World’s Best Teacher Jokes

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Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the BEST School jokes in the World. (Knock Knock Jokes for Kids)
School Sign on the Last Day of School: Dear Parents, Tag your it! Love Teachers. (Jokes for the Last Day of School)
Teacher: What is the most common phrase used in school? Student: I don’t know! Teacher: Correct! (Grammar Jokes)
Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached?… Science student: When my father sees my report card! (Teacher Jokes & Chemistry Jokes for Teachers)
Student: Can I ask you a question? Teacher: You just have. (Grammar Jokes)
Why are fish so smart?… They live in schools! (180 School Jokes & Fish Jokes)
Why did the elementary student cross the playground?… To get to the other slide.
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. ‘Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school’ ‘But why, Mom? I don’t want to go.’ ‘Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.’ ‘Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!’ ‘Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.’ ‘Give me two reasons why I should go to school.’ ‘Well, for one, you’re 52 years old. And for another, you’re the teacher!’ (Teacher Jokes & Jokes for the 1st Day of School)
Teacher: Everybody hand in your homework, please. Students: Teacher, it’s the first day of school. We didn’t have any homework. Teacher: That’s right, and that’s the last excuse for not doing your homework that I’ll accept for the rest of the year. (Teacher Jokes & Jokes for the 1st Day of School)
Why is Alabama the smartest state?… Because it has 4 A’s and 1 B! (Alabama Jokes)
How is an English teacher like a judge?… They both give out sentences! (Grammar Jokes & Lawyer Jokes)
I bought photo frames for my friends as a gift for the last day of school for only a dollar… It was a good buy. (Photography Jokes)
What if math teachers are pirates… and they just want us to find X so they can get the buried treasure? (Pirate Jokes)
What is a math teacher’s favorite season?… “Sum”mer. (Math Jokes for Kids & Summer Camp Jokes)
Why was Harry Potter sent to the office?… Because he was cursing in class! (School Jokes & Principal Jokes)
Teacher: Give me a sentence beginning with “I.” Student: I is the… Teacher: Remember you must say “I am” not “I is.” Student: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet. (Grammar Jokes)
Teacher: What are two pronouns? Student: Who? Me? (Grammar Jokes)
What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?… A teacher says, “Spit out that gum!” and a train says, “Chew! Chew!” (Train Jokes)
Teacher: I hope I didn’t see you looking at Sara’s exam? Student: I hope you didn’t either.
Do fish go on vacation?… No, because they’re always in schools!
You know what’s odd?… Every other number! (Math Jokes for Kids)
Child: I think we need a new teacher. Mom: Why’s that? Child: Our teacher doesn’t know anything! She keeps asking us for the answers…
Why did the pirate fail his spelling class?…. Because he insisted there were seven ‘C’s. (Deos Selplnig Ralely Mtetar? / Spelling Lists / Pirate Jokes / 180 School Jokes)
How do you comfort a grammar teacher?… Say… “They’re, there, their.” (Grammar Jokes)
Why was the geometry book so adorable?… Because it had acute angles. (Geometry Jokes)
What do you call a teacher who forgot to take attendance?… Absent-minded.
What’s the best place to grow flowers in school?… In the kindergarden. (Flower Jokes & Kindergarten Jokes)
What is a math teacher’s favorite snake?… a pi – thon. (Snake Jokes)
What dinosaur knows the most synonyms?… A Thesaurus. (Grammar Jokes & Dinosaur Jokes)
What did the triangle say to the circle?… You are pointless. (Geometry Jokes)
What do you call an English teacher with a social media addiction?… An Instagrammar. (Grammar Jokes)
Why did the student bring a ladder to school?… Because they heard it was high school! (High School Jokes)
What are ten things a teacher can always count on?… Their fingers. (Biology Jokes)
Why do magicians do so well in school?… They are so good at the trick questions!
What is a pirate’s favorite class?… Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt! (Art Jokes & Pirate Jokes)
Teacher: If I had 8 oranges in one hand and 10 apples in the other hand, what would I have? Student: Big hands!
What do librarians use as fishing bait?… A bookworm. (Book Jokes)
Pirates are not very good students… They are just above C-level. (Pirate Jokes)
What do you call a group of boys who love math?… Alge-bros. (Algebra Jokes)
What do you call a pirate that skips class?… Captain Hooky! (Pirate Jokes)
What students like vegetables the most?… Kindergardners. (Kindergarten Jokes)
What do you call a ruler, protractor, and a compass hanging out together?… Weapons of Math Instruction. (Math Jokes for Kids)
What competition do skunks win at school?… The smelling bee. (Bee Jokes & Skunk Jokes)
What do you call when the high school biology teachers take a picture?… Cell-fie. (Biology Jokes & Photography Jokes)
What is the difference between a comma and the Cat in the Hat?… One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause. (Grammar Jokes & Cat Jokes)
Why did the school librarian get kicked off the plane?… It was overbooked! (Library Jokes)
What is the longest word in the English Dictionary?… Smiles because there is a mile between the first letter and the last one. (Grammar Jokes)
Why did the teacher write on the window?… Because she wanted the lesson to be clear!
My Social Studies teacher can read maps better than anyone I know… She is a legend. (Social Studies Jokes)
Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed?… She couldn’t control her pupils!
Principal Jokes for Kids: Students going to the Homecoming Dance: Knock Knock!… Who’s there?… Dewey….Dewey who?… Dewey have to take a breathalizer? (Police Jokes & Homecoming Jokes
I am close with 25 letters of the alphabet… I don’t know Y.
Why did the echo get detention?… It kept answering back.
What do you call an acid with an attitude?… A – Mean – Oh acid. (Biology Jokes)
What do you call a music teacher with problems?… A trebled person. (365 Music Jokes)
When did Anakin’s Jedi masters know he was leaning towards the dark side?… In the Sith Grade. (Star Wars Jokes for Kids)
What do math teachers like to eat?… Pi. (Pi Jokes)
How are coffee beans like middle school kids?… They’re always getting grounded. (Coffee Jokes)
Why is 6 afraid of 7?… Because 7 8 (ate) 9. (Math Jokes for Kids)
What do you get when you cross a teacher and a vampire?… Lots of blood tests! (Vampire Jokes)
Why did the student eat his homework?… The teacher said it was a piece of cake. (Cake Jokes)
Why did the students study in the airplane?… Because they wanted higher grades. (Plane Jokes)
Knock! Knock!… Who is there?… Teddy!… Teddy who?… Teddy (today) is the first day of school! (Knock Knock Jokes for Kids & Jokes for the 1st Day of School)
Why did the teacher dive into the ocean, lake, river, or pool?… She wanted to test the water! (Swimming Jokes / Teacher Jokes / 180 School Jokes / Ocean Jokes)
What’s a teacher’s favorite type of music?… Class-ical! (365 Music Jokes)
Why did the student put their pencil under their pillow?… They wanted to draw their dreams! (Pencil Jokes)
Where does a surfer go to school?… Boarding school
Why couldn’t the music teacher open the piano?… All the keys were on the inside. (365 Music Jokes)
What’s a math teacher’s favorite place in New York?… Times Square. (New York Jokes & Math Jokes for Kids)
What do you call Santa’s siblings?… Relative clauses. (Christmas Jokes & Grammar Jokes)
What do you call bears with no ears?… B. (Bear Jokes)
Why did the M&M go to school?… Because he really wanted to be a Smartie! (Candy Jokes & 180 School Jokes)
Old math teachers never die… They just lose some of their functions. (Cemetery Jokes)
What does a Math Teacher climb for fun?… Geome-tree. (Geometry Jokes)
Why is it sad parallel lines will never meet?… because they have so much in common.
Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher?… There was no chemistry. (Physics Jokes / Biology Jokes / Chemistry Jokes))
What did the ghost teacher say to his class?… “Look at the board and I’ll go through it again!” (Ghost Jokes & Top 10 Teacher Jokes)
Time is a great teacher… unfortunately it kills all its students.
Teacher: You missed school yesterday. Student: Not really.
What pencil did Shakespeare write with?… . 2B. (Pencil Jokes)
What kind of meals do math teachers eat?… Square meals.(Geometry Jokes)
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?… On the bottom.
Where do pencils come from?… Pennsylvania.
Why were the early history called the Dark Ages?… Because there were so many knights.
Why is the obtuse angle angry?… Because he is never right.
Do you know what is odd?… Numbers that cannot be divided by 2!
Where did the piano teacher go on vacation?… The Florida Keys.
What do you call an ant who skips school?… A truant! (Ant Jokes)
What’s a school teacher’s favorite nation?… Expla-nation. (World Geography)
Knock Knock!… Who’s there!… B-2!… B-2 who?… B-2 school on time! (Knock Knock Jokes for Kids & Jokes for the 1st Day of School)
Why do calculators make great friends?… You can always count on them.
Who’s the king of the classroom?… The ruler!
Chemistry Teacher: Be like a proton… ALWAYS positive.
English Teacher: Last night someone broke into my classroom and stole all the dictionaries… I am at a complete loss of words.
The past, present, and future walk into the class for the last day of school… It was tense. (Jokes for the Last Day of School)
My student is reading a book on anti-gravity… she can’t put it down.
Why did the student get mad when his math teacher called him average?… It was just a “mean” thing to say.
Which king loved fractions?… Henry the 1/8th.
Where are all the top math teachers buried?… The symmetry.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?… Because you can use your alg0 – rhythm.
Why did Pi gets it’s driver’s license revoked?… It did not know when to stop.
How does a bee get to class?… On the school-buzz. (180 School Jokes)
What’s more amazing than a talking dog?… A Spelling Bee. (Dog Jokes for Kids & 26 Kindergarten Lessons ABC)
Why is history the sweetest subject?… Because it’s full of dates.
What are double negatives?… a big NO-NO!
Why is a corner always the hottest part of a school room?… It is 90 degrees.
Student: What is your favorite element? Chemistry Teacher: Helium. I can’t speak highly enough about it.
Never date an apostrophe… They are too possessive.
Teacher: “More than 200 years ago, our forefathers defeated the British in the Revolutionary War.”… Student: “Wow! They must have been pretty strong, four men defeating a whole army!” (180 School Jokes & 4th of July Jokes for Kids)
Why did the biology teacher go to jail?… She stole cell phones!
“We have too many quizzes in school!” the middle student said testily.
Did you hear about the kid-napping at school?… It’s ok, he woke up!
Why did the teacher go to the picnic?… To learn about ant-cedents! (Grammar Jokes)
Why did the scarecrow become a teacher?… Because he was outstanding in his field! (Farming Jokes)
When is a blue school book not a blue school book?… When it is read! (180 School Jokes & Book Jokes)
What do you call a boy with a dictionary in his pocket?… Smartie Pants! (Grammar Jokes)
Why did the M&M go to middle school?… Because he really wanted to be a Smartie! (Candy Jokes for Kids)
Why did the nose not want to go to middle school?… He was tired of getting picked on! (October: Bullying Prevention Month)
Why did Rudolph get a bad report card?… Because he went down in history. (History Jokes)
Why was the geometry class always tired?… Because they were all out of shape.
Why was the computer cold in class?… It left its Windows open. (Computer Jokes)
Why don’t scientist teachers trust atoms?… Because they make up everything! (Chemistry Jokes)
What time would it be if Godzilla came to school?… Time to run! (Track and Field Jokes)
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?… Because her students were so bright! (Sun Jokes)
What do you call a bear with no teeth?… A gummy bear!
Why did Columbus do on his school report cards?… He always worked at C-Level. (Columbus Day Jokes)
What did the square say to the old circle?… Been around long? (Top Math Jokes & 101 Pi Day Jokes)
Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?… Because they dropped out of school. (Ocean Jokes)
What middle school supply is always tired?… A knapsack! (Napping Jokes & 180 School Jokes)
Where do you smart hot dogs go?… On the honor roll. (Hot Dog Jokes)
How do you fix a broken teacher?… With glue sticks!
Why did the broom get a poor grade in school?… I don’t know. Because it was always sweeping during class! (Napping Jokes)
What did the fish get on his math test?… A sea plus. (Ocean Jokes Math Jokes for Kids)
What did one wall say to the other wall?… “I’ll meet you at the corner!”
Why did the history teacher go to the beach?… To catch some waves from the past!
What do you call a fish who teaches music?… A bass-oon!
Which school teaches you to greet people?… “Hi” school
Why did the English teacher bring a ladder to class?… To help students find the right phrases!
Why did the music teacher go to jail?… She got caught with too many sharp objects!
Why did the geometry teacher go to the beach?… To catch some rays and angles!
What do you call a teacher who never farts in public?… A private tutor.
Why did the computer science teacher get in trouble?… He forgot to Ctrl-Alt-Delete his mistakes!
How do you organize a space party?… You “planet!”
How does a scientist freshen their breath?… With experi-mints.
Why did the art teacher go to the hospital? She had too many strokes.
Why did the geography teacher get in trouble?… He lost his bearings!
Why did the teacher go to the beach during math class?… She wanted to work on her tan-gents!
Which tool is best for math?… The multi-pliers.
Why was the geometry class always tired?… Because they were all out of shape.
Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor?… The teacher told them not to use tables.
Why was the fraction skeptical about marrying the decimal?… Because he would have to convert.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?… With a pair of Caesars!
Swimmers love one kind of math more than all others, what is it?… Dive-ision!
If Satan was a teacher, which subject would he teach?… Trigonometry because there’s a lot of sin.
Why did the teacher go to the bakery?… She wanted to improve her fractions!
Which school teachers have the greenest thumbs?… The kinder-garden teachers!
Why didn’t the banana go to school?… It wasn’t peeling well!
Why doesn’t the sun have to go to school?… It’s bright enough!
When do you go on red and stop at green?… When you’re eating a watermelon!
Teacher: Why are you late for school? Student: Because of a sign down the road. The sign said, “School Ahead, Go Slow!
What is a snake’s favorite class?… Hissss-tory! (Top Social Studies Jokes)
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah who?… Noah more summer vacation – it’s time for school! (Knock Knock Jokes for Kids & Jokes for the 1st Day of School)
Why do trees hate going back to school in the fall?… Because they’re easily stumped! (Fall Jokes & Back to School Jokes)
What is a witch’s favorite class?… Spelling.
Knock knock!… Who’s there?… Doughnut. Doughnut Who?… Doughnut forget do your homework or you will have to go to summer school! (Knock Knock Jokes for Kids / Summer School Jokes / Donut Jokes)
Teacher: What did you do this weekend? Student: I did some baking. Synonym rolls just like grammar used to make!
What did the math book tell the pencil?…. I have a lot of problems.
What do billboards study in school?…. Sign language!
Did you hear the joke about the school construction project?….I’m still working on it!
Where do you smart hot dogs go?… On the honor roll. (Hot Dog Jokes)
Why did the middle school student steal a chair from the classroom?… Because the teacher told him to take a seat.
I just asked my teacher what his favorite part about being a teacher is…He responded with June, July, and August. (180 School Jokes & June Jokes)
Why didn’t the class clown use hair oil the day before the big test?… Because he didn’t want anything to slip his mind.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?… Something between us smells!
Where do you put smart hot dogs?…. On honor rolls! (Hot Dog Jokes & 180 School jokes)
What do you call a Boston crème do-nut that’s a straight A student?… The cream of the crop. (Donut Jokes)
Two wrongs don’t make a right. But what do two WRIGHTS make?… A plane (Orville and Wilbur WRIGHT)!
What do you get when you cross a teacher with a tiger?… I don’t know, but you better behave in their class!
What did the dentist give to the marching band?… A TUBA toothpaste.
Why did Rudolph’s nose light up in school?… He was a very bright student. (Reindeer Jokes)
What do elves learn in school?… The elf-abet! (Elf Jokes)
Why was the glow worm teacher unhappy?… Her students weren’t bright enough. (365 Teacher Jokes & Worm Jokes)
What do a chicken and a school band have in common?….They both have drum sticks!
How was that Camping Field Trip?…Intense (in-tents)!
Why are glow worms good to carry in your backpack?… They can lighten your load (Worm Jokes)
What do you find in an empty nose?…fingerprints! (Elementary School Jokes)
Why did the sun go to school?… To get brighter. (Sun Jokes & 180 School Jokes)
Why did the worm cross the ruler?… To become an inchworm. (Worm Jokes)
Why are bananas good at gymnastics… They do great banana splits! (Gymnastics Jokes & Banana Jokes)
Why won’t the elephant use the computer?…. He’s afraid of the mouse! (Computer Jokes & Elephant Jokes)
What did zero (0) say to eight (8)?… Nice belt.
What is the state with the loudest teachers?… ILL-I-NOISE (Top Geography Jokes)
What is the state with the loudest students?… ILL-I-NOISE (Top Geography Jokes)
How do athletes stay cool during a high school game?…They sit near the fans!
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left for school?….Bye son (bison)
Why is it so hot in a high school football stadium after a game?….All the fans have left!
What did the high school mermaid say when the boy sea asked her for a date?….Shore. (Top Geography Jokes)
What did one math book say to the other?… You think you’ve got problems.
Where can you find an ocean without water?…. on a map! (Top Geography Jokes)
Where do high school drama teaches like to take their students on a camping field trip?… The Hollywoods! (Top Geography Jokes)
When is a high school theater clumsy?… When the curtain falls.
Why was the book in the hospital?… Because it hurt his spine.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to school?… He had NO BODY to go with.
Why did the student throw a clock out the window?… He wanted time to fly.
What kind of pants do ghosts wear to school?… Boo jeans! (Top Halloween Jokes)
Why did the teacher throw a clock out the window?… He wanted time to fly.
What is a pirate’s favorite letter?… RRRRR (Top Pirate Jokes)
Why did the principal throw a clock out the window?… He wanted time to fly.
Where do you put smart hamburgers?….On honor rolls!
Why didn’t the skeleton go to school dance?… He had NO BODY to go with.
Where do you put smart sausages?….On honor rolls!
When is the best time for a student to go to the dentist?…2:30 (Tooth Hurty)!
Why did the teacher marry the janitor?… Because they swept them off their feet.
When is the best time for a teacher to go to the dentist?…2:32 (Tooth Hurty too)!
What high school supply is always tired?… A knapsack! (Napping Jokes & 180 School Jokes)
Did you hear about the teacher who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?… He’s all right now.
What did the picture in the principal’s office say to the wall?… I was framed!
Why was the cafeteria clock behind on the first day?… It kept going back four seconds.
What room can a student never enter?… A mushroom.
What does a book do when it gets cold?… It puts on a jacket.
Why is glue terrible at math?… It always gets stuck on the problems.
What flies around the school at night?… An alpha-bat
More Jokes for Fun What do you call a sleeping cow?… a bulldozer! (Cow Jokes & Napping Jokes)
What did Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger name their daughter?….Patty
What kind of hats do they where at the North Pole?…. Ice Caps! (Top Geography Jokes)
What kind of snack do you have during a scary movie?…. I scream (ice cream) (Ice Cream Day Jokes)
What is a cat’s favorite dessert?….Pie a la meow’d!!!
Why is music like a fish?…. They both have scales!
What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?…. a walkie-talkie
What happens when you wear a snowsuit inside?…… It melts! (Top Winter Jokes)
Did you hear about the dog at the flea circus?… He stole the show!
What does an envelope say when you lick it?… Nothing. It just shuts up.
How can you tell the ocean is friendly?… It waves! (Top Geography Jokes)
Which are the stronger days of the week?…Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
Which runs faster, hot or cold?… Hot. Everyone can catch a cold.
What did the flower say to the bike?… Petal!
Did people laugh when the lady fell on the ice?… No, but the ice cracked up.
Knock knockout?… Who is there?…Daisy…Daisy who?…Daisy plays, nights he sleeps!
What did the older chimney say to the younger chimney?… You’re too little to smoke!
What did the stamp say to the envelope?… Stick with me we’ll go places!
What do you call a cow with no legs?… Ground beef.
How do you make a tissue dance?… Put a little boogey in it!
What did the water say to the boat?… Nothing, it just waved. (Top Geography Jokes)
Why don’t skeletons fight each other?…They don’t have the guts.
Did you hear about the kidnapping?… Probably not, he is still sleeping.
How do small children travel?… In mini-vans
What has hands but does not clap…. A clock!
How do you make an egg roll?…. You push it.
What kind of chain is edible?…. A food chain! (Top Science Jokes)
How do hens stay fit?….The “egg-ercise”
What kind of cat likes water?….an octopuss!
What did the bunny say on January 1st?….Hoppy new year!
Why did the tomato turn red?….It saw the salad dressing!
What did the grape do when it got stepped on?….It let out a little wine!
Where did the spaghetti go to dance?….The Meat Ball!
When is a door like a bottle?….When the door is ajar.
What is the best thing to put into a pie?….A fork!
What does a pig put on a cut?….Oinkment
What do call of people afraid of Santa Claus?….Claustrophobic
What is a pilot’s favorite type of donut?….A plain (plane) donut!
Why is a lost Dalmatian easily found?….Because he is always spotted!
Did you hear the joke about the cookie?….It is crummy.
What is a cat’s favorite color?….PUUUUURple
What goes tick-tock, woof-woof?….A watchdog!
How do you get a peanut to laugh?…. you crack it up!
Why did the farmer bury all his money?…. to make his soil rich!
Why do shoemakers go to heaven?…. Because they have good soles!
What do you call it when a cat sues another cat? … A Claw suit.
Why do fish swim in salt water?… Pepper makes them sneeze.
What is a robot’s favorite snack?… Computer chips!
What do you call a fish with two knees?… A two nee fish!
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?… Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bay gulls (bagels)! (Top Geography Jokes)
Why did the boy stare at the automobile’s radio?… He wanted to watch a car-tune.
Why was the annoying exterminator fired?… Because he bugged his boss.
How did the soldier fit his tank in his house?… It was a fish tank!
What did the leaves name their sons?… Russell. (Top Fall Jokes)
What is a rapper’s favorite toy?… a yo – YO!
Have you heard of the singing group the three dwarves?… Probably not. They are not that big.
What has wheels and flies?… a garbage truck!
Where do cows go on dates?… MOOOOvies
Why was the trashcan sad?… He / she was dumped.
Why did the cookie cry?… He was feeling crumby.
Why did the computer go to the doctors?… It had a virus.
Why do birds fly south in the winter?… Because it’s too far to walk!
What do you call a cow with no feet?… Ground beef!
What do prisoners use to call each other?… Cell phones.
What do you get from a pampered cow?… Spoiled milk.
What dog keeps the best time?… A watchdog.
What did the bottle of dressing say to the person who opened the refrigerator door?… “SHUT THE DOOR!” I’m dressing!
What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?…Dam! (Top Geography Jokes)
Why is a traffic light red?… You would be red too if you were changing in front of people all day.
Why does the pirate wear camouflage underwear?… To hide his booty! (Top Pirate Jokes)
Did I tell you the joke about the ceiling?… Oh forget it. It’s over your head.
What room is a dead man most afraid of?… The living room!
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?… Nothing. He waved. (Top Geography Jokes)
Why was the strawberry sad?… His mother got into a JAM!
What do you call cheese that is not yours?… NACHO cheese!
What did one cannibal say to other after eating a clown?… Hey! Does this taste FUNNY to you?
What did one lamp say to the other lamp?… Hey! You turn me on!
Did you hear about the two antennas that got married?… The wedding ceremony wasn’t too good, but the reception was great!
What did the man say when he walked into the bar?… Ouch!
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?… They’re trying to get away from the noise.
What does a skeleton order when he goes to a bar?… A beer and a mop.
Where do fish put their money?….. in a river bank!
What is the favorite TV show of fish?… Name that TUNA!
What did one penny say to the other penny?… Let’s get together and make some (sense) cents!
How much did it cost for a pirate to pierce his ears? … a buck an ear (a buccaneer)!
Why did the skeleton go to the piano store?…To buy some organs!
What section of the paper does a ghost always read?…the HORRORscopes
Why did the skeleton hold up the barbecue?… He needed a spare rib.
What did one eye say to the other eye?… Something between us smells!
What do you call a cow that walks on water?… Holy cow!
Why did the lettuce beat the carrot in a race?… Because it was a head!
What do you call a deer with no eyes?… No-Eye Deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes AND no legs… Still, no eyed deer!
What do you get you drop a piano down a mineshaft?… A flat minor.
What did one plate say to the other plate?…Lunch (dinner, or breakfast) is on me!
Where does Santa keep his money?… In a snow bank!
What did one wall say to the other?… Hey, let’s meet in the corner.
What is a knight’s favorite fish?… swordfish
Why do fish swim in salt water?… Pepper makes them sneeze.
Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Daisy… Daisy who?… Daisy plays, nights he sleeps!
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? … A nervous wreck.
Why did the man put his money in the freezer?… He wanted cold hard cash!
What is a construction workers favorite bird? … A crane!
If two is a pair and three is a crowd, what are four and five?… Nine!
Why did the turtle cross the road? … To get to the “Shell” (gas) stations! (World Turtle Day Jokes / Turtle Jokes for Kids / Turtle Jokes)
Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? … Because he’s always a little short.
Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Irish…Irish who? … Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day! (Top St. Patrick’s Day Jokes)
When does “B” come after “U”?… When you disturb its hive.9
What is a frog’s favorite drink? … “croak – a – cola”
Have you heard the joke about the baseball? … It’ll leave you in stitches. (Top Baseball Jokes)
If April showers bring may flowers, what do mayflowers bring? … Pilgrims (Top Thanksgiving Day Jokes)
What did one candle say to the other candle? … Are you going out tonight?
What did the blanket say to the bed? … Don’t worry. I got you covered.
Why did Silly Bill tip toe past the medicine cabinet? … He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills.
What is a pokemon’s favorite dance? … The hokey pokemon
What bird can write under water? … A ball-point “pen” quin
Have you heard the joke about the sidewalk? … It’ll crack you up!
Knock, knock…Who’s there?…Dwayne…Dwayne who? … Dwayne the bathtub, I’m dwowning!
Why did the turkey cross the road? … To prove it wasn’t chicken.
Knock, knock…Who’s there?…No body… (Don’t say anything)!
What kind of witch likes the beach? … a SAND witch (sandwich)!
What do you get if you say “Tornado” ten times backward and forward? … A real tongue-twister!
Did you hear the one about the duck who robbed banks? … He was a safe quacker.
What kind of key does not open a lock? … a mon – KEY!
Why is your nose in the middle of your face? … Because it is the “scenter.” / Center!
How do you make a Venetian blind? … Poke him in the eye.
What do you call a bird that is sad? … A Blue Bird!
What do you call a fish with no I’s? … A Fssssssh!
Why did the baseball player get arrested? … Because he stole second base!
What was the baby ant so confused? … Because all his uncles were ANTS!
Why was the dolphin so sad? … Because he had no PORPOISE in life!
What happened when the frog parked illegally? … It was TOAD!!
What always falls and never gets hurt?……..rain!
I heard they put a new wing on the school….That is true, but it still won’t fly.
What do astronauts have for dinner?…Launch meat!
What letters are not in the alphabet?…The ones in the mail.
Knock Knock!…Who’s there?…Cargo!…Cargo who?…CarGo Beep Beep!
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears?… anything you want, it can’t hear you!
What is the only bow that you can’t tie?…Rainbow!
Knock Knock. Who’s there?…Dishes….Dishes who?…Dishes the police, come out with your hands up!!
What is the loudest state?… ILL-I-NOISE (Top Geography Jokes)
Knock knock…who’s there?…little boy…little boy who?…little boy who can’t reach the doorbell!
Why did the boy throw the butter out the window?… to see a butterfly!
Why are Teddy Bears never hungry?…Because they are always stuffed!
How are coffee beans like high school kids?… They’re always getting grounded.
What do you call cheese that is not yours?… NA Cho cheese! (Cinco De Mayo Jokes)
Knock Knock!… Who’s there!… B-2!… B-2 who?… B-2 middle school on time! (Knock Knock Jokes for Kids & Jokes for the 1st Day of School)
How do billboards talk?…. Sign language!

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