Doctor Jokes for Kids

by | May 15, 2019 | Latest News, School Jokes | 0 comments

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  1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best doctor jokes.
  2. What do you call a Lord of Rings fan with a sprained ankle?… A hobblit. (101 Lord of the Rings Jokes)
  3. How is a healthy person like the United States?… They both have good constitutions! (Constitution Jokes)
  4. My dear old grandmother always used to say the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach…. That’s why she lost her job as a cardiac surgeon. (Grandparent Jokes & Labor Day Jokes)
  5. Why did Mr. Peanut go to the hospital?… Because he was a-salted.
  6. A priest, rabbi, and minister all had to go to the hospital. Turns out, they got alcohol poisoning from going to the bar so much. (Beer Jokes)
  7. Why did you give the tree some aspirin?… Because I heard it was a sycamore! (Tree Jokes)
  8. What would you say if a tree had spine problems? …That it has Scoli-oak-sis.
  9. What do you call a sick co-worker?… Staff infection. (Labor Day Jokes)
  10. When the tree surgeon and his girlfriend broke up, he pined for her for months… Knock on wood, they’ll someday get back together.
  11. What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better?… Lemon aid. (Tree Jokes)
  12. Why do Platanus occidentalis have to see the doctor more than any other trees?… Because they are sycamore. (Tree Jokes)
  13. What happens when an elephant gets lightheaded?… It ele-faints. (Elephant Jokes)
  14. Where does the Cat in the Hat go when he’s sick?… To Dr. Seuss. (Cat Jokes & Dr. Seuss Jokes)
  15. I ate too much chocolate chip cookie dough and got sick… It was an overdoughse. (Chocolate Chip Cookie Jokes)
  16. Why did the boy go to the doctor after eating a chocolate chip cookie?… He was feeling crumby! (Chocolate Chip Cookie Jokes)
  17. What sort of fish operates on a sick shark?… A sturgeon!
  18. Why did the watermelon have brown spots all over its skin?… It had melonoma.
  19. What do you call pasta with a cold?… Macaroni and sneeze. (Pasta Jokes)
  20. Kevin threw one watermelon at Andres, what does Andrew have now?… A concussion. (Watermelon Jokes)
  21. When you throw up in a canoe… is it a kayak? (Doctor Jokes & Kayak Jokes)
  22. Never upset a pediatric doctor… They have very little patients. (Baby Jokes)
  23. Two ice cream vans crashed on the motorway… The police put some cones out, thankfully no-one had whippy-lash. (Car Jokes & Doctor Jokes)
  24. Why did the ice-cream cone get sick?… He spent too much time in the freezer! (Ice Cream Jokes)
  25. What do you call a Lord of Rings fan with a sprained ankle?… A hobblit. (101 Lord of the Rings Jokes)
  26. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR.” What’s my father going to do? (Father’s Day Jokes)
  27. What is the most common blood type for bees?… Bee positive!
  28. What did the doctor say to the Minion?… You’ve got yellow fever.
  29. What kind of insect kills a lot of people?… Hepatitis Bee. (Bee Jokes)
  30. Doctor: You know you’re getting hangry when your patient’s meal tray starts to look appetizing.
  31. My younger brother made so many rash decisions he decided to become a dermatologist. (Doctor Jokes)
  32. Never try lying to an X-ray technician… They can see right through you.
  33. Organ coordinator: Here’s our list of donor lungs, hearts, and kidneys in alphabetical order. Transplant surgeon: Impressive! It’s very organ-ized. (Doctor Jokes)
  34. Did you hear about the two podiatrists who left the practice?… They became arch enemies.
  35. Insuree: What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine? Insurer: You’ll need to find alternative forms of payment.
  36. Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates. One doctor steps forward and tells St. Peter, “As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of children.” St. Peter opens the gates and lets him in. The next doctor says, “As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives.” St. Peter nods in approval and lets him in. The last man says, “I was an HMO manager. I helped hundreds of families get cost-effective health care.” St. Peter replies, “You may enter, but you’re only approved for a three-day stay.” (Cemetery Jokes)
  37. Doctor to nurse: “How is the child who swallowed a few quarters doing?” Nurse: “No change.” (Nurse Jokes)
  38. What did the nurse say to the patient who swallowed Scrabble tiles?… Don’t worry, you’ll have a vowel movement soon. (Grammar Jokes)
  39. Doctor to a nurse, “Did you take this patient’s temperature?” Nurse, “No. Why is it missing?”
  40. After a bad cut, I asked the ER doctor if I could do my own stitches. She said, “Suture self.”
  41. Statistically 9 out of 10 injections are in vein. (Nurse Jokes)
  42. The nurse taking my blood got annoyed when I told them they were bad at their job, I don’t understand why though, after all they did keep saying: ‘be negative.’ (Psychology Jokes)
  43. What do transplant doctors hate?… Rejection!
  44.  I went to visit my sister at the hospital, but after driving around the only parking spot I found was in the C section. I had to climb out of the sunroof.
  45. Did you hear the joke about the germ?… Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around. (Doctor Jokes)
  46. I studied to become a doctor, but I didn’t have enough patients for the job. (Labor Day Jokes)
  47. What do you give to a penguin that’s ill?… Some medical tweetment. (Penguin Jokes)
  48. A guy walks into the doctor’s office. A banana stuck in one of his ears, a carrot in the other ear, and a baby pumpkin stuck in one nostril. The man says, “Doc, this is terrible. What’s wrong with me?” The doctor says, “Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly.”
  49. When is the worst time to have a heart attack?… During a game of charades.
  50. I kept trying to playing hide-and-seek when I was in the hospital but the security kept finding me in the ICU.
  51. The worst thing about sea sickness?… It comes in waves! (Ocean Jokes)
  52. Why do Doctors make the best Jedi?… Because a Jedi must have patience.
  53. Who do Clones visit when they’re sick?… Well it’s Anadin Skywalker if they have a headache …… and Commander Codeine if it’s a tickly cough.
  54. I went to see my doctor today about a problem. I keep reading Lord of the Rings over and over again… She told me not to worry. It is just force of hobbit! (Doctor Jokes & Book Jokes)
  55. Patient: Doctor, at night in my bed I keep saying lines from The Lord of The Rings Doctor: That’s ok, you’re just Tolkien in your sleep. (Doctor Jokes & Napping Jokes)
  56. Why did the pillow go to the doctor?… He was feeling all stuffed up!
  57. What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?… A centipede with athlete’s foot. (Giraffe Jokes)
  58. Did you hear about the snowboarder who broke his elbow?… It was rather humerus. (Snowboarding Jokes)
  59. Why was the clock rushed to the hospital?… He fell back for an hour. (Daylight Savings Jokes)
  60. What do you call a leprechaun with a sore throat?… A streprechaun. (Leprechaun Jokes & Doctor Jokes)
  61. Why did Mr. Peanut go to the hospital?… He was a salted. (Peanut Jokes & Police Jokes)
  62. What do you give to a sick lemon?… Lemon-aid.
  63. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about doctors?
  64. What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?… Get dressed up, the nurse is helping the doctor and taking us out!
  65. When should you take a Oreo cookie to the doctor?… When it feels crummy. (Oreo Cookie Jokes)
  66. How is a healthy person like the United States?… They both have good constitutions! (Constitution Jokes)
  67. What did the queasy pumpkin say?… I don’t feel so gourd.
  68. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good doctor knock-knock joke?
  69. I read about a heartwarming story of several doctors performing overnight surgery on a giraffe’s knee… I guess it was a joint operation. (Giraffe Jokes)
  70. People always tell me to wear a helmet while skateboarding… I can’t even remember the last time I hit my head. (Skateboarding Jokes)
  71. Why are doctors afraid of the outdoors?… Too much poison IV.
  72. My dear old grandmother always used to say the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach…. That’s why she lost her job as a cardiac surgeon. (Labor Day Jokes & Doctor Jokes)
  73. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good doctor knock knock jokes? (June Jokes & Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  74. What does a doctor normally say to skateboarders?… You’re sick. (Doctor Jokes)
  75. Don’t fall off a skateboard with a guitar… You could break your neck. (Guitar Jokes & Doctor Jokes)
  76. Did you hear about the skater who broke his elbow?… It was rather humerus. (Skateboarding Jokes)
  77. When asked how he was feeling, what did the pumpkin say?… I’m vine, thanks for asking.
  78. My best friend busted his knee while skateboarding…. That must have hurt wheel bad. (Skateboarding Jokes)
  79. When asked how he was feeling, what did the grape say?… I’m vine, thanks for asking.
  80. What’s the problem eating too much pumpkin pie this time of year?… You’ll get autumn’y ache.
  81. In a farmers market, Farmer A sells pumpkins, Farmer B sells strawberries, what does Farmer C sell?… Medicine. (Pumpkin Jokes & Farming Jokes)
  82. My best friend says I can’t go skateboarding with a broken bone…. But I’m going out on a limb and do it anyway. (Tree Jokes & Skateboarding Jokes)
  83. What’s green and hangs from trees?… Giraffe snot. (Giraffe Jokes)
  84. What does a doctor normally say to snowboarders?… You’re sick. (Doctor Jokes)
  86. Who do Clones visit when they’re sick?… Well it’s Anadin Skywalker if they have a headache …… and Commander Codeine if it’s a tickly cough. (May the 4th Be With You Jokes)
  87. Did you hear about the hockey player who became a surgeon?… He specialized in bury-hat-trick surgery. (Hockey Jokes)
  89. A patient arrived at the ER via an ambulance with minor burns on his legs. His shoes and the bottoms of his jeans are charred. The doctor asks what happened, and the patient says he was trying to use a propane-powered weed burner in his yard, and things go out of hand. The doctor noted his breath reeked of alcohol and asked him if he had been drinking. The patient adamantly says no. The doctor couldn’t resist a setup like this and looked the man directly in the eye and said, “liar, liar, pants on fire.” Everyone had a good laugh, except the patient, who was so drunk it went over his head.
  90. Where does the Cat in the Hat go when he’s sick?… To Dr. Seuss. (Cat Jokes & Doctor Jokes)
  91. I saw a picture online that had Dre, Seuss, and House cropped into the background… Clearly it had been doctored. (Dr. Seuss Jokes)
  92. What do you call a Dr. Seuss character with a medical degree?… Doctor Who. (Dr. Seuss Jokes)
  93. What do you call someone with a cold on Valentine’s Day?… Lovesick. (Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  94. What do you call it when someone spreads germs all over your pizza?… Little Sneezers. (Pizza Jokes)
  95. Robin Hood went to see a doctor… he was diagnosed with Menintightis. (Robin Hood Jokes)
  96. I had an injection to prevent me from becoming Robin Hood… Yeah, it was the MenInTightus shot. (Robin Hood Jokes)
  97. Never make doctors appointments with a croissant… They’ll always flake out on you! (Croissant Jokes)
  98. Why is coronavirus like Groundhog Day?… If you stick your head outside and encounter another person, you get 6 more weeks of quarantine. (Ground Hog Day Jokes)
  99. Told the doctor I had a mince pie growing out of my head. He said he had some cream for it. (Pie Jokes)
  100. What does Winnie the Pooh say when he sneezes?… Ahh-ahh-POOH!! (Winnie the Pooh Jokes)
  101. Why did the snowman go to the doctor?… He had the chills! (Snowman Jokes)
  102. The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn. I asked him, “Pasteurized?” He said, “No, just up to your neck.” (Milk Jokes & Sun Jokes)
  103. After returning from the eye doctor, my dad started chugging milk straight from the carton. When asked why, he said, “The doctor told me I don’t need glasses.” (Milk Jokes)
  104. A man goes to the doctor with a carrot sticking out of his ear.. a banana in his other ear, spaghetti on his head and a sausage sticking out of his nose. He says “Doctor, I’m not feeling very well”. Doctor replies “Hmmm, I don’t think you’re eating properly.” (Spaghetti Jokes)
  105. What vaccination does Santa Claus get on Christmas Eve?… Shingles. (Christmas Eve Jokes)
  106. Why wouldn’t Santa ride his sleigh on Christmas Eve?… For elf and safety concerns. (Christmas Eve Jokes & Elf Jokes)
  108. How do you know when a nurse is having a bad day?… She won’t stop needling people.
  109. Why does the infectious disease ward at the hospital have the fastest Wi-Fi?… Because it has all the hot spots. (Computer Jokes)
  110. Why did Mr. Peanut go to the hospital?… Because he was a-salted. (Peanut Jokes)
  111. A priest, rabbi, and minister all had to go to the hospital. Turns out, they got alcohol poisoning from going to the bar so much. (Beer Jokes)
  112. Nurse: “Anything else I can get you?” Patient: “A million dollars!”
  113. What inspires a nurse to move at the speed of light?… A bed alarm or fresh coffee in the break room. (Coffee Jokes)
  114. Nurse: My best friend’s name is Pam. She’s pretty low-key and great to be around. She goes by Loraze Pam, Diaze Pam, or Clonaze Pam.
  115. Nurse: You know you’re getting hangry when your patient’s meal tray starts to look appetizing.
  116. My younger brother made so many rash decisions he decided to become a dermatologist.
  117. Never try lying to an X-ray technician… They can see right through you.
  118. Organ coordinator: Here’s our list of donor lungs, hearts, and kidneys in alphabetical order. Transplant surgeon: Impressive! It’s very organ-ized.
  119. Did you hear about the two podiatrists who left the practice?… They became arch enemies.
  120. Insuree: What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine? Insurer: You’ll need to find alternative forms of payment.
  121. Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates. One doctor steps forward and tells St. Peter, “As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of children.” St. Peter opens the gates and lets him in. The next doctor says, “As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives.” St. Peter nods in approval and lets him in. The last man says, “I was an HMO manager. I helped hundreds of families get cost-effective health care.” St. Peter replies, “You may enter, but you’re only approved for a three-day stay.” (Cemetery Jokes)
  122. Acupuncture… What’s the point?
  123. When you get a bladder infection.. ur-ine trouble.
  124. I caught a cold riding on a carousel… I think there was something going around.
  125. PMS jokes aren’t funny—period.
  126. Smoking will kill you… Bacon will kill you… But, smoking bacon will cure it. (Bacon Jokes)
  127. I had a neck brace fitted years ago… I’ve never looked back since.
  128. Who’s idea was it to sing “Happy Birthday” while washing your hands?… Now every time I go to the bathroom, my kids expect me to walk out with a cake. (Birthday Jokes & Cake Jokes)
  129. I got really sick after drinking milk with cream… My stomach was churning for a while… but now I’m finally feeling butter. (Milk Jokes & Butter Jokes)
  130. Recent studies show patients who have a cold feel better on Saturdays and Sundays… Evidence points to a weekend immune system.
  131. Knock knock… Who’s there?… HIPAA… HIPAA who?… I can’t tell you that.
  132. What do you call a Hawaiian with a cold?… A Polysneezin. (Hawaii Jokes)
  133. On the first day of the deer hunting season, a hunter fell out of a deer stand and broke both his legs. “Why couldn’t this happen on my last day of hunting?!” the hunter cried to the doctor. “It did,” the doctor replied. (Hunting Jokes)
  134. What does Frosty the Snowman take when he gets sick?… A chill pill! (Frosty the Snowman Jokes)
  135. The nurse walked into the busy doctor’s office and said, “Doctor, the invisible man is here.” The doctor replied, “Sorry, I can’t see him.” (Halloween Jokes for Kids & Doctor Jokes)
  136. Did you hear about the hockey player who became a surgeon?… He specialized in bury-hat-trick surgery. (Hockey Jokes)
  137. Why do Doctors make the best Jedi?… Because a Jedi must have patience. (Star Wars Jokes)
  138. What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog. (Hot Dog Jokes)
  139. I ate too much cookie dough and got sick… It was an overdoughse. (Cookie Jokes)
  140. When Dr. Anthony Fauci plays baseball, what position is he?… Catcher, he can always wear a mask! (Baseball Jokes)
  141. With Coronavirus a big concern in 2020, what is the #1 side dish for Thanksgiving?…  Masked potatoes. (Thanksgiving Jokes)
  142. Where does the Easter Bunny study medicine? … John HOPkins. (Easter Jokes)
  143. What do you give a sick bird?… Tweetment. (Bird Jokes)
  144. Where does a canoe go when it’s sick?… To the DOCK! (Canoe Jokes for Kids & Doctor Jokes for Kids)
  145. Why did the leaf go to the doctor?… It was feeling green. (Earth Day & Tree Jokes)
  146. “I can’t be your Valentine for medical reasons.”…“Really?”… “Yeah, you make me sick!” (Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  147. Why did the cupcake go to the doctor’s office?… It was feeling crumby. (Cupcake Jokes)
  148. Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctors?… He was feeling crummy. (Christmas Jokes & Christmas Trivia)
  149. If an athlete gets athlete’s foot, what does an astronaut get?…Missile Toe! (Christmas Jokes / Christmas Trivia / Top 10 Sports Jokes)
  150. What do you call a person who is afraid of Santa Claus?… Claustrophobic. (Christmas Jokes & Christmas Trivia)
  151. My grandpa just walked into my room with a young guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast. I said, “Who is this guy?” Grandpa: “This is my hip replacement.” (Grandparent Jokes)
  152. I studied to become a doctor, but I didn’t have enough patients for the job. (Labor Jokes)
  153. What does a hammerhead shark call a headache?… A hammering head. (Shark Jokes)
  154. What do you call a dog with a fever?… A hot dog. (Hot Dog Jokes & Dog Jokes)
  155. What do you get when you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?… A rash of good luck on St. Patrick’s Day. (St. Patrick’s Day Jokes)
  156. When does a doctor get mad?… When he runs out of patients!
  157. Why did the pillow go to the doctor?… He was feeling all stuffed up!
  158. Why did the doctor lose his temper?… Because he didn’t have any patients!
  159. What do you call a dog with a fever?… A hot dog. (Hot Dog Jokes)
  160. Why did the Dalmatian go to the eye doctor?… He kept seeing spots! (Dog Jokes)
  161. Where does a boat go when it’s sick?… To the dock! (Summer Jokes for Kids)
  162. What do you get when you eat Christmas ornaments?…  Tinsel-itis! (Christmas Jokes & Christmas Tree Jokes)
  163. If Jake has 30 chocolate bars, and eats 25, what does he have? Diabetes….. Jake has diabetes… (Candy Jokes)
  164. John threw one watermelon at Tim, what does Tim have now?… A concussion. (Watermelon Jokes)
  165. What did on tonsil say to the other tonsil?… Get dressed up, the doctor is taking us out!
  166. Did you hear the one about the germ?… Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around.
  167. What kept Avogadro in bed for two months?… Moleonucleosis. (Mole Day Jokes)
  168. Why did the computer go to the doctors?… It had a virus.
  169. What falls but never gets hurt?… The rain! (Spring Jokes)
  170. Did you hear the news that a lot of applications just came in from people looking to pursue a career as the government’s top-ranking medical official?… Yes, there was a surge in general.
  171. Did you hear about the guy who had his entire left side cut off?… He’s all right now.
  172. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?… He was feeling really crummy!
  173. What is the only thing that can cure a sick do-nut?… An antidought! (Donut Jokes)
  174. Did you hear the news that a lot of applications just came in from people looking to pursue a career as the government’s top-ranking medical official?… Yes, there was a surge in general.
  175. What does a pig put on a cut?… Oinkment
  176. Why was Santa’s little helper sad?… He had low elf esteem! (Christmas Jokes & Christmas Trivia)
  177. Why did the donut go to the doctor?… Because it was feeling crummy! (Donut Jokes for Kids)
  178. What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?…I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it! (Doctor Jokes)
  179. What’s the opposite of coffee?… Sneezy. (Doctor Jokes)
  180. Friend: What are you going to give your little brother for Christmas this year? Other Friend: I haven’t decided yet. Friend: What did you give him last year? Other Friend: The measles. (Christmas Jokes)
  181. Why was the middle school textbook in the hospital?… Because it hurt his spine. (Middle School Jokes)
  182. Why did the bird go to the hospital?… It needed tweetment! (Bird Jokes & Doctor Jokes)
  183. Why did the donut go to the doctor?… Because it was feeling crummy! (Donut Jokes)
  184. Where can you find 100 doctors all at the same place on any given day?… A golf course! (Golf Jokes)