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Google Search “Turtle Jokes”

  1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best turtle jokes.
  2. A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.” (Police Jokes)
  3. ​I’m not an animal rights activist or anything… but I think it is pretty messed up that there are sweaters from turtle necks. (Earth Day Jokes)
  4. A turtle walked into a restaurant but the owner grabbed it and threw it out… It came back 5 months later and yelled: get your hands off me!
  5. My uncle died from a turtle stampede… It was a slow death. (Cemetery Jokes)
  6. To do list 1. Buy a turtle 2. Name it ‘The speed of light’ 3. Be able to honestly say I can run faster than the speed of light. (Track and Field Jokes)
  7. I’m looking for a book about turtles… I think it is a hard back. (Book Jokes)
  8. What is a turtle’s favorite song?… Gimme Shell ter by the Rolling Stones! (365 Music Jokes)
  9. What do you call a turtle who loves photography?… A snapping turtle. (Photography Jokes)
  10. I was a turtle in my past life… It’s slowly coming back to me. (Cemetery Jokes)
  11. What do you get if cross a Turtle with a Giraffe?… A Turtle-Neck (Giraffe Jokes for Kids & Fall Jokes)
  12. What was the snapping turtle doing on the highway?… About 1 mile per hour. (Car Jokes)
  13. What type of photos does a turtle love to take?… Shellfies. (Photography Jokes)
  14. Where does a turtle go during a blizzard?… A shell-ter. (Blizzard Jokes)
  15. I used to have a teacher called Mrs. Turtle… Strange looking woman but she tortoise well. (May Jokes for Teachers)
  16. My pet turtle died. I’m not upset… just shell-shocked. (Cemetery Jokes)
  17. What do sea turtles use for money?… Sand dollars.
  18. How do you make a turtle fast?… Don’t feed it. (Track and Field Jokes)
  19. Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?… To the shell-block. (Police Jokes)
  20. If a turtle loses it’s shell, is it naked or homeless?
  21. What happens when your kids want to buy a tortoise?… You shell out a lot of money.
  22. Why can’t a tortoise eat McDonald’s food?… Because, it is too slow for fast food! (Fast Food Jokes)
  23. Why did the turtle cross the main road?… To get to the Shell station. He was running on empty! (Track Jokes for Kids)
  24. What do you call a turtle chef?… A slow- cooker.
  25. Why did the turtle go to AT&T… because he couldn’t sprint. (Track and Field Jokes)
  26. What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?… a turtle disaster. (Train Jokes)
  27. What do turtles use to communicate?… A shellphone!
  28. Did you hear about the self-help book written by a turtle?… It was a New York Times’ Best Sheller! (Book Jokes)
  29. The gun fight between the turtles and tortoises was barbaric!… Empty shells everywhere. (Police Jokes)
  30. What does a turtle do on it’s birthday?… It shellebrates! (Birthday Jokes)
  31. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Candice… Candice who?… Candice turtle walk any faster?
  32. Why is turtle wax so expensive?… Because they only have little ears.
  33. What do you get when you cross a turtle and a porcupine?… a slow-poke. (Porcupine Jokes for Kids)
  34. What happened to the turtle who wanted to go to college?… His parents had to shell out a lot of money.
  35. What do you call turtles who are only awake during the night time?… Noc-turtles. (Napping Jokes)
  36. What should a turtle wear for safety when on a construction site?… A shellmet.
  37. I was told to stop eating fast food… I now just eat turtles. (Fast Food Jokes)
  38. What did the snail say when it was riding on the turtle’s back?… Weeeeeee!
  39. My friend and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday… It tortoise nothing.
  40. How did the turtle get off his back?… He rocked and rolled! (Music Jokes)
  41. I got invited to a costume party, so I went as a turtle… I had a shell of a time.
  42. What do you call a sea turtle that flies?… A shell-icopter!
  43. What happens when you bring a turtle to a party?… It becomes a shellebration.
  44. What’s a turtle’s go-to romantic move?… Slow dances. (Dance Jokes)
  45. What did the turtle do when he won the race?… He shellebrated! (Track Jokes for Kids)
  46. What did the taco say to the turtle?… I like your shell. (Taco Jokes)
  47. What kind of jokes do turtles tell?… Shell-larious ones.