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More Grandparent Jokes…

  1. Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best grandparent jokes.
  2. What does a grandmother and a website have in common?… You can’t deny the cookies. (Cookie Jokes)
  3. Why do you think grandpa says that his wife makes cookies the fastest?… Because she just takes nana-seconds to bake them.
  4. Why did Grandpa have an emotional support dog beside him always?… So that he could blame the dog day in and out for all his gas leaks when he travels.
  5. Black Friday Family Tips: “Now remember what I taught you! Push, shove, grab, yell, and if needed tackle! Get out there and make Grandma proud!”
  6. My Nana wasn’t going to celebrate Leap Day… But he decided to jump on the band wagon. (Grandparent Jokes)
  7. My Grandpa wasn’t going to celebrate Leap Day… But he decided to jump on the band wagon. (Grandparent Jokes)
  8. My grandma got a new hearing aid. “It was $5,” she said. “What kind is it?” I asked. “Ten-o-clock.” (Daylight Savings Jokes)
  9. My Granddad fought in the war and survived mustard gas and pepper spray… He’s now classed as a seasoned veteran. (Navy Jokes)
  10. How did Grandma know it was autumn?… She had a fall sensor.
  11. Did you know a bunch of Indiana grandpas put a basketball team together?… They are called the Indiana Pacemakers. (NBA Basketball Jokes)
  12. My Nana and Grandpa weren’t going to celebrate Leap Day… But they decided to jump on the band wagon. (Grandparent Jokes)
  13. A grandson was visiting his grandfather at the nursing home. When the boy walked into the room, the grandfather smiled. The boy enthusiastically said, “Grandpa you have March Madness teeth! You are down to your Final Four!” (Final Four Jokes & World’s Best Basketball Jokes)
  14. My grandmother bakes cookies the fastest… It literally takes her nana-seconds. (Cookie Jokes)
  15. What do you call having your grandma on speed dial?… Instagram.
  16. Knock, Knock.. Who’s there?… Iowa… Iowa who?… Iowa little money to my grandson for a good report card.
  17. After 72 years since not completing her college course, my Grandma finally went back and earned her very first diploma……I asked her what will she be wearing for her graduation ceremony and she said depends. (Graduation Jokes)
  18. A grandfather who had serious hearing problems for a number of years went to the doctor to be fitted for a hearing aid that would return his hearing to 100%. The grandpa went back for further tests a month later and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.” To which the elderly man replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”
  19. Mom, what is it like to have the best child in the world?… I don’t know, go ask your grandparents. (Mom Jokes & Mother’s Day Jokes)
  20. How are stars and fake teeth alike according to a grandfather?… These two come out only during the night. (Dentist Jokes & Astronomy Jokes)
  21. A reporter was interviewing a 103 year-old great grandma “And what do you think is the best thing about being 103?” the reporter asked. She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
  22. What did grandpa say before he kicked the bucket?… “How far do you think I can kick the bucket?”
  23. Two grandmothers were bragging about their precious darlings. One of them says to the other, “Mine are so good at social distancing, they won’t even call me.” (Covid Jokes)
  24. My Papa was a World War II Navy veteran and he use to boast about how he saved 300+ sailors from dying from an excruciating death… He shot the cook. (Navy Jokes)
  25. A kid’s grandparents visit over the holidays go to church for Christmas Mass. Halfway through the service, the grandpa leans over and whispers in his wife’s ear, “I’ve just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?” The Grandma replies, “Put a new battery in your hearing aid.” (Christmas Jokes & Christmas Trivia)
  26. Who will you call to bake the tastiest apple pies?… Granny Smith. (Apple Pie Jokes)
  27. What’s the difference between an all-you-can-eat restaurant and your grandma’s cooking?… At an all-you-can-eat restaurant, you decide when you’re full.
  28. Why Einstein is loved his parents and grandparents?… They were all relatives.
  29. What are the two things your grandpa doesn’t like about you as a little boy?… Number 1 you don’t want to sleep in the afternoon. Number 2, you won’t let him take a nap either. (Napping Jokes)
  30. What one thing became more clear as you got older?… Why the Grinch wanted to live alone with his dog. (Grinch Jokes & Dog Jokes)
  31. My grandfather is always saying that in the old days people could leave their back doors open… Which is probably why his submarine sank. (Navy Jokes)
  32. A boy, his dad and his grandpa all hear the same hilarious joke, laugh too hard and pee their pants… Guess you could say it runs in their jeans. (Track and Field Jokes)
  33. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog’s duties. “They use him to keep crowds back,” said one child. “No,” said another. “He’s just for good luck.” A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrants.” (Dog Jokes & Fireman Jokes)
  34. What do Minions call their Grandmas?… Ba-Nanas.(Minion Jokes & Banana Jokes)
  35. Grandfather: Bet I can tell you the score before the game starts! Grandson: No Way! Grandfather: 0-0. (Final Four Jokes)
  36. My grandparents bought a new China set. They asked me what I thought of it… I said it was fine. (World Geography Jokes)
  37. Why are grandparents and grandchildren always close to each other?… They both have a common enemy at the home front who makes a fuss about eating sweets.
  38. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, “Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today.” The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. “That’s interesting.” she said… “How do you make babies?” “It’s simple,” replied the girl. “You just change ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add ‘es’.” (Jokes for Teachers)
  39. It is Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup, and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible. But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, a relative or even a neighbor to take the seat? The man shook his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.” (Hockey Jokes & Cemetery Jokes)
  40. My grandpa said he was built upside down… His nose runs and his feet smell. (Biology Jokes & Track and Field Jokes)
  41. Why did grandma put wheels on her rocking chair?… She wanted to rock ‘n’ roll! (Music Jokes)
  42. Is There Baseball In Heaven? Two old men had been best friends for years, and they both live to their early 90’s, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they’re reminiscing about their long friendship, when the dying man’s friend asks, “Listen, when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there’s baseball in heaven.” The dying man said, “We’ve been friends for years, this I’ll do for you.” And then he dies. A couple days later, his surviving friend is sleeping when he hears his friend’s voice. The voice says, “I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there’s baseball in heaven.” “What’s the bad news?” “You’re pitching on Wednesday.” (Baseball Jokes)
  43. Which relative chimes at you every hour?… A Grandfather Clock! (Grandparent Jokes)
  44. I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, “Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!” (Crayon Jokes)
  45. What do people call grandfather clocks?… The old-timers.
  46. What does a grandmother and a website have in common?… You can’t deny the cookies. (Cookie Jokes & Computer Jokes)
  47. What does Grandpa do when you tell him to change his hearing aid?… He doesn’t listen.
  48. Two elderly grandparents from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: “I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?” The other says, “I feel just like a newborn baby. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants” (Baby Jokes & Barber Jokes)
  49. My grandmother ate spaghetti everyday… Until she pasta-way. (Pasta Jokes)
  50. Why did grandpa spend only one hour with the grandchildren?… Because one hour with them and he felt like a young fellow, more than that he said he feels drastically old.
  51. I Went To a Cemetery Today With my grandparents. I have been before, and there are such beautiful flowers planted and some pretty hiking trails that go behind the cemetery. I was telling my grandparents about it, and my grandmother said in the most excited tone “I’m just dying to get in there!” (Cemetery Jokes)
  52. How was grandmother’s 90th birthday party?… It was an emotional moment for all of us, even the cake was in tiers. (Cake Jokes & Birthday Jokes)
  53. What happened when grandma decided to take action against the airline for losing her luggage?… She lost her case. (Plane Jokes & Lawyer Jokes)
  54. How did Grandma describe her cataract surgery?… It was an eye-opening experience for her. (Doctor Jokes)
  55. A grandfather from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final requests. He told her rabbi he had two final requests. First, he wanted to be cremated, and second, he wanted her ashes scattered over Yankee Stadium. “Yankee Stadium!” the rabbi exclaimed. “Why Yankee Stadium?” “Then I’ll be sure my son visits me once a week.” (Baseball Jokes & New York Jokes)
  56. What did Grandpa say after reading ‘Karaoke Tonight’ at a restaurant?… He just asked what sort of fish that was. (365 Music Jokes)
  57. A grandma was showing the children a painting of the Pilgrim Family on a Thanksgiving Day card that they had received and she commented, ‘The Pilgrim children enjoyed going to church with their mothers and fathers and praying to God.’ One of the grandson looked at her doubtfully and asked, ‘Then why is their father carrying that rifle?’ (Pilgrim Jokes & Thanksgiving Jokes) 
  58. If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?… Their AGE! (Thanksgiving Jokes)
  59. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, “Who was THAT?”
  60. “You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.” Proverb
  61. Today I went to visit my dead grandparents but I accidentally visited the wrong tomb… It was a grave mistake. (Cemetery Jokes)
  62. My grandpa’s last wish was that when he died, we convert his ashes into a diamond…. That’s a lot of pressure. (Cemetery Jokes)
  63. Why do Grandparents smile all the time?… Because they can’t hear a word you’re saying!
  64. Dad, what is it like to have the best child in the world?… I don’t know, go ask your grandparents. (Dad Jokes)
  65. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, “I’m not sure.” “Look in your underwear, Grandpa,” he advised “Mine says I’m 4 to 6.”
  66. Why do people give a shout-out to their grandpa on their birthdays?… Because that is the only way grandpa can hear them. (Birthday Jokes)
  67. “It’s amazing how grandparents seem so young once you become one.” Author Unknown
  68. My grandparents buy me so many school supplies for the first day of school that I have to take the first two weeks off just to sharpen pencils. (Pencil Jokes & Back to School Jokes)
  69. My grandpa tried to warn everyone that the Titanic was going to sink. When everyone just ignored him, he yelled at them three more times. Eventually, they got irritated and kicked him out of the theater. (Movie Jokes)
  70. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.” The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!” (Skating Jokes)
  71. My grandpa just walked into my room with a young guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast. I said, “Who is this guy?” Grandpa: “This is my hip replacement.” (Doctor Jokes for Kids)
  72. My grandpa always says, “When one door closes, another opens.” He was a good man, but a lousy cabinet maker. (Labor Day Jokes)
  73. My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60….. Now he’s 97 years old and we don’t know where he is. (Walking Jokes for Kids & Hiking Jokes)
  74. What do you call a walking stick that makes grandma walk faster?… A hurricane. (Walking Jokes & Hurricane Jokes)
  75. Why do you have to take permission from Grandpa to sell fish?… Because he is the cod-father. (Fishing Jokes)
  76. What was the reason for Grandpa changing his major?… So that he could switch to Classics from Literature.
  77. My grandfather woke up just now… He is dreaming and muttering about how he wrote the Lord of The Rings trilogy. He’s Tolkien in his sleep. (101 Lord of the Rings Jokes)
  78. My great-grandfather fought with Napoleon, my grandfather fought with the French and my father fought with the Americans…. Your relatives couldn’t get along with anyone, could they?
  79. Why did the grandfather clock fall over?… It went back too far for Daylight Saving! (Daylight Savings Jokes)
  80. What do you call a grandpa whale?… A hunch back whale! (Whale Jokes for Kids)
  81. My grandmother ate spaghetti everyday… until she pasta-way. (Pasta Jokes & Spaghetti Jokes)
  82. My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60….. Now he’s 97 years old and we don’t know where he is. (Walking Jokes)
  83. How did grandma get grandpa to stop biting his nails?… She hid his dentures. (Dentist Jokes)
  84. My Grandparents passed away together last night. He went peacefully in his sleep, but she was apparently distraught before dying, screaming and crying hysterically I guess we really should’ve taken away his license. (Cemetery Jokes)
  85. What do people call jokes when they get old?… A grandpa joke.
  86. Why do you think grandpa says that his wife makes cookies the fastest?… Because she just takes nana-seconds to bake them. (Cookie Jokes)
  87. Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Grandma. Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Grandma… Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Grandma. Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Aunt. Aunt who?… Aunt you glad Grandma’s gone? (Knock Knock Jokes for Kids)
  88. Grandma’s been staring through the window ever since it was announced it is a snow day… If it gets any worse I’ll have to let her in. (Snow Day Jokes)
  89. I asked my veteran grandfather what’s the most disrespectful question that you can ask a vet?… “Why didn’t you become a real doctor?” (Veterans Day Jokes)
  90. What did Grandpa and Grandma do for fun back in the day?… I don’t know. My 17 aunts and uncles won’t answer my question. (Baby Jokes)
  91. What did Grandpa say when everyone told him my father looked like him? He said, “He’s a poor guy, don’t worry he’ll grow out of it.”
  92. When my grandson and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, my grandson whispered, “It’s no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.” (Travel Blogs)
  93. Alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there’s an increased chance that… …they will see you later! (Alligator Jokes & Retirement Jokes)
  94. Children’s Logic: “Give me a sentence about a public servant,” said a teacher. The small boy wrote: “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.” The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. “Don’t you know what pregnant means?” she asked. “Sure,” said the young boy confidently. ‘It means carrying a child.” (Fireman Jokes & Mother’s Day Jokes)
  95. What did Grandpa name the Italian restaurant he started in Grandma’s memory?… Pasta Way!
  96. If your great-grandmother saw you making boxed mashed potatoes… she would turn over in her gravy. (Thanksgiving Jokes & Farming Jokes)
  97. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about grandparents?
  98. Shoutout to my grandparents… Because that’s the only way they can hear me!
  99. My grandmother woke up just now… He is dreaming and muttering about how he wrote the Lord of The Rings trilogy. He’s Tolkien in his sleep. (101 Lord of the Rings Jokes) 
  100. My grandfather ate spaghetti everyday… Until she pasta-way. (Pasta Jokes)
  101. From what did grandpa say he suffered a high degree of stress?… From grandma.
  102. My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands… and two of them were just napping. (Cemetery Jokes & Napping Jokes)
  103. Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well?… Because they have a common enemy.
  104. What did the 90 year old say to his great-grandson?… I miss the days of being your age when my teeth were in my mouth 24/7! (Dentist Jokes)
  105. What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son?… If your grandpa could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy! (Turkey Jokes & Grandparents Jokes)
  106. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good grandparent knock-knock joke?
  107. At a kid’s party, the hired clown was late to arrive. When he finally did arrive, he walked up to grandpa and asked, “Where are the kids, sir?” Grandpa looked him straight in the eye and answered very seriously, “That would be us. We grew up in the time it took for you to arrive.”
  108. A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald’s. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, “Oh no. We’ve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50.” The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, “It’s his turn with the teeth.” (Fast Food Jokes)
  109. My grandpa is 95 years old, and he doesn’t even use glasses…. He drinks straight from the bottle. (Beer Jokes)
  110. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good grandparent knock knock jokes? (June Jokes Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  111. Grandpa: “I used to have an origami business.” Grandson: “What happened to it?” Grandpa: “It folded!” (Labor Day Jokes)
  112. “Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old; it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother.” G. Norman Collie (Marriage Jokes)
  113. My dear old grandmother always used to say the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach…. That’s why she lost her job as a cardiac surgeon. (Labor Day Jokes & Doctor Jokes)
  114. Grandpa: “Look they made a movie about The Smurfs grown-up.” Grandson: “Grandpa, shhhhhhh, that’s ‘Avatar’…” (Movie Jokes)
  115. A granddaughter was visiting his grandfather at the nursing hime. When the boy walked into the room, the grandfather smiled. The boy enthusiastically said, “Grandpa you have March Madness teeth! You are down to your Final Four!” (Final Four Jokes & Dentist Jokes)
  116. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about Grandparents Day? (Summer Olympic Knock Knock Jokes)
  117. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good Grandparents Day knock-knock joke?
  118. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good Grandparents Day knock knock jokes? (June Jokes Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  119. Grandma has been staring through the window ever since it started to snow…. If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her inside. (Snow Jokes)
  120. When do you know your grandmother is old enough to retire?… Instead of lying about her age, she starts bragging about it!
  121. What do you call a Georgetown basketball player with a championship ring?… a senior citizen. (Final Four Jokes)
  122. If you, your parents and your grandparents use Reddit, I guess you could say it’s … ha-Reddit-ary.
  123. Why do grandparents count pennies?… They are the only ones who have the time. (Daylight Savings Jokes)
  124. What do grandparents smell like?… “Depends”
  125. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, “Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?” I mentally polished my halo and I said, “No, how are we alike?” “You’re both old,” he replied.
  126. When is your grandparent’s bedtime?… Three hours after he/she falls asleep on the couch. (Napping Jokes)
  127. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather’s word processor. She told him she was writing a story. “What’s it about?” he asked. “I don’t know,” she replied. “I can’t read.” (Elementary School Jokes)
  128. My grandparents fought during World War II… They ended up getting a divorce. (Divorce Jokes)
  129. What did our grandparents do without TV or internet?… I don’t know. Ask your mom and her 6 siblings. (Baby Jokes)
  130. Shout out to my grandparents!… Not because they both helped out with something, but because they have a hearing disability.
  131. An older woman runs into her friend at the mall. “You’re not going to believe this,” she said. “I found an old lamp the other day. I rubbed it and a genie popped out. He explained that genies don’t give three wishes anymore, but he did offer me a choice between one of two wishes. He could give me a better memory or turn my husband into the greatest lover ever.” “Tough choice,” said her friend. “Which one did you choose?” “That’s the thing. I can’t remember.” (Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes & Black Friday Jokes)
  132. What did Rihanna say to her grandmother with Alzheimer’s?… Oh nana, what’s my name? (365 Music Jokes)
  133. My parents had me late in life so I never met any of my grandparents. No body was surprised about this… It was a four gone conclusion. (Cemetery Jokes)
  134. I’m 12 feet taller than my grandparents… I’m 6 feet tall and they’re 6 feet under. (Cemetery Jokes)
  135. Myself, my kids, my parents, my brother, and my grandparents all have terrible diarrhea… Runs in the family.
  136. “I don’t intentionally spoil my grandkids. It’s just that correcting them often takes more energy than I have left.” Gene Perret
  137. What did the Nana pancake say to the grandchild burnt pancake?… I don’t like your flip side. (Grandparent Jokes)
  138. What did the grandpa pancake say to the grandchild burnt pancake?… I don’t like your flip side.  (Pancake Jokes)
  139. What would a lawnmower grandfather’s epitaph be like?… ‘Now he’s lawn-gone’. (Cemetery Jokes)
  140. What is grandpa’s bedtime?… One hour after falling asleep on his rocking chair. (Napping Jokes)
  141. Who is the one that chimes every one hour?… A grandfather, who’s like the clock. (Daylight Savings Jokes)
  142. Why did grandpa tell the ghosts about his shirt size?… Because he was the medium. (Ghost Jokes)
  143. Why did Grandpa get banned from the zoo?… Because he had a lion’s heart. (Zoo Jokes & Lion Jokes)
  144. Why did Grandpa like to wear glasses while collecting take out for dinner?… He goes to pick up the dinner with a contact-less drive-through.
  145. What does Grandpa do when you tell him to change his hearing aid?… He doesn’t listen.
  146. What do people call grandfather clocks?… The old-timers. (Daylight Savings Jokes)
  147. How would Grandpa react when you tell him about online classes?… He would say, “Why is your education on the line? How will that work?”
  148. What did the tall Grandpa say to the little boy?… You will have to do your own growing boy, my height won’t help you with that.
  149. How I plan on never becoming a Grandparent.. I’ll be naming my daughter pregnant so when a guy meets her. Guy: Hi, I’m Paul. Her: Hi, I’m pregnant. Case closed. (Marriage Jokes)
  150. What did the grandpa say when he couldn’t understand his grandson’s jokes? He yelled, “Back in my days, at least jokes made sense!”
  151. Why didn’t anyone know where the grandfather was?… Because he started walking 10 miles every day since his 65-year-old birthday and now he is 95. (Walking Jokes)
  152. What is the best thing about being 100 years old according to grandpa?… Grandpa said, one get’s to live without peer pressure.
  153. Why did Grandpa refer to Grandma as Insta-gram?… Because she was on his speed dial.
  154. How did the Grandma stop my grandpa’s habit of biting his nails after 40 long years?… She hid his glass of teeth.
  155. Why is Grandpa always smiling at Grandma?… Because he cannot hear anything she says and doesn’t want to upset her. (Smile Jokes)
  156. What did Grandma say to Grandpa, when he claimed that he let out a silent fart in the church?… She said, “Honey, you need to replace the batteries of your hearing aid.”
  157. Two grandparents are having a phone call talking about their family. One grandparent talks about how proud she is that her granddaughter came to visit her while socially distanced The other said – “my grandson is so protective of me. He socially distances so much he won’t even call me!” (Covid Jokes)
  158. Why did the grandchild call grandpa a hipster?… Because grandma told him, hipsters buy clothes from thrift shops, wear glasses that are thick, and look different.
  159. Why did Grandpa have the dog beside him always?… So that he could blame the dog day in and out for all his gas leaks. (Dog Jokes)
  160. Why did Grandpa like spending more time with the grandchildren?… Because he got to play with toys that he couldn’t have.
  161. Why did Grandpa spend only one hour with the grandchildren?… Because one hour with them and he felt like a young fellow, more than that he said he feels incredibly old.
  162. What confirmed the fact that Grandpa should retire?… When he stopped lying about his age and switched to boasting about it. (Retirement Jokes)
  163. What does Grandpa say when a waiter asks about the food at the restaurant?… He points at our finished plates and confirms, “They almost didn’t like it.”
  164. What did the lawyer grandfather say to the waiter who wrote the bill at the cash counter?… Whoever writes it, pays for it.
  165. Why Einstein loved his parents and grandparents?… They were all relatives. (Albert Einstein Quotes)
  166. Why did Grandpa get banned from the zoo?… Because he had a lion’s heart.
  167. Why did grandpa yell ‘gallons, liters, pints’ the day after the Christmas party?… Because he likes to speak in volumes. (Chemistry Jokes)
  168. I find it really awkward that my Grandparents named my Dad’s sister “Vaccine”… I’m embarrassed to tell people that she’s Auntie Vax. (Covid Jokes)
  169. My entire family was not supportive during my pregnancy, but my grandparents supported my decision… They are great grandparents. (Baby Jokes)
  170. My grandparents were vaporized in a freak accident… They will be mist. (Cemetery Jokes)
  171. My great grandparents fought during World War I. They ended up getting a divorce. (Divorce Jokes)
  172. My grandparents fought during the Cold War. They ended up getting a divorce. (Divorce Jokes)
  173. Scientists say you’re more likely to die of what your grandparents died of rather than your parents… If anyone sees any German snipers let me know.
  174. Why is today the last day that one can see 82-year-old grandpa?… Because he would be 83 tomorrow. (Birthday Jokes)
  175. My grandparents think that I depend too much on technology. They always talk about how much my generation depends on technology, and my grandfather always mentions it whenever I visit them, so then I replied, “no, your generation depends too much on technology.” Then I unplugged his life support. (Doctor Jokes)
  176. My grandpa’s so cheap, when he dies, he’ll probably walk towards the light and turn it off. (Cemetery Jokes)
  177. I’ll never forget my granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”” (Cemetery Jokes)
  178. Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type… At least he told us to be positive. (Doctor Jokes)
  179. I want to die like my grandpa did, in his sleep…. Not screaming like the people in the back seat of his car. (Car Jokes)
  180. My late grandpa used to hate looking in the mirror. Humble man… terrible driver. (Car Jokes)
  181. How did Grandpa describe her cataract surgery?… It was an eye-opening experience for her. (Doctor Jokes)
  182. “Never have children, only grandchildren.” Gore Vidal
  183. “No cowboy was ever faster on the draw than a grandparent pulling a baby picture out of a wallet.” Author Unknown
  184. “Do you know why grandchildren are always so full of energy? They suck it out of their grandparents.” Gene Perret
  185. What changed grandma’s opinion about heart transplants?… She had a change of heart. (Doctor Jokes)
  186. “Every time I go to a wedding, my grandma pokes me and says, “You’re next”. So, every time I go to a funeral with her, I poke her and say the same.”  (Wedding Jokes & Cemetery Jokes)
  187. Why did grandpa love grandma so much that he called her “love”, “honey”, “darling” even after 60 years of marriage?… Because grandpa had forgotten grandma’s name. (Marriage Jokes)
  188. How are stars and fake teeth alike according to a grandfather?… These two come out only during the night. (Dentist Jokes & Astronomy Jokes)
  189. Why did grandma call grandpa Spiderman?… Because, she said, “That boy finds it difficult to get out of the bathtub.” (Spiderman Jokes)
  190. “My grandpa told me when he was small the alphabet only had 25 letters. Nobody knew Y.”
  191. “My grandpa went into the bathroom to brush his teeth and he immediately returned… He forgot his teeth.” (Dentist Jokes)
  192. Grandpa died in the hospital because they had the wrong blood type on record… It was a Type O. (Doctor Jokes)
  193. On her death bed, the last words that my grandma told my grandpa was, “Honey, I’ll see you in heaven!” Since then, he’s been kicking puppies and robbing stores every day. (Cemetery Jokes)
  194. Have you seen the sweater my grandmother made me?… It’s pretty knit.
  195. Why did Grandma leave the job at the glue factory?… She could not stick with it. (Labor Day Jokes)
  196. What happened after Grandmother decided to become vegan?… Every time you meet her, it feels like you never met her’bivore.
  197. What did grandma say about her career as a young girl?… “I worked at the shoe showroom, and then they gave me the boot.” (Labor Day Jokes)
  198. “How did grandma agree to get spine surgery:? She told me, “It was holding me back for a really long time.”” (Doctor Jokes)
  199. Why was grandma so fascinated by a reversible sweater she was knitting? She said, “I want to see how it turns out.”
  200. My grandmother was a Math teacher. We were discussing infinity the other day… and it kept going on forever. (Math Jokes for Teachers)
  201. My grandma got a new hearing aid. “It was $5,” she said. “What kind is it?” I asked. “Ten-o-clock.” (Daylight Savings Jokes)
  202. Why did Grandpa get banned from the zoo?… Because he had a lion’s heart. (Zoo Jokes)
  203. What would a lawnmower grandfather’s eulogy be like?… Now he’s lawn-gone. (Cemetery Jokes)
  204. My grandparents passed away 36 times… Every time I change jobs all four of them come alive again. (Cemetery Jokes)
  205. My grandparents were Trekkies, and named my father after their favorite Captain. When I was young, I was frequently hoisted by my own Picard. (Star Trek Jokes)
  206. My Granddad fought in the war and survived mustard gas and pepper spray… He’s now classed as a seasoned veteran. (Army Jokes) 
  207. My grandfather was a baker in the army… He went in all buns glazing. (Army Jokes) 
  208. Why was Grandma in such a hurry while making pasta sauce for the dinner guests?… It was already 8pm and she was running out of thyme. (Pasta Jokes)
  209. What happened when Grandma accidentally dropped the basket of ironed laundry?… We watched it all unfold.
  210. A Grandparents Ipod “I Can’t See Clearly Now” by Johnny Nash “
  211. “You’re So Varicose Vein” by Carly Simon
  212. “Talking’ Bout My Medication” by the Who “
  213. “Once, Twice, Three Trips to the Bathroom” by the Commodores
  214. “How Can You Mend A Broken Hip?” by the Bee Gees
  215. “These Boots Give Me Arthritis” by Nancy Sinatra
  216. “I Get By with a Little Help from Depends” by the Beatles
  217. “Bald Thing” by the Troggs
  218. “You Can’t Always Pee When You Want” by the Rolling Stones
  219. “I Heard It through the Grape Nuts” by Marvin Gaye
  220. Why do Grandpas smile all the time?… Because they can’t hear a word you’re saying! (Smile Jokes)
  221. When is your grandpas bedtime?… Three hours after she falls asleep on the couch. (Napping Jokes)
  222. Why do grandpas count pennies?… They are the only ones who have the time.
  223. When do you know your grandfather is old enough to retire?… Instead of lying about her age she start bragging about it! (Retirement Jokes)
  224. Two elderly grandparents from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: “I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?” The other says, “I feel just like a newborn baby. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.” (Baby Jokes)
  225. A reporter was interviewing a 103 year-old great grandmother: “And what do you think is the best thing about being 103?” the reporter asked. She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
  226. A kids grandparents visit over the holidays go to church for Christmas Mass. Halfway through the service, the grandpa leans over and whispers in his wife’s ear, “I’ve just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?” The Grandma replies, “Put a new battery in your hearing aid.” (Christmas Jokes & Christmas Trivia)
  227. A Grandfather who had serious hearing problems for a number of years went to the doctor to be fitted for a hearing aid that would return his hearing to 100%. The grandpa went back for further tests a month later and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.” To which the elderly man replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”
  228. A grandfather from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final requests. He told her rabbi he had two final requests. First, he wanted to be cremated, and second, he wanted her ashes scattered over Yankee Stadium. “Yankee Stadium!” the rabbi exclaimed. “Why Yankee Stadium?” “Then I’ll be sure my son visits me once a week.” (Baseball Jokes)
  229. A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald’s. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, “Oh no. We’ve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50.” The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, “It’s his turn with the teeth.”
  230. Funny Sayings A reporter was interviewing a 103 year-old great grandfather: “And what do you think is the best thing about being 103?” the reporter asked. He simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
  231. “Becoming a grandmother is wonderful.  One moment you’re just a mother.  The next you are all-wise and prehistoric.“ Pam Brown
  232. “You’re more trouble than the children are” is the greatest compliment a grandparent can receive.” Gene Perret
  233. “Grandchildren: the only people who can get more out of you than the IRS.” Gene Perret
  234. “A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.” Erma Bombeck (Funny Halloween Jokes)
  235. “Grandchildren are the dots that connect the lines from generation to generation.” Lois Wyse
  236. “If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, I’d have had them first.” Lois Wyse
  237. “Elephants and grandchildren never forget.” Andy Rooney (Elephant Jokes)
  238. “To a small child, the perfect granddad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo.” Robert Brault (Dog Jokes)
  239. “My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty.  She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.” Ellen DeGeneres (Walking Jokes)
  240. “Two things I dislike about my granddaughter – when she won’t take her afternoon nap, and when she won’t let me take mine.” Gene Perret (Napping Jokes)
  241. “An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again.  Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly.” Gene Perret
  242. “Grandchildren don’t stay young forever, which is good because Pop-pops have only so many horsey rides in them.” Gene Perret (Horse Jokes)
  243. “When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.” Ogden Nash
  244. “My grandkids believe I’m the oldest thing in the world.  And after two or three hours with them, I believe it, too.” Gene Perret
  245. “My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses.  Drinks right out of the bottle.” Henry Youngman (Beer Jokes)
  246. “The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is that they have a common enemy.” Sam Levenson
  247. “My grandchild has taught me what true love means.  It means watching Scooby-Doo cartoons while the basketball game is on another channel.” Gene Perret (365 Basketball Jokes)
  248. “I wish I had the energy that my grandchildren have – if only for self-defense.” Gene Perret
  249. “On the seventh day God rested. His grandchildren must have been out of town.” Gene Perret
  250. “Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.” Gene Perret
  251. “A grandmother is a mother who has a second chance.” Author Unknown (Mom Jokes)
  252. “I like to do nice things for my grandchildren – like buy them those toys I’ve always wanted to play with.” Gene Perret
  253. “My granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with me, and I decided to teach her to sew.  After I had gone through a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, she stepped back, put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief, “You mean you can do all that, but you can’t play my Game Boy?” Unknown
  254. “I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather – not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.” Will Shriner (Car Jokes)
  255. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she’d done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, “But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!” I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye.
  256. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 80. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, “Did you start at 1?” (Birthday Jokes)
  257. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.  (Dog Jokes)
  258. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. “Oh,” he said, “she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we’re done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.” (Plane Jokes)
  259. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don’t get to see him enough to get as smart as him!
  260. Grandkid: “Does beer make you smarter?” Grandparent: “No, but it made Budweiser.” (Beer Jokes)
  261. Why did Grandpa have an emotional support dog when he travels on a plane?… So that he could blame the dog day in and out for all his gas leaks. (Dog Jokes)
  262. Why did Grandpa have an emotional support dog when he travels on a train?… So that he could blame the dog day in and out for all his gas leaks. (Dog Jokes)
  263. Why did Grandpa have an emotional support dog when he travels on a boat?… So that he could blame the dog day in and out for all his gas leaks. (Dog Jokes)