101 College Graduation Jokes

by | May 14, 2023 | careers, Education, Latest News, School Jokes

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  1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best college graduation jokes in the WORLD! (Graduation Knock Knock Jokes)
  2. “I didn’t graduate with honors. I was honored just to graduate.” – Melanie White (High School Jokes & High School Graduation Jokes)
  3. It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father. “Let’s try to make this look natural” she said. “Junior, put your arm around your dad’s shoulder.” The father answered, “If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?” (Father’s Day Jokes for Kids & Dad Jokes)
  4. I used to get into fights at the drop of a hat… Which is probably why I got fired from my job as a graduation photographer. (Labor Day Jokes)
  5. After graduating from college and attending graduate school, A son moves away from home to earn an advacned degree. One of his letters home reads: Dear Father, University i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on. After receiving his son’s letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back. Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad (Dad Jokes)
  6. College is similar to high school… To a degree. (College Jokes & Graduation Jokes)
  7. My son just graduated from college. My friends asked me what he majored in. I told them he was studying to be an astronaut: he took up space. (Astronomy Jokes)
  8. Spring Fever: Four college seniors afflicted with spring fever skipped a final exam needed to graduate . After lunch they reported to the professor that they had a flat tire. Much to their relief she smiled and said, “Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper.” Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said: “First Question: Which tire was flat?” (Spring Jokes)
  9. Why didn’t the pirate make it to the dean’s list when he graduated?… All of his scores were in the C’s. (Pirate Jokes)
  10. I ordered a college graduation cake for my son.The baker asked me what I wanted it to say. Wow, talking cakes, who knew? (Cake Jokes)
  11. Knock Knock… Who’s there!… B-4!… B-4 who?… B-4 you take the diploma, shake the dean’s hand. (Principal Jokes for Kids)
  12. I was surprised when a friend said he’ll work at KFC right after college graduation. Out of curiosity, I asked him why. All he said was, “It’s on my bucket list.” (Fast Food Jokes)
  13. What did my puppy receive after he graduated from college?… His pedigree. (College Graduation Jokes & Puppy Jokes)
  14. Teacher: Where did your mom graduate from college? Student: Alaska. Teacher: Never mind, I’ll ask her myself. (Mother’s Day Jokes / College Graduation Jokes / Alaska Jokes)
  15. What would you call a vessel filled with college graduates?… It would be a scholarship.
  16. My 10 year college reunion was this weekend… I ran into these twin brothers I hadn’t seen since graduation, and I thought to myself.. “Well, you two still look the same.” (Sibling Jokes & Twin Jokes)
  17. What happened when the girl didn’t pass her final exam for her cosmetology degree?… She had to sign up for makeup classes.
  18. The corn will graduate from college tomorrow… We should attend the ceremony and corn-gratulate him! (College Jokes & Corn Jokes)
  19. The best student at the corn college is called the a-corn. (College Jokes & Graduation Jokes)
  20. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good college graduation joke? (Top 10 Jokes for Each Month & Graduation Knock Knock Jokes)
  21. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Gladys… Gladys, who?… Gladys graduation day! (Graduation Knock Knock Jokes & Summer Jokes)
  22. What happened when they found out about the kidnapping at the college graduation?… They woke him up. (Napping Jokes)
  23. College Graduation: Where you trade the agony of writing term papers for the agony of writing resumes.
  24. Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated. (Psychology Jokes)
  25. My college graduation was held inside the basketball arena and man was it hot…. It must have been like 5,000 degrees in there. (Basketball Jokes)
  26. A college graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.
  27. Graduation Party: Knock Knock. Who’s there?…Dishes….Dishes who?… Dishes the police, come out with your hands up!! (Police Jokes for Kids)
  28. Name a bus you can never enter?… A syllabus. (College Jokes & Graduation Jokes)
  29. College graduations are so immature… You can hardly get to the end without name calling.
  30. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Gladys… Gladys, who?… Gladys graduation!
  31. What do you get when you earn a degree in science?… A graduated cylinder. (Chemistry Jokes for Kids & Chemistry Jokes for Teachers)
  32. After 72 years since not completing her college course, my Grandma finally went back and earned her very first diploma……I asked her what will she be wearing for her graduation ceremony and she said depends. (Grandparent Jokes)
  33. I went to an ocean themed graduation party… It was a whale of a time. (Whale Jokes & Ocean Jokes)
  34. Why are college graduation ceremonies so warm?… There are thousands of degrees packed in there.
  35. At my college graduation I saw a bowl of fruit punch…So I told a bunch of my friends “I want to make a joke which requires some audience participation. “Then, I proceeded to instruct them to stand, single file, in front of the bowl. Once they had, I told them “Here’s the punch line.” (Watermelon Jokes)
  36. How many PhD candidates do you need to change a single light bulb?… You actually only need one, but it may take more than four years.
  37. A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store.” “But I’m a college graduate,” the young man replied indignantly. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here, give me the broom – I’ll show you how.”
  38. What do you call it if a math major can’t seem to hold down a job after their graduation?… It’s just a horrible after-math of the situation. (Math Jokes for Kids)
  39. What state has the loudest college graduations?… ILL-I-NOISE! (Top U.S. State Jokes)
  40. What did the swordfish say to the marlin on graduation day?… Looking sharp! (Fish Jokes)
  41. Why did the college graduate bury all his money?…. to make his soil rich! (Farming Jokes)
  42. Why did the college graduate put his money in the freezer? … He wanted cold hard cash!
  43. Why didn’t the new college course on flying become popular?… Nobody saw it taking off. (Pilot Jokes & Plane Jokes)
  44. One good thing about college graduation is that you get to wear a funny hat that makes your brain look larger than it actually is. (Hat Jokes)
  45. It’s tough out there, but if you take your college degree and apply yourselves, you will eventually succeed in finding…..an unpaid internship!
  46. Class of 2020: When my future children ask me about my college school graduation… And how I answer: “The graduation was great! But the reception was terrible.”
  47. What did the college graduate ask when he entered his graduation ceremony?… Is it one degree hotter in here? (College Graduation Jokes)
  48. Why did everyone think the valedictorian was so charming?… He was known to be a class act. (High School Jokes & High School Graduation Jokes)
  49. What did the graduate say when his mom asked him why he didn’t pick up his phone at his graduation?… I couldn’t pick up because the reception was horrible.
  50. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe you buy me a hat for my college graduation? (Hat Jokes)
  51. Why did one city stop organizing graduation ceremonies?… There was too much name-calling in it. (High School Jokes)
  52. I’d advise you graduates to keep your graduation gown… It’s the only outfit you might not outgrow.
  53. What school requires you to drop out in order to graduate?… Sky diving school.
  54. I guess the Tupperware lids in my house just graduate and go off to college or something.
  55. Chuck Norris graduated college in one hour.
  56. My wife saw her ex college boyfriend, drunk in the street. She said he started drinking when she broke up with him after graduation decades ago. I said…. ….Impressive. .. I’ve never seen anyone celebrate that long before.
  57. A waiter approaches a table celebrating their daughter’s graduation…Father: Our daughter just graduated from SCU with an English degree! Waiter: That’s so great! Congratulations! I actually have a Master’s degree in English Literature myself. Can I get you folks started with some chips and salsa? (Grammar Jokes & Cinco De Mayo Jokes)
  58. I got hit by a car on my way to my college graduation… The worst part is, I had the right of passage. (Car Jokes)
  59. I’d advise you college graduates to keep your graduation gown… It’s the only outfit you might not outgrow.
  60. How did the culinary graduate’s final exam go?… She says it was a piece of cake. (Cake Jokes)
  61. How do tall people graduate college?… They graduate top of their class.
  62. Why didn’t the sun graduate college?… Because it already had a million degrees! (College Jokes & Sun Jokes)
  63. Why did the college students study in the airplane?…. Because they wanted higher grades. (Pilot Jokes for Kids)
  64. Graduation was the first time that the school actually gave me something I wanted to read. – Melanie White (Book Jokes)
  65. LinkedIn is the worst dating app… All people want to talk about is work and what I plan on doing after graduation. (Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  66. Did you hear about the statistics major who ended up homeless when they couldn’t find a job after graduation?… It was a real bad after-math. (Math Jokes for Kids)
  67. Why was the baker so excited to go to the graduation party being hosted by her parents?… She was excited because she knew that she was going to have to make a toast. (Toast Jokes)
  68. The ice breaker I used for my graduation speech today… What do you call the speed of an herbal beverage at any given time?… Veloci-tea. (Tea Jokes)
  69. What did the herb say to his friends when he finally graduated from college with a degree in event management?… It is now my thyme to party! (Farming Jokes)
  70. What did the mother whale say to her daughter when she graduated from college?… You’ve done so whale, I couldn’t be more proud. (Whale Jokes)
  71. “If you majored in fine arts or philosophy, you have good reason to be worried. The only place you are now really qualified to get a job is in Ancient Greece.” Conan O’Brien
  72. The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.
  73. What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?… A law-botomy. (Lawyer Jokes)
  74. How many college graduates does it take to change a light bulb?… One, but it may take up to seven years! (College Jokes)
  75. Why did the college senior chuck his watch out the window?… He wished that time would fly. (High School Jokes & High School Graduation Jokes)
  76. Where did the ice-cream man graduate college from?… Sundae school. (Ice Cream Jokes / High School Jokes / High School Graduation Jokes)
  77. Why did a broom not graduate from college?… He was sweeping in the classes.
  78. Why was the bread senior such a good college student?… He was always on the honor roll. (Bread Jokes)
  79. Why did the college senior not want to attend the dance?… He thought the punch line was going to be too long.
  80. What did the clothes designer say to her son at his graduation?… “I’m Prada you son.” (World Geography Jokes)
  81. You have committed the grave tactical blunder of acquiring enough university credits to graduate. So now you’re leaving college and embarking on the greatest adventure – and the biggest challenge – of your young lives… moving back in with your parents.
  82. Why was the collete senior so excited to become a pilot?… He wanted to pursue higher education. (Labor Day Jokes & Pilot Jokes)
  83. What did the Dean give at the end of the culinary school convocation?… He gave a stirring tribute.
  84. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the college graduation?… Cause he had ‘no body’ to go with. (Skeleton Jokes)
  85. When I graduated from high school, I was so poor and couldn’t afford college. So my parents sent me to dog training school. I learned a lot when I was there. Sit, stay, roll over. I haven’t quite got the fetching part down. They say I’m a little rough around the edges. (Dog Jokes)
  86. I’ll be honest. I did not graduate at the top of my class. In fact, I was so close to the bottom, my sheepskin had a tail. (Sheep Jokes)
  87. Why do all the bad high school seniors carry scissors?… They love to cut class. (High School Jokes)
  88. When I finished college I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18, and I could just have his motorcycle. (High School Graduation Jokes)
  89. I will never forget my daughter’s words to me at her college graduation…”Wow dad. After 22 years you decide to come back…” (Father’s Day Jokes)
  90. What do you buy a friend graduating from University of Hawaii Law School?… A lobotomy.
  91. While watching graduation, I like to think all my students have the same potential. However, when shaking their hands afterwards, I really felt that wasn’t true… It was quite shocking!
  92. Chuck Norris graduated college in one hour. (Movie Jokes)
  93. What did the dessert say when he realized he was going to see his friends at his convocation for the last time?… I donut want to graduate. (Donut Jokes)
  94. “I spent my time during graduation pretty much the same way I spent it in class… sleeping.” Melanie White
  95. Why did the college professor have to wear a pair of sunglasses when he was standing next to all the graduate students that were on the dean’s list?… They were all really bright.
  96. What did the bay leaf tell his friends when he became the class valedictorian?… I can’t beleaf I made it this far. (Tree Jokes)
  97. What did the turkey say to the vegetable when she got a degree from culinary school?… I yam in awe of your talent. (Turkey Jokes)
  98. What did the father say to his son, the lightbulb, when he was receiving his degree in Optical and Imaging technologies?… You have a very bright future ahead of you. (Dad Jokes)
  99. Why doesn’t the soda graduate like ranking beverages with carbon at work?… He feels like the job is so-da grading. (Labor Day Jokes)
  100. What degree do wizards graduate in?… Defense Against the Liberal Arts Degree. (Harry Potter Jokes)
  101. Why was the college graduate so sad when he graduated from college?… He’d never found a bunch of mates he could clique with.