it’s on just about every page.” The husband says, “No it isn’t! The bible don’t say anything about brewing coffee!” The wife gets her bible from the bedside table and flips through the pages as she says, “See every page: Hebrews, Hebrews, Hebrews.” (Marriage Jokes)
  75. The worst part of waking up (from a nap), is Folgers in your lap! (Napping Jokes)
  76. What do kind of coffee goes well with a fruit cake?… Despresso. (Psychology Jokes)
  77. What do you call a mother cow who has just given birth?… De-calfinated.
  78. What’s the perfect thing to say to a coffee-lover on Valentine’s Day?… “Words cannot espresso what you mean to me.” (Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  79. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good coffee knock-knock joke?
  80. What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?…I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it! (Doctor Jokes)
  81. Why did the kangaroo stop drinking coffee?… It made him too jumpy. (Kangaroo Jokes)
  82. A man at a restaurant was annoyed that the waiter hadn’t brought a spoon for his coffee, so at the top of his voice, and so the other patrons could hear, he states “This coffee is going to be pretty hot to stir with my fingers.” The waiter hearing this made a hasty retreat to the kitchen, and returned promptly to the table with another coffee. “Here you are sir” said the waiter. “This coffee is not nearly as hot.”
  83. What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee?… Mugging. (Police Jokes)
  84. I don’t call it coffee, I prefer the term, “break fluid.” (Car Jokes)
  85. How does Henry VIII like his coffee?… Decap. (Biology Jokes for Teachers)
  86. What do you call a skater who likes Starbucks?… A coffee grinder. (Skateboarding Jokes)
  87. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good coffee knock knock jokes? (June Jokes Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  88. Why don’t snakes drink coffee?… Because it makes them viperactive. (Snake Jokes)
  89. I’m about to have a dangerous cup of coffee… Safe tea first, though.
  90. What do yuppie sharks like to drink?… Jaw-va. (Shark Jokes)
  91. What did the barista’s Valentine say?… Words cannot espresso my love for you.(Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  92. What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?… De-calf-inated. (Cow Jokes)
  93. What do you call Java that won’t stop brewing?… Stand your ground coffee.
  94. Why did the frog stop drinking coffee?… It made him too jumpy. (Kangaroo Jokes)
  95. When I got to the break room at work… I had that deja-brew feeling again. (Labor Day Jokes)
  96. This morning I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. After 15 minutes of driving on the highway, I realized I left my car at home. (Car Jokes)
  97. How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?… You channel surf faster without the remote. (Surfing Jokes)
  98. What did the caffeine addict name his cats?… Cream and Sugar. (Cat Jokes)
  99. Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?… It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
  100. How is it a sin for a woman to make coffee?… The Bible clearly says “He-brews”
  101. Why did the coffee file a police report?… Because it was mugged. (Police Jokes)
  102. How does one bad cup of coffee end a marriage?… One person think its grounds for divorce. (Marriage Jokes & Divorce Jokes)
  103. I went to the doctor and told him every time I take a sip of coffee, I feel a stabbing pain in my face. He said, “Take the spoon out next time.” (Doctor Jokes)
  104. How is divorce like espresso?… It’s expensive and bitter. (Marriage Jokes & Divorce Jokes)
  105. What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?… They are all better rich! (Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  106. Why are men are like coffee?… The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night. (Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  107. Yo mama so stupid she thought Dunkin Donuts was a basketball team. (Basketball JokesTop 10 Sports Jokes)