101 Massachusetts Jokes

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Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Massachusetts jokes.
If April showers bring May flowers, what do Mayflowers bring?… Pilgrims (The Mayflower Ship) (Thanksgiving Day Jokes for Kids)
The Patriots didn’t go to the Super Bowl last year… I was deflated. (Super Bowl Jokes)
Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a Chatham Great White Shark for biting all his limbs off?… He didn’t have a leg to stand on! (Shark Jokes & Lawyer Jokes)
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?… June bugs. (Top 10 Jokes for Each Month & Flower Jokes)
What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?… A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries. (Pirate Jokes)
Did you hear the joke about Mount Greylock?… You won’t get over it. (Massachusetts Mountains & Hiking Jokes)
Teacher: “More than 200 years ago, our forefathers defeated the British in the Revolutionary War.” Student: “Wow! They must have been pretty strong, four men defeating a whole army!” (4th of July Jokes for Kids)
Which US state has allergies?… Mass “Achoo” achusetts.
What’s the capital of Massachusetts?… M.
What do you call Salem witches who go on a summer camp field trip to the beach?… Sandwitches! (Summer Camp Jokes)
What do Bobby Orr and a map key have in common?… Both are legends. (Geography Jokes for Kids)
What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?…The Americans licked the British. (4th of July Jokes for Kids)
What U.S. state teaches math class all year long?… Mathachusetts. (Math Jokes for Kids)
What is the worst US city to run a marathon?… Boston. It is the height of pollen season and it is in Mass “Achoo” setts. (Boston Marathon Jokes)
What famous Southern Rock anthem is the same as the Boston Celtics offense during the 1980s… Free Bird. (World’s Best Basketball Jokes & 365 Music Jokes)
What is in the middle of Springfield?… The letter ‘G’! (Geography Jokes for Kids)
What’s a Massachusetts pirate’s second favorite mode of transportation?… A cAARRRRGGH! (Pirate Jokes & Car Jokes)
Why did the Massachusetts teacher jump into the Atlantic Ocean?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Ocean Jokes)
Where do Boston fish keep their money?… In the banks of the Charles River. (Top 12 Rivers in Massachusetts)
What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to?…Plymouth Rock! (Thanksgiving Day Jokes for Kids)
How do people in Boston vote?… Early and often! (Election Jokes)
What do New England Aquarium penguins wear on their heads?… Ice caps.
If the Boston Celtics were chasing the Boston Red Sox team, what time would it be?… Five after nine. (9:05)
What is Peppermint Patty’s favorite Massachusetts town?… “Charles” town. (Charlie Brown Jokes)
What does a fish from Massachusetts say when he sees his friend?… “Chowdy!” (Fishing Jokes)
What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?…Liberty! (4th of July Jokes for Kids)
What projection is used to map the distribution Phillips Candy House chocolate?… The Bonne-Bonne (bon bon) projection. (Geography Jokes for Kids)
What was the Patriots’ favorite food in the Revolutionary War?…Chicken Catch-a-Tory! (4th of July Jokes for Kids)
What rock do Massachusetts geologists play with the most?… Plymouth Rock. (Geology Jokes)
What is the tallest building in the Massachusetts?… The Boston Public Library of course, it has the most stories!
What goes hundreds of miles and never moves?… The Massachusetts Turnpike!
What did the colonists wear to the Boston Tea Party?…Tea-shirts. (4th of July Jokes for Kids)
How did American colonists’ dogs protest against England?… The Boston Flea Party. (4th of July Jokes for Kids & Dog Jokes)
What do Larry Bird and a map key have in common?… Both are legends. (Geography Jokes for Kids)
If the Boston Red Sox were chasing the Boston Celtics team, what time would it be?… Nine after five. (5:09)
What did the Massachusetts flag say to the American flag?… Nothing. It waved! (Flag Day Jokes for Kids)
What has a mouth but can’t eat?… The Neponset river! (Top 12 Rivers in Massachusetts)
What runs but never goes out of breath?… The Merrimack River! (Geography Jokes for Kids)
Teacher: Where were you born? Student: Boston. Teacher: Which part? Student: What do you mean, ‘which part’? My whole body was born in Boston! (Teacher Jokes)
Why don’t you see New England Aquarium penguins in Great Britain?… Because they are afraid of Wales! (Geography Jokes for Kids)
Why did the fisherman want to go fishing in Massachusetts?… Just for the halibut.
Nantucket Tourist: “Lived in this town all your life?” Resident: “No, not yet.” Tourist: “Nice little town — so old and quaint. Must be a lot of odd characters around here, though, right?” Resident: “Oh yes, quite a few. You see ’em around. But they’re mostly gone after Labor Day.” (Labor Day Jokes & Travel Blogs)
What was the craziest battle of the Revolutionary War?…The Battle of Bonkers Hill.
Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?…Because the horse was too heavy to carry! (4th of July Jokes for Kids)
Massachusetts winters are so cold… I saw a politician having hands in his own pocket.
Why do Wellesley College students have such beautiful noses?… They’re hand picked.
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about Massachusetts?
If a plane crashed on the border of Massachusetts and Connecticut, where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Geography Jokes for Kids)
What did the sea say to the South Shore?… Nothing, it just waved!
What do you call an American revolutionary who draws cartoons?…Yankee Doodler. (4th of July Jokes for Kids)
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good Massachusetts knock-knock joke?
Did you hear about the power outage in the Boston Public Lbrary?… Thirty people were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Where do Massachusetts elementary school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (Elementary School Jokes)
What does it say on the back of every Berklee College Of Music diploma?… Will Work For Food.
What is an elephant’s favorite Boston college?… Tufts. They love the Jumbos mascot.
What is Peppermint Patty’s favorite Boston street?… “Charles” Street. (Charlie Brown Jokes)
What did Lake Chaubunagungamaug say to the shore?… Nothing, it waved. (10 Best Lakes in Massachusetts)
Why does the Tom Brady know all the map symbols?… Because he’s a legend.
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good Massachusetts knock knock jokes? (June Jokes & Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
How do the zebras at the Franklin Park Zoo play baseball?… Three stripes and you’re out! (Baseball Jokes)
What did Massachusetts see?… the same thing Arkansas.
Why did the Massachusetts teacher jump into the pool?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
A Massachusetts man came home and found his house on fire, rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, “Hurry on over here. My house is on fire!” “OK,” replied the fireman, “how do we get there?” “Say, don’t you still have them big red trucks?”
Who stole the heart of Massachusetts?… Nan took it.
Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the two senators from Massachusetts?
Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the governor of Massachusetts?
Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the representatives from Massachusetts?
Ever since my girlfriend moved to Massachusetts… She has been cold and distant.
Why can Massachusetts fish measure distances so well?… Because they have their own scales.
Did you hear about the Massachusetts map that was mugged?… It was rolled by the map librarian.
How did the geography student drown?… His grades were below C-level. (Teacher Jokes)
What is a Massachusetts nautical chart’s best pitch?… The depth curve. (Baseball Jokes for Kids)
Where do you find the Atlantic Ocean without water?… On a map! (Geography Jokes for Kids)
What’s in the middle of the (Atlantic) ocean?… Letter E! (Geography Jokes for Kids)
What is the tallest building in?… Worcester Public Library of course, it has the most stories! (Library Jokes)
What goes hundreds of miles and never moves?… The Route 128!
Why should the UMass football team change it’s team name to the opossums?… Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Super Bowl XLIX: “Hey, Seattle, wanna win the Super Bowl?” “No, thanks. We’ll pass.” (Super Bowl Jokes)
Where do a fish keep their money?… In the riverbanks of the Concord River. (Top 12 Rivers in Massachusetts)
What has a mouth but can’t eat?… The Deerfield River! (Top 12 Rivers in Massachusetts)
What runs but never goes out of breath?… The Sudbury River! (Geography Jokes for Kids)
What’s the one thing that keeps Minutemen basketball players from graduating?… Going to Class.
Why did the Boston College football team cross the road?… Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
What separates a good team from a great team?… The Massachusetts-New York border.
How do you make Boston College cookies?… Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
How do you confuse a Boston student?… You can’t they were born that way.
What’s the difference between Amherst and yogurt?… Yogurt has an active living culture.
Why do the Boston College Screaming Eagles eat cereal straight from the box?… They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
Divorced couples in Massachusetts are having trouble deciding who gets the Marijuana… The judges have started issuing joint custody. (Divorce Jokes)
Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the capital of Massachusetts? (State Capitals)
Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the most populated city in Massachusetts?
Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the least populated city in Massachusetts?
Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name any professional sports teams in Massachusetts?
Massachusetts: America hates us because America ain’t us.
Why did the Massachusetts regents decide to cover Alumni Stadium in cardboard?… Because Boston College always look better on paper.
Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the highest mountain in Massachusetts? (Hiking Jokes)
Why did the Massachusetts teacher jump into the lake?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
Massachusetts: We’re not sure who is dumber – the politicians or the voters. (Election Jokes)
Where do Massachusetts middle school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (Middle School Jokes)
Where do Massachusetts high school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (High School Jokes)

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