(Retirement Jokes)

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  1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best retirement jokes.
  2. After 72 years since not completing her high school, my Grandma finally went back and earned her very first diploma……I asked her what will she be wearing for her graduation ceremony and she said depends. (Grandparent Jokes & Retirement Jokes)
  3. Where did Avogadro’s retire?… Mole – Bile, Alabama. (Alabama Jokes & Retirement Jokes)
  4. The government says I can’t get my pension yet, as I am only 22. I hate being born on a leap year… All my friends are 88. (Leap Year Jokes)
  5. What confirmed the fact that Grandpa should retire?… When he stopped lying about his age and switched to boasting about it.
  6. Tom Brady retired, but he does so as the GOAT, with 7 Super Bowls, but more importantly, he’s 5x better than Nickelback. …he’s a quarterback. (365 Music Jokes & Retirement Jokes)
  7. Why don’t Americans worry about Friday the 13th?… After losing their home, job, and 401k nothing scares them anymore!
  8. Did you know a bunch of retired Indiana basketball players put a team together?… They are called the Indiana Pacemakers. (NBA Basketball Jokes)
  9. Lobster Pun: At a retirement party, one lobster told his colleague that he was one shell of a guy.
  10. Lobster Pun: The lobster said it’d be hard for him to retire… as he was tide to his company.
  11. I’ve decided to retire as a librarian… to start a new chapter in my life. (Retirement Jokes & Library Jokes)
  12. Alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there’s an increased chance that… …they will see you later! (Alligator Jokes & Retirement Jokes)
  13. How do you play Air Force Bingo?… “A-10… B-52… F-16!” (Air Force Jokes & Plane Jokes)
  14. Ski Pun: Old skiers go downhill fast. (Ski Puns & Retirement Jokes)
  15. What is an old person’s favorite flavor of gum?… Retire-Mint.
  16. Why was the peanut butter upset about his retirement party?… He was roasted!
  17. I’ve retired, and I find I’m a perfect fit for this job! (Labor Day Jokes)
  18. I went to an ocean themed (retirement / graduation / birthday / prom) party… It was a whale of a time. (Whale Jokes)
  19. What did the hippocampus say when it retired?… “Thanks for the memories.” (Daylight Savings Jokes)
  20. A retired Utah man was jailed for refusing to nap… …he was resisting a rest. (Napping Jokes & Retirement Jokes)