Covid Jokes

by | May 31, 2021 | Education, Latest News

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(Covid Jokes)

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  1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Covid jokes.
  2. I know a great joke about Corona Virus… you probably won’t get it though.
  3. Why are locksmiths allowed to remain open during Covid?… They are key workers. (Labor Day Jokes)
  4. They said that a mask and gloves were enough to go to the supermarket. They lied… everyone else has clothes on.
  5. What should you do if you don’t understand a coronavirus joke?… Be patient. (Doctor Jokes)
  6. Knock-Knock!… Go home, you’re supposed to be social distancing.
  7. Who’s idea was it to sing “Happy Birthday” while washing your hands?… Now every time I go to the bathroom, my kids expect me to walk out with a cake. (Birthday Jokes / Covid Jokes / Cake Jokes)
  8. Eminem was the first celebrity to be diagnosed with Coronavirus. In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. He presented with vomit on his sweater already. Initial testing has revealed it was mom’s spaghetti. (Music Jokes)
  9. Has anyone else’s gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?… I planted myself on my couch at the beginning of March 2020 and I’ve grown significantly since. (Flower Jokes & Covid Jokes)
  10. Thinking a mask is going to stop Covid-19 is the same as thinking that your underpants will protect everyone from a fart.
  11. Two grandmothers were bragging about their precious darlings. One of them says to the other, “Mine are so good at social distancing, they won’t even call me.” (Grandparent Jokes)
  12. The World Health Organization announced that dogs cannot contract COVID-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear… WHO let the dogs out. (Dog Jokes)
  13. Memorial Day 2020: Not a single person at those Memorial Day swim parties in Missouri was social distancing. They were packed in there, shoulder-to-shoulder, splashing around, making a… …second wave pool. (Covid Jokes & Swimming Jokes)
  14. I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch them with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!
  15. During 2020 & 2021 with Covid, what happened when the smog lifted over Los Angeles?… UCLA. (California Jokes)
  16. If coronavirus isn’t about beer… why do I keep seeing cases of it? (Beer Jokes)
  17. When I went to get my Covid vaccinations the young nurse told me they were very nervous as it was their first time… I told them to give it their best shot. (Nurse Jokes)
  18. If I get quarantined for two weeks with my wife and I die… I can assure you it was not the virus that killed me. (Marriage Jokes)
  19. Ran out of toilet paper and started using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen. (Lettuce Jokes)
  20. I would make a COVID-19 joke… but it would be tasteless.
  21. Army soldiers can’t comprehend the 6-foot social distancing requirement… But everyone in the Navy can fathom it. (Army Jokes & Covid Jokes)
  22. Wow, it’s August 2020? This year flu by………………………. (August Jokes)
  23. The taco chef hasn’t turned up to work for a week…. He has a bad queso Covid. (Labor Day Jokes & Taco Jokes)
  24. I just heard that the government has made an amendment during lockdown to allow Father Christmas out… It’s called the Santa Clause. (Covid Jokes / Christmas Jokes / Lawyer Jokes)
  25. How do aliens get vaccinated?… With a Space Needle. (Washington Jokes)
  26. You know what they’re saying about 2020… It went viral faster than anyone thought it would.
  27. So many coronavirus jokes out there… it’s a pundemic.
  28. My mom always told me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by lying in bed all day. But look at me now, ma! I’m saving the world! (Mom Jokes)
  29. With Coronavirus a big concern in 2020, what is the #1 side dish for Thanksgiving?…  Masked potatoes. (Thanksgiving Jokes & Doctor Jokes)
  30. I went to the chemist today and asked the assistant “what kills the Corona Virus?” She replied to me “Ammonia Cleaner” I said “Oh, I am sorry, I thought you worked here.” (Chemistry Jokes)
  31. If there’s a baby boom nine months from now, what will happen in 2033?… There will be a whole bunch of quaranteens. (Baby Jokes)
  32. Finland just closed its borders. You know what that means… No one will be crossing the finish line. (World Geography Jokes)
  33. I ran out of toilet paper and had to start using old newspapers… Times are rough.
  34. Cinco de Mayo was cancelled in 2020, so… hold de Mayo! (Cinco De Mayo Jokes)
  35. What types of jokes are allowed during quarantine?… Inside jokes!
  36. Arizona may be a COVID 19 hot spot… …but at least it’s a dry cough. (Arizona Jokes)
  37. Summer 2020: My dad said everything would be back to normal by June… So I told him yesterday “Julyed!” (Dad Jokes & June Jokes)
  38. Would you ever play on an anti-vax basketball team even though you are vaccinated?…. I sure would. They never take any shots. (World’s Best Basketball Jokes)
  39. Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees. Bad idea… Heinz-Sight 2020. (Ketchup Jokes)
  40. Nail salons, hair salons, waxing centers and tanning places are closed… It’s about to get ugly out there.
  41. Covid Lockdown: I’m not talking to myself… I’m having a parent-teacher conference. (365 Teacher Jokes)
  42. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe tell me how Covid-19 is contracted? (Canoe Jokes)
  43. You know what they say: feed a cold, starve a fever, drink a corona. (Beer Jokes)
  44. Whoever is in charge of rolling out the welcome mat for 2022, please, Please, PLEASE do a good job… the last two year’s the person failed. (New Year’s Eve Jokes)
  45. What did the barista call her face mask?… A coughy filter. (Coffee Jokes)
  46. 2020 has a new calendar out January February Lockdown December.
  47. The grocery stores in France look like tornadoes hit them… All that’s left is de brie. (Cheese Jokes)
  48. Day 121 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture!” (Dog Jokes)
  49. Why is coronavirus like Groundhog Day?… If you stick your head outside and encounter another person, you get 6 more weeks of quarantine. (Doctor Jokes & Ground Hog Day Jokes)
  50. It’s only a matter of time before the Pi-variant of the Coronavirus is discovered now… We’ll have come full circle then. (Pie Jokes)
  51. A man walks into a bar and orders a Corona and two hurricanes… The bartender says that’ll be $20.20. (Covid Jokes & Beer Jokes)
  52. Which baseball player is least likely to catch COVID-19?… A catcher, he always wears a mask! (Baseball Jokes)
  53. Going to ask my mom if the offer to slap me into next year still stands. (Mom Jokes)
  54. January 8th Christmas was unlike any other during Covid. My gifts were delivered on January 8 instead of December 25. Santa was asked to quarantine for 14 days. (Covid Jokes)
  55. 30 days hath September, April, June, and November, all the rest have 31, except for March which was infinite.
  56. My local pizza place is struggling to stay afloat…They really knead the dough! (Pizza Jokes & Labor Day Jokes)
  57. The anti-vax basketball team lost every game this season…. Apparently they never take any shots. (World’s Best Basketball Jokes)
  58. Yesterday I ran out of soap and body wash and all I could find was dish detergent…Then it Dawned on me. (Sun Jokes)
  59. What’s the best part of teaching your children at home?… You can’t be fired for drinking on the job. (365 Teacher Jokes)
  60. Two grandmothers were bragging about their precious darlings. One of them says to the other, “Mine are so good at social distancing, they won’t even call me.” (Grandparent Jokes)
  61. Being quarantined with a talkative child is like having an insane parrot glued to your shoulder. (Bird Jokes)
  62. I was tired of quarantine so I decided to go out and start skateboarding… Now I’m totally sick, bro! (Skateboarding Jokes)
  63. Why is the basketball arena hot during the 2021 NCAA basketball tournament?… No fans. (March Madness Jokes)
  64. Class of 2020: When my future children ask me about my high school graduation… And how I answer: “The graduation was great! But the reception was terrible.” (Graduation Jokes & High School Graduation Jokes)
  65. Why don’t chefs find coronavirus jokes funny?… They’re in bad taste.
  67. This year will be the first Cinco de Mayo in a long time … When Americans try to avoid getting a case of Corona. (Covid Jokes & Beer Jokes)
  68. Summer 2020: I was 25 when 2020 started… It’s June and I’m 52. (June Jokes)
  69. I’ll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it.
  70. Did you hear the joke about the germ?… Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around.
  71. What does eating raw garlic have to do with preventing COVID-19?… It helps keep everyone at a safe distance.
  72. What do you call panic-buying of sausage and cheese in Germany?… The wurst-kase scenario. (World Geography Jokes)
  73. Before Corona Virus I used to cough to cover a fart, now I fart to cover a cough.
  74. My husband purchased a world map and then gave me a dart and said, “Throw this and wherever it lands—that’s where I’m taking you when this pandemic ends.” Turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge.
  75. After years of wanting to thoroughly clean my house but lacking the time, this week I discovered that wasn’t the reason.
  76. During the pandemic, it’s important to take after NASA… Give people space. (Astronaut Jokes)
  77. Why didn’t the sick guy get the joke?… It flu over his head.
  78. Since everybody has now started washing their hands… the peanuts at the bar have lost their taste. (Peanut Jokes)
  79. Thanks to COVID-19, this is the first year I’ve not been able to run a marathon owing to lockdown… Every other year it’s been because I’m overweight, can’t run, and am too lazy to even try. (Marathon Jokes)
  80. Prince Charles is actually happy about getting COVID-19… Now he doesn’t have to worry if he will experience coronation. (Top 50 Coronation Jokes)
  81. As the virus crisis rages on in Italy, many Italians are considering reverting back to monarchy… It should be quite easy, seeing as they already have a coronation. (World Geography Jokes)
  82. What do all virus jokes have in common?… They’re catchy. (Doctor Jokes)
  83. They said you had to wear a mask at the grocery store… They should have mentioned clothes, too
  84. Quarantine has really put a damper on comedy… For months nobody has walked into a bar.
  85. With all this talk of Corona Virus, the people who make sanitizing gel are rubbing their hands together.
  86. Why hasn’t anyone in Antarctica contracted COVID-19?… They’re so ice-o-lated.
  87. What did the astronauts say to NASA when they notified them that their mission was complete and they could return to earth?… Thanks, but no thanks! (Astronaut Jokes)
  88. Prince Charles contracts Corona Virus… All part of the coronation process. (Top 50 Coronation Jokes)
  89. What did the sick parent make their kids for lunch?… Mac and sneeze.
  90. Did you hear about Six Flags new roller coaster?… They are calling it 2020. (Flag Day Jokes)
  91. If I keep stress-eating at this level, the buttons on my shirt will start socially distancing from each other.
  92. What happens when a prince get coronavirus?… A coronation. (Top 50 Coronation Jokes)
  93. Knock-knock!… Who is there?… Seriously, don’t touch my door and step back 6 feet.
  94. What goes great with Corona?… Lyme disease. (Doctor Jokes & Beer Jokes)
  95. Where do sick boats go to get healthy?… The dock! (Doctor Jokes)
  96. What’s the difference between the Alpha and Delta variant?… I don’t know; it’s all Greek to me.
  97. Have scientists determined why cats can catch COVID?… It’s still a meow-stery. (Cat Jokes)
  98. Did you hear that vaccinations are controversial in some communities?… It’s a real sticking point.
  99. What’s the difference between working from home and working in an office?… COVID.
  100. What do you call grabbing your packages from the front porch?… The day’s outdoor activities.
  101. What’s the worst part of homeschooling?… You can’t transfer students out of your class. (365 Teacher Jokes)
  102. Why do they call it the novel coronavirus?… It’s a long story….
  103. How did the health experts lie?… They said a mask and gloves was enough to go to the grocery store. When I got there, everyone else had clothes on.
  104. How do you know if a penguin has Covid?… It has to ice-olate. (Penguin Jokes)
  105. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about Covid?
  106. The taco chef hasn’t turned up to work for a week…. He has a bad queso the flu. (Labor Day Jokes)
  107. A man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says “I’ll have a Corona please, hold the virus”
  108. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good Covid knock-knock joke?
  109. January 8th Christmas gifts will be delivered on January 8 this year instead of December 25 Santa has been asked to quarantine for 14 days. (January Jokes)
  110. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good Covid knock knock jokes? (June Jokes & Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  111. Why did the chicken cross the road?… Because the chicken behind it didn’t know how to socially distance properly.
  112. Class of 2020: When my future children ask me about my middle school graduation… And how I answer: “The graduation was great! But the reception was terrible.”
  113. This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog — we laughed a lot.
  114. I’ve gained so much weight during lockdown my bathroom scale is telling me that it can only weigh one person at a time.
  115. How do you socially distance while around family?… A high-fiber diet.
  116. I thought you had to wear a mask when entering businesses… They kept yelling at me to put on some pants.
  117. Nothing like relaxing on the couch after a long day of being tense on the couch.
  118. Since we’re all in quarantine I guess we’ll be making only inside jokes from now on.
  119. Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
  120. Class of 2020: When my future children ask me about my college graduation… And how I answer: “The graduation was great! But the reception was terrible.”
  121. What’s the difference between COVID and politics?… Politics doesn’t end after two weeks.
  122. What did the single guy say to the single woman during lockdown?… “If COVID doesn’t take you out, can I?”
  123. What do you call staging a beer in every room of the house?… A pub crawl.
  124. What do you call someone whose life didn’t change after quarantine?… An introvert.