My Town Tutors is a great resource for parents & teachers. Find qualified tutors in your area today!

Top Joke Pages: 

Top 10 May Pages / May Hashtag of the Day / May Guest Blogs

Google Search “Turtle Jokes”

  1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best turtle jokes.
  2. A turtle walked in a restaurant but the owner grabbed it and threw it out… It came back 5 months later and yelled: get your hands off me!
  3. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about turtles?
  4. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good turtle knock-knock joke?
  5. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good tutrle knock knock jokes? (June Jokes Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  6. What do you get if cross a Turtle with a Giraffe?… A Turtle-Neck (Giraffe Jokes for Kids & Fall Jokes)
  7. Why can’t a tortoise eat McDonald’s food?… Because, it is too slow for fast food! (Fast Food Jokes)
  8. Why did the turtle cross the main road?… To get to the Shell station. He was running on empty! (Track Jokes for Kids)
  9. I was a turtle in my past life… It’s slowly coming back to me.
  10. I used to have a teacher called Mrs Turtle… Strange looking woman but she tortoise well.
  11. A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
  12. What is a turtle’s favorite song?… Gimme Shell ter by the Rolling Stones!
  13. Why is turtle wax so expensive?… Because they only have little ears.
  14. What happens when your kids want to buy a tortoise?… You shell out a lot of money.
  15. What kind of photos does a turtle take?… Slowfies.
  16. My uncle died from a turtle stampede… It was a slow death
  17. What type of photos does a turtle love to take?… Shellfies.
  18. What do you call turtles who are only awake during the night time?… Noc-turtles.
  19. What do you call a turtle who loves photography?… A snapping turtle.
  20. Why do turtles never forget?… Because they have turtle recall.
  21. What do you call a turtle chef?… A slow- cooker.
  22. “Hey, I’m looking for a book about turtles” “Ah yes, the hard back”
  23. My pet turtle died. I’m not upset, just shell-shocked.
  24. Where does a turtle go when it’s raining?… A shell-ter.
  25. What happens to a turtle when it dies?… It goes into riga-tortoise
  26. What’s a turtle’s favorite sandwich?… Seanut butter and jelly-fish.
  27. To do list 1. Buy a turtle 2. Name it ‘The speed of light’ 3. Be able to honestly say I can run faster than the speed of light
  28. What kind of jokes do turtles tell?… Shell-larious ones.
  29. What’s a turtle’s favorite game?… Beakaboo.
  30. My friend and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday… It tortoise nothing.
  31. I got invited to a costume party, so I went as a turtle… I had a shell of a time.
  32. What do you get if you cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo? A turtle neck jumper
  33. How did the turtle get off his back?… He rocked and rolled! (Music Jokes)
  34. What do you get when you cross a turtle and a porcupine?… a slow-poke. (Porcupine Jokes for Kids)
  35. What’s red, white, blue, and green?… A patriotic turtle! (American Revolution Jokes)
  36. What did the turtle say to the surfing turtle?… You’re turtally wicked! (Surfing Jokes for Kids)
  37. What do turtles use to communicate?… A shellphone!
  38. Why did the turtle go to AT&T… because he couldn’t sprint.
  39. What does a turtle do on it’s birthday?… It shellebrates! (Birthday Jokes)
  40. What kind of photos does a turtle take?… Shellfies.
  41. What’s a turtle’s go-to romantic move?… Slow dances.
  42. What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?… a turtle disaster. (Train Jokes)
  43. Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?… To the shell-block. (Police Jokes)
  44. What did the snail say when it was riding on the turtle’s back?… Weeeeeee!
  45. What happens when you bring a turtle to a party?… It becomes a shellebration.
  46. Why is turtle wax so expensive?… Because their ears are so small! (Biology Jokes for Kids)
  47. What did the cow say to the turtle?… Get a moove on! (Cow Jokes for Kids)
  48. What do you call a famous turtle?… A shellebrity.
  49. I don’t let my pet turtle watch TV… I guess you can call it sheltered
  50. What is a Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?… Peanut butter and jellyfish. (Peanut Butter Jokes)
  51. What kind of turtles and are easy to see?… Green See Turtles. (Ocean Jokes for Kids)
  52. What happens when you get into fight with a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?… You get shell shocked.
  53. What kind of jokes do sea turtles tell?… Shell-arious ones!
  54. The gun fight between the turtles and tortoises was barbaric!… Empty shells everywhere.
  55. What does a turtle need to ride a bike?… A shellmet. (Bike Jokes)
  56. What do you call a sea turtle that flies?… A shell-icopter!
  57. What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?… A slow-pork. (Pig Jokes for Kids)
  58. If a turtle loses it’s shell, is it naked or homeless?
  59. What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?… They have shell-a-bration! (Birthday Jokes)
  60. Why did the turtle cross the road?… To get to the shell station!
  61. Did you hear about the self-help book written by a turtle? It was a New York Times’ Best Sheller!
  62. Did you know turtles have the ability to understand puns?… I wish they would have tortoise that in school.
  63. What do you call a turtle with 6 feet?… A 6-foot turtle. (Biology Jokes for Kids)
  64. What does a turtle do during winter?… Sit by the fire and worm himself up. (Winter Jokes & Turtle Jokes)
  65. What did turtle say to the taco?… My shell or yours? (Taco Jokes)
  66. There are two turtles in a tank… one says to the other, “how do you drive this thing?”
  67. My favorite teacher at school was Mrs. Turtle… Strange name, but she tortoise well.
  68. Where does a turtle go when during a blizzard?… A shell-ter.
  69. A snail witnessed two turtles collide and have an accident. He was asked what he saw…. He said, “I’m not sure, it all happened so fast.”
  70. Where does a turtle go when during a hurricane?… A shell-ter.
  71. I spent the whole day trying to carve the Ninja Turtles out of wood But just ended up with a load of Splinters.
  72. The ninja turtles and master splinter were found dead in their lair… The police ruled the deaths as sewer-cides.
  73. What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?… A snapping turtle.
  74. What do you call a turtle chef?… A slow cooker.
  75. A snail shop owner was attacked by a turtle gang. The police asked if he could describe the perpetrators, he said I don’t know, it happened so fast.
  76. What do you get when you cross a turtle and a flu shot?… a slow-poke.
  77. Two snails are sitting on the back of a turtle and one snail turns to the other and says “Hold on, friend. Here we go!”
  78. What do you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine?… A slowpoke.
  79. What do you call it when a group of turtles just won’t get along?… Reptile disfunction.
  80. How did the Turtle beat the Hare?… It used a razor.