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Top U.S. History Jokes & Constitution Jokes

  1. Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best jokes about the Constitution.
  2. Say what you want about the 1st amendment…
  3. Did you hear they passed a law banning ice cream?… Don’t worry, it was ruled un-cone-stitutional! (Ice Cream Jokes & Lawyer Jokes)
  4. How was George Washington able to be so healthy?… He had a strong constitution. (George Washington Jokes)
  5. I got caught with a copy of the Constitution… I swear I read it for the articles. (Constitution Jokes
  6. I’m not sure I can tell you word-for-word what the 2nd Amendment is… But I’ll take a shot at it!
  7. I went to the NRA and told them the 2nd amendment is worthless… They were triggered.
  8. How is a healthy person like the United States?… They both have good constitutions! (Doctor Jokes)
  9. “The Constitution says I have the right to bear arms,” I told the officer and he said, “Where’s the rest of the bear?” (Bear Jokes & Police Jokes)
  10. Why did Yogi like the second amendment?… Because he loved his bear arms. (Bear Jokes)
  11. Second Amendment If you are against the second amendment… you could get fired. (Labor Day Jokes)
  12. What’s a bird’s favorite amendment?… Freedom of SCREECH! (Bird Jokes)
  13. I can’t believe the girls at school can’t wear tank tops, it totally violates the second amendment… Don’t they have a right to bare arms? (Jokes for Teachers & High School Jokes)
  14. I’ve been told I have a Supreme Court figure… No appeal. (Lawyer Jokes)
  15. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about the Constitution? (Social Studies Jokes)
  16. What did the Constitution say to the interrogator?… “I was framed!”
  17. My wife and I hung a copy of the US Constitution in our house… We call it the decoration of independence.
  18. There’s an amendment in America for people to wear T-shirts… I call it “The Right To Bare Arms.”
  19. What’s the first amendment in Super Mario’s constitution?… Freedom of Peach. (Georgia Jokes)
  20. The gyms must remain open… The Constitution guarantees freedom of the press.
  21. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good Constitution knock-knock joke? (June Jokes)
  22. Between the First Amendment’s freedom of assembly and the Eighth Amendment’s no cruel and unusual punishment, the US Constitution is basically saying… “some assembly required, battery not included.”
  23. Why couldn’t Hillary Clinton keep up her US presidential campaign?… She was let down by a weak Constitution. (Election Jokes)
  24. Similarities and differences between the Canadian and Chinese constitution… Both have freedom of speech but only one has freedom after speech. (World Geography Jokes)
  25. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good Constitution knock knock jokes? (June Jokes Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  26. Why did the hunter cut off the grizzly bear’s arms?… Because according to the 2nd amendment…..the hunter has the right to bear arms. (Hunting Jokes & Bear Jokes)
  27. My wife’s dad just beat me in a race to read the entire constitution… I got quite far, but he’s farther in law.
  28. I’m glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms… Otherwise, I’d have been amputated at birth. (Baby Jokes)
  29. Americans love frozen fruit so much, they wrote it into the constitution… The 1st amendment is the right to freeze peach.
  30. Maybe if we all emailed the Constitution to each other… …the NSA will finally read it.   
  31. My son asked why i climbed above the constitution… I said that I wanted to be above the law  
  32. What dance was very popular in 1776?… Indepen-dance! (American Revolution Jokes & Music Jokes)
  33. What would you get if you crossed the American national bird with Snoopy?… A bald beagle! (Bird Jokes)
  34. What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character?… George Washingtoon!
  35. I received a letter the other day saying my tax return was ‘outstanding’. Although it’s lovely to receive such high praise from HMRC, to be honest I can’t even remember sending one in.
  36. If George Washington, Ben Franklin, James Madison and Alexander Hamilton play D&D, do they roll for constitution?
  37. My wife caught me looking at a copy of the Constitution yesterday. I said, “Honey, I’m only reading it for the Articles.”
  38. I can amputate grizzly limbs if I want to… The constitution gives me the right to bear arms.
  39. A sign says: move over for stationary emergency vehicles. Dad says: what constitutes a stationary emergency? I’m out of letterhead and all my pencils are broken.
  40. Someone should tell trump and his fellow Republicans that the constitution isn’t a bible… You can’t pick and choose which parts you want to obey.
  41. What are the first three words of the Constitution of the Vatican?… We the papal…
  42. Is it a coincidence that the 18th amendment of the US Constitution outlawed alcohol while the 21st made it legal again?
  43. With all the political debate raging in the U.S. right now, I thought it would be constructive to briefly review the first article in the Constitution It’s “the.”
  44. The United States would be a very weak country in Dungeons & Dragons… They only have 1 Constitution.
  45. Donald Trump tweeted the he wants to resign today. But it was a typo. He tweeted moments later he wants to re-sign the U.S Constitution with only his name on it.
  46. Gee I sure hope the rioters in DC don’t do anything to the IRS building… at 1111 Constitution Ave. NW, Washington, DC 20224.
  47. The Second Amendment of the Constitution affords me the right to wear short sleeve shirts to work… The right to bare arms.

American Revolution Jokes

  1. What dance was very popular in 1776?… Indepen-dance! & Music Jokes)
  2. What did one American flag say to the other flag?….. Nothing. It just waved! (Flag Day Jokes for Kids)
  3. Teacher: “More than 200 years ago, our forefathers defeated the British in the Revolutionary War.”… Student: “Wow! They must have been pretty strong, four men defeating a whole army!”
  4. What was the Patriots’ favorite food in the Revolutionary War? … Chicken Catch-a-Tory!
  5. Did you hear the joke about the Liberty Bell?… Yeah, it cracked me up!
  6. Teacher: “How did the Founding Fathers decide on our country’s flag?” Student: “I guess they took a flag poll!” (Flag Day Jokes)
  7. “Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?”… “On the bottom!”
  8. Father William, the old priest, made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names.  Father William jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states. One lad raised his hand and said, Yes sir, but in those days there were only 13 states. (4th of July Jokes)
  9. What did King George think of the American colonists?… He thought they were revolting!
  10. What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?… Liberty!
  11. Do they have a 4th of July in England?… Of course. That’s how they get from the 3rd to the 5th. (4th of July Quiz)
  12. What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?… The Americans licked the British.
  13. Where did General Washington put his armies?… In his sleevies!
  14. What is Uncle Sam’s favorite snack?Fire crackers.
  15. What ghost haunted King George III?… The spirit of ‘76!
  16. What was General Washington’s favorite tree?… The infan-tree.
  17. Why were the first Americans like ants?… They lived in colonies.
  18. What do you call an AWESOME American drawing by a child?… A Yankee Doodle Dandy!
  19. What did the colonists wear to the Boston Tea Party?…Tea-shirts.
  20. What would you get if you crossed the American national bird with Snoopy?… A bald beagle!. (Bird Jokes)
  21. What did George Washington say to his men before they crossed the Delaware?…”Get in the boat, men!”
  22. How did American colonists’ dogs protest against England?… The Boston Flea Party. (Dog Jokes)
  23. What has four legs, a shiny nose, and fought for England?… Rudolph the Redcoat Reindeer! (Christmas TriviaChristmas Jokes)
  24. What did a patriot put on his dry skin?… Revo-lotion!
  25. Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?… Because the horse was too heavy to carry!
  26. What’s red, white and blue?…Our flag, of course.And a sad candy cane! (Christmas Jokes)
  27. What’s the difference between a duck and George Washington?… One has a bill on his face; the other has his face on a bill!
  28. Why were the first Pennsylvania settlers like ants?… Because they lived in colonies. (Top 50 State Jokes)
  29. What did Paul Revere say at the end of his historic ride?… I’ve got to get a softer saddle!
  30. What famous pig signed the Declaration of Independence?… John Hamcock! (Pig Jokes)
  31. What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?… A fire cracker.
  32. What was Thomas Jefferson’s favorite dessert?… Monti jello.
  33. Did you hear about the artist in the Continental Army?… He was a Yankee doodler.
  34. Who was the biggest jokester in George Washington’s army?… Laughayette
  35. What’s red, white, black and blue?… Uncle Sam falling down the stairs.
  36. Teacher: “True or False? The Declaration of Independence was written in Philadelphia. Student: “False. It was written in ink.” (Teacher Jokes)
  37. What’s red, white, blue and green? A seasick Uncle Sam
  38. Why is the Liberty Bell like a dropped Easter egg?… They’re both cracked. (Top 10 Easter Jokes)
  39. What did Washington say as he crossed the Delaware?… ”Next time I’m going to reserve a seat!”
  40. What would you get if you crossed a colonial hairpiece with a teepee?… A powdered wigwam!
  41. What do you call an American revolutionary who draws cartoons?…Yankee Doodler.
  42. Great American Political Book Never Written: “How to Become President” by Paul O’Ticks. (Top Presidents’ Day Jokes)
  43. Father William, the old priest, made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names.  Father William jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states. One lad raised his hand and said, Yes sir, but in those days there were only 13 states.
  44. Teacher: “How did the Founding Fathers decide on our country’s flag?” Student: “I guess they took a flag poll!”
  45. What was the craziest battle of the Revolutionary War?… The Battle of Bonkers Hill.
  46. What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?… The Fodder of Our Country!
  47. My great-grandfather fought with Napoleon, my grandfather fought with the French and my father fought with the Americans…. Your relatives couldn’t get along with anyone, could they?
  48. Which colonists told the most jokes?… Punsylvanians!
  49. What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country?… Beneduck Arnold.
  50. Teacher: “Who wrote: Oh say, can you see?”
    Student: “An eye doctor?” (Top Teacher Jokes)
  51. What’s red, white, blue, and green?… A patriotic turtle!
  52. “My brother swallowed a box of firecrackers.” Friend: “Is he all right now?”…. “I don’t know. I haven’t heard the last report.”
  53. Why does Uncle Sam wear red, white and blue suspenders?… To hold up his pants.
  54. Food, Family, Fourth of july, and Fireworks. The four best F words ever!
  55. Which famous person do you get when you make a wreath out of $100 bills?… Aretha Franklin
  56. What did the little firecracker say to the big firecracker?… Hi, Pop!
  57. What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1772?… The Boston Flea Party.
  58. Why did the British soldiers wear red coat?… So they could hide in the tomatoes.
  59. What’s red, white, blue, and almost as ugly as a dog?… A revolutionary warthog!
  60. What’s red, white, blue, and green?… A patriotic pickle.
  61. What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?… Yankee Poodle
  62. British people say that we as Americans go overboard with the 4th of July.When really the only thing that went overboard was their tea.
  63. Who gave the liberty Bell to Philadelphia?… A duck family, Because it had a qwack in it!
  64. Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?… At the chopping mall.
  65. What’s big, cracked, and carries your luggage?… The Liberty Bellhop!
  66. What march would you play at a jungle parade?… “Tarzan Stripes Forever”!
  67. What is red, white, blue, and yellow?… A star-spangled banana.
  68. Why did George Washington chop down the cherry tree with his hatchet?… Because his mom wouldn’t let him use the chainsaw.
  69. The Fourth of July weekend was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. “We live in a great country,” she said. “One of the things we should be happy about is that, in this country, we are all free.” One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said. . . .“I’m not free. I’m four.”
  70. A little boy just couldn’t learn. One day his teacher asked him who signed the Declaration of Independence. He didn’t know. For almost a week she asked him the same question every day, but still he couldn’t come up with the right answer. Finally, in desperation, she called the boy’s father to her office. “Your boy won’t tell me who signed the Declaration of Independence,” she complained. “Come here, son, and sit down,” the dad said to the boy. “Now if you signed that crazy thing, just admit it so we can get out of here!” (Top Teacher Jokes)
  71. What would you get if you crossed Washington’s home with nasty insects?… Mt. Vermin!
  72. What cat said, “The British are coming! The British are coming!”?… Paw Revere.
  73. What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with fireworks?… Dino-mite!
  74. Why did the British cross the Atlantic?… To get to the other tide!
  75. Teacher: “Which son of old Virginia wrote the Declaration of Independence?”
    Student: “I think it was Thomas Jeffer’s son.” (Top Teacher Jokes)
  76. What would you get if you crossed an idiot with Yankee Doodle?… Yankee Doofus!
  77. How is the American flag like Santa Claus?… They both hang out at the pole! (Christmas TriviaChristmas Jokes)
  78. Teacher: “What do you know that has stars and stripes?” Student: “A movie about a zebra!” (Top Teacher Jokes)
  79. What are the two main rules in the Army?… 1. The commanding officer is always right. 2. If the commanding officer is not right, see #1
  80. “If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn’t have declared their independence from it.” Stephen Colbert

Presidents Jokes

  1. Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?…. Because he couldn’t lie. (George Washington Quotes)
  2. Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?… After a while, he took it for Grant-ed! (Civil War Jokes)
  3. How did George Washington speak to his army?…. In general terms. (George Washington Quotes)
  4. Why is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone?…They’re both on the (s)cent! (Dog Jokes & (Civil War Jokes)
  5. What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger?…. Babe Lincoln. (Baseball Jokes)
  6. What do you call George Washington’s false teeth?… Presidentures! (Dentist Jokes)
  7. Teacher: “John, do you know Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address?” Student: “No, Miss Frump. I thought he lived in Washington!”
  8. What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?… Abraham Stinkin.
  9. What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president?…. Ape Lincoln!
  10. Why was Abraham Lincoln barn in a log cabin?… Because it was too cold to be born outside!
  11. Why did Abe Lincoln grow a beard?… He wanted to look like that guy on the five-dollar bill.
  12. Why did Lincoln wear a tall, black hat?… To keep his head warm! (Hat Jokes)
  13. Why did they call Lincoln “Honest Abe”?… Because that’s what it said on all his campaign buttons.
  14. Was General Washington a handsome man?… Yes, he was George-eous!!