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High School Psychology Lessons & Bullying Prevention Blogs

(Psychology Jokes)

  1. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? (Pavlov’s Dog Experiment: Amazing Nobel Prize Psychology Lesson!)
  2. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother. (Mother’s Day Jokes)
  3. Why was Pavlov’s Hair so soft?… Classical conditioning. (Barber Jokes)
  4. “The moon is waning. Do you think it’s sad?”… Nah, it’s just going through a phase. (Full Moon Jokes)
  5. Why did the watermelon go crazy?… He lost his rind. (Watermelon Jokes)
  6. Why was the middle school trash can sad?…He / she was dumped. (Middle School Jokes)
  7. What do you call a sad mole?… Dismole. (Mole Day Jokes)
  8. What are unhappy cranberries called?… Blueberries!
  9. Why are watermelons the saddest fruit?… They get melancholy. (Watermelon Jokes)
  10. Teacher: Define claustrophobia. Student: Fear of Santa Claus? (Christmas Jokes)
  11. What do angry hockey players say after getting tripped?… That’s it – no more Mr. Ice guy. (Hockey Jokes)
  12. “A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.” Jay Leno (Dog Jokes & Canada Day Jokes)
  13. What’s the difference between a psychologist and a magician?… A magician pulls. rabbits out of hats, whereas a psychologist pulls habits out of rats. (Rabbit Jokes & Hat Jokes)
  14. Ocean walks in to a bar Bartender says “why so blue?” (Ocean Jokes & Beer Jokes)
  15. Why did the donut start going to therapy?… It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole! (Donut Jokes for Kids)
  16. Why are Tacos depressed?… Because they’re always falling apart. (Taco Jokes)
  17. Johnny paid his way through college by waitering in a restaurant. “What’s the usual tip?” asked a customer. “Well,” said Johnny, “this is my first day, but the other guys said that, if I got five dollars out of you, I’d be doing great.” “Is that so?” growled the customer. “In that case, here’s twenty dollars.” “Thanks. I’ll put it in my college fund,” Johnny said. “By the way, what are you studying?” asked the customer. “Applied psychology.” (Waiter Jokes)
  18. How did the crazy shark become normal again?… electro shark therapy. (Shark Jokes)
  19. What do you call a sad bird?… A bluebird! (Bird Jokes)
  20. How many psychotherapists does it take to change a light bulb?… Just one, so long as the light bulb *wants* to change.
  21. What does a depressed tortilla say?… I don’t wanna taco ’bout it. (Taco Jokes)
  22. Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated. (Graduation Jokes)
  23. A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drank coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?” (Coffee Jokes)
  24. What do you call sad coffee?”… Despresso. (Coffee Jokes)
  25. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?…  A nervous wreck! (Pirate Jokes & Ocean Jokes)
  26. Why was the cheeseburger sad?… It had blue cheese! (Cheeseburger Jokes for Kids)
  27. Are you a scratch player?… I sure am – every time I hit the ball I scratch my head and wonder where it went. (Golf Jokes for Kids)
  28. Why did Pumbaa’s friend call the complaints hotline?… T’moan! (Lion King Jokes & Disney Jokes for Kids)
  29. I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. Mainly because it was a sew-sew job, de-pleating and de-pressing. (Labor Day Jokes)
  30. What did Columbus do with the blue whale?… Cheered it up. (Cheerleading Jokes & Columbus Day Jokes)
  31. Dog #1 Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Dog #2 No but it makes my mouth water. (Pavlov’s Dog Experiment: Amazing Nobel Prize Psychology Lesson!)
  32. How many psychotherapists does it take to change a lightbulb?… Just one, but it’ll need nine more sessions.
  33. Why did the apple pie cry?… It’s peelings were hurt! (Pie Jokes)
  34. What profession truly enjoys fruitcakes?… Psychologists (Fruitcake Jokes)
  35. What’s white, red and blue at Christmas time?… A sad candy cane! (Candy Jokes)
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  37. Pavlov’s dog to his ladyfriend: “See that! Everytime I salivate, Pavlov smiles and scribbles something in his notebook.”
  38. The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and had proceeded to give an oral quiz to the freshman class.  Speaking specifically about manic depression, the instructor asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?”  A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, “A basketball coach?” (Top Basketball Jokes)
  39. Receptionist to psychologist: “Doctor, there’s a patient here who thinks he’s invisible.” “Tell him I can’t see him right now.”
  40. What did the hippocampus say when it retired?… “Thanks for the memories.”
  41. How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb?… Just one. All he has to do is to hold it in place while the world revolves around him.
  42. “Doctor, I feel as though nobody understands me.”… “What do you mean by that?”
  43. At a job interview for a new receptionist: “I see you used to be employed by a psychologist. Why did you leave?””Well, I just couldn’t win. If I was late to work, I was hostile; if I was early, I was anxious; and if I was on time, I was obsessional.” (Top Summer Jobs for Teachers)
  44. One behaviorist meets another one on the street. He says, “Hi. How am I feeling today?”
  45. Why is psychotherapy a lot quicker for men than for women?… Because when it comes to going back to childhood, men are already there.
  46. A psychotherapist returned from a conference in the Rocky mountains, where the delegates spent more time on the icy ski slopes than attending lectures and seminars. When she got back, her husband asked her, “So, how did it go?” “Fine,” she replied, “but I’ve never seen so many Freudians slip.” (Top Winter Jokes)
  47. “After 12 years of therapy, my psychotherapist said something that brought tears to my eyes.” “What did he say?” “”No hablo inglés.”” (Spanish Teachers are Great Tutors)
  48. How many psychotherapists does it take to change a lightbulb?… Well, how many do you think it takes?
  49. What do kind of coffee goes well with a fruit cake?”… Despresso. (Top Fruit Cake Day Jokes)
  50. “Doctor, I feel like such a failure.”… “Anyone who can pay my fees is certainly not a failure.”
  51. What’s the difference between a loan and a psychologist?… The loan eventually matures and earns money.
  52. Two psychotherapists pass each other in the hallway. The first says to the second, “Hello!” The second smiles back nervously and half nods his head. When he is comfortably out of earshot, he mumbles, “God, I wonder what *that* was all about?”
  53. As he layunconscious and bleeding, a psychologist, who happened to be passing by, rushed up to him and exclaimed, “My God! Whoever did this really needs help!”
  54. What’s the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist?… If you say, ‘I hate my mother’, a psychiatrist will ask, ‘Why do you say that?’, whereas a psychologist will say, ‘Thank you for sharing that with us.’
  55. One day a guy went to a psychologist for the first time. After telling him his troubles, the man says, “So doc, what’s wrong with me?” The doctor replies, “Well, you’re crazy.” Indignant, the man replies, “I am not, I want another opinion.” To which the doctor replies, “OK… You’re also ugly.”
  56. A Ph.D. student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park and they find and antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one.” “Me first! Me first!” says the Ph.D. student. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman who sunbathes topless.” Poof! He’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the post-doc. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other.” Poof! He’s gone. “You’re next,” the genie says to the professor. The professor says, “I want those guys back in the lab after lunch.”
  57. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?… Claustrophobia! (Christmas Jokes)
  58. Why was the Grinch afraid of Santa Claus?… He was Claustrophobic. (Christmas Jokes / Psychology Jokes / Grinch Jokes)
  59. Doctor, doctor! I’m scared of Father Christmas!… You’re suffering from Claus-trophobia!