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January 11th is Milk Day. Click here for an explanation!

  1. Where do for Super Bowl quarterbacks go when they get old?… Out to pass-ture. (Cow Jokes & Super Bowl Jokes)
  2. What do you call milk that gets everything she wants?… Spoiled milk.
  3. The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn. I asked him, “Pasteurized?” He said, “No, just up to your neck.” (Doctor Jokes & Sun Jokes)
  4. What do you call a cow that doesn’t give milk?… A MILK DUD! (Candy Jokes & Cow Jokes)
  5. What’s the fastest liquid on earth?… Milk. It’s pasteurized before you can see it. (Track Jokes & Cow Jokes)
  6. Why don’t cows have any money?… Because farmers milk them dry. (Farming Jokes & Cow Jokes)
  7. I want to open a milk factory and name the company “Legend.” It’ll be “Legend-Dairy.” (Labor Day Jokes)
  8. What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk?… An udder failure.
  9. My friend got fired from his cow milking job because of his erratic behavior. He was a danger to himself and udders. (Labor Day Jokes)
  10. What did one dairy cow say to another?… Got milk? (Cow Jokes)
  11. Where do astronaut cows go to get milk?… The Milky Way! (Astronomy Jokes & Cow Jokes)
  12. ​If a cow doesn’t produce milk, it’s both an udder failure, and a milk dud.
  13. How did the dairy farmer locate his missing cow?… He tractor down. (Farming Jokes)
  14. Is it weird that a milk carton has a date and I don’t? (Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  15. What is a skeleton’s favorite drink?…Milk, it’s white and good for your bones. (Biology Jokes & Skeleton Jokes)
  16. Why did the cow cross the road?… To get to the udder side.
  17. What do you call a mother cow who has just given birth?… De-calfinated. (Coffee Jokes)
  18. After returning from the eye doctor, my dad started chugging milk straight from the carton. When asked why, he said, “The doctor told me I don’t need glasses.” (Doctor Jokes)
  19. I prefer to have my milk churned. It’s butter that way.
  20. What do you get from an Alaskan cow?… Ice Cream
  21. Cashier: Will you want the milk in a bag today sir? Customer: I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind.
  22. Where do milkshakes come from?… Nervous cows.
  23. How easy is it to milk a cow?… It’s a piece of steak.
  24. The udder day I drank milk. It was udderly delicious.
  25. A farmer walks up to his farmer neighbor with a jug of milk. The farmer says “I milked your cow.” The neighbor replies “I have a bull not a cow.”
  26. How did the cow soccer team win the game?… By milking the clock.
  27. Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs?… Because the cow has the utter. (Biology Jokes)
  28. I would tell you a milk joke, but it is whey too cheesy! (Cheese Jokes)
  29. How do you make a milkshake?… Give a cow a pogo stick.
  30. Where do Russians get their milk?… From Mos-cows (World Geography Jokes & Cow Jokes)
  31. What happened when the cow tried to jump the new barbed wire fence the farmer built?… Udder destruction.
  32. Some guy threw a gallon of milk at my head… How dairy!
  33. Why did the pirate want milk poured on him?… He was Captain Crunch! (Cereal Jokes)
  34. What kind of milk comes from a forgetful cow?… Milk of Amnesia.
  35. Why doesn’t Bernie Sanders like low-fat milk?… It’s the one percent.
  36. How did Reese eat her milk and cereal?… Witherspoon. (Cereal Jokes)
  37. What did mama cow say to baby cow?… It’s pasture bedtime. (Mom Jokes & Napping Jokes)
  38. Why did the cow have no toes?… Because he was lack toes intolerant. (Biology Jokes)
  39. What happened when the milk was too cold?… It got the milk shakes.
  40. What kind of milk do you find in the dessert?… Powdered milk.
  41. What does an invisible man drink?… Evaporated milk! (Funny Halloween Jokes)
  42. Did you hear about the breed of cows that are unable to stop laughing?… Apparently they are a laughing stock.
  43. What’s the hardest part when making skimmed milk?… Throwing the cow across the lake.
  44. Why is it called Almond Milk?… Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
  45. What do you get from pampered cows?… Spoiled milk.
  46. I got attacked by a man with cheese and a bit of milk… How dairy!!
  47. Why couldn’t the dairy farmer find his home?… He lost the whey!
  48. Studies show cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them. It’s a case of in one ear and out the udder.
  49. What’s the difference between my dad and the milk man… the milk man comes back with the stinking milk.
  50. What is the worst part of milking a cow?… The smell of the dairy air.
  51. What do you get when a cow doesn’t give anymore milk?… A milk dud.
  52. Where does a cow stop to drink?…  The milky way!
  53. What did they call Mickey after he had a milkshake?… Milky Mouse. (Disney Jokes)
  54. What kind of Bees make milk?… BooBees.
  55. How do you tell the difference between a bull and a milk cow?… It is either one or the udder.
  56. Where did cavemen get their milk?… From Wooly Cows.
  57. What kind of milk does a new age calf drink… Dairy free.
  58. What is the cow’s favorite candy bar?… Milky Way. (Candy Jokes & Cow Jokes)
  59. Do you know why the cow jumped over the moon?… The farmer had cold hands. (Full Moon Jokes)
  60. Why can’t Swiss cheese be part of a fat-free diet?… It’s made with hole milk.
  61. Why did the farmer only raise brown cows?… He loved chocolate milk!
  62. Where do you get milk from?… The Milky Way of course!
  63. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?… Milk and Quackers!
  64. “Son, what’re you drinking?” “Soy milk.” “Hola milk, soy es tu padre!”
  65. Why did the boy want a chocolate milk mustache?… To look like Super Mario.
  66. What is as big as a glass of milk but weighs nothing?… It’s shadow.
  67. Why didn’t the cows eat the lemon grass… It made sour milk.
  68. Why can’t dairy cows dance?… They have 2 left feet.
  69. What has one horn and gives milk?… A milk truck.
  70. What did the boy say when his brother stole his chocolate milk… How dairy.
  71. What do you call a gallon of milk that comes to life?… Frankenmilk.
  72. My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk… How dairy.
  73. A guy spills milk on a me I say ,”It’s OK we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one.”
  74. Why did the kitten drink all the milk?… Because kittens love milk!
  75. Once my dad left to get milk then I realized we own a cow.
  76. How did the cow basketball team win the game?… By milking the clock.

Cow Jokes

  1. What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and an upset cow?… An animal that’s in a baaaaaaaad moooooood. (Psychology Jokes)
  2. Why did the cow cross the road?… To get to the udder side.
  3. What do you call a cow you can’t see?… Camooflauged. (Veterans Day Jokes)
  4. How easy is it to milk a cow?… It’s a piece of steak.
  5. Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs?… Because the cow has the utter. (Biology Jokes)
  6. What do cows do while skiing?… Moo-Guls! (Skiing Jokes)
  7. How do you make a milkshake?… Give a cow a pogo stick.
  8. What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?… Bullogna
  9. What does a cow put on his french toast?… Moooolasses.
  10. What do you call an evil cow?… De-mooooon.
  11. Why was the cow so scared?… Because he was a cow-ard.
  12. What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?… A lawn moo-er.
  13. Where do cows go for lunch?… The calf-eteria.
  14. What do you call a cow that can cut the grass?… Mulan.
  15. Which job is a cow most suited for?… Baker. Because they’re making cow pies regularly. (Pi Day Jokes)
  16. “Where did the cows go last night”?…”To the mooon” (Full Moon Jokes)
  17. What do you call a cow with an assistant?… Moooooving up in the world.
  18. Why can’t a cow become a detective?… They refuse to go on Steakouts!
  19. How does a cow get to the mooooon?… It flies through udder space! (Astronomy Jokes)
  20. What happens when you talk to a cow?… It goes in one ear and out the udder! (Biology Jokes)
  21. What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?… Laughing stock.
  22. What is a cows favorite color?… Maroooooooon.
  23. What do you call a sleeping bull?… A bulldozer.
  24. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a dairy cow?… Peanut butter.
  25. What do u call a really strong cow?… Beefy.
  26. What do you get when you walk under a cow?… A pat on the head. (Biology Jokes)
  27. What are a cows favorite subjects in school?… Moosic, psycowolgy, cowculus (365 School Jokes)
  28. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?… Milk and Quackers!
  29. What do you call it when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence?… Udder-Catastrophe
  30. Where do you find the most cows?… Moo-York (Top Geography Jokes)
  31. What do cows get when they are sick?… Hay Fever
  32. Why does a milking stool have only three legs?… Because the cow has the udder.
  33. What do you call a sad cow?… Mooooved to tears.
  34. Did you hear that Chuck Norris is a matador?… He takes the bull by the horns.
  35. Where did the bull lose all his money?… At the Cowsino.
  36. What did the cow say to the lousy renter?… Moooooooooo your self out of here.
  37. How can you tell which cow is the best dancer?… Wait til one busts a moooooove.
  38. Why do cows wear bells?… Their horns don’t work.
  39. What kind of milk comes from a forgetful cow?… Milk of Amnesia (Psychology Jokes)
  40. What Is A Cows Favorite Type Of Math?… Moo-tiplication (Pi Day Jokes)
  41. Where do cows go when they want a night out?… To the moo-vies!
  42. What do you call a cow with a twitch?… Beef Jerky
  43. What was the bull doing in the pasture with his eyes closed?… Bull-dozin’
  44. What did the bored cow say when she got up in the morning?… “It’s just an udder day”
  45. How does a farmer count a herd of cows?… With a Cowculator! (Pi Day Jokes)
  46. Where do Russians get their milk?… From Mos-cows (World Geography Jokes)
  47. Did you hear about the snobby cow?… She thought she was a cutlet above the rest!
  48. What’s a cow’s favorite moosical note?… Beef-flat
  49. What did the cow say to the turtle?… Get a moove on.
  50. What do you call a cow that’s afraid of the dark?… A coward.
  51. Why are cows so soft?… Because they are made out of leather.
  52. What do cows wear in Hawaii?… Moo- moos (Top Geography Jokes)
  53. How does one cow talk to another?… Cow-munication.
  54. What do call a cow that has just had a calf?… Decalfenated (Coffee Jokes)
  55. Where do cows get their weapons?… Ar-moooo-ries. (Veterans Day Jokes)
  56. Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?…  Because her horn didn’t work
  57. Did you hear that NASA recently launched a bunch of Holsteins into low Earth orbit?… They called it the Herd Shot ‘Round The World! (U.S. History Jokes)
  58. What do you call a cow that doesn’t give milk?… A MILK DUD! (Candy Jokes)
  59. What did the cow say when a person played the piano?… That’s good moooooosic.
  60. What do you call a cow that doesn’t give milk?… An udder failure.
  61. What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor?… Ground Beef
  62. Where do cows get together?… The meet market.
  63. What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?… a lawn moo-er.
  64. What do you call a cow with full armor?… Sir loin
  65. What do you call it when one bull spies on another bull?… A steak-out!
  66. What do you call a cow with no front legs?… Lean Beef
  67. What do you call a cow with no legs at all?… Ground beef
  68. What band is a cow favorite?… Moody Blues
  69. What do you call a grumpy cow?… Moo-dy
  70. Why is the barn so noisy?… Because all of the cows have horns.
  71. Where do cows like to ride on trains?…  In the cow-boose.
  72. What do cows get when they do all their chores?…  Mooooney.
  73. What did one dairy cow say to another?…  Got milk?
  74. How to you know that cows will be in heaven?…  It’s a place of udder delight.
  75. When is a farmer like a magician?…  When he turns his cow into pasture.
  76. Why is a barn so noisy?…  All the cows have horns.
  77. What do you get when you cross and smurf and a cow?…  Blue cheese!
  78. What did the secret agent cow say to the other cow?…  Are you udder cover?
  79. Why can’t the bankrupt cowboy complain?…  He’s got no beef.
  80. What animals do you bring to bed?…  Your calves.
  81. What happened to the lost cattle?…  Nobody’s herd.
  82. Where does a cow stop to drink?…  The milky way! (Astronomy Jokes)
  83. What do you get when you cross a cow and a lawnmower?…  A lawnmooer.
  84. How do you stop a bull from charging?…  Take away his credit card!
  85. Why don’t you tell a cow a secret?…  Because it goes in one ear and out the udder (Biology Jokes)
  86. What does an invisible man drink?…  Evaporated milk! (Halloween Jokes)
  87. Why does the cow bring toilet paper to the party?…Because he is a party pooper.
  88. What newspaper do cows read?… The Daily Moos.
  89. What do you find a gallery of cows?… The mooseum.
  90. What do you call I half a cow?… a calf.
  91. What was the first animal in space?…  The cow that jumped over the moon! (Full Moon Jokes)
  92. What is it when one cow spies on another cow?… A steak out. (Police Jokes)
  93. What happens when a cow laughs too hard?… It Cowlapses!
  94. What is the difference between a car and a bull?… A car only has one horn.
  95. What do you get when you give pasta to a cow?… Beefaroni.
  96. What did one cow say to the other?… Mooooooove over!
  97. What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?… A cow walking backwards!
  98. Where does a cow stay when it is on vacation?… A moo-tel!
  99. Why was the cow sad?… She was moody. (Top Psychology Jokes)
  100. What do cows read in the mornings?… The moospaper.
  101. What did the farmer say to the cow?… Produce some milk