More Grandparent Jokes…

  1. Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best grandparent jokes.
  2. Two grandmothers were bragging about their precious darlings. One of them says to the other, “Mine are so good at social distancing, they won’t even call me.”
  3. Alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there’s an increased chance that… …they will see you later! (Alligator Jokes Retirement Jokes)
  4. A grandson was visiting his grandfather at the nursing home. When the boy walked into the room, the grandfather smiled. The boy enthusiastically said, “Grandpa you have March Madness teeth! You are down to your Final Four!” (Final Four Jokes & World’s Best Basketball Jokes)
  5. My Papa was a World War II Navy veteran and he use to boast about how he saved 300+ sailors from dying from an excruciating death… He shot the cook. (Navy Jokes)
  6. What did grandpa say before he kicked the bucket?… “How far do you think I can kick the bucket?”
  7. My grandmother bakes cookies the fastest… It literally takes her nana-seconds. (Cookie Jokes)
  8. What do you call having your grandma on speed dial?… Instagram.
  9. Mom, what is it like to have the best child in the world?… I don’t know, go ask your grandparents. (Mom Jokes & Mother’s Day Jokes)
  10. Who will you call to bake the tastiest apple pies?… Granny Smith.
  11. My grandfather woke up just now… He is dreaming and muttering about how he wrote the Lord of The Rings trilogy. He’s Tolkien in his sleep. (101 Lord of the Rings Jokes)
  12. What one thing became more clear as you got older?… Why the Grinch wanted to live alone with his dog. (Grinch Jokes & Dog Jokes)
  13. My grandmother woke up just now… He is dreaming and muttering about how he wrote the Lord of The Rings trilogy. He’s Tolkien in his sleep. (101 Lord of the Rings Jokes)
  14. After 72 years since not completing her college course, my Grandma finally went back and earned her very first diploma……I asked her what will she be wearing for her graduation ceremony and she said depends. (Graduation Jokes)
  15. A grandfather who had serious hearing problems for a number of years went to the doctor to be fitted for a hearing aid that would return his hearing to 100%. The grandpa went back for further tests a month later and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.” To which the elderly man replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”
  16. A reporter was interviewing a 103 year-old great grandma “And what do you think is the best thing about being 103?” the reporter asked. She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
  17. What do Minions call their Grandmas?… Ba-Nanas.(Minion Jokes Banana Jokes)
  18. Why did grandma put wheels on her rocking chair?… She wanted to rock ‘n’ roll! (Music Jokes)
  19. What do you call a walking stick that makes grandma walk faster?… A hurricane. (Walking Jokes & Hurricane Jokes)
  20. Why do you have to take permission from grandpa to sell fish?… Because he is the cod-father.
  21. What was the reason for grandpa changing his major?… So that he could switch to Classics from Literature.
  22. Grandfather: Bet I can tell you the score before the game starts! Grandson: No Way! Grandfather: 0-0. (Final Four Jokes)
  23. Is There Baseball In Heaven? Two old men had been best friends for years, and they both live to their early 90’s, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they’re reminiscing about their long friendship, when the dying man’s friend asks, “Listen, when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there’s baseball in heaven.” The dying man said, “We’ve been friends for years, this I’ll do for you.” And then he dies. A couple days later, his surviving friend is sleeping when he hears his friend’s voice. The voice says, “I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there’s baseball in heaven.” “What’s the bad news?” “You’re pitching on Wednesday.” (Baseball Jokes)
  24. What do people call jokes when they get old?… A grandpa joke.
  25. What’s the difference between an all-you-can-eat restaurant and your grandma’s cooking?… At an all-you-can-eat restaurant, you decide when you’re full.
  26. What are the two things your grandpa doesn’t like about you as a little boy?… Number 1 you don’t want to sleep in the afternoon. Number 2, you won’t let him take a nap either. (Napping Jokes)
  27. I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, “Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!” (Crayon Jokes)
  28. What do people call grandfather clocks?… The old-timers.
  29. Why did grandpa spend only one hour with the grandchildren?… Because one hour with them and he felt like a young fellow, more than that he said he feels drastically old.
  30. I Went To a Cemetery Today With my grandparents. I have been before, and there are such beautiful flowers planted and some pretty hiking trails that go behind the cemetery. I was telling my grandparents about it, and my grandmother said in the most excited tone “I’m just dying to get in there!”
  31. What did grandpa say after reading ‘Karaoke Tonight’ at a restaurant? He just asked what sort of fish that was.
  32. My grandpa said he was built upside down… His nose runs and his feet smell. (Biology Jokes)
  33. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog’s duties. “They use him to keep crowds back,” said one child. “No,” said another. “He’s just for good luck.” A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrants.” (Dog Jokes & Fireman Jokes)
  34. If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?… Their AGE! (Thanksgiving Jokes)
  35. A boy, his dad and his grandpa all hear the same hilarious joke, laugh too hard and pee their pants… Guess you could say it runs in their jeans.
  36. Why are grandparents and grandchildren always close to each other?… They both have a common enemy at the home front who makes a fuss about eating sweets.
  37. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, “Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today.” The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. “That’s interesting.” she said… “How do you make babies?” “It’s simple,” replied the girl. “You just change ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add ‘es’.” (Jokes for Teachers)
  38. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, “Who was THAT?”
  39. Today I went to visit my dead grandparents but I accidentally visited the wrong tomb… It was a grave mistake. (Cemetery Jokes)
  40. Dad, what is it like to have the best child in the world?… I don’t know, go ask your grandparents. (Dad Jokes)
  41. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, “I’m not sure.” “Look in your underwear, Grandpa,” he advised “Mine says I’m 4 to 6.”
  42. Why do people give a shout-out to their grandpa on their birthdays?… Because that is the only way grandpa can hear them.
  43. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.” The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!” (Skating Jokes)
  44. My grandpa just walked into my room with a young guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast. I said, “Who is this guy?” Grandpa: “This is my hip replacement.” (Doctor Jokes for Kids)
  45. Which relative chimes at you every hour?… A Grandfather Clock! (Grandparent Jokes)
  46. My grandpa always says, “When one door closes, another opens.” He was a good man, but a lousy cabinet maker. (Labor Day Jokes)
  47. My grandparents buy me so many school supplies for the first day of school that I have to take the first two weeks off just to sharpen pencils. (Pencil Jokes & Back to School Jokes)
  48. My great-grandfather fought with Napoleon, my grandfather fought with the French and my father fought with the Americans…. Your relatives couldn’t get along with anyone, could they?
  49. Why did the grandfather clock fall over?… It went back too far for Daylight Saving! (Daylight Savings Jokes)
  50. What do you call a grandpa whale?… A hunch back whale! (Whale Jokes for Kids)
  51. My grandmother ate spaghetti everyday… until she pasta-way. (Pasta Jokes & Spaghetti Jokes)