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Google Search “Army Jokes”

  1. Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?… Because freedom rings! (Memorial Day Knock Knock Jokes)
  2. What are the two main rules in the Army?… 1. The commanding officer is always right. 2. If the commanding officer is not right, see #1.
  3. Why was the sergeant mad when his son brought home a perfect score on his math test?… His son spent more time dividing than conquering. (Math Jokes for Teachers).
  4. What did you do before becoming a dentist?… “I was in the army… I was a drill sergeant.” (Dentist Jokes)
  5. When I lost my rifle, the army charged me $255.99. That’s why in the navy, the captain goes down with the ship. (Navy Jokes)
  6. I became a chef after I left the army… Some would say I am a seasoned veteran. (Labor Day Jokes & Veterans Day Jokes)
  7. A lot of people assume pirates prefer to be in the navy…. But actually they prefer the arrrrrrrrmy. (Army Jokes & Pirate Jokes)
  8. Where did the General put his armies?… In his sleevies. (get it his sleeves)? (Biology Jokes)
  9. Army soldiers can’t comprehend the 6-foot social distancing requirement… But everyone in the navy can fathom it. (Navy Jokes)
  10. What did the commander say to his troops?… March 4th! (March Jokes & Veterans’ Day Jokes)
  11. What month do all troops hate?… March. (March Jokes)
  12. What’s the best job for babies in the Army?… The Infantry. (Baby Jokes)
  13. What do you call a high-ranking soldier who hates recycling?… General Waste. (Environment Jokes)
  14. Soldiers in Heaven Little Jake asked his mother during the Memorial Day Parade: “Mamma, don’t soldiers ever go to heaven?” “Of course they do!” protested his mother. “What makes you ask?” “There are so many soldiers with beards but I never saw any pictures of angels with beards.” he replied The mother responded “Oh, that’s because most vets who go to Heaven get there by a close shave.” (Barber Jokes)
  15. Teacher: “More than 200 years ago, our forefathers defeated the British in the Revolutionary War.”… Student: “Wow! They must have been pretty strong, four men defeating a whole army!” (180 School Jokes & 4th of July Jokes for Kids)
  16. Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?… He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup! (Coffee Jokes)
  17. Have you heard about the karate champion who joined the army?… The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself! (Veterans Day Jokes & Army Jokes)
  18. Why do volleyball player want to join the armed forces?… For the chance to gain some experience in the service. (Volleyball Jokes)
  19. What was the name of the worm army?… The Apple Corps. (Worm Jokes & Apple Jokes
  20. A small boy was staring at the names on the wall of an old church when the pastor noticed him. “What are you looking at?” asked the clergyman. “All those names. Who are they?” the boy asked. The pastor nodded, and said, “They are the reason we have Memorial Day. They are those who died in the service.” The little boy considered that, then asked quietly, “The 9 o’clock service or the 11 o’clock?” (Cemetery Jokes)
  21. Who was the funniest person in George Washington’s army?… Laughayette. (Presidents Day Jokes)
  22. Did you hear about the artist in the Continental Army?… He was a Yankee doodler. (Art Jokes)
  23. What do army guys read on Memorial Day?… A magazine. (Memorial Day Jokes)
  24. Did you hear about the popcorn that joined the army?… They made him a kernel. (Veterans Day Jokes & Popcorn Jokes)
  25. A Great American Book Never Written: “The Parts of the National Anthem” by Homer D. Brave. (Flag Day Jokes & Book Jokes)
  26. My great-grandfather fought with Napoleon, my grandfather fought with the French and my father fought with the Americans…. Your relatives couldn’t get along with anyone, could they? (Grandparent Jokes)
  27. An octopus went off to war… It’s a good thing that he was well-armed. (Octopus Jokes & Veterans Day Jokes)
  28. What did the Navy say to the army soldier?… “I’ll SEAL you later.” (Seal Jokes & Coast Guard Jokes)
  29. Army jet pilot: This is it! We’re flying faster than the speed of sound! Copilot: What? (Pilot Jokes & Plane Jokes)
  30. What do army guys say if they forget Memorial Day?… Ah, shoot! (Memorial Day Jokes)
  31. How do you fight a killer bee?… With a Buzz-ooka. (Bee Jokes)
  32. What do you get when you drop a piano on an Army officer?… A flat major. (365 Music Jokes)
  33. What did the commander say to his troops?… March 4th! (March Jokes & Veterans’ Day Jokes)
  34. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best army jokes.
  35. A recruiter asks an octopus if he wants to join the Army… The octopus says no thanks I’m army enough as it is. (Octopus Jokes & Veterans Day Jokes)
  36. Who wins most of the medals for bravery in Burger Land?… The meatball heroes! (Meatball Jokes & Hamburger Jokes)
  37. Who won the zombie war?…Nobody, it was dead even. (Zombie Jokes)
  38. What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?…The Americans licked the British. (4th of July Jokes for Kids)
  39. The Memorial Day Weekend was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. “We live in a great country,” she said. “One of the things we should be happy about is that, in this country, we are all free.” One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said. . . .“I’m not free. I’m four.” (Elementary School Jokes)
  40. An ice cream cone and a slice of cheesecake joined the army. They eventually abandoned their fellow soldiers. They are now wanted for dessertion.
  41. What do you call a military tree who doesn’t return on time?… Absent without leaf. (Tree Jokes)
  42. Did you know you can’t eat ice cream in the military?… Apparently you get arrested for desserting. (Ice Cream Jokes)
  43. What happens when you eat too many army Navy beans?… You might end up with a dishonorable discharge.
  44. Each branch has a military ball (Navy Ball, Army Ball, etc.) And it warms my heart to know that one branch will be having “Space Balls” from here on out. (Dance Jokes & Astronomy Jokes)
  45. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about the army?
  46. How is Tigger like a sergeant in the army?… They both wear stripes. 
  47. What do you call a really high ranking snack?… A popcorn colonel. (Veterans Day Jokes & Popcorn Jokes)
  48. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good army knock-knock joke?
  49. What is a cow’s favorite holiday?… Moomorial day. (Cow Jokes)
  50. How is a bag of popcorn like an army?… It has lots of kernels. (Veterans Day Jokes & Popcorn Jokes)
  51. The 2012 film Lincoln did well in theaters, historically this has not been true. (Civil War Jokes & Movie Jokes
  52. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good army knock knock jokes? (June Jokes Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  53. “When I was in the Army, I got both my arms shot off. I shouldered on, anyway.”
  54. What was General Washington’s favorite tree?…The infan-tree! (4th of July Jokes for Kids & Tree Jokes)
  55. Why did the soldier stuff himself with ice cream?… He was a desserter. (Ice Cream Jokes)
  56. An ice cream, a creme brulee, and a slice of cheesecake joined the army, but they abandoned their fellow soldiers on their first deployment… They are wanted for dessertion. (Ice Cream Jokes)
  57. Did you hear about the tree who deserted the forest at the end of fall… He was absent without leaves! (Fall Jokes & Veterans’ Day Jokes)
  58. What do you call someone who just got run over by a tank?… Crunchy.
  59. What kind of tea did the American colonists want?… Liberty. (Tea Jokes & American Revolution Jokes)
  60. What was the most popular dance in 1776?… Indepen-dance. (American Revolution Jokes)
  61. What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?…The Americans licked the British. (4th of July Jokes for Kids)
  62. What was the craziest battle of the Revolutionary War?…The Battle of Bonkers Hill. (4th of July Jokes for Kids)
  63. What did George Washington say to his men before they crossed the Delaware?…”Get in the boat, men!” (Top 50 State Jokes)
  64. Who was the biggest jokester in George Washington’s army?… Laughayette.
  65. What march would you play at a jungle parade?… “Tarzan Stripes Forever!” (Music Jokes & Tarzan Jokes)
  66. I became a ces)
  67. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good Army knock-knock joke?
  68. Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?… Because freedom rings! (Memorial Day Knock Knock Jokes)
  69. Where can you find Dumbledore’s Army?… Up his sleeve-y! (Harry Potter Jokes)
  70. Where does the King Charles keep his armies?… In his sleevies. (Top 50 Coronation Jokes)
  71. Which one of Washington’s officer’s had the best sense of humor?… Laughafayette.
  72. There are two turtles in a tank… one says to the other, “how do you drive this thing?” (Turtle Jokes)
  73. Did you hear about the karate master who joined the military?… He saluted and nearly chopped off his own head. (Karate Jokes)