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Google Search “Army Jokes”

  1. Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?… Because freedom rings! (Memorial Day Knock Knock Jokes)
  2. I became a chef after I left the army… Some would say I am a seasoned veteran. (Labor Day Jokes & Veterans Day Jokes)
  3. Have you heard about the karate champion who joined the army?… The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself! (Veterans Day Jokes & Army Jokes)
  4. What month do all troops hate?… March.
  5. What did the commander say to his troops?… March 4th! (March Jokes & Veterans’ Day Jokes)
  6. How did George Washington speak to during his 1st presidential Inauguration?…. In general terms. (Veterans Day Jokes & Inauguration Jokes)
  7. Why was the sergeant mad when his son brought home a perfect score on his math test?… His son spent more time dividing than conquering.
  8. What’s the best job for babies in the Army?… The Infantry.
  9. Did you hear about the popcorn that joined the army?… They made him a kernel. (Veterans Day Jokes & Popcorn Jokes)
  10. What do you call a really high ranking snack?… A popcorn colonel. (Veterans Day Jokes & Popcorn Jokes)
  11. A small boy was staring at the names on the wall of an old church when the pastor noticed him. “What are you looking at?” asked the clergyman. “All those names. Who are they?” the boy asked. The pastor nodded, and said, “They are the reason we have Memorial Day. They are those who died in the service.” The little boy considered that, then asked quietly, “The 9 o’clock service or the 11 o’clock?” (Cemetery Jokes)
  12. My great-grandfather fought with Napoleon, my grandfather fought with the French and my father fought with the Americans…. Your relatives couldn’t get along with anyone, could they? (Grandparent Jokes)
  13. How is a bag of popcorn like an army?… It has lots of kernels. (Veterans Day Jokes & Popcorn Jokes)
  14. What is a cow’s favorite holiday?… Moomorial day. (Cow Jokes)
  15. What do you get when you drop a piano on an Army officer?… A flat major.
  16. An ice cream cone and a slice of cheesecake joined the army. They eventually abandoned their fellow soldiers. They are now wanted for dessertion.
  17. An octopus went off to war… It’s a good thing that he was well-armed. (Octopus Jokes & Veterans Day Jokes)
  18. A recruiter asks an octopus if he wants to join the Army… The octopus says no thanks I’m army enough as it is. (Octopus Jokes & Veterans Day Jokes)
  19. What are the two main rules in the Army?… 1. The commanding officer is always right. 2. If the commanding officer is not right, see #1.
  20. What do you call a high-ranking soldier who hates recycling?… General Waste.
  21. Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?… He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup! (Coffee Jokes)
  22. Soldiers in Heaven Little Jake asked his mother during the Memorial Day Parade: “Mamma, don’t soldiers ever go to heaven?” “Of course they do!” protested his mother. “What makes you ask?” “There are so many soldiers with beards but I never saw any pictures of angels with beards.” he replied The mother responded “Oh, that’s because most vets who go to Heaven get there by a close shave.” (Barber Jokes)
  23. Where did the General put his armies?… In his sleevies. (get it his sleeves)? (Biology Jokes)
  24. Did you hear about the tree who deserted the forest at the end of fall… He was absent without leaves! (Fall Jokes & Veterans’ Day Jokes)
  25. Why do volleyball player want to join the armed forces?… For the chance to gain some experience in the service. (Volleyball Jokes)
  26. What do you call someone who just got run over by a tank?… Crunchy.
  27. Did you hear about the karate master who joined the military? He saluted and nearly chopped off his own head. (Karate Jokes)
  28. What was General Washington’s favorite tree?…The infan-tree! (4th of July Jokes for Kids & Tree Jokes)
  29. Teacher: “More than 200 years ago, our forefathers defeated the British in the Revolutionary War.”… Student: “Wow! They must have been pretty strong, four men defeating a whole army!” (180 School Jokes & 4th of July Jokes for Kids)
  30. A Great American Book Never Written: “The Parts of the National Anthem” by Homer D. Brave. (Flag Day Jokes & Book Jokes)
  31. “When I was in the Army, I got both my arms shot off. I shouldered on, anyway.”
  32. The 2012 film Lincoln did well in theaters, historically this has not been true. (Civil War Jokes & Movie Jokes)
  33. What kind of tea did the American colonists want?… Liberty. (Tea Jokes & American Revolution Jokes)
  34. What was the most popular dance in 1776?… Indepen-dance. (American Revolution Jokes)
  35. The Memorial Day Weekend was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. “We live in a great country,” she said. “One of the things we should be happy about is that, in this country, we are all free.” One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said. . . .“I’m not free. I’m four.” (Elementary School Jokes)
  36. What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?…The Americans licked the British. (4th of July Jokes for Kids)
  37. What was the craziest battle of the Revolutionary War?…The Battle of Bonkers Hill. (4th of July Jokes for Kids)
  38. What did George Washington say to his men before they crossed the Delaware?…”Get in the boat, men!” (Top 50 State Jokes)
  39. Did you hear about the artist in the Continental Army?… He was a Yankee doodler. (Art Jokes)
  40. Who was the biggest jokester in George Washington’s army?… Laughayette.
  41. What was the name of the worm army?… The Apple Corps. (Worm Jokes & Apple Jokes
  42. What march would you play at a jungle parade?… “Tarzan Stripes Forever!” (Music Jokes & Tarzan Jokes)
  43. Who wins most of the medals for bravery in Burger Land?… The meatball heroes! (Meatball Jokes & Hamburger Jokes)
  44. Who won the zombie war?…Nobody, it was dead even. (Zombie Jokes)