Turtle Jokes for Kids

by | May 22, 2019 | Latest News, School Jokes | 0 comments

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May 23rd: Tips on How to Shellebrate® World Turtle Day® on May 23 (2023)

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  1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best turtle jokes.
  2. How do you become the #1 page for turtle jokes?… Very slowly.
  3. What does a turtle do on World Turtle Day?… It shellebrates! (World Turtle Day Jokes)
  4. ​I’m not an animal rights activist or anything… but I think it is pretty messed up that there are sweaters from turtle necks.
  5. A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.” (Police Jokes)
  6. A turtle walked into a restaurant but the owner grabbed it and threw it out… It came back 5 months later and yelled: “Get your hands off me!”
  7. What happens when you bring a turtle to a World Turtle Day party?… It becomes a shellebration. (World Turtle Day Jokes)
  8. To do list 1. Buy a turtle 2. Name it ‘The speed of light’ 3. Be able to honestly say I can run faster than the speed of light. (Track and Field Jokes)
  9. What is a turtle’s favorite basketball drill for defense?… The shell drill. (365 Basketball Jokes)
  10. What was the snapping turtle doing at the Indianapolis 500?… About 1 mile per hour. (Indianapolis 500 Jokes)
  11. How do you make a turtle fast?… Don’t feed it. (Track and Field Jokes)
  12. What do you call a turtle who loves photography?… A snapping turtle. (Photography Jokes)
  13. I was a turtle in my past life… It’s slowly coming back to me. (Cemetery Jokes)
  14. What is a turtle’s favorite song?… Gimme Shell ter by the Rolling Stones! (365 Music Jokes)
  15. I’m looking for a book about turtles… I think it is a hard back. (Book Jokes)
  16. I used to have a teacher called Mrs. Turtle… Strange looking woman but she tortoise well. (May Jokes for Teachers)
  17. What do you get if cross a Turtle with a Giraffe?… A Turtle-Neck (Giraffe Jokes for Kids & Fall Jokes)
  18. My uncle died from a turtle stampede… It was a slow death. (Cemetery Jokes)
  19. What college sports team do turtles cheer for?… Maryland Terrapins. (Maryland Jokes) 
  20. What was the snapping turtle doing on the highway?… About 1 mile per hour. (Car Jokes)
  21. My pet turtle died. I’m not upset… just shell-shocked. (Cemetery Jokes)
  22. What do turtles use to communicate?… A shellphone!
  23. What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?… a turtle disaster. (Train Jokes)
  24. Did you hear about the self-help book written by a turtle?… It was a New York Times’ Best Sheller! (Book Jokes)
  25. The gun fight between the turtles and tortoises was barbaric!… Empty shells everywhere. (Police Jokes)
  26. I got invited to a costume party, so I went as a turtle… I had a shell of a time.
  27. If a turtle loses it’s shell… is it naked or homeless?
  28. My friend and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday… It tortoise nothing.
  29. What type of photos does a turtle love to take?… Shellfies. (Photography Jokes)
  30. What happens when your kids want to buy a tortoise?… You shell out a lot of money.
  31. Where does a turtle go during a blizzard?… A shell-ter. (Blizzard Jokes)
  32. Why did the turtle go to AT&T… because he couldn’t sprint. (Track and Field Jokes)
  33. Did you know turtles have the ability to understand puns?… I wish they would have tortoise that in school.
  34. What do you call a turtle chef?… A slow- cooker.
  35. What do you get when you cross a turtle and a porcupine?… a slow-poke. (Porcupine Jokes for Kids)
  36. I don’t let my pet turtle watch TV… I guess you can call it sheltered.
  37. What kind of jokes do turtles tell?… Shell-larious ones.
  38. What do you call a famous turtle?… A shellebrity.
  39. A big grey elephant was drinking out of a river when he saw a snapping turtle lying asleep on a log. The elephant walks up to the turtle and kicks it over the river to the other side. “Why did you do that?” asked a nearby beaver. “I remember that this little thing took a bite out of me 50 years ago,” exclaimed the elephant. “Wowsers, that is some memory!” said the beaver. “Indeed,” said the elephant. “Turtle recall.” (Elephant Jokes)
  40. What’s a turtle’s favorite sandwich?… Seanut butter and jelly-fish. (Peanut Butter Jokes)
  41. What do sea turtles use for money?… Sand dollars.
  42. My favorite teacher at school was Mrs. Turtle… Strange name, but she tortoise well. (May Jokes for Teachers)
  43. Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?… To the shell-block. (Police Jokes)
  44. Why did the turtle cross the main road?… To get to the Shell station. He was running on empty! (Track Jokes for Kids)
  45. What did the snail say when it was riding on the turtle’s back?… Weeeeeee!
  46. Did you know that sea turtles can also squirt ink?… Just Squidding! (Octopus Jokes)
  47. What do you get if you cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?… A turtle neck jumper. (Kangaroo Jokes)
  48. How did the turtle beat the hare?… It used a razor. (Rabbit Jokes)
  49. How did the turtle get off his back?… He rocked and rolled! (Music Jokes)
  50. Why is turtle wax so expensive?… Because they only have little ears.
  51. Why can’t a tortoise eat McDonald’s food?… Because, it is too slow for fast food! (Fast Food Jokes)
  52. I spent the whole day trying to carve the Ninja Turtles out of wood… But just ended up with a load of Splinters.
  53. A snail witnessed two turtles collide and have an accident. He was asked what he saw…. He said, “I’m not sure, it all happened so fast.”
  54. What happens when you bring a turtle to a party?… It becomes a shellebration.
  55. What do you call turtles who are only awake during the night time?… Noc-turtles. (Napping Jokes)
  56. What does a turtle do on it’s birthday?… It shellebrates! (Birthday Jokes)
  57. Two snails are sitting on the back of a turtle and one snail turns to the other and says “Hold on, friend. Here we go!”
  58. What happens to a turtle when it dies?… It goes into riga-tortoise. (Cemetery Jokes)
  59. What happened to the turtle who wanted to go to college?… His parents had to shell out a lot of money. (College Jokes)
  60. What is a Sea Turtle’s favorite sandwich?… Peanut butter and jellyfish. (Peanut Butter Jokes)
  61. What did the cow say to the turtle?… Get a mooooooooooooove on! (Cow Jokes for Kids)
  62. There are two turtles in a tank… one says to the other, “how do you drive this thing?” (Army Jokes)
  63. What’s a turtle’s go-to romantic move?… Slow dances. (Dance Jokes)
  64. What kind of photos does a turtle take?… Slowfies. (Photography Jokes)
  65. What happens when you get into fight with a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?… You get shell shocked.
  66. I walked into my local bookshop last week and queried if they had any books about my favorite animals which are turtles. The bookshop lady asked “hard back?” I replied “yep with small heads”
  67. Why do teenage mutant Ninja Turtles hate office work?… Because they can’t stand The Shredder.
  68. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Candice… Candice who?… Candice turtle walk any faster?
  69. What should a turtle wear for safety when on a construction site?… A shellmet.
  70. What do you call a sea turtle that flies?… A shell-icopter!
  71. Where do turtles go on vacation?… The Tortugas of course!
  72. What did the turtle do when he won the race?… He shellebrated! (Track Jokes for Kids)
  73. What did the taco say to the turtle?… I like your shell. (Taco Jokes)
  74. What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?… A slow-pork. (Pig Jokes for Kids)
  75. Why do turtles never forget?… Because they have turtle recall.
  76. Where do mud turtles keep their money?… In the riverbank.
  77. What does a turtle need to ride a bike?… A shellmet. (Bike Jokes)
  78. What did turtle say to the taco?… My shell or yours? (Taco Jokes)
  79. The ninja turtles and master splinter were found dead in their lair… The police ruled the deaths as sewer-cides. (Cemetery Jokes)
  80. What do you call a tortoise that is electrocuted?… Shell shocked.
  81. What do you call it when a group of turtles just won’t get along?… Reptile disfunction.
  82. A snail shop owner was attacked by a turtle gang. The police asked if he could describe the perpetrators, he said I don’t know, it happened so fast. (Police Jokes)
  83. Don’t trust the Yertle the Turtle… he’s always trying to shell out a bad deal. (Dr. Seuss Jokes)
  84. What did the turtle say to the surfing turtle?… You’re turtally wicked! (Surfing Jokes for Kids)
  85. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about turtles?
  86. Where does a turtle go when it’s raining?… A shell-ter. (Rain Jokes)
  87. What kind of jokes do sea turtles tell?… Shell-arious ones!
  88. What’s a turtle’s favorite snack?… Snap-peas!
  89. What kind of turtles and are easy to see?… Green See Turtles. (Ocean Jokes for Kids)
  90. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good turtle knock-knock joke?
  91. What do turtles do on snow days?… They go sledding in their shells!
  92. What’s a turtle’s favorite Shakespearean line?… “Shell I compare thee to a summer’s day?”
  93. What’s red, white, blue, and green?… A patriotic turtle! (American Revolution Jokes)
  94. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good turtle knock knock jokes? (June Jokes & Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  95. What’s a turtle’s favorite game?… Beakaboo.
  96. What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?… They have shell-a-bration! (Birthday Jokes)
  97. Turtle Pun: “That’s turtle-rific!”
  98. Turtle Pun: “Shell we dance?”
  99. Turtle Pun: “Slow and steady wins the race!”
  100. Turtle Pun: “I’ve got a shell of a plan!”
  101. Turtle Pun: “Let’s come out of our shells!”
  102. I was told to stop eating fast food… I now just eat turtles. (Fast Food Jokes)
  103. I told a turtle joke… but it didn’t come out of it’s shell.
  104. Why did the turtle cross the road?… To get to the shell station!
  105. What do you call a turtle with 6 feet?… A 6-foot turtle. (Biology Jokes for Kids)
  106. What does a turtle do during winter?… Sit by the fire and worm himself up. (Winter Jokes & Turtle Jokes)
  107. Where does a turtle go when during a hurricane?… A shell-ter. (Hurricane Jokes)
  108. Why did Leonardo put his head in a piano?… Because he wanted to play by ear. (Piano Jokes)
  109. What do you call a turtle that that keeps pooping everywhere?… Turdel.
  110. How did turtle Elvis get off his back?… He rocked and he rolled.
  111. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe spell turtle? (Canoe Jokes) 
  112. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe feed my turtle? (Canoe Jokes) 
  113. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe tell me your turtle’s name? (Canoe Jokes)
  114. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe buy me a turtle name? (Canoe Jokes)
  115.  Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe tell me how long a turtle lives? (Canoe Jokes)
  116.  Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe tell me how much a turtle weighs? (Canoe Jokes)
  117.  Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe tell me how much a turtle costs? (Canoe Jokes)
  118. Why do turtles never play poker?… They hate to shell out money.
  119. What’s a turtle’s favorite instrument?… The shell-o!
  120. What do you get when you cross a turtle and a Covid shot?… A slow-poke.
  121. What do you get when you cross a turtle and a flu shot?… A slow-poke.
  122. What do you get when you cross a turtle and a shingles shot?… A slow-poke.
  123. Where do you find a leg-less turtle?… Wherever you left it!
  124. What happened to the turtle who wanted to go to prep school?… His parents had to shell out a lot of money.
  125. What happened to the turtle who wanted to go to a private high school?… His parents had to shell out a lot of money.
  126. Why is a tortoise not able to stand up?… Because they have a reptile dysfunction.
  127. What did the turtle say when the frog jumped out from behind a bush?… “Oh, you sturtled me!”