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More Father’s Day Jokes… & Father’s Day Quotes

  1. Being a great father is like shaving… No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow. (Barber Jokes)
  2. What is the official dessert of Father’s Day?… a “pop” sicle. (Summer Jokes for Kids / Ice Cream Jokes / Popsicle Jokes for Kids)
  3. Son: For $20, I’ll be good…Dad: Oh, yeah?  When I was your age, I was good for nothing.
  4. Boy: What does your father do for a living? Friend: He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half. Boy: Do you have any brothers or sisters? Friend: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother. (Magic Jokes & Labor Day Jokes)
  5. “People who say they sleep like a baby don’t have one.” – Dad (Napping Jokes for Kids & Baby Jokes)
  6. Why don’t they have Father’s Day sales?… Because Fathers are priceless. (Black Friday Jokes)
  7. A man gets on a bus with his baby. The bus driver says, “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The man goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. He says to a man next to her, “The driver just insulted me!” The other man says, “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.” (Funny Animal Jokes for Kids & Monkey Jokes for Kids)
  8. Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.” “That’s odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!” A nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!” “That’s weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!” A nurse tells the third man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets!” “That’s strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!” The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What’s wrong?” the others ask. “I work for 7 Up!” (Baby Jokes)
  9. When does a bad joke become a dad joke?… When it becomes apparent. (Grammar Jokes)
  10. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”. What’s my father going to do? (Doctors Jokes for Kids)
  11. It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father. “Let’s try to make this look natural “she said. “Junior, put your arm around your dad’s shoulder.” The father answered, “If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?” (Graduation Jokes for Kids)
  12. What do you call a person who is not a dad who makes dad jokes?… A Faux Pa.
  13. What four words solve Dad’s every problem?… Go ask your mother. (Father’s Day Jokes for Kids & Grammar Jokes)
  14. Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: I don’t think they’ll fit me.
  15. After Graduating from High School, A son moves away from home to study at University. One of his letters home reads: Dear Father, University i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on. After receiving his son’s letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back. Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep evpen an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad (Graduation Jokes)
  16. What’s the difference between Superman and Fathers?… Superman’s just a superhero now and then. Dad are superheroes all the time. (Superman Jokes)
  17. Most fathers want their sons to have things they never had… like A’s on their report cards. (June Jokes for Teachers)
  18. Father to son: I’m warning you. If you fall out of that tree and break both your legs, don’t come running to me! (Biology Jokes for Kids & Track and Field Jokes)
  19. Son: Did you get a haircut? Dad: No, I got them all cut. (Funny Dad Jokes & Barber Jokes)
  20. Son: How many people are buried in that cemetery? Dad: All of them. (Cemetery Jokes)
  21. What did the cheerleader bring her dad for breakfast on Father’s Day?… Cheerios. (Cheerleading Jokes & Cereal Jokes)
  22. What did the sweet potato say to Luke Skywalker?… I Yam your father! (Star Wars Jokes & Farming Jokes)
  23. A Father’s Day book never written: “Fatherly Advice” by Buck L. Upson.
  24. Dad, what is it like to have the best child in the world?… I don’t know, go ask your grandparents. (Grandparent Jokes for Kids)
  25. Where does Princess Leia shop for Father’s Day?… At the Darth Maul. (May the 4th Be With You Jokes & Star Wars Jokes)
  26. A police recruit was asked during the exam, ‘What would you do if you had to arrest your own father?’ He answered, ‘Call for backup.’ (Police Jokes for Kids)
  27. A father said to his son, “Look at that kid over there; he’s not misbehaving.” The son replied, “Maybe he has good parents then!”
  28. Boy: How do you like the drum set you got for your birthday? Friend: I love it! Boy: Why? Friend: Whenever I don’t play it, my dad gives me 10 bucks! (Birthday Jokes for Kids & Music Jokes)
  29. “Our wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.” Dad (Funny Dad Jokes / Cake Jokes / Wedding Jokes)
  30. What do you call a dad who spent all day at the beach?… A Tangent. (Math Jokes for Kids & Summer Jokes for Kids)
  31. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up. (Father’s Day Jokes for Kids & Walking Jokes)
  32. What do you call a lineman’s kid?… A chip off the old blocker. (Football Jokes)
  33. A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
  34. Happy Father’s Day to a dad that was smart enough to teach his kid to mow the lawn so he wouldn’t have to.
  35. What did baby corn say to mama corn?… Where’s popcorn? (Popcorn Jokes for Kids / Father’s Day Jokes / Corn Jokes)
  36. “I gave all my dead batteries away today… free of charge.” Dad
  37. I shouted to my Dad on Father’s Day, “How does breakfast in bed sound?” He said, “Ooh that sounds great!” I said, “Nice, I’ll have bacon, fries and two eggs.” (Egg Jokes & Bacon Jokes)
  38. My son wants 50% of my Father’s Day gifts…. He says if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t even be a father.
  39. Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached?… Science student: When my father sees my report card! (Teacher Jokes & Jokes for the Last Day of School)
  40. Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his dad on Father’s Day?… Because he left the phone off the hook. (Pirates Jokes for Kids)
  41. What’s the best thing a new dad can get for Father’s Day?… A long nap. (Napping Jokes for Kids)
  42. Knock knock…Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe help me with my homework please Dad – I’m stuck! (Knock Knock Jokes for Kids)
  43. Son: Hey, Dad, whats this movie about? Dad: It’s about two hours.
  44. Boy: I have a lot of my dad’s genes. Friend: Really? I bet they don’t fit. (Biology Jokes for Kids)
  45. Where did the cow family go on Father’s Day?… The moo-vies. (Movie Jokes & Cow Jokes)
  46. “I didn’t like my beard at first… Then it grew on me.” Dad (Barber Jokes & Beard Jokes)
  47. “Dad, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy. “Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son,” his father replied. After dinner the father inquired, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?” “Oh, nothing,” the boy said.  “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”
  48. Why did the bean children give their dad a sweater for Father’s Day?… He was chili. (Cinco De Mayo Jokes for Kids)
  49. Knock Knock… Whose there?… July… July who?… July to your dad and he gets mad. (Father’s Day Knock & Knock Jokes & July Knock Knock Jokes)
  50. Dad: You’ll never amount to anything because you procrastinate…Son: Oh yeah? Just you wait