Top 50 Turtle Jokes

by | May 12, 2022 | Education, Latest News, School Jokes

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  1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best turtle jokes.
  2. What does a turtle do on World Turtle Day?… It shellebrates!
  3. How do you become the #1 page for turtle jokes?… Very slowly.
  4. A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.” (Police Jokes)
  5. ​I’m not an animal rights activist or anything… but I think it is pretty messed up that there are sweaters from turtle necks.
  6. A turtle walked into a restaurant but the owner grabbed it and threw it out… It came back 5 months later and yelled: get your hands off me!
  7. My uncle died from a turtle stampede… It was a slow death. (Cemetery Jokes)
  8. To do list 1. Buy a turtle 2. Name it ‘The speed of light’ 3. Be able to honestly say I can run faster than the speed of light. (Track and Field Jokes)
  9. What is a turtle’s favorite basketball drill for defense?… The shell drill. (365 Basketball Jokes)
  10. What was the snapping turtle doing at the Indianapolis 500?… About 1 mile per hour. (Indianapolis 500 Jokes)
  11. How do you make a turtle fast?… Don’t feed it. (Track and Field Jokes)
  12. What do you call a turtle who loves photography?… A snapping turtle. (Photography Jokes)
  13. I was a turtle in my past life… It’s slowly coming back to me. (Cemetery Jokes)
  14. What is a turtle’s favorite song?… Gimme Shell ter by the Rolling Stones! (365 Music Jokes)
  15. I’m looking for a book about turtles… I think it is a hard back. (Book Jokes)
  16. I used to have a teacher called Mrs. Turtle… Strange looking woman but she tortoise well. (May Jokes for Teachers)
  17. What do you get if cross a Turtle with a Giraffe?… A Turtle-Neck (Giraffe Jokes for Kids & Fall Jokes)
  18. What college sports team do turtles cheer for?… Maryland Terrapins.
  19. What was the snapping turtle doing on the highway?… About 1 mile per hour. (Car Jokes)
  20. My pet turtle died. I’m not upset… just shell-shocked. (Cemetery Jokes)
  21. What do turtles use to communicate?… A shellphone!
  22. What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?… a turtle disaster. (Train Jokes)
  23. If a turtle loses it’s shell… is it naked or homeless?
  24. What type of photos does a turtle love to take?… Shellfies. (Photography Jokes)
  25. What happens when your kids want to buy a tortoise?… You shell out a lot of money.
  26. Where does a turtle go during a blizzard?… A shell-ter. (Blizzard Jokes)
  27. The gun fight between the turtles and tortoises was barbaric!… Empty shells everywhere. (Police Jokes)
  28. I got invited to a costume party, so I went as a turtle… I had a shell of a time.
  29. My friend and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday… It tortoise nothing.
  30. Why did the turtle go to AT&T… because he couldn’t sprint. (Track and Field Jokes)
  31. Did you hear about the self-help book written by a turtle?… It was a New York Times’ Best Sheller! (Book Jokes)
  32. Did you know turtles have the ability to understand puns?… I wish they would have tortoise that in school.
  33. What do you call a turtle chef?… A slow- cooker.
  34. What do you get when you cross a turtle and a porcupine?… a slow-poke. (Porcupine Jokes for Kids)
  35. I don’t let my pet turtle watch TV… I guess you can call it sheltered.
  36. What kind of jokes do turtles tell?… Shell-larious ones.
  37. What’s a turtle’s favorite sandwich?… Seanut butter and jelly-fish. (Peanut Butter Jokes)
  38. What do sea turtles use for money?… Sand dollars.
  39. Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?… To the shell-block. (Police Jokes)
  40. Why did the turtle cross the main road?… To get to the Shell station. He was running on empty! (Track Jokes for Kids)
  41. What did the snail say when it was riding on the turtle’s back?… Weeeeeee!
  42. Did you know that sea turtles can also squirt ink?… Just Squidding! (Octopus Jokes)
  43. What do you get if you cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?… A turtle neck jumper. (Kangaroo Jokes)
  44. Why can’t a tortoise eat McDonald’s food?… Because, it is too slow for fast food! (Fast Food Jokes)
  45. My favorite teacher at school was Mrs. Turtle… Strange name, but she tortoise well. (May Jokes for Teachers)
  46. A snail witnessed two turtles collide and have an accident. He was asked what he saw…. He said, “I’m not sure, it all happened so fast.”
  47. What do you call turtles who are only awake during the night time?… Noc-turtles. (Napping Jokes)
  48. What does a turtle do on it’s birthday?… It shellebrates! (Birthday Jokes)
  49. Why is turtle wax so expensive?… Because they only have little ears.
  50. What happened to the turtle who wanted to go to college?… His parents had to shell out a lot of money. (College Jokes)