(George Washington Jokes)

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Presidents’ Day Jokes

  1. Why couldn’t George Washington fall asleep?… He could not lie.
  2. Where did George Washington get his hatchet?… From a chopping mall.
  3. Father: “How did you do in your tests?” Son: “I did what George Washington did!”Father: “What was that?”Son: “Went down in history!”
  4. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… July?… July who?… July you will not be like George Washington. (American Revolution Knock Knock Jokes & July Knock Knock Jokes)
  5. How did George Washington speak to his army?… In general terms!
  6. What is the difference between George Washington and Richard Nixon?Washington couldn’t tell a lie, Nixon couldn’t tell the truth.
  7. What would you get if you crossed a whale with the first US president?… Large Washington!
  8. In what way was- George Washington like a monster?… In no way, thankfully!
  9. What might an older candidate need if elected?… Presidentures! (Dentist Jokes Presidents’ Day Jokes)
  10. If George Washington were alive today, why couldn’t he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac?… Because a dollar doesn’t go as far as it used to.
  11. Why do Americans choose just 2 people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
  12. Which one of Washington’s officer’s had the best sense of humor?… Laughafayette.
  13. What do you call George Washington’s false teeth?… Presidentures.
  14. Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?…. Because he couldn’t lie.
  15. Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?… After a while, he took it for Grant-ed!
  16. How did George Washington speak to his army?…. In general terms
  17. What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character?… George Washingtoon!
  18. Why is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone?…They’re both on the (s)cent!
  19. What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger?…. Babe Lincoln
  20. What did Americans do because of the Stamp Act? They licked the British.
  21. Where did George Washington buy his hatchet? At the chopping mall
  22. How many presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb?… None. They’re supposed to keep the President in the dark.
  23. What do you call George Washington’s false teeth?… Presidentures!
  24. Teacher: “John, do you know Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address?” Student: “No, Miss Frump. I thought he lived in Washington!”
  25. What was the most popular dance in 1776? Indepen-dance.
  26. The teacher asked little Johhny, “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him?” Little Johnny replied, “Because he still had the axe in his hand.”
  27. What does the Statue of Liberty stand for? It can’t sit down.
  28. Did you hear the one about the crooked George Washington? He committed Valley Forgery.
  29. How did Richard Nixon sleep in the White House? First he lied on one side, then he lied on the other. What would George Washington be if he were alive today? Really, really, really old. Why did Barack Obama bulldoze the Rose Garden? He didn’t want any Bushes at the White House.
  30. Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable?… Barackoli!
  31. What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?… Abraham Stinkin.
  32. What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president?…. Ape Lincoln!
  33. Why was Abraham Lincoln barn in a log cabin?… Because it was too cold to be born outside!
  34. Why did Abe Lincoln grow a beard?… He wanted to look like that guy on the five-dollar bill.
  35. Why did Lincoln wear a tall, black hat?… To keep his head warm!
  36. Why did they call Lincoln “Honest Abe”?… Because that’s what it said on all his campaign buttons.
  37. Was General Washington a handsome man?… Yes, he was George-eous!!