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Top 10 January Jokes

  1. January 1st: Top 10 New Year’s Day Jokes: What comes at the start of January?… “J.” (New Year’s Day Jokes & Grammar Jokes)
  2. Don’t June know it’s December? (August Jokes)
  3. Don’t June know it’s August?… I can’t December. (December Jokes)
  4. What was the first thing said on January 1, 2021… Hindsight is 2020. (New Year’s Day Jokes)
  5. What do you say on 1st of January?… Oh, 2020 just seems like yesterday! (New Year’s Day Jokes)
  6. January 4th: National Spaghetti Day Jokes Top 10 Spaghetti Jokes What do you call something that tastes like pasta, looks like pasta but isn’t pasta?… An impasta! (Pasta Jokes)
  7. January 5th: National Bird Day Top 10 Bird Jokes: What’s a good winter tip?… Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter. (Winter Jokes for Kids & Bird Jokes)
  8. January 5th: I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th… Because I know how to reduce fractions unlike the rest of you morons. (Math Jokes for Teachers)
  9. When it gets to January, I’m going to overthrow the Government!… It’ll be my New Year’s Revolution. (New Year’s Day Jokes)
  10. What does a ghost say on Jan. 1?… Happy Boo Year! (Ghost Jokes & New Year’s Day Jokes)
  11. If January threw a parade would February March?… No but April May! (Top 10 Jokes for Each Month)
  12. Student: Can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: It’s may. Student: No, it’s January! (Teacher Jokes / January Jokes for Teachers / Grammar Jokes)
  13. Finally got round to booking my laser eye surgery for the 1st January… Can’t wait to have 2020 vision.
  14. January 11th National Milk Day: Top 10 Milk JokesWhat do you call a cow that doesn’t give milk?… A MILK DUD! (Candy Jokes & Cow Jokes)
  15. On January 13, 2018, everyone in Hawaii was mad about the malfunction of the early warning system, the fools… Hawaii IS the early warning system… (Hawaii Jokes)
  16. Why shouldn’t you kiss anyone on January 1st?… Because it’s only the first date. (New Year’s Day Jokes)
  17. Me and my childhood crush are marrying next year… Hers is in January and mine in July! (Wedding Jokes & Top 10 Jokes for Each Month)
  18. 2020 has a new calendar out… January February Lockdown December!
  19. January 15th National Hat Day: Top 10 Hat Jokes: Why are hat jokes the hardest to understand?… Because they always go right over your head!
  20. I’ve done a lot of stupid stuff in my life, but at least I’ve never signed up at the gym in January. (New Year’s Day Jokes)
  21. What’s the most common resolution for 2021?… To do all the things we said we’d do in 2020. (New Year’s Day Jokes)
  22. January 18th Winnie the Pooh Day: Top 10 Winnie the Pooh Jokes: What’s Winnie’s favorite bird?… Christopher Robin. (Bird Jokes)
  23. January 19th: National Popcorn Day Jokes: Popcorn Jokes: What do you call a really high ranking snack?… A popcorn colonel. (Memorial Day Jokes & Veterans Day Jokes & Popcorn Jokes)
  24. January 20th Inauguration Day: Top 10 Inauguration Jokes What’s Joe doing until January 20th?… BIDEN his time. (Inauguration Jokes)
  25. January 20th National Penguin Day: Why don’t you see any penguins in Britain?… Because they’re afraid of Wales! (World Geography Jokes)
  26. This January I will only be watching videos on 1080p… It’s my new years resolution. (New Year’s Day Jokes & Computer Jokes)
  27. January 23rd National Pie Day: Top 10 Pie Jokes What snack did the teacher in Maine give her students on the last day of school?…  Whoopie Pi! (Jokes for the Last Day of School & Maine Jokes)
  28. January 24th: National Peanut Butter Day Jokes: Top 10 Peanut Butter Jokes Did you hear the joke about the peanut butter?…  I’m nut telling you. You might spread it!
  29. Why did the teacher put the new calendar in the freezer?… To start off the New Year in a cool way. (Top 10 Jokes for Each Month)
  30. What did the triple jumper say to the track & field team on January 1st?… Hoppy New Year (365 Sports Jokes & Track & Field Jokes)
  31. There’s a place where January comes after February and December comes before September… It’s the dictionary! (Top 10 Jokes for Each Month & Grammar Jokes)
  32. This Date in History: January 28, 1521. The Diet of Worms begins and lasts until people get tired of eating worms. (Worm Jokes & Social Studies Jokes)
  33. What do you call a New England male teacher who returns from Florida for Winter Vacation?… a “Tan” gent. (Math Jokes for Teachers & January Jokes for Teachers)
  34. A man walks up to the counter. “Two pairs of underwear please.” The man behind the counter looks at him in disbelief. “Only two pairs of underwear?” “Yup. I wear one while the other is in the wash.” The man behind the counter looks at him in disgust, then rings out his order. A second man walks in. “5 pairs of underwear please.” “Only 5 eh?” “Yeah, I wear one for every weekday, then go commando all the weekend.” The man behind the counter shakes his head. “Well, you’re better then the last guy!” A third man walks in. “7 pairs of underwear please.” “Finally, a man who knows hygiene!” “Yes, I do try. One for every day, and I do my laundry on Sunday.” At the end of the day, a fourth man walks into the underwear store. “12 pairs of underwear please.” “Wow! You must be really clean!” The man smiles. “Yup, that’s me! Err, hang on, let me see if I counted right. January, February, March, April…” (Top 10 Jokes for Each Month)
  35. What do a Christmas tree and Donald Trump have in common?… Both will be out in January. (Christmas Tree Jokes & Inauguration Jokes)
  36. What is a spectator’s favorite month?… “Fan” uary. (365 Sports Jokes )
  37. What is a beach bum’s favorite month?… “Tan” uary!(Summer Jokes)
  38. What song does a vampire sing on New Year’s Eve?… Auld FANG Syne. (Vampire Jokes & Music Jokes)
  39. New Years Resolution Programmers are always grumpy on January 1st – they turn on their monitor and the screen has the same number of pixels even though they keep hearing about the New Year’s Resolution. (New Year’s Day Jokes & Computer Jokes)
  40. What do you tell someone you didn’t see at New Year’s Eve?… I haven’t seen you for a year! (New Year’s Day Jokes)
  41. What’s for breakfast on really cold days in January?… Frosted Snowflakes. (Cereal Jokes)
  42. Dry January is going really well. Even if everyone keeps saying that I need to shower.
  43. What’s Joe doing until January 20th?… BIDEN his time. (Inauguration Jokes)
  44. I am giving up drinking alcohol for the month of January. Edit: I am giving up. Drinking alcohol for the month of January.
  45. Where do you find Google in January?… In the winternet. (Computer Jokes & Winter Jokes)
  46. What can you catch in January with your eyes closed?… A cold. (Winter Jokes)
  47. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Icy… Icy, who?… Icy a January snow storm coming! (Winter Jokes)
  48. What do you call a temper tantrum that a snowman throws in January?… A meltdown. (Snowman Jokes)
  49. How was the snow globe feeling in January?… A little shaken! (Snow Jokes)
  50. What do you have in December that you don’t have in January?… The letter D. (Grammar Jokes)
  51. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about January? (Top 10 Jokes for Each Month)
  52. Which month does the Brady Bunch like most?… JAN-uary.
  53. What does the Easter Bunny say on New Year’s Day?…. Hoppy New Year! (Easter Jokes)
  54. What do you call always having a date for New Year’s Eve?… Social Security. (New Year’s Eve Jokes & Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  55. Are you ready for the most famous countdown of the whole world? New Years is coming! And 10, 9, 8, …. 3, 2, 1…. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! (Math Jokes for Teachers & New Year’s Eve Jokes)
  56. What comes at the end of January?… “Y.” (Grammar Jokes)
  57. What falls in the winter but never gets hurt?… Snow. (Snow Jokes)
  58. Where do snowmen keep their money?… In a snowbank. (Snowman Jokes)
  59. How does a penguin build a house?… Igloos it together. (Penguin Jokes)
  60. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?… Frostbite.
  61. What does Frosty the Snowman like to put on his icebergers?… Chilly sauce!
  62. I couldn’t wait until January 1st, 2021. That way I can say hindsight is really 20/20!
  63. Where do snowmen go to dance? .. To the snowball. (Snowman Jokes)
  64. What do you call a snowman in August?… A puddle. (Snowman Jokes)
  65. Who is Frosty the Snowman’s favorite aunt?… Aunt Arctica. (Geography Jokes for Kids)
  66. What did the snowman want to be when he grew up?… He wanted to break into snow business. (Snowman Jokes)
  67. How do you scare a snowman?… Point a hair dryer at him! (Snowman Jokes)
  68. What do mountains wear to keep warm?… Snowcaps. (Snowman Jokes)
  69. What is red, white, and blue over winter break?… A sad candy cane.
  70. Why did Frosty the Snowman have a carrot in his nose?… Because he forgot where the refrigerator was. (Snowman Jokes)
  71. My wife’s panties are labelled ‘Monday’, ‘Tuesday’, ‘Wednesday’ … My underwear is labelled ‘January’, February’, ‘March’… (Top 10 Jokes for Each Month)
  72. What is an angry polar bear’s favorite food?… A “brrr” “grrr”! (Bear Jokes & Hamburger Jokes)
  73. Why don’t you see any penguins in Britain?… Because they’re afraid of Wales! (Penguin Jokes & World Geography Jokes)
  74. Why did the snowman go to the doctor?… He had the chills! (Snowman Jokes & Doctor Jokes)
  75. Johnson’s plan for Brexit in January leaked:… He’ll be on vacation in France. (Travel Blogs & World Geography Jokes)
  76. Yesterday my friends dropped by my place without warning for a cup of tea. The wife pulled me aside & said, “There’s no sugar in the house, how can I serve tea?” I winked at her & said, “Make tea without sugar for all, leave the rest to me.” As soon as the tea was served then i said to my guests, “Let’s play a game of chance. One cup of tea has no sugar, who ever gets it will take us all for dinner tonight.” The result? All guests claimed they had never tasted such sweet tea! January wisdom, thank me later. (Tea Jokes)
  77. I’m not saying 2020 has been a long year… But we just celebrated my son’s third birthday and he was born in January. (Birthday Jokes)
  78. A historian, a journalist, and a political scientist walk into a bar on January 23, 1993… [Citation Needed] (Grammar Jokes & Social Studies Jokes)
  79. When it gets to January, I’m going to overthrow the Government!… It’ll be my new year’s Revolution. (New Year’s Day Jokes & Social Studies Jokes)
  80. The date is January 31, 1990, and the Soviet Union has opened its first McDonalds… A KGB agent walks up to order and says, “One vodka, please.” The woman at the register looks and says, “Comrade, this is a McDonalds. We don’t serve vodka.” The KGB agent looks surprised and says, “Excuse my mistake, comrade. One McVodka, please.” (Fast Food Jokes & World Geography Jokes)
  81. On January 13, 2018, everyone in Hawaii was mad about the malfunction of the early warning system, the fools… Hawaii IS the early warning system… (Hawaii Jokes)
  82. This Date in History: January 28, 1521. The Diet of Worms begins and lasts until people get tired of eating worms. (Worm Jokes & Social Studies Jokes)
  83. A man gives his blind friend a cheese-grater A man gives his blind friend a cheese-grater for Christmas, meets him in January and asks if he liked his present. ‘No’, the friend replied, “I tried to read it but it was just too violent.” (Cheese Jokes)
  84. My Grandma and Grandad beat the Coronavirus…. My grandma died last year in January and my grandad died 4 years ago. (Grandparent Jokes)
  85. I don’t care if Caitlin Jenner identifies as a woman… but April identifying as January is crossing the line. (April Jokes)
  86. The weather in London is crazy right now. It’s the middle of January, but it feels like the end of May. (May Jokes & World Geography Jokes)
  87. Two Unix experts are talking about their age… – What is your date of birth? – 0 – Ohh, nice I was born in January too. (Computer Jokes)

(old) Spaghetti Jokes

  1. Where did the spaghetti go to dance?… The meat ball!
  2. Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?… He pasta way.
  3. What do Italians eat on halloween?… Fetuccini A-fraid-o (Top Halloween Jokes)
  4. What do you call a pasta that is sick?… Mac and sneeze. (Top Winter Jokes)
  5. What does Arnold Schwarzenegger say before eating pasta? PASTA LA VISTA BABY.
  6. What does an Irishman get after eating Italian lasagna?… Gaelic breath! (St. Patrick’s Day Jokes)
  7. What would you get if you crossed pasta with a snake?… Spaghetti that wraps itself around a fork
  8. What is the dress code at a pasta convention?… Bowtie
  9. My sister bet me a $1,000,000 that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta.

January 5th: National Bird Day Jokes Bird Jokes

  1. What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?… Owlgebra! (101 Pi Day Jokes & Algebra Jokes)
  2. What do you give a sick bird?… Tweetment.
  3. What do you call a chicken in the 1960’s?… A funky chicken. (Top U.S. History Jokes)
  4. Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?… So he could grade his eggs. (365 School Jokes)
  5. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?… Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be baygulls! (Top Geography Jokes)
  6. When should you buy a bird?… When it’s going cheep!
  7. What do you call a parrot that flew away?… A polygon! (101 Pi Day Jokes & Geometry Jokes)
  8. What do you call a sad bird?… A bluebird!
  9. What does a cat call a hummingbird?… Fast food. (Fast Food Jokes)
  10. Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?… He wanted to make a long distance caw.

January 11th: National Milk Day Jokes & Milk Jokes

  1. Why don’t cows have any money?… Because farmers milk them dry.
  2. What did mama cow say to baby cow?… It’s pasture bedtime. (Mother’s Day Jokes)
  3. Do you know why the cow jumped over the moon?… The farmer had cold hands. (Full Moon Jokes)
  4. Why did the cow cross the road?… To get to the udder side.
  5. How easy is it to milk a cow?… It’s a piece of steak.

January 15th: National Hat Day Jokes

  1. What did the hat say to the tie?… “You hang around here…I’ll go on a head.”
  2. “I just bought a new hat”… “Fedora?”… “No, for me.”
  3. I’m not saying that my friend doesn’t think deeply, but usually the only thing on his mind is his hat.
  4. Who wears the biggest hat in the army?… The one with the biggest head.
  5. A friend always wears a nun’s outfit and hat when he’s out. It’s just a habit that he has.
  6. Barbers. You have to take your hat off to them.
  7. What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?… Tyrannosaurus Tex.
  8. Spotted a chap playing tennis in a hat the other day. Think it was Roger Fedora. (Top Tennis Jokes)

January 18th: Winnie the Pooh Jokes

  1. What’s Winnie’s favorite bird?… Christopher Robin. (Bird Jokes)
  2. What did Winnie-the-Pooh say to Jerry Maguire?… “Show me the Honey!” (Bee Jokes)
  3. What does Winnie-the-Pooh and Jabba the Hutt have in common?… The same middle name. (Star Wars Jokes)
  4. What does Pooh wear to bed?… POOH-jamas
  5. What did Winnie-the-Pooh say when he was offered dessert?… “No thanks, I’m stuffed.”
  6. What does Pooh walk on?… His bear feet. (Walking Jokes)
  7. What do you get when you cross a Pooh with a honey jar?… A very sticky situation!
  8. What do you get if you steal Winnie-the-Pooh’s honey?… A nice clear table.
  9. What does Winnie-the-Pooh have in common with his pots of honey?… They are both round.
  10. Why is Pooh so sweet?… He eats lots of honey!

January 19th: National Popcorn Day Jokes & Popcorn Jokes

  1. Why aren’t there many jokes about popcorn?… Because they are corny.
  2. Did you hear about the popcorn that joined the army?… They made him a kernel. (Veterans’ Day Jokes)
  3. What did the baby corn say to momma corn?… Where is pop corn? (Mother’s Day Jokes & Father’s Day Jokes)
  4. How much do pirates charge for corn on the cob?… A buck-an-ear. (Top Pirate Jokes)
  5. What is a popcorn’s favorite type of music?… POP
  6. What do you call a popcorn’s favorite flower?… Poppies.
  7. Why is popcorn way better than a movie?… Because they are just so much butter.
  8. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Papa… Papa who?… Papapapapapapapa popcorn.
  9. What do you call a “corny” metal band?… PopKORN!
  10. Why didn’t the kernel leave the popper?… He was cornfused. (Top Psychology Jokes)

January 23rd: National Pie Day Jokes

  1. What’s the best thing to put into a pie?… Your teeth!
  2. Why did the pie go to a dentist?… Because he needed a filling!
  3. Where does Dorothy from OZ weigh a pie?… Somewhere over the rainbow, weigh-a-pie!
  4. What did the cherry say to the cherry pie?… “You’ve got some crust.”
  5. What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie?… Puff pastry
  6. Why did the pie cross the road?… She was meat an potato.
  7. What do you call a fantasy adventure movie about baked goods and a Bengal tiger?… Life of Pie.
  8. What is a ghost’s favorite dessert?… Boo-Berry pie with I-scream! (Halloween Jokes & Friday the 13th Jokes)
  9. What is a math teacher’s favorite dessert?… Pi! (Find a U.S. math teacher who tutors!)
  10. What is the ideal number of pieces to cut a pie into?… 3.14. (101 Pi Day Jokes)

January 24th: National Peanut Butter Day Jokes

  1. Where do peanut drivers go to fill their tanks?…  The Shell station!
  2. Did you hear the joke about the peanut butter?…  I’m nut telling you. You might spread it!
  3. Why did the swimmers put peanut butter into the sea?… To go with the jellyfish!
  4. Two peanuts were walking down a road… One was a salted (assaulted)
  5. What do you call a peanut in a spacesuit?…  An astro-nut!
  6. What kind of socks do you need to plant peanuts?…  Garden hose!
  7. Where did the peanuts go to have a few drinks?…  The Snack Bar!
  8. How do you catch an elephant?…  Hide in the grass and make a sound like a peanut!
  9. What did the peanut say to the elephant?…  Nothing, peanuts can’t talk.
  10. Why did the peanuts run across the busy road?…  Because they were nuts!

January 30th National Croissant Day

  1. Why are croissant jokes always funny?…… Because they never get mold!
  2. What did the bag of flour say to the croissant?…… “I saw you yeasterday”
  3. Why don’t croissants like warm weather?…… Things get Toasty! (Summer Jokes)
  4. Why do bakers give women on special occasions?…… Flours! (Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  5. What do the croissant say to the chicken?…… LETS GET BREADDDDYYY TO CRUMMBBLLEEEEE

New Years Eve One Liners

  1. A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
  2. May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions.