Beard Jokes

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Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best beard jokes.
ZZ Top… the unofficial band of World Beard Day. (365 Music Jokes)
James Harden… the unofficial spokesperson for World Beard Day. (365 Basketball Jokes)
“I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.” Dad (Father’s Day Jokes)
Who shaves 10 times a day and still has a beard?… The barber. (Barber Jokes)
Dear Disney, why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? (Disney Jokes)
What happened to the man who was hesitant about growing a beard?… It eventually grew on him.
What do you call a bald chemistry teacher with only a beard?… Heisenbeeard.
What did the man with a beard call his pottery shop?… Hairy Potter. (Harry Potter Jokes)
What sports team is hated by all beard lovers?… The LA Clippers! (365 Basketball Jokes)
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe you tell me if ZZ Top is the main act for the World Beard Day concert? (Canoe Jokes & 365 Music Jokes)
Why are barbers considered superheroes?… They are always there to shave the day! (Super Hero Jokes)
My friend and I are in a beard-growing contest… It’s neck and neck right now.
Why did the barber replace his old razor?… Because it failed to make the cut! (Barber Jokes)
What do you call a goat with a beard?… Goatee. (Animal Jokes)
What is an old and wise dragon?… A bearded dragon! (Dragon Jokes)
Where does a man with a beard put his beard clippings?… In his shavings account.
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe you teach me how to shave my beard. (Canoe Jokes)
What is something a bearded guy never sees again?… His chin!
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe you shave my beard. (Canoe Jokes)
Why don’t men with beards need vacuums?… They already have crumb catchers.
What is a beard’s favorite nuts?… Mustachios.
Why is it the bearded man in jail?… He was sued for hair-assment! (Police Jokes)
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about beards? (Summer Olympic Knock Knock Jokes)
What do you say before you shave your beard off?… “Hair goes nothing!”
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good beard knock-knock joke?
Why didn’t the man shave his beard?… It grew on him?
Why didn’t the man shave his beard?… He became attached to it!
Why was the bearded man with low self-esteem happy going out with his non-bearded friends?… Because everyone thought he was the leader!
Why don’t the Amish shave their beards?… Because they don’t want raze-a-barn.
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good beard knock knock jokes? (June Jokes & Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
What is a bearded man’s favorite headphone brand?… Bearddynamic.
How many bearded men does it take to change a lightbulb?… Ten. One to actually do the job, and nine others to compliment each other’s beards.
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe you teach me how to shave. (Canoe Jokes)
How did the barber win the race?… He took a short cut. (Track & Field Jokes)
Why did the bearded guy shave only half his face?… He was shaving it for later!
What is the best nut?… A Mustachio!
Why did the balding bearded man shave his head?… He was trying to plan a head!
Where do you find the perfect mustache?… Right under your nose!
What musician has the best beard?… Hairy Garcia! (365 Music Jokes)
Why did the princess choose the bearded prince over the clean-shaven prince?… She wanted a hairy-tale ending!
What did Darth Vader change his name to when he became a stylist?… Darth Braider
Why did the astronaut wait until he went into space to grow a beard?… He wanted spacial hair!
Where do barbers put their clippings?… Their shavings account!
My friend and I are in a beard growing competition but we aren’t sure who’s winning. It’s neck and neck right now!
What do you call an event to buy new razors?… A fund-razor!
Why do bearded guys take a long time to eat their food?… They want to shaver every bite!
Why are lions really good at hunting?… It’s their mane source of income!
What do you call a man who can’t grow a beard?… A boy!
What is a captain’s favorite beard style?… A boat-tee!
What do you call a polite beard?… Well-groomed!
What do doctors and beard have in common?… They both need patience!
What do beards eat for breakfast?… Scruffins!
Why did the man maintain his beard to perfection?… Because if he didn’t, things would get a bit hairy.
Why did Abe Lincoln grow a beard?… He wanted to look like that guy on the five-dollar bill.
Why did the man with receding hairline decide to grow his beard?… Because he was trying to plan a head.
What’s the difference between an ex-wife and a beard?… The beard eventually comes back.
Why did the man have the priest don a fake beard and mustache?… Because he wanted the baptism to be a blessing in disguise!
Why do women like men with beards?… Because they immediately see something that they can change!
Why do men hate to shave off their beards?… Because they’re naturally attached to it.
Why did the bearded man’s shaving product business flop?… Because of the razor thin margins.
Why did the bearded man’s phone not unlock on seeing his face?… Because it just wasn’t him anymore!
Why did the man who couldn’t grow a beard tape a rabbit to his face?… Because then he would get the facial hare he always wanted.
What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?… Abraham Stinkin.
Why did the bearded man decline the invitation to a charity event?… Because it was a fund razor.
What did the beard say after growing back on the man’s face?… “I’ve been hair before!”
Why did the man get beard oil before food?… Because taking care of his beard is part of his hair necessities.
Why did the bearded man go to the barber?… Because the barber provided intensive hair.
Why was the man who grew his beard for an entire year afraid of the barber?… Because the barber was the hairbinger of doom for him!
Why did Satan hire a good-willed barber to shave off the facial hair of men going to hell?… Because the road to hell is shaved with good intentions.
Why did the bearded man sue the barber who sneakily shaved off his beard?… Because he barber-ed a grudge against him.
What did the bearded prince marry Rapunzel?… Because he wanted a hairytale ending.
Why did the barber eat nothing but goat meat?… Because mutton chops were his favorite.
Why did the toy airplane land on the bearded man’s face?… Because he had a strip on it.
Why did the man get intentionally kicked in the face by a horse?… Because he wanted a horseshoe mustache.
What’s the last thing the barber said to his client before he finished his best cut ever?… “All good things must comb to an end.”
Why was the bearded man appointed as the sheriff in the town?… Because he had a gunslinger beard!
Why do men develop confidence after growing their beards?… Because it’s the beard that grows them!
Why was Ivan Pavlov’s beard so soft, smooth, and well maintained?… Because he classically conditioned it.
Why is Santa not allowed to shave his beard?… Because it is in his Clause.
What did the balding guy and teenager growing a beard have in common?… For them, every hair counts!
When do hipsters shave their facial hair to match their cool personality?… During Daylight Shavings time.
What was the pirate’s favorite kind of facial hair?… A boatee.
What happened to the bearded clown after he was kicked out of the circus?… He lost his stubble mode of income.
What is a barber’s favorite food?… Barber-que!
What did the man do when someone insulted his attempt at growing a beard?… He just brushed it off.
Why did the man ignore the two hipsters tailing him and kept grooming his own beard?… Because a beard in the hand is worth two in the bush.
What did the fancy bearded goat order at the café?… A Goa-tea.
What was the bearded man’s least favorite basketball team?… The Los Angeles Clippers.
Who is the world’s most popular bearded wizard?… It is Gandalf, who else did you think?
Why did the bearded thief shave before robbing a bank?… Because he wanted to be a smooth criminal.
Where does a beard stylist buy his grooming products?… At a Shaven Eleven.
Why did the man grow his beard ridiculously bigger than the last time?… Because he wanted to grow it shavenfold as much..
Why did the teenager get a grooming kit for his birthday?… Because it was his shaventeenth birthday.
Why couldn’t the man with a thick beard figure out the cause of his itchy beard?… Because he couldn’t get to the root of it.
Why did the man help his friends trim their facial hair?… Because shearing is caring.
What did the man tell his chef friend with a beard?… “You ought to shavour every bite!”
What do you call a barber without a beard?… Jobless!
Who helped grow Obi Wan’s beard?… His name was Darth Braider!
Why did the barber get annoyed by his customer?… Because he kept saying, “I mustache you a question!”
Why did the man grow a mustache even though he always wore a mask in public?… Because he wanted a secret ‘stache.
Why was the man annoyed at his friend who was making fun of his facial hair?… Because it was a side-burn.
What was the catchphrase of the barber’s shop?… “Any time, Anyplace, Any hair!”
What do you say when a barber has a good annual income?… We can say it has been good hair for him!
Why are superheroes inspired by barbers?… Because they are always there to shave the day!
Why did the man named Penny keep on shaving his beard?… Because a Penny shaved is a Penny earned.
Why was the man’s self-care product line taking off?… Because of all the shave reviews!
Why did the man sue the barber for touching his beard?… He saw it as hairassment.
What did the barber say to the man after shaving his beard?… “All good things must comb to an end.”
What kind of beard did Rocky keep?… He kept a Balbo-a!
Where are bearded prisoners sent?… They sent them to the Gillette-ine.
What happened when my friend kept bragging about his stubble?… I just couldn’t bear-d him anymore!
Why was the man avoiding his social circle after going to the barber?… Because he was shaving face.
Why are cannibals good at shaving?… Because they are a barberic clan.
What did the barber serve at his party?… Barber-que.
What did the bartender tell the man with the saggy mustache?… “Is that your mustache or have your eyebrows come down for a drink?”
What did the barber do after accidentally shaving off the man’s beard?… He just let it slide.
Why didn’t the barber ask the question about beards?… Because he was shaving it for later!
What happened to long beards?… They have become a dying beard!
What hairstyle did the goose get?… A ducktail.
Why did my friend lie about his beard?… Because he’s a bald faced liar.
Why did the unlucky bearded man shave?… Because fortune favors the shave.
Who shaves a rabbit’s beard?… A haredresser!
Where do you find the perfect mustache?… Right under the nose!
Why did the man buy a new razor…? Because the old one failed to make the cut!
What do you call a clean-shaved spy?… Agent 00-Shaven!
Why are the beard and mustache on bad terms?… Because they can’t gel with each other!
What do you call a polite beard?… A beard that is well-groomed.
What do you call someone who shaves 50 times a day but still has a beard?… A Barber!
What do you call someone who shaves 25 times a day but still has a beard?… A Barber!

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