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More Pumpkin Jokes…

  1. A pumpkin says to a jack-o’-lantern “All we ever do is sit around on the stoop. Don’t you want to mix it up, try something different?” The jack-o’-lantern says “I don’t have the guts.”
  2. Why was Cinderella such a bad lacrosse player?… Her coach was a pumpkin. (Cinderella Jokes / Disney Jokes / Pumpkin Jokes)
  3. What music band is the least popular around Halloween?… The Smashing Pumpkins.
  4. Where do jack o’ lanterns live? In the seedy part of town!
  5. What did a Jack-o-lantern say to the pumpkin?… Cut it out! (Halloween Jokes & Fall Jokes)
  6. What do you call a chubby jack o’ lantern? A plumpkin!
  7. What did the pumpkin need for its boo boo?… A pumpkin patch. (Halloween Jokes & Fall Jokes)
  9. In a farmers market, Farmer A sells pumpkins, Farmer B sells strawberries, what does Farmer C sell? Medicine
  10. What do you get when you divide the circumference of your jack-o-lantern by its diameter?… Pumpkin Pi. (Pi Day Jokes)
  11. What is a pumpkin’s favorite sport?… Squash! (101 Sports Jokes / Squash Jokes)
  12. Pumpkins are the most beautiful crop. They’re absolutely gourd-geous.
  13. What’s the problem eating too much pumpkin pie this time of year?… You’ll get autumn’y ache.
  14. What did the squash say to the cucumber when he saw the pumpkin patch get blown up? Oh My Gourd!
  15. Why did the pumpkin take a detour?… To avoid a seedy part of town.
  16. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?… Squash. (Fall Jokes)
  17. What did the jack-o’-lantern say to the other jack-o’-lantern when they were on their way to a Halloween party?…”Let’s get glowing.”
  18. What did the pumpkin do when he ripped his pants? He sewed on a pumpkin patch.
  19. What’s a pumpkin’s favorite genre?… Pulp fiction. (Movie Jokes)
  20. Why was the gourd so gossip-y?… To give ’em pumpkin’ to talk about.
  21. Why was the jack-o’-lantern afraid?… It had no guts.
  22. When asked how he was feeling, what did the pumpkin say?… I’m vine, thanks for asking.
  23. Why do we carve pumpkins for Halloween? Because they’re less bloody.
  24. Did you hear about the sailor who turned into a pumpkin pie?… He’s a squashbuckling pirate
  25. Why do pumpkins sit on people’s porches?… They have no hands to knock on the door.
  26. Why was Cinderella bad at football?… Because she had a pumpkin for a coach. (Football Jokes)
  27. What instrument does a pumpkin play? An a-gourd-ian.
  28. What does a carved pumpkin celebrate?… Hollow-een.
  29. Who helped the mini pumpkin cross the road? The crossing gourd.
  30. What did the pumpkins say at happy hour?… Let’s get smashed.
  31. What did George Strait say to the pumpkin?… I’m Here for a Gourd Time.
  32. What did the pumpkin say to its carver?… Cut it out!
  33. We got our Seasonal bulk in at work today and got Pumpkin Spice Motor Oil. It’s for Autumnmobiles
  34. What do surfers say on Halloween?… Gourd vibes only, bro.
  35. How does a pumpkin listen to Halloween music?… On vine-yl.
  36. What’s the pumpkin’s favorite Western?… The Gourd, The Bad, and The Ugly!
  37. A 900 kilogram pumpkin fell on a local man today. Reports say he was squashed.
  38. Why was Cinderella not very good at softball? Because her coach was a pumpkin.
  39. Got a big decision to make in November… Pumpkin or pecan pie for Thanksgiving?
  40. What’s orange and faster than a speeding train? Super Pumpkin.
  41. How did the winter squash pay for things? It used pumpkin bread.
  42. Why do pumpkins do so bad in school? Because they had all their brains scooped out.
  43. A guy walks into the doctor’s office. A banana stuck in one of his ears, a carrot in the other ear, and a baby pumpkin stuck in one nostril. The man says, “Doc, this is terrible. What’s wrong with me?” The doctor says, “Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly.”
  44. What did the pumpkin say after thanksgiving? Good-pie everyone.
  45. After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker’s boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers. Angrily she asked, “If you had 4 pumpkins and I asked for one, how many would you have left?” Quickly he replied, “If it was you who asked, I’d still have 4 pumpkins.”
  46. When is an orange not an orange? When it’s a pumpkin.
  47. Why did the jack-o-lanterns claim to be spiritual?A: Because he had an inner light?
  48. Why was the jack-o-lantern afraid to go on the roller ghoster?A: It didn’t have the guts.
  49. What name did the pumpkids call the school bully?… Jerk-o-lantern.
  50. How are pumpkins like cats? They’re often waiting on the porch for you when you get home.
  51. Why did the pumpkin turn red?… Because it saw the salad dressing.
  52. What do you call a pretty pumpkin? Gourdgeous.
  53. What did the orange pumpkin say to the green pumpkin? You look a little sick.
  54. How do gourds get to so strong? By pumpkin iron.
  55. What kind of gourd grows on trees? Plumkins.
  56. Where do pumpkins hold meetings? The gourdroom
  57. My dad said I could carve pumpkins on the kitchen table. So I did as he said. When he came back to check up on me, he yelled, “You ruined the table! And you spelled pumpkins wrong!”
  58. I created a robot that serves me pumpkin spice lattes… Naturally, I coded in BASIC
  59. What do you call an athletic pumpkin? A jock o’ lantern.
  60. Why were the two pumpkins so close? They had deep roots.
  61. What does a pumpkin pie say after a big meal? That was filling.
  62. What did the pumpkin say to the pie baker? Use apples instead.
  63. Which English pop singer is most popular during Thanksgiving holiday? Pumpkin Spice.
  64. What do pumpkins eat at the movies? Pulp Corn.
  65. What’s orange and goes choo-choo? A Pumpkin in Train-ing.
  66. Why did the witch paint her toenails orange? So she could hide in the pumpkin patch.
  67. What do you call a gourd’s family members? Pump-kin.
  68. What kind of animal loves pumpkins? Orange-atans.
  69. Who did the gardener say when his squash went missing? There’s pumpkin strange happening around here…
  70. Who is the leader of all pumpkins? The Pumpking.
  71. Why did the pumpkin cross the road? It fell off the wagon!
  72. What does a pumpkin priest?… From the pulp-it.
  73. Why was the jack-o’-lantern so forgetful?… Because he’s empty-headed.
  74. What did the queasy pumpkin say?… I don’t feel so gourd.
  75. Why are jack-o-lanterns so smart?… A candle makes them bright.
  76. I’m tall when I’m young, I’m short when I’m old, and every Halloween I stand up inside Jack O Lanterns. What am I?… A candle.
  77. I saw a beautiful pumpkin today…It was gourdeous.
  78. How do you cure someone with a pumpkin spice addiction? Apply the pumpkin patch.
  79. What do you call death by a massive pumpkin falling on your head? gourd to death
  80. What do you call an overweight pumpkin?…A plumpkin!
  81. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?… Squash.
  82. Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road to school?… The Crossing Gourd.
  83. Did you know that Starbucks can make your teeth whiter? Enough pumpkin spiced latte will make anything whiter
  84. Why were the two pumpkins so close?… They had deep roots.
  85. Why do Jack-o-lanterns have wicked smiles?… Because they just had their brains scooped out! (Top Biology Jokes)
  86. When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin?… When you drop it; then it’s squash!
  87. Why did the pumpkin cross the road?… It fell off the wagon!
  88. Why was the jack-o-lantern afraid to cross the road?… It had no guts! (Top Biology Jokes)
  89. Throw your rotting pumpkins at pretty people. It is a sure way of calling them Gourdeous.
  90. I recently decided to stop smashing pumpkins cold turkey. It was difficult at first, but it got easier once I decided to use the pumpkin patch
  91. What do you use to mend a jack-o-lantern?… A pumpkin patch.
  92. What did the pumpkin say to the jar?… Soon I will be ajar to.
  93. What did one Pumpkin say to the other? Happy Hollowing!
  94. Where would you rate Smashing Pumpkins in your top 90’s bands? For me, I’d rate them Less than Jake but Better than Ezra.
  95. What did the pumpkin say after Thanksgiving? Good-pie everyone.
  96. What do you give to a pumpkin who is trying to quit smoking?… A pumpkin patch! (Fall Jokes)
  97. How do you fix a broken pumpkin?… With a pumpkin patch. (Fall Jokes)
  98. How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
  99. Tried to spike my pumpkin spice latte with LSD and it exploded That’s what happens when you mix acid and basic.
  100. Always a seasonal delight, today we will look at how to make a pumpkin roll : Step 1. Get a pumpkin. Step 2. Take your pumpkin to the top of a hill. Step 3. Give it a little push. Step 4. Enjoy
  101. Why do I add baking soda to my pumpkin spice lattes? To make them even more basic.
  102. What do you call a chubby relative? A plumpkin!
  103. What do you call a pumpkin on steroids? A jock o’ lantern!
  104. What do you call a pumpkin who spits his seeds everywhere? A jerk o’ lantern!
  105. What does a pirate jack o’ lantern wear? A pumpkin patch!
  106. Why didn’t the jack o’ lantern cross the road? He didn’t have the guts!
  107. Orange you pumped for Halloween?