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More Grandparents Day Jokes…

  1. Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best grandparent jokes.
  2. Mom, what is it like to have the best child in the world?… I don’t know, go ask your grandparents. (Mother’s Day Jokes)
  3. What do you call having your grandma on speed dial?… Instagram.
  4. Why did grandma put wheels on her rocking chair?… She wanted to rock ‘n’ roll! (Music Jokes)
  5. My grandmother bakes cookies the fastest… It literally takes her nana-seconds. (Cookie Jokes)
  6. A grandson was visiting his grandfather at the nursing hime. When the boy walked into the room, the grandfather smiled. The boy enthusiastically said, “Grandpa you have March Madness teeth! You are down to your Final Four!” (Final Four Jokes & Dentist Jokes)
  7. After 72 years since not completing her college course, my Grandma finally went back and earned her very first diploma……I asked her what will she be wearing for her graduation ceremony and she said depends. (Graduation Jokes)
  8. I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, “Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!” (Crayon Jokes)
  9. A reporter was interviewing a 103 year-old great grandma “And what do you think is the best thing about being 103?” the reporter asked. She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
  10. What do you call a walking stick that makes grandma walk faster?… A hurricane. (Walking Jokes & Hurricane Jokes)
  11. Is There Baseball In Heaven? Two old men had been best friends for years, and they both live to their early 90’s, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they’re reminiscing about their long friendship, when the dying man’s friend asks, “Listen, when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there’s baseball in heaven.” The dying man said, “We’ve been friends for years, this I’ll do for you.” And then he dies. A couple days later, his surviving friend is sleeping when he hears his friend’s voice. The voice says, “I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there’s baseball in heaven.” “What’s the bad news?” “You’re pitching on Wednesday.” (Baseball Jokes)
  12. If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?… Their AGE! (Thanksgiving Jokes)
  13. Grandfather: Bet I can tell you the score before the game starts! Grandson: No Way! Grandfather: 0-0. (Final Four Jokes)
  14. My grandpa said he was built upside down… His nose runs and his feet smell. (Biology Jokes)
  15. A boy, his dad and his grandpa all hear the same hilarious joke, laugh too hard and pee their pants… Guess you could say it runs in their jeans.
  16. What’s the difference between an all-you-can-eat restaurant and your grandma’s cooking?… At an all-you-can-eat restaurant, you decide when you’re full.
  17. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog’s duties. “They use him to keep crowds back,” said one child. “No,” said another. “He’s just for good luck.” A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrants.” (Dog Jokes & Fireman Jokes)
  18. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, “Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today.” The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. “That’s interesting.” she said… “How do you make babies?” “It’s simple,” replied the girl. “You just change ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add ‘es’.” (Jokes for Teachers)
  19. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, “I’m not sure.” “Look in your underwear, Grandpa,” he advised “Mine says I’m 4 to 6.”
  20. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.” The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!” (Skating Jokes)
  21. My grandpa just walked into my room with a young guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast. I said, “Who is this guy?” Grandpa: “This is my hip replacement.” (Doctor Jokes for Kids)
  22. Which relative chimes at you every hour?… A Grandfather Clock! (Grandparent Jokes)
  23. My grandpa always says, “When one door closes, another opens.” He was a good man, but a lousy cabinet maker. (Labor Day Jokes)
  24. What do you call a grandpa whale?… A hunch back whale! (Whale Jokes for Kids)
  25. My grandmother ate spaghetti everyday… until she pasta-way. (Pasta Jokes & Spaghetti Jokes)
  26. My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60….. Now he’s 97 years old and we don’t know where he is. (Walking Jokes)
  27. Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Grandma. Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Grandma… Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Grandma. Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Aunt. Aunt who?… Aunt you glad Grandma’s gone? (Knock Knock Jokes for Kids)
  28. I asked my veteran grandfather what’s the most disrespectful question that you can ask a vet?… “Why didn’t you become a real doctor?” (Veterans Day Jokes)
  29. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about grandparents?
  30. Shoutout to my grandparents… Because that’s the only way they can hear me!
  31. A grandma was showing the children a painting of the Pilgrim Family on a Thanksgiving Day card that they had received and she commented, ‘The Pilgrim children enjoyed going to church with their mothers and fathers and praying to God.’ One of the grandson looked at her doubtfully and asked, ‘Then why is their father carrying that rifle?’ (Pilgrim Jokes & Thanksgiving Jokes) 
  32. It is Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup, and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible. But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, a relative or even a neighbor to take the seat? The man shook his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.” (Hockey Jokes)
  33. What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son?… If your grandpa could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy! (Turkey Jokes & Grandparents Jokes)
  34. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, “Who was THAT?”
  35. Children’s Logic: “Give me a sentence about a public servant,” said a teacher. The small boy wrote: “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.” The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. “Don’t you know what pregnant means?” she asked. “Sure,” said the young boy confidently. ‘It means carrying a child.” (Fireman Jokes & Mother’s Day Jokes)
  36. If your great-grandmother saw you making boxed mashed potatoes … she would turn over in her gravy. (Thanksgiving Jokes & Farming Jokes)
  37. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good grandparent knock-knock joke?
  38. My grandpa tried to warn everyone that the Titanic was going to sink. When everyone just ignored him, he yelled at them three more times. Eventually, they got irritated and kicked him out of the theater. (Movie Jokes)
  39. My grandparents buy me so many school supplies for the first day of school that I have to take the first two weeks off just to sharpen pencils. (Pencil Jokes & Back to School Jokes)
  40. Why do Grandparents smile all the time?… Because they can’t hear a word you’re saying!
  41. What did grandpa and grandma do for fun back in the day?… I don’t know. My 17 aunts and uncles won’t answer my question. (Baby Jokes)
  42. My great-grandfather fought with Napoleon, my grandfather fought with the French and my father fought with the Americans…. Your relatives couldn’t get along with anyone, could they?
  43. My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60….. Now he’s 97 years old and we don’t know where he is. (Walking Jokes for Kids & Hiking Jokes)
  44. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good grandparent knock knock jokes? (June Jokes Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  45. Today I went to visit my dead grandparents but I accidentally visited the wrong tomb… It was a grave mistake. (Cemetery Jokes)
  46. Grandpa: “I used to have an origami business.” Grandson: “What happened to it?” Grandpa: “It folded!” (Labor Day Jokes)
  47. Grandpa: “Look they made a movie about The Smurfs grown-up.” Grandson: “Grandpa, shhhhhhh, that’s ‘Avatar’…” (Movie Jokes)
  48. When my grandson Tommy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Tommy whispered, “It’s no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.” (Travel Blogs)
  49. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about Grandparents Day? (Summer Olympic Knock Knock Jokes)
  50. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good Grandparents Day knock-knock joke?
  51. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good Grandparents Day knock knock jokes? (June Jokes Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  52. Grandma has been staring through the window ever since it started to snow…. If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her inside. (Snow Jokes)
  53. When do you know your grandmother is old enough to retire?… Instead of lying about her age she start bragging about it!
  54. What do you call a Georgetown basketball player with a championship ring?… a senior citizen. (Final Four Jokes)
  55. If you, your parents and your grandparents use Reddit, I guess you could say it’s … ha-Reddit-ary.
  56. My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands… and two of them were just napping. (Cemetery Jokes)
  57. Why do grandparents count pennies?… They are the only ones who have the time.
  58. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, “Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?” I mentally polished my halo and I said, “No, how are we alike?” “You’re both old,” he replied.
  59. When is your grandparent’s bedtime?… Three hours after he/she falls asleep on the couch.
  60. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather’s word processor. She told him she was writing a story. “What’s it about?” he asked. “I don’t know,” she replied. “I can’t read.” (Elementary School Jokes)
  61. AN OLDER WOMAN runs into her friend at the mall. “You’re not going to believe this,” she said. “I found an old lamp the other day. I rubbed it and a genie popped out. He explained that genies don’t give three wishes anymore, but he did offer me a choice between one of two wishes. He could give me a better memory or turn my husband into the greatest lover ever.” “Tough choice,” said her friend. “Which one did you choose?” “That’s the thing. I can’t remember.” (Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  62. Two elderly grandparents from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: “I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?” The other says, “I feel just like a newborn baby. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants”
  63. A kids grandparents visit over the holidays go to church for Christmas Mass. Halfway through the service, the grandpa leans over and whispers in his wife’s ear, “I’ve just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?” The Grandma replies, “Put a new battery in your hearing aid.” (Christmas Jokes & Christmas Trivia)
  64. A Grandfather who had serious hearing problems for a number of years went to the doctor to be fitted for a hearing aid that would return his hearing to 100%. The grandpa went back for further tests a month later and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.” To which the elderly man replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”
  65. A grandfather from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final requests. He told her rabbi he had two final requests. First, he wanted to be cremated, and second, he wanted her ashes scattered over Yankee Stadium. “Yankee Stadium!” the rabbi exclaimed. “Why Yankee Stadium?” “Then I’ll be sure my son visits me once a week.” (Baseball Jokes)
  66. A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald’s. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, “Oh no. We’ve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50.” The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, “It’s his turn with the teeth.” (Fast Food Jokes)
  67. My dear old grandmother always used to say the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach…. That’s why she lost her job as a cardiac surgeon. (Labor Day Jokes)
  68. My grandpa is 95 years old, and he doesn’t even use glasses. He drinks straight from the bottle.
  69. What did Rihanna say to her grandmother with Alzheimer’s? Oh nana, what’s my name?
  70. My grandpa’s last wish was that when he died, we convert his ashes into a diamond…. That’s a lot of pressure.
  71. What did our grandparents do without TV or internet?… I don’t know. Ask your mom and her 6 siblings.
  72. Shout out to my grandparents! Not because they both helped out with something, but because they have a hearing disability.
  73. Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well?… Because they have a common enemy.
  74. My Grandma and Grandad beat the Coronavirus…. My grandma died last year in January and my grandad died 4 years ago

A Grandparents Ipod

  1. “I Can’t See Clearly Now” by Johnny Nash “
  2. “You’re So Varicose Vein” by Carly Simon
  3. “Talking’ Bout My Medication” by the Who “
  4. “Once, Twice, Three Trips to the Bathroom” by the Commodores
  5. “How Can You Mend A Broken Hip?” by the Bee Gees
  6. “These Boots Give Me Arthritis” by Nancy Sinatra
  7. “I Get By with a Little Help from Depends” by the Beatles
  8. “Bald Thing” by the Troggs
  9. “You Can’t Always Pee When You Want” by the Rolling Stones
  10. “I Heard It through the Grape Nuts” by Marvin Gaye

Grandfather Jokes