101 Turtle Jokes

by | May 21, 2023 | Dads, Latest News, School Jokes

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  1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best turtle jokes.
  2. A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.” (Police Jokes)
  3. ​I’m not an animal rights activist or anything… but I think it is pretty messed up that there are sweaters from turtle necks. (Earth Day Jokes)
  4. What do you call a turtle who loves photography?… A snapping turtle.
  5. What do you get if cross a Turtle with a Giraffe?… A Turtle-Neck (Giraffe Jokes for Kids & Fall Jokes)
  6. I was a turtle in my past life… It’s slowly coming back to me. (Cemetery Jokes)
  7. A turtle walked into a restaurant but the owner grabbed it and threw it out… It came back 5 months later and yelled: get your hands off me!
  8. What type of photos does a turtle love to take?… Shellfies.
  9. To do list 1. Buy a turtle 2. Name it ‘The speed of light’ 3. Be able to honestly say I can run faster than the speed of light. (Track and Field Jokes)
  10. Where does a turtle go during a blizzard?… A shell-ter. (Blizzard Jokes)
  11. I’m looking for a book about turtles… I think it is a hard back. (Book Jokes)
  12. What is a turtle’s favorite song?… Gimme Shell ter by the Rolling Stones! (365 Music Jokes)
  13. My uncle died from a turtle stampede… It was a slow death. (Cemetery Jokes)
  14. How do you make a turtle fast?… Don’t feed it.
  15. I used to have a teacher called Mrs. Turtle… Strange looking woman but she tortoise well. (May Jokes for Teachers)
  16. What do sea turtles use for money?… Sand dollars.
  17. If a turtle loses it’s shell, is it naked or homeless?
  18. Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?… To the shell-block. (Police Jokes)
  19. What was the snapping turtle doing on the highway?… About 1 mile per hour. (Car Jokes)
  20. My pet turtle died. I’m not upset… just shell-shocked. (Cemetery Jokes)
  21. What happens when your kids want to buy a tortoise?… You shell out a lot of money.
  22. Why can’t a tortoise eat McDonald’s food?… Because, it is too slow for fast food! (Fast Food Jokes)
  23. Why did the turtle cross the main road?… To get to the Shell station. He was running on empty! (Track Jokes for Kids)
  24. What do you call a turtle chef?… A slow- cooker.
  25. Why did the turtle go to AT&T… because he couldn’t sprint. (Track and Field Jokes)
  26. What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?… a turtle disaster. (Train Jokes)
  27. What do turtles use to communicate?… A shellphone!
  28. Did you hear about the self-help book written by a turtle?… It was a New York Times’ Best Sheller! (Book Jokes)
  29. The gun fight between the turtles and tortoises was barbaric!… Empty shells everywhere. (Police Jokes)
  30. What does a turtle do on it’s birthday?… It shellebrates! (Birthday Jokes)
  31. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Candice… Candice who?… Candice turtle walk any faster?
  32. Why is turtle wax so expensive?… Because they only have little ears.
  33. What do you get when you cross a turtle and a porcupine?… a slow-poke. (Porcupine Jokes for Kids)
  34. What happened to the turtle who wanted to go to college?… His parents had to shell out a lot of money.
  35. What do you call turtles who are only awake during the night time?… Noc-turtles. (Napping Jokes)
  36. What should a turtle wear for safety when on a construction site?… A shellmet.
  37. I was told to stop eating fast food… I now just eat turtles. (Fast Food Jokes)
  38. What did the snail say when it was riding on the turtle’s back?… Weeeeeee!
  39. My friend and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday… It tortoise nothing.
  40. How did the turtle get off his back?… He rocked and rolled! (Music Jokes)
  41. I got invited to a costume party, so I went as a turtle… I had a shell of a time.
  42. What do you call a sea turtle that flies?… A shell-icopter!
  43. What happens when you bring a turtle to a party?… It becomes a shellebration.
  44. What’s a turtle’s go-to romantic move?… Slow dances. (Dance Jokes)
  45. What did the turtle do when he won the race?… He shellebrated! (Track Jokes for Kids)
  46. What did the taco say to the turtle?… I like your shell. (Taco Jokes)
  47. What kind of jokes do turtles tell?… Shell-larious ones.
  48. What did the cow say to the turtle?… Get a moove on! (Cow Jokes for Kids)
  49. What do you call a famous turtle?… A shellebrity.
  50. What is a Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?… Peanut butter and jellyfish. (Peanut Butter Jokes)
  51. There are two turtles in a tank… one says to the other, “how do you drive this thing?” (Army Jokes)
  52. What does a turtle need to ride a bike?… A shellmet. (Bike Jokes)
  53. What did turtle say to the taco?… My shell or yours? (Taco Jokes)
  54. What’s a turtle’s favorite sandwich?… Seanut butter and jelly-fish. (Peanut Butter Jokes)
  55. What do you get if you cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?… A turtle neck jumper. (Kangaroo Jokes)
  56. What did the turtle say to the surfing turtle?… You’re turtally wicked! (Surfing Jokes for Kids)
  57. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about turtles?
  58. What kind of photos does a turtle take?… Slowfies.
  59. I don’t let my pet turtle watch TV… I guess you can call it sheltered.
  60. Where does a turtle go when it’s raining?… A shell-ter. (Rain Jokes)
  61. What happens to a turtle when it dies?… It goes into riga-tortoise. (Cemetery Jokes)
  62. How did the turtle beat the hare?… It used a razor. (Rabbit Jokes)
  63. Did you know turtles have the ability to understand puns?… I wish they would have tortoise that in school.
  64. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good turtle knock-knock joke?
  65. Why do turtles never forget?… Because they have turtle recall.
  66. Did you know that sea turtles can also squirt ink?… Just Squidding!
  67. What happens when you get into fight with a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?… You get shell shocked.
  68. What’s red, white, blue, and green?… A patriotic turtle! (American Revolution Jokes)
  69. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good tutrle knock knock jokes? (June Jokes & Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  70. What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?… A slow-pork. (Pig Jokes for Kids)
  71. What’s a turtle’s favorite game?… Beakaboo.
  72. My favorite teacher at school was Mrs. Turtle… Strange name, but she tortoise well. (May Jokes for Teachers)
  73. Why is turtle wax so expensive?… Because their ears are so small! (Biology Jokes for Kids)
  74. Where does a turtle go when during a blizzard?… A shell-ter. (Blizzard Jokes)
  75. What kind of turtles and are easy to see?… Green See Turtles. (Ocean Jokes for Kids)
  76. What kind of jokes do sea turtles tell?… Shell-arious ones!
  77. Where do mud turtles keep their money?… In the riverbank.
  78. What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?… They have shell-a-bration! (Birthday Jokes)
  79. Why did the turtle cross the road?… To get to the shell station!
  80. What do you call a turtle with 6 feet?… A 6-foot turtle. (Biology Jokes for Kids)
  81. What does a turtle do during winter?… Sit by the fire and worm himself up. (Winter Jokes & Turtle Jokes)
  82. A snail witnessed two turtles collide and have an accident. He was asked what he saw…. He said, “I’m not sure, it all happened so fast.”
  83. Where does a turtle go when during a hurricane?… A shell-ter. (Hurricane Jokes)
  84. I spent the whole day trying to carve the Ninja Turtles out of wood… But just ended up with a load of Splinters.
  85. The ninja turtles and master splinter were found dead in their lair… The police ruled the deaths as sewer-cides. (Cemetery Jokes)
  86. A snail shop owner was attacked by a turtle gang. The police asked if he could describe the perpetrators, he said I don’t know, it happened so fast. (Police Jokes)
  87. Two snails are sitting on the back of a turtle and one snail turns to the other and says “Hold on, friend. Here we go!”
  88. What do you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine?… A slowpoke.
  89. What do you call it when a group of turtles just won’t get along?… Reptile disfunction.
  90. What do you call a tortoise that is electrocuted?… Shell shocked.
  91. Why do teenage mutant Ninja Turtles hate office work? Because they can’t stand The Shredder.
  92. Why did Leonardo put his head in a piano? Because he wanted to play by ear.
  93. What do you call a turtle that that keeps pooping everywhere?… Turdel.
  94. How did turtle Elvis get off his back?… He rocked and he rolled.
  95. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe spell turtle? (Canoe Jokes) 
  96. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe feed my turtle? (Canoe Jokes) 
  97. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe tell me your turtle’s name? (Canoe Jokes)
  98. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe buy me a turtle name? (Canoe Jokes)
  99.  Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe tell me how long a turtle lives? (Canoe Jokes)
  100.  Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe tell me how much a turtle weighs? (Canoe Jokes)
  101.  Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe tell me how much a turtle costs? (Canoe Jokes)