101 Harry Potter Jokes

by | Jul 28, 2022 | Latest News, School Jokes

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  1. Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Harry Potter jokes.
  2. On a scale from one to ten, how obsessed with Harry Potter are you?… About nine and three quarters. (Math Jokes for Kids)
  3. Why was Harry Potter sent to the office?… Because he was cursing in class! (School Jokes / 180 School Jokes / Principal Jokes)
  4. Voldemort: Why so sirius? Sirius Black: Why so nosy? (Biology Jokes for Kids)
  5. How does Harry Potter get rid of a rash?… With quit-itch. (Biology Jokes for Kids)
  6. I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light-hearted… The fifth one was dead Sirius. (Book Jokes)
  7. Why does Voldemort only use Twitter and not Facebook?… Cause he only has followers, not friends!
  8. How does Harry Potter enter a room?… Through the Gryffin-door.
  9. If a wizard gets robbed by a Muggle… has he been Muggled? (Police Jokes)
  10. What do you call a wizard that can turn himself into a golf club?… Harry Putter. (Golf Jokes)
  11. How does Harry Potter listen to music?… He puts on Sirius XM.
  12. How does Voldemort enter a room?… He slithers in.
  13. I’m trying to write a book about Platform 9 and 3/4… But I keep hitting a wall.
  14. What’s the difference between Harry Potter and a spelling bee contestant?… One conjures spells and the other spells conjure.
  15. What do you call two Quidditch players who share a dorm?… Broom-mates
  16. What do you call the entrance to a Harry Potter gym?… A dumbbell door.
  17. Harry Potter puns can Slytherin to any conversation.
  18. Why did Lord Voldemort watch the eclipse?… To practice the dark arts. (Solar Eclipse Jokes)
  19. What do you call a potterhead on a horse?… Harry Trotter. (Horse Jokes)
  20. What did The Dark Lord envy from Harry?… His nose!
  21. Why is Mad-Eye Moody such a bad professor?… Because he can’t control his pupils. (Biology Jokes for Teachers)
  22. Anyone else who had committed Voldemort’s crimes would have been riddled with guilt. (Police Jokes)
  23. Why can’t Harry Potter tell the difference between his potions pot and his best friend?… They’re both cauldron.
  24. Why doesn’t Voldemort have glasses?… Nobody nose. (Biology Jokes for Kids)
  25. How do Death Eaters freshen their breath?… With Dementos. (Candy Jokes for Kids)
  26. Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?… They were past their hexpiration date!
  27. You think Harry Potter is better than Lord of Rings… Tolkien must be Rowling in his grave… (Book Jokes & Harry Potter Jokes)
  28. Why did Neville always sit on two chairs?… Because he is a Longbottom.
  29. What’s the difference between a comma and Crookshanks?… Crookshanks has claws at the end of his paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
  30. How does Malfoy get in his bed?… He slithers in!
  31. You don’t get my Harry Potter jokes?… There must be something RON with you.
  32. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the Harry Potter books in order? (4th of July Knock Knock Jokes & Fireworks Jokes)
  33. McGonagall is a good teacher, but… she has a tendency to be catty. (Cat Jokes & Jokes for Teachers)
  34. What is an octopus’s favorite Harry Potter game?… Squidditch. (Octopus Jokes)
  35. How excited are you to see Harry Potter and the Cursed Child in NYC?… On a scale of 1 to 10 – About nine and three quarters.
  36. Why is Harry Potter’s cupcake shop so successful?… Because he has a magical staff. (Cupcake Jokes)
  37. What did the comedian say to Harry Potter?… Why so Sirius?
  38. What does Harry Potter have that Voldemort doesn’t?… A NOSE! (Biology Jokes for Kids)
  39. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the Harry Potter movies in order? (4th of July Knock Knock Jokes & Fireworks Jokes)
  40. How do Hogwarts students go on field trips?… They take the albus.
  41. What do you call a hot dog wizard?… A sau-sage. (Hot Dog Jokes)
  42. Why did Ron lose the election?… People thought his elect-Ron campaign was too negative.
  43. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the Harry Potter characters? (4th of July Knock Knock Jokes & Fireworks Jokes)
  44. How many Slytherin does it take to stir a cauldron?… Just one. She puts her wand in and the cauldron revolves around her.
  45. Where can you find Dumbledore’s Army?… Up his sleeve-y! (Army Jokes)
  46. What is a worm’s favorite movie?… Harry Potter, they love “Wormtale!” (Worm Jokes & Movie Jokes)
  47. July 31st: On a scale from one to ten, how excited are you it is JK Rowling’s Birthday?… About nine and three quarters. (Birthday Jokes)
  48. What social media channel does Voldemort use?… Instagram, because he wants more followers!
  49. Ron lives a long, happy life and then dies. What does he reincarnate as?… A neuron.
  50. Why was Harry Potter such a good computer programmer?… Because he spoke python.
  51. What did Harry Potter wear when his hair fell out?… A Hedwig.
  52. How come Voldemort hates the sun?… Because his sunglasses won’t stay up. (Sunglasses Jokes & Sun Jokes)
  53. Harry Potter Pick-up line: Do you like Harry Potter?… Because I a-Dumbledore you!
  54. What do you call an electrocuted Dark Lord?… A Volt-demort.
  55. Why did Ron ask Hagrid for an autograph?… Because he is a giant fan!
  56. What do you call a house-elf in a hotel?… A Dobby in a lobby.
  57. How do wizards read PDFs?… With a Dobby.
  58. What is Harry’s favorite mood?… Sirius.
  59. Roses are red, violets are blue… If you don’t like Harry Potter puns, something is Siriusly Ron with you.
  60. Harry Potter Pick-up line: Are you a Dementor?… You just took my breath away.
  61. You don’t get my Harry Potter puns?… There must be something RON with you.
  62. Why did the protons vote for Harry Potter to be president?… Because they didn’t want to elect Ron.
  63. Why did Severus Snape stand in the middle of the road?… So you’ll never know which side he’s on. (Car Jokes)
  64. How do you know if someone’s a pureblood?… Don’t worry. They’ll let you know.
  65. What kind of drink would Harry Potter order at a bar?… Something Gin-ey.
  66. On a scale from one to ten, how much do you love Hogwarts?… Nine and three quarters.
  67. I named my lizard Harry just so I can say “You’re a lizard, Harry!”
  68. What program do you use to edit your photos?… A Dobby Photoshop.
  69. What do you call a postal carrier that can speak to packages?… A parcel tongue. (Mailman Jokes)
  70. How did Harry Potter get down the hill?,,, Walking. JK, rolling.
  71. Why is there always an empty cloth hanger?… That’s where I keep my invisibility cloak!
  72. Harry Potter Pick-up line: Are you a Snitch?… Because you’re the finest catch here.
  73. Harry Potter Pick-up line: You must have been in Professor Flitwick’s class, because I’ve never met anyone more charming.
  74. What would Harry Potter be if he didn’t when to Hogwarts?… A python programmer.
  75. George Weasley’s favorite line from Shakespeare… “Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears.” (Biology Jokes for Teachers)
  76. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good Harry Potter knock-knock joke?
  77. What do you call a Hufflepuff with one brain cell?… Gifted. (Biology Jokes for Kids)
  78. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good Harry Potter knock knock jokes? (June Jokes & Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  79. What would you call a reality show where Sirius Black adopted the Weasley children?… Orange Is the New Black.
  80. How much does it cost to watch Harry Potter play his favorite sport?… A quid each.
  81. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about Harry Potter?
  82. Harry Potter Pick-up line: You may be a muggle… but that body is magical.
  83. Harry Potter Pick-up line: Did you survive the Avada Kedavra curse?… Because you’re drop dead gorgeous.
  84. Harry Potter Pick-up line: The Sorting Hat saw my destiny, and it said I’m meant to be in your house.
  85. How many Harry Potters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?… One. He holds it and the world revolves around him.
  86. How many wizards does it take to screw in a lightbulb?… Two. One to hold the bulb. One to rotate the room.
  87. How many Muggles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?… One. It is the only thing they are good for.
  88. How many Purebloods does it take to screw in a lightbulb?… What’s a lightbulb?
  89. Why did Harry Potter get pulled over for speeding?… Because he didn’t expect-no-patrol-man.
  90. Why doesn’t Snape teach herbology?… Because his lily died.
  91. What social media channel did Slytherins use?… Snapechat!
  92. What is a wizard’s favorite drink?… Espresso Patronum
  93. What is Aragog’s favorite day of the week?… Flyday!
  94. Why did it take Harry so long to find all Horcurxes?… Because he was looking in all the Ron places.
  95. What do Azkaban prisoners use to freshen their breath?… Dementos!
  96. Harry Potter puns will make any Slytherin smile.
  97. Why was Draco’s shirt covered with dirt?… He spent the day Slytherin.
  98. How do the Malfoys enter a building?… They Slytherin.
  99. Why were the books so huge in Hogwarts?… Because spells come in all Snapes and sizes.
  100. What does a wizard say when he gets robbed by a muggle?… Somebody muggled me!
  101. How do you get a mythical creature into your house?… Through the Gryffindor.